Run 1755
Hare: Swollen Colon
Location: Olympic Court, Southport
Date: 20th June 2011

Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 50

Firstly I must thank Swollen for the great mystery prize of an ironing board cover etc as it actually went over as a treat to Mrs Two Dogs, who knew the product, how much it was worth and even advised that we actually also have one of our own. However that’s where the joy ended. And thanks to Bent Banana for waiting as he could have continued running and would have won the prize for himself, being the closest to finishing at the mystery time.

The venue was Swollen’s factory at Southport, at which the car park was adorned with numerous ironing boards (No doubt Swollen’s antique ironing board collection). This giving ex GM, Flasher a flutter of excitement and something that will no doubt stir up Goatfarka when he sees the photos (he’ll probably go on a rampage and acquire them for mass fish filleting practices). Of note too was the excellent fire with ironing board being used as a grate to cook dinner on and the now familiar fruit stall. Ferret had also brought along some of his treasured Hash magazines and Year Books, donating them for others to read. I’m sure with a bit of persuasion we could conscript Swollen into turning his factory into a Hash apparel emporium providing us with a complete and only finest of garb for now and the future.

The run brief began with explanations that the trail could involve pink paint, yellow paint, chalk, flour and or paper and was on and right up the hill. The only problem was that whilst the fluoro paint may look great in the daytime it was barely visible at night. Somehow the pack managed to still find their way to the bush at the end of the street, where we continued on pink paint and paper. After a while we emerged at the main road and headed back around towards and past home, a very dangerous practice. We lost most of the pack previously with others heading west before stumbling across the home trail far too early. The remainder of us went north, then west past the council depot and back into some bush before again emerging on Wardoo Street.

By now only Rectum, Bent Banana, Veteran, Blackstump, Rock Hard and I were left and spent some time at the check opposite Johnstone Street trying to find the trail. We finally continued on the path parallel to Smith Street, with Blackstump declaring enough is enough and heading for home. The remaining 5 followed the trail back into the bush across the paddock and into the back streets near the Uni.

We eventually emerged near Bunning’s on Olsen Avenue and trudged wearily up the hill and back to Southport Nerang road and then back to where we were before, apparently missing the home trail somewhere past Bailey Crescent (probably where the yellow paint trail was hidden). After some one hour and 17 minutes we emerged back to the waiting pack.

Lucky for Swollen, as in the old days this would have resulted in 17 minutes on the ice.

Soon the fine meal of curries, greens and spuds was served up on the ironing board trestles and the pack soon made short work of the feast provided. The GM then adorned his Cop hat and baton and declared the circle open, being held around a ring of now carefully positioned ironing boards (another first). The run critique by Rectum gave it a good wrap with a 7 from 10 mark, however Rug was a bit less generous giving it a 6. Ferret commented on the food saying it lacked sweets but otherwise good.

Down Downs:
Swollen Colon: Hare

Swollen Colon: 69 runs

Moonbeams: 500 runs (Sub Committee being formed to investigate claimed extra 1500 runs with Sydney)

Sir Point Two: 1000 runs (gifted with priceless & tailored Sports Jacket)

Bob: Now named Bondage (due to Alan Bond look alike)

Roy (ex Barnacle): Now named The Big Orifice, or Big O for short

RA Josephine took over proceedings instigating the rule of left hand held drinks only, being watched over by Rug.

Further down downs went to:

Kitchen Bitch & Flasher: Only ex Hierarchy present being punished for avoiding down downs at AGPU

Flasher: Ex GM being punished for nominating Josephine for Worst Nosh award and then being dumb enough to give him unprecedented powers as the new RA.

Flasher: Wasting energy by leaving hot water running in factory

Bondage, Big O & Rug: For holding drinking vessel in right hand (and Rug for not noticing)

Show Pony, Sir Prince Valiant, & VD: Returning runners

Bent Banana: POW as nominated by Flasher (f..ked if I can remember what for)

Big O: Mobile going off in circle

Sir Prince Valiant also gave us a short brief on some happenings (something to do with certain person being evicted from the Ritz) at the royal wedding but preferring to wait until Miscarriage’s return before giving a comprehensive wrap up.

The night finished with a David Copperfield impersonation by Flasher (magic trick) and a joke by Swollen to top off another good night
For your info the “other” Down Down tune being used by the GM goes like this:

“He ought to be publically pissed on,
He ought to be publically shot,
He ought to be tied to the urinal and left there to fester and rot,
Drink mother…ker, drink mother…ker etc”

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”