Run: 2002

Date: 7/3/2016

Location: Merrimac

Hares: Fanny Charmer & Miscarriage

Hashers: 26

DISASTER IN CARRARA…FIVE MEN MISSING AND FEARED DROWNED IN INNER CITY SWAMP…..and those words may well have been the headline in the Gold Coast Bulletin on the morning of Tuesday 8^th March because for hour upon hour on Monday night, this is what many of us feared would be happening…how so??……continue reading!!!!

The run:

The location for the run tonight was from the dog park on Robina Parkway, a lovely site with plenty of parking, nice views across the water to Clear Island Waters, surrounded by tranquil bushland and ………..the potential for disaster…….

Well, the run started innocently enough….and from the outset might I say that yes, I was the co-hare on the night but I disclaim any responsibility whatsoever for the debacle that unfolded as all I did was provide you blokes with a fine nosh!……oh yes, back to the run….at the outset the hare, Miscarriage, complained that his finely set run, which had him suffering heatstroke and sunburn being out there for hours on the Sunday laying the track, was totally washed out due to the deluge that came when the heavens opened up in the early hours of Monday…. “ok, the trail’s been washed away completely..there are no markings left…this will be a ‘groupie’ run…I will be the live hare and we’ll regroup on a regular basis and we should be back here within the hour…now ‘on on’ you blokes!”

Off they all disappeared, heading west into the bush that lies beyond the Robina Parkway while I stayed back to get the nosh ready. I therefore apologise for not being able to give a detailed description of the actual run itself, only the aftermath….

At around the hour mark, several of the walkers staggered back in to base camp saying that the plan had not gone as planned…the live hare disappeared and the walkers were left to fend for themselves….the early returnees had decided that they had best just walk for half an hour out and then retrace their steps back to camp, unlike some of the other walkers, who in foolhardy fashion, like the runners, ventured into the unmarked bush territory, only to get themselves well and truly lost… “we could hear Rabbit’s horn blowing out there somewhere, but we had no fucking idea where they all were!” uttered one of the early arrivals home.

An hour passed…then another hour passed and by this time there were still some half a dozen hashers out in the wilds of the swamp. When Botcho came running in he was madly yelling “ice the hare, ice the hare…he’s not getting away with this!!”. At around 8.00m the first of three search parties went out, the first one being led by Bent Banana, who came back having not spotted anybody…apparently phone contact had been made with Now Loved who indicated that he and Rabbit were traversing water crossings and were up to their necks in mud!! Oh dear, it sounds like Sir Rabbit was getting his fur just a little bit wet!!

At exactly 8.53pm Truckie and Rug came staggering back to base camp, both drenched to the core and up to waist level…and with Rug proclaiming “fuck me, these socks which are now black were white when I started!!…I’ll probably end up with bloody trench foot out of this!”. Circumference spent a significant amount of time washing out muddy shoes and socks too.

At the three hour mark, there were still three Hashers left out there…Now Loved, Rock Hard and Sir Rabbit….so out goes yet another search party…eventually, at exactly 9.28pm, that’s three and a quarter hours…in came these last three wretched souls!! Rockhard immediately cracked a beer and proclaimed “this tastes so much better than that swamp water!!”.

In all, this was a night to remember…many of us had not witnessed such potential disaster…a true Hash debacle!!!….bloody brilliant! I was reliably informed by Circumference and others…”geez, this sort of shit hasn’t happened since about the year 2000…in fact it could have been last century..isn’t this fucking great!!”

Late mail..Late Mail!!!!

Ok, I wasn’t doing the run as I was too busy doing the nosh but here are some fine words that paint a good picture of what it was actually like out there…thanks Sir Rabbit:

“Our hero “Rock Hard “ after a magnificent swan dive into the bullrushes became our esteemed bog crossing crusader for the trek through the Robina marsh lands complete with a moses depth seeking staff trying to catch “Rug & Truck Tyres” as they tackled the unmarked trail along the rail line. Our attempt to scale the fence and cross over on the railway bridge to Robina Station was decided against because of the degree of difficulty and the pending fines for trespassing and danger thwarted our attempt. We did come into very personal contact with a lot of extremely large livestock mind you “without teats”, who stood their ground “scary stuff”. Highlight of the safari through the everglades was a phone call from “Moonbeams” who said “where are you” and the reply from “Now Loved” was fucked if I know but I need to put the phone down to tackle another bog crossing or something to that effect. With the Q1 in view as our homing target the Metricon Stadium lights grew dimmer and the Q1 was still looking like a 4 story walk up. Finally when all hope was lost we stumbled across the out trail where once more “ Rock Hard” bit the mud after tripping over barbed wire and almost having to cut off his sock. Sighting the black snake slivering towards us on the dump road out should have deterred us from venturing any further on this petering out trail. Another run that won’t be forgotten in the annals of hash adventures”

The birthday boy:

Unfortunately the fact that tonight was Sir Prince’s birthday celebration night kind of got sidelined by the debacle that ensued, but we shall remember him….he has survived to see his 67^th birthday…surprising really, given that he has had virtually a lifetime of hashing and clearly would have therefore had many near-death experiences such as tonight’s debacle.

Thank you for the birthday Coronas Sir Prince, they went down really well, and as Rock Hard observed, much better than that bloody swamp water.

The Nosh:

It seemed at first that all my efforts over a hot stove preparing tonight’s curry were going to be in vain as we all ended up eating in dribs and drabs, with the stragglers unfortunately not getting the nosh at its optimal temperature, including cold party pies and slushy cheesecake…notwithstanding that debacle, it seems that everyone appreciated the nosh, which consisted of assorted soft jelly lollies on each table for nibbles, party pies with sauce for entrée, beef and potato curry with rice for mains and cheesecake with cream for dessert.

In doing the nosh, I set out to see if I could actually get everything at Aldi, and apart from the spices which I already had on hand, I can proudly say that absolutely everything came from Aldi and that the meat was first class as I am sure you will all agree. Aldi really is a viable alternative as a complete supermarket!

The Circle:

The circle was, needless to say, quite brief tonight, due to the fact that it came about two and a half hours later than usual. Josephine was asked to describe the run and observed that it was a good “politician’s run” ….it promised a lot but delivered bugger all!! I would hasten to add that it delivered a lot of entertainment for those of us safely ensconced at base camp…rescue missions going out regularly, Hashers coming in looking like drowned rats…Miscarriage copping shitloads of abuse…what more could you ask for in terms of entertainment. It was worth missing Four Corners and Q&A for this!

Rock Hard and some of the other runners described sightings of a black snake and numerous huge, human-devouring spiders!

Returning runners tonight were Mme Latrine, Sir Arsehole, Moonbeams and Kwakka…great to see you guys back tonight and glad you all enjoyed the drama. Mme Latrine is to be commended for his honourable Hash spirit.. “I’ll stay back until 11.00pm if I have to…no man shall be left behind…just leave me enough grog!!”.

I must say that due to the debacle tonight, the hare, Miscarriage, did spend a considerable amount of time on the ice…probably about fifteen minutes the first stint and about ten minutes for his second stint…oh, and he did cop prick of the week for his efforts tonight too!

Our RA, Sir Two Dogs, brought out Moonbeams and returned a jacket to him that had been found in Burma…with Moonbeams proclaiming “it’s not fucking mine..my name is plural..that just says Moonbeam!!”…notwithstanding that, it seemed to fit quite well so he decided to claim it as his own and offloaded the crap shirt he’d been wearing up to that point.

Now-Loved copped a down down for some debacle whilst out Ubering and Rock Hard copped one for some inane comment that he made to a newspaper reporter who bailed him up in Queen Street Mall!

Prick of the Week…of course it was always going to go from Fullershit to Miscarriage…but poor Miscarriage simply could not stomach the down-down out of the yard-glass that is not a yard long and Mme Latrine very kindly volunteered to drink it for him!

In all, a wonderful night!!! My first experience at such a debacle….gotta love the Hash!!!

Next week’s run is Kwakka’s run…. in the wilds of Chevron Island…all new territory is guaranteed.. with Shat noting that “at least you’ll all find your way home from there!”.

That’s all folks!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.