Run: 1803
Date: Monday 21st May 2012
Hare: Rectum
Venue: Mount Tamborine
Runners: 22

Weeks to AGPU: 2!! (Yes only TW0 weeks)
HURRAY NOMINATIONS CLOSING SOON FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS,
DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!

Rectum was always going to be under pressure on his forthcoming run. He who complains about the quality of the run and food to the extreme (not to be confused with a whinging POM) was about to be tested. The northern alliance left early in the day, had GPS coordinates uploaded, Westpac chopper on standby, extra fuel on board, cut lunch. Even Sir Cumference emptied his fridge and donated a 6pack for the trip up figuring it would be such a long trip extra sustenance would be required.

We finally found the location with time to spare and a good crowd of 22 runners showed for the event despite numerous Hashers away overseas. We waited for Botcho, Flasher and crew who detoured via the golf course and numerous other scenic sites. The pack was getting restless as the assistant booze master was nowhere in sight. Had Swollen succumbed to the pressure of having to perform his duties for three weeks? However we were assured the pub was only a couple of kilometres away should tragedy strike so the order to go was given.

It was always going to be dark and cold in these parts of the hills and so it was as Rectum gave the brief and set us off on our way. Along the path we went then left along the road before hitting the first of many checks. Further along the road with Blacky keenly leading the way despite the near pitch black darkness, obviously the council in these parts haven’t yet discovered street lights.

Further along to more checks and seemingly heading further away from the prominent landmark of the St Bernard’s pub where the walkers were allegedly fast tracking to. We soon emerged at the main western road and started heading back towards home, dodging the peak hour traffic of three vehicles in the process.

The darkness made it difficult to see the seemingly never ending hills, making the going tough for the intrepid runners. We finally emerged at Alpine terrace and started the run, sadly past the pub, for home. I had to leap over a sizeable python running late for his winter hibernation and then was attacked (sort of) by a rabid mutt not happy with the rabble of the runners in his normally quiet street.

Some said the run was a little like Labrador, but in the hills with acreage and mutts, however the consensus was that it was well marked, a good winter run, virgin territory, and no one got lost, and amid high expectations, as explained by Blackstump who gave it a 7/10. Truck Tyre said the delightful meal of tortillas with chicken, beans, pickled veggies and more was good and Show Pony said the sticky date pudding dessert was brilliant. Accordingly the nosh was given a good 8.5/10.

A top effort by the Hare and well assisted by of course KB. Notably too KB decided to christen himself as the “Fire Master” and produced a great warming fire in his somewhat altered beer keg. The scene in the bush, the cold night, and the warming fire reminded many of us of the runs of days gone by where a big fire was the order of the night during winter runs.

With the AGPU only two weeks away the stand in GM, Josephine, asked for volunteers to audition for prospective positions. Rug stepped up to the plate and took over the RA position as though he was meant for it, the Hierarchy has noted this fine effort and we’re sure it will be well rewarded. Thanks to all for showing, thanks to Rectum for a great evening and thanks to KB for his kitchen skills and fire starting efforts.

Down Downs:
Rectum: Hare

Botulism: Lost on way despite being one who sent out directions

Truck Tyre: Lost on way to run

Flasher: Complaining to Booze Master adding to stress

Flasher: Alleged incident with Miss South Africa

KB: Dirtying Rug’s plate after he had cleaned it up

KB: Trying to charge assistant Booze Master, Swollen, with sanitary issues

Kawaka: Passed on credit by Rectum, pay back for POW

Head Job: Failing in duty of care decimating Nasty and Splat on boat trip

Caustic: Allegedly interfering with Head Job’s sex life

Kawaka: POW by Hard ON, because he said he’s only had it once before

Hard ON: Bravery award for riding to Harley shop on Vespa to get leather jacket

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1801
Date: Monday 7th May 2012
Hare: VD, Head Job & Splat
Venue: Nobby’s Beach
Runners: 31

Weeks to AGPU: 4
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS CLOSING SOON FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS;
DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!!

Being a long weekend would we reach the 20 mark or even less as only a few stragglers met at the start? Yet it appeared most had fought off their instincts to partake in an afternoon beer to attend the run as a healthy 31 runners finally showed.

Even Latrine made a comeback showing a spell in the New Guinea Highlands had not managed to subdue his form. Apparently he arrived early, failed to find anyone and proceeded to run the trail in reverse until finding us at the half way mark, then having to turn and head for home with the rest of us. The next debacle involved a slight bit of confusion as to which park the run was starting from with both parks having been popular past venues.

Apparently most went to the wrong park which turned out was actually the right park and a few including Ferret, Truck Tyre and Miscarriage went to the right park which was then the wrong park, got it!

VD was officially the hare but he cunningly decided to outsource the run to the new comers of Head Job and Splat and decided this could be their virgin effort. We set off with the sun still up and promises of a good run, no hills, bush and a drink stop. So off we went up the 100 f..ing steps, OK it wasn’t a hill but it’s still a scam.
Fortunately the bikini babe photo shoot on the beach distracted us from the pain. Down the hill and across the highway for the long stretch westwards. Lots of checks in the early parts (though a bit predictable) and lots of zig zagging our way towards the Burleigh Golf Club.

It was now fairly evident that we would end up in Pizzey Park as we continued on our merry way. Up another hill and we were soon at the park. Slab used local knowledge and decided he would miss the lap of honour around the park as did Flasher who by now, and as we know regularly, had disappeared on yet another of his mystery runs.

Pity, the guys missed out on passing the very athletic group of females training on the oval. In amongst the pine trees and sludge we found latrine patiently waiting for us to arrive and joined us for the run home. After emerging from the park we found Slab waiting for us as we continued along the pathways to Pacific Avenue and then turned east towards home.

At the highway we turned north to our horror then across the highway at Nobbys Beach shops and then finally towards the beach again. We came across the false drink stop (water tap) then continued along to the beach pathway to the waiting hares and refreshing ales. After a short stop it was onwards for the kilometre or so home.

Pity about the lack of lighting as we missed many a great sight jogging past us in the opposite direction (you’d think Sir Prince would have that fixed by now).

Back at home base VD had stayed back and was busy preparing the night’s feast, which was the usual failsafe of steak, snags and salad, followed by ice cream for dessert. My steak was OK but some mentioned it was going to make a great shoe instep

. Never the less Pizza thought it was great and gave it a resounding 9.5/10. Missing Link gave the run report, saying some of the arrows were a bit close and more check backs required but otherwise a great first effort (and well-marked too I must add) 6.5/10. As the super bright (and red) full moon rose above the tree line it was time to get the now tired Hashers home.

I don’t know what Sandpit did wrong but he ended up driving home with Pizza, Latrine and Caustic as passengers. Now that would have added up to a stimulating conversation on the trip home. Well done guys.

Down Downs:
VD, Head Job & Splat: Hares

Head Job & Rug: Scratching BMW, Rug – erratic driving, lane changing, cutting off bus, break light out and 300 runs

Flasher: Promising 50% of his winnings on TV quiz show and delivering nothing

Latrine, Iceman & Swindler: Returning runners

Kevin: New name, “Blue Card” (involved in child care business)
Flasher: Not making Saturday run due to having to stay home to clean up dog shit

Caustic: Gossips & Jigsaw abuse and allegedly trying to eradicate Booze Master

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1795
Date: Monday 26th March 2012
Hare: Kwakka & Swindler
Venue: Evandale Council Chambers Park
Runners: 38

Weeks to AGPU: 11
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS.

Being a near virgin’s run night one would not normally expect such a huge turnout as 37 eager runners arrived at the overachievers (bike group) weekend base camp to see what sort of event Kwakka and Swindler could conjure up.

Obviously, most expecting some sort of debacle, were stunned at the levels of preparation with tables set, area cordoned off and everything going to schedule, thus far.
Swindler, on behalf of the hares, addressed the circle and said they had taken on board the constant whinging and moaning of the pack about previous runs and promised tonight had it all, a good run, walk, check backs and drink stop. Though I do doubt that any run will ever avoid some form of whinging or complaints as that is the nature of the beast.
The first leg already had a few on edge as we had to run nearly a kilometre before finding the first arrow at the Chevron Bridge. The trail continued north along Ferry Road before we hit the first on back, catching a good portion of the pack. Fortunately it was not far back to the side road where the trail continued into somewhat unfamiliar country.

We continued in the back street finding another on back or two and check before continuing north along the river side park trail. We then turned west towards Ferry Road before crossing and finding the trail along the drain behind the Ferry Road Tavern. We were now back in familiar country and crossed over some of last week’s trail.

After a solid trek along Cottlew Street East we turned across the street and into the easement before again crossing a drain via a narrow concrete wall. Caustic, Botulism and the RA thought differently and continued on the north side of the drain to soon find they were now faced with a water crossing in order to reach the drink stop on Slatyer Avenue. Fortunately, unlike last week, it was low tide and the crossing was fairly painless except for Botcho receiving a few scratches.

I’m sure Rug would have preferred these conditions as opposed to last week’s swim leg. Caustic, being a little precious, decided not to get his shoes wet and had to go the long way around.
Following the non-alcoholic drink stop the pack then continued east bound towards home. The trail took us up into the pathways and along another drain behind the racecourse stables before turning towards Bundall and the final leg home.

A good, well-marked run using some surprisingly new territory as well as some well-trodden paths, though a few more checks might have slowed the frontrunners a bit more. Some of the new personalised trail markings also added a little confusion but in the end a top notch effort keeping the packs mostly together and home well within the hour.
Even a blackout caused by a mysterious flash from the Council Chambers couldn’t dull the vibrant atmosphere, who knows what those Councillors get up to at night. Speaking of Councillors, don’t forget to vote for the Miscarriage Party coming to an electorate near you!

The nosh was equally impressive with a smorgasbord of bread, salad (to keep Sir Rabbit happy) and lasagne, home cooked we were told, but the carton had Seoul (as in Korea) written on it, so go figure. The feast was followed by a trifle dessert.

In the ensuring circle of great proportions Rectum gave a glowing run report saying it was good with plenty of arrows but needed a few more on backs 7.5/10. Equally impressive was the food report given by Sir AH, commenting it was tremendous 8/10.

A few of the Travelling Willbourys were back from OS tours and were subsequently brown nosing to the GM, as one does. Slab brought a shot glass from Salt Lake City and some prayers from a local lass, Flasher presented the GM with some suspect evening wear with some “brown stains” which will be undergoing forensic testing and Ferrett trumped the pack with an Orang-utan mating caller from the wilds of Borneo (or abouts), should be useful on the Gold Coast. A top effort and great night had by all.
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Kwakka & Swindler: Hares
Baz & Kevin: Visitors/returning
Dicky Knee, Sir Slab, Truck Tyre, Short Circuit, Arseup & Testicle: Returning
Cumsmoke: Failure to guide Dicky Knee to run last week
Now Loved, Kev: Failing to follow RA’s directives
Dicky Knee: Failure to find venue last week
Caustic: Getting stuck on wrong side of drain during run
Caustic: Failing to attend last week, seen at Darcy Arms downing pints
Caustic: POW, via Splat, for above mentioned charge

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Run: 1793
Date: Monday 12th March 2012
Hare: Kitchen Bitch
Venue: Burleigh
Runners: 30 + 1 Juggler + 1 mutt

Weeks to AGPU: 13
Where does one start describing this event of epic proportions? There was little doubt that any run involving Kitchen Bitch (KB for short) will be well catered and tonight, being his birthday, was going to be no exception.

After negotiating the coast peak hour traffic and accidents we arrived at the site next to the Burleigh Surf Club to the large awaiting crowd. After last week, where we brought the homeless look and meals on wheels to the burbs, this time it was us descending on their (the homeless) domain.

The shelter to the south of us was filled with the locals well entrenched and listening to music and allegedly even TV! Next to our shelter was a suspect character (aka the “Juggler”) presumably getting ready to call it a night, however this particular person was due to be our night’s entertainment. Fortunately KB had “marked” the shed as reserved for the Hash for tonight’s festivities. KB gave us the usual brief about hills, chalk, paper, runners and walkers trail and sent us off to the north to the confusion of the pack.

It wasn’t long before we veered to the west then looped back past the start, a dangerous practice at any time but particularly so with the pack now somewhat aging. We followed the large arrow trail across the highway and into the village area of Burleigh before heading east and for the second time being very close to home.

The inevitable park beckoned in the distance as we wound our way through the back streets and parks making our way up the various short and sharp hills.
We finally came to the park entrance and still we continued upwards towards the summit. The arrow trail thinned a little but we still managed to find the trail and went upwards downwards and upwards again before veering to the left into the thick scrub.

Apparently Yowies were known to be lurking in these parts but we managed to dodge them and just startle a few scrub turkeys before departing the loop and again emerging on the path. With the walkers now in tow we arrived at the lookout dead end with some choosing the “shortcut” down through the scrub whilst the rest of the pack returned to the proper downhill path for the short run to the scenic drink stop, after a total of some 40 minutes.

Always a popular venue and great spot for the drink stop, the pack gathered to enjoy one of Pizza’s kindly donated great brews, problem was the brew was great back in 2007 when he made it but a little flat tonight as said by the connoisseurs. After upsetting a few romantic’s quiet evening plans we soon departed for the short run/walk back to the start.
As we awaited the nosh, now being prepared by the catering team of KB, Sir Prince, Aussie and new inductee, Rectum, we were entertained by the “Juggler” we had seen at the start.
What followed was a very entertaining 30 minutes or so of Juggling, knife throwing/balancing, flaming torches by tonight’s impromptu entertainer. I’m sure he was never prepared for such a big night on a Monday.
Plenty of the pack volunteered in participating including jigsaw and Swollen who also decided to add entertainment with his never ending supply of crackers.

I was wondering if the show would conclude with a sword fight or, as someone suggested, a human torch, but sadly not on this occasion. Some also said he could be a great alternative entertainment source at the AGPU, this I suspect fell on many a deaf ear.

Following the juggling exhibition we were kept entertained by the constant stream of ugly women passing by, adding further to the ambience of the evening. Even Cumsmoke’s dog seemed to be enjoying the strange goings on.

The Juggler earned a good night’s pay (including some cash from the ever cautious Hash Cash himself), a free feed and the opportunity to tell me all about his trip to the jugglers Convention (think about that one for a while).

The 3 course feast commenced with the entre of mixed fish & prawn stew laced with a blue cheese sauce, which had caused many to suspect the quality of the food. I must say I do love a blue cheese sauce with a good steak or as salad dressing, but like many, to have it in the fashion we had tonight was definitely an acquired taste.

KB wasn’t worried though, even if he had spent 7 hours preparing it, as he had much more on the way. Next up was the steak, eggs and vegie feast presided over by Rectum. Dessert was an interesting crepe dish, finishing off another gourmet feast in a great location.

The GM called for a short circle, given it was already past many of the pack’s bedtime. He started with a glowing report on the food despite the fish dish debate gave the feast a deserving 9/10.
Missing Link gave the run a good 7/10 but said it was little short, with him being such an athlete. After the short circle of about an hour it was time to let the pack head home for their much needed sleep and try to explain why tonight was so late and yet last week so early.

A great night, great venue, good run & drink stop, but what else can one expect from KB, good luck following this one Pizza, the bar has been set high.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
Message from Blackie your Hash cash
Those with less than 10 runs in this Hierarchy Year (from 13-06-2011 ) will have to pay $5 extra for each run not completed under 10.
The following at Run 1789(13-02-2012) are in danger of being penalised.
[TABLE=47]
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Down Downs:
KB: Food extravaganza

KB: Hare

Sir Prince Valiant, Aussie & Rectum: Assistant chefs

Aussie: Over appreciating previous down down

Aussie: Further over appreciating previous down down

Pizza: For serving flat beer (but thanks for the kind donation as always)

Jigsaw: 100 runs

Miscarriage: Back form OS (Xmas Isl.) and no gift for GM (however Swindler did provide one from his recent travels)

Jessie: Visitor from Amsterdam

“Juggler” & Swindler: Drinking from wrong hand and failing to note such respectively

Flabio: Renamed Head Job following alleged altercation with boss

Caustic: Providing GM with incorrect info on above said naming

Pizza: Age discrimination as charged by KB – apparently not old enough to be GM

Cumsmoke: In possession of gay music & trip to Sydney coinciding with Mardi Gras

Show Pony: Failing to provide Crownies for recent birthday 2 weeks ago

KB: POW for fish stew failing scrutiny (presented by Rug)

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs