Run: 1716
Hare: Elvis
Location: Labrador
Date: 20th Sept., 2010

Darkness had already fallen upon Musgrave Avenue’s dog park as a motley handful of hounds emanated from the dark drizzle to crouch under the open tailgate of Swollen Colon’s van to evade the inclement weather. With only 6 hounds assembled 3 minutes before the scheduled run start – an ON HOME – was called to the PROPER venue at the Soccer Club premises on the northern side of Musgrave Avenue where the remaining hounds waited.

Hare ELVIS was in full soccer regalia and delayed the start to 6:23 pm in hopes of stragglers. With less than 20 Hashers assembled, the Hare advised the trail was WELL marked. Honestly, Elvis had set the run 3 (that’s THREE) times to ensure sufficient flour, paper and chalk survived the rainy weather.
THE RUN?
With a lack of enthusiasm never, ever, witnessed by this journo, the beleaguered dirty dozen headed out across the paddock. Some hounds never ever left the gate. Our esteemed Grand Master, Flasher announced a Shin Splint would ensure he remained dry for the evening (and ready for the Indochina Mekong Hash in Cambodia in October). Aussie, who announced he was planning to travel to Cairns this Thursday, also remained behind to safeguard his health and the Hash booze. Point Two claimed he was designated driver and would also remain a booze minder so as to ensure proper company for the GM and other lazy clods. Sir Slab, who is still languishing from Interhashitis, cajoled Circumference – and possible another one or two – into a five minute “walk”.

The departing paddock crew was not much better off. Within 2 minutes of the run commencing in the downpour, Swollen Colon veered westward and then south in search of the lost trail. Mademoiselle Latrine went wayward north with the Boozemaster while the remaining pack sauntered and slipped in the green ooze eastward. It fell to Sir Prince Valiant to horn the On On as the ever decreasing pack went east then south to the dog park. It was a limited engagement, I tell you. Two Dogs, Sir Prince Valiant, Sir Rabbit, Missing Link, Shetland, Cum Smoke, Ferrett? and only 2 others managed to hold the trail. Rug – being the pompous POM, had the audacity to carry an umbrella over himself the entire time as he sauntered at the heels of the half dozen who mired their way through the darkness and slop. Swollen Colon, Boozemaster and Latrine caught up with the pack (not hard when the front running bastards are all WALKING) and the pack now reassembled – and nine strong – reverted to Musgrave Avenue – to encounter our Hare, Elvis (standing under an umbrella) to point the pack westward along Musgrave Avenue.

The rain began to relent but the tempo of the bedraggled, small pack did not increase. Two Dogs bolted westward to pass Latrine in search of paper whilst Swollen Colon powered north on Sir Valiant’s instructions which he’d received from the Hare (who was at the venue saving his energy for an 8:30 soccer match). Further trail was SIMPLY not to be found and Missing Link put the death knell on the evening’s jaunt by stating “it’s 7 now and when we get back it’s time to be home” – so in a total sign of surrender, the five remaining Hash men WALKED with slosh in their shoes whilst one Hasher awaited the long on back from Two Dogs for the on Home.

The Hare, to his credit, was acutely aware of the inclement weather’s affects on his fellow Hashers and offered each one of them a HOT SHOWER – something no one anticipated or utilized. Most Hashers were just content to get stuck right into the nosh of medium grained white rice served with one’s choice of Australian style beef or chicken curry. Cum Smoke, who decided to come dressed as a St Kilda fan, and not the Resident Advisor, produced a family sized soup dish and had the catering Sheila’s’ fill it four times. Others were content to return for the second variety of curry and/or sample the apple tart with vanilla ice cream and fruit salad.

With only 17 Hashers present, the Grand Master called the circle to disorder. Two Hashers didn’t even bother to stand.

DOWN DOWNS–

* The Hare for setting a trail three times and yet not a single Hasher could stay on it or complete the 6 km run Elvis had reset twice after setting.

* Rug – for not finding the yellow P on Rock Hard’s pants in the last Hash photos of run 1715.

* Sir Rabbit – for turning 62 years old and not even thinking about bringing a case of Crownies for the Hounds. (This journo has it on good authority that Sir Rabbit will, however, rectify this on next week’s run to evade the block ice).

* Sir Prince Valiant – for not doing the Laundry Valet Service that he was assigned to clean, wash and fold from Ferrett’s run 1715.

PRICK OF THE WEEK – Mademoiselle Latrine (renamed Mademoiselle Obscene by Miscarriage last week) decided that:

• given his recent operation involving loss of consortium
• the upcoming Splinter Hash this Friday, 24 September (Sampaguita Restaurant, Shop 13, 2468 Gold Coast Highway, Mermaid Beach – host Ferrett)
• that Latrine’s run is next week anyway (from Len Fox Park on Marine Parade in Labrador –expect and A to B or B to A run with a drink stop, great nosh and ice in the circle, Sir Rabbit!)

He’d retain the POW for another week – being able to put it to good use in the interim.

The record short circle closed at 8:31 pm as the rain came to stop.

And that’s the TRUTH!

ON ON .. Mademoiselle Latrine (guest scribe)