Run 1853
Date : 6th April 2013
Hare : Jigsaw
Venue : Benowa, Gold Coast
Runners 32ish

Weeks left of me penning this detritus – 3.

Once again members of the Gold Coast hash could smell the AGPU in the offing and consequently turned out in droves to the venue which everyone knew had only one way in and one way out (unless you fancy a swim with the bull sharks)

After the previous week of pre-lubing the Nash Hash, things had returned to the usual status quo, no women, no strange visitors and a large contingent of walkers. Despite the Nash hash some things didn’t change – such as Kitchen Bitch hiding behind the pots and pans to avoid any form of exercise and Cum Smoke arriving just as the food was being served.

The pack assembled in the delightful patio area at the rear of our Hare’s house and were treated to a flying visit by Sir Slab, who once again, was en-route for another holiday. The incoherent mumblings of Jigsaw indicated it was time to leave. As we ran I attempted to process something about gates on a time lock and arrows only on the right unless they are the left.

From the venue we ran left (no markings – great start) but everyone knew where the bridge off this island was located so left it was. Within two minutes we were at a check, lost, on left and then flummoxed by an on back that was facing the wrong way. Great, another marking debarcle.

At this point common sense took over and we all headed for the bridge, immediately prior to which was a sneaky left which ended up indicating through a gate into the botanic gardens. Ah so that’s what he meant by a locked gate.

We skirted the six-foot fence until we found a low spot in the corner and once over (I would have said safely, but Botcho sliced his hand open) we tried to find any form of marking.

Eventually the on sent us through the gardens and swung us around to the right towards Ashmore road. Numerous checks were marked, some ended in bizarre on back arrows, which were facing the wrong way, the hare evidently needs examining for slykdexia.

We were down to four runners by now and I went left calling a hard on which lead down a path to ………….. nothing. Miscarriage, Botcho and Two Dogs ran right, clearly not wanting to check out my hard on (if you excuse the expression) in the direction of the park gates.

I vaulted a side gate, emerged into what I assume was royal pines, ran in the direction of the traffic noise and climbed over the security fence onto Ashmore Road. Hanging a right, I ran down to the park gates where I saw Botcho and Two dogs prowling behind the fence like a couple of zoo animals. Deciding that they were big and ugly enough to get out by themselves, I ran on towards the coast.

As I reached Benowa road, knowing full well I would have to turn right to get back over the bridge, I saw that the semi non existent trail indicated straight on.

Honouring the wishes of the hare, I ran on until meeting up with Flasher, who, yet again, tried to tell me he had been on the trail all night. Does he live in a constantly deluded state?

Informing me that the trail died up ahead, he ran back towards Benowa Road, but U turned after a small guilt trip seeing me refusing to capitulate. The final leg was essentially a small circuit intended to increase the length of the run and it indicated Croc’s name for the redemption of a prize.

Rather unsurprisingly the way home was by way of the bridge and actually had some markings. Overall not a bad length, shame about the gate climb which put off most and the markings sucked like Devine Brown.

Shock horror, every f#cker was back and drinking by the time Flasher and I crossed the threshold, every single one of them had completed the whole trail. Right.

Dips were served in a platter with cremated toast and chips. They appeared homemade and were delicious, not some sloppy sh%t from an Aldi carton. They reminded me of the days when Jigsaw used to provide dips as Boozemaster, you remember, the nights when running out of booze was never an option.

How would you describe the mains? No idea. The pasta and salad were recognizable enough but the meaty thing in creamy sauce? Despite the look of the thing, the taste buds proved the eyes as liars.

Dessert was a large selection of petit fours with custard and ice cream.

Those not suffering diabetic shock due to the sugar content of the dessert, paid attention as the GM called circle.

Bent Banana expressed his surprise and disappointment that not a singular nomination had been made for the upcoming hierarchy.

DD’s immediately to Ferret and Miscarriage, both of whom appeared to shit themselves in unison. Circumference inquired if I had ‘got wind of that’ fortunately not.

Of the trail Miscarriage (or was it Botcho) said ‘never on trail, doing no-no run, helped over a fence, chasing lights in the distance’. Two Dogs added ‘ fairly tame, woop woop, gates locked, Botcho cut to ribbons, no trail, no trail’. Miscarriage rather surreally ended with ‘one in all in’ ??? 3.5/10

Paul (a visitor) and friend of Blue card (so he does have one over the age of 12) said the walk was ‘very good’ but really what would he know?

Moonbeams said of the food ‘What was it? Salmon, chicken, rabbit (couple of black swans missing from the lake – GM) quite tasty, middle of the range 8/10.
Since when was 8 the middle of 10? None the less, Kitchen Bitch rightly pointed out that Jigsaw’s sister-in-law would be proud of that.

“Prizes” of Gossips wine were handed out to Caustic Crusader (not sure why) and Rectum, I think mine was mislaid in the swimming pool, where, if any of the salty chlorinated water has got into the bottle, the wine would have been improved immeasurably.

Anyone experiencing a distinct seafood flavour to KB’s eggs this week, will not be charged extra, its due to the left overs from Wednesdays pre-lube.

Visitor – Paul, Returner – Pile Driver, DD to both and Blue Card who managed to forget how the DD song starts. God help him with the national anthem.

Mention was made of Sir Prince Valiant who was here for the very first run 35 years ago which just goes to show how much he needs a life.

Circumference began the RA’s session keeping Sir Prince in the circle and dished him a DD for falling over for no apparent reason. (see its not just Rock Hard who’s losing it) Sir Prince told us about Saturday mornings run where Botcho and Flasher acted as a tag team on some couple (didn’t catch the names) Botcho assaulting the husband whilst Flasher assaulted the wife as though he was a long lost uncle. No change there then.

DD to Moonbeams for a devious plot to obtain free booze at last weeks run with an RSL voucher and Show Pony for a distinct lack of subtlety when emailing Missing Link.

News of Latrine – at Brissy Nash Hash, commented ‘plenty of piss (rehab in the offing), good runs but served sandwiches, yogurt and an apple as nosh.

POW – Shat called out Miscarriage for causing Botcho to hurt his hand on the trail, Sir Prince Valiant for cheating on Saturday mornings run, culminating in a fall and a trip to accident and emergency. Miscarriage was deemed to be the common denominating factor and was handed the prick. He then took the longest time on record to skull the yard.

DD to Blackie for the most flamboyant of swan dives on trail and congratulations also due to his making the world triathlon event next year.

Next weeks run – Sewerage memorial run at Nerang

The GM was quizzed over the trailer debacle at the pre lube and informed us of Iceman as temporary GM next week, this prompted the question “will we get chairs like the voice”

DD to Show Pony for an infected ear piercing, which was swallowed to the cries of ‘Gay old C*nt”.

Circle ended by Moonbeams.

Thanks to Jigsaw for having us at his house and reminding us what gourmet dips are.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.