Run 1823

Date    :           8th October 2012

Hare    :           Bent Banana (committee run)

Venue :           The Gem Hotel, Jacobs Well, middle of nowhere

Runners         70

Weeks to me not being in Hanoi – 1

Who knew what to expect, the first joint run in years, somewhere in the middle of no mans land, weather a bit ordinary, would we even make it in to double figures?

The large crowd, gathered at the venue, which was growing by the minute, suggested good things to come. Would the run and food live up to the hype?

The run, hared by our beloved GM took us in to the cane fields, well there’s really nothing else out here and the trail jinked backwards and forwards with several false trails. Despite being set predominantly in a field, the markings were good and the pack stayed together for most of the time.

The length had been broadcast as “in the forty five minute mark” yet the front-runners returned in a shade over thirty, a little professional rivalry on display then.

Without wasting any time the circle was convened and run (or overrun) by the Brisbane men’s hash and their GM – Scruffy, every time I heard his name mentioned by BB I thought he was his dog.

Even before the crowd had begun to settle, two hashers were sat on the ice, ha, this boded well for an entertaining circle.

The hare was brought out for an icing also (home trail crossed out trail) but as the hare is a GM a proxy was required. Veteran must have thought he said poxy, so he volunteered. (plus it was mentioned that he felt he is picked on at the Gold Coast for bitching about false trails and those who hide nearby).

A chorus of “drink more beer” to the tune of Advance Australia Fair was conducted by Sperm Whale.

Circumference was brought out and iced for gassing Flasher several weeks ago and Flasher had a DD. Radar was then iced for serving cup cakes the previous week. Was anyone safe from the ice? No.

Brissy RA called for blasphemers dressed as an Armenian apostolic priest (good job he wasn’t dressed as Mohammed or there would have been riots in Sydney)

Latrine had the Virgin Mary introduced to the least religious part of this body.

Even Optus was iced for Telstra’s Queensland timing error at the weekend.

Testicles handed the POW to Latrine for a gangbang involving two lady boys, not surprisingly; Latrine did not spill a drop.

Iceman Iced for being a fornicator (an old English word meaning, poor teller of jokes)

Both Hashers unable to be forgiven so shot with one bullet by Baron von Layup

No official end of circle, where were you moonbeams.

Next weeks run the unfairly handicapped V8 debarcle by two dogs at Surfers Paradise. Some of us don’t start until Tuesday.

Thanks to all who attended from both hashes, BB for haring and arranging the food and Brissy for a great circle. The suggestion of making this an anal event should be considered strongly. (Though preferably somewhere that cooks good food)

On On

Rectum

On Sec

Some elements are true, such as my name and the date.

 

 

 

 

 

Run 1822
Date : 1st October 2012
Hare : Rectum (committee run)
Venue : The Pizza Hut, Surfers Paradise
Runners 37

Weeks to Elvis next leaving the building – 52

Due to the unsettled period of weather, I had left it to the last minute to mark out the run, anticipating showers that never eventuated. The route for those who didn’t bother to complete the whole thing was – down Slatyer, over the canal to Upton, through the commercial estate onto Bundall, across into Elliot, St Andrews over Isle of Capri bridge, along boardwalk to Chevron, Thomas drive and on home.

Runners returned in a staggered fashion corresponding to which point along the route they had decided to give up. It appeared that Flasher and Iceman were about the only two to bother with the whole course.

The committee provided food consisted of –

Entrees – ham/cheese/mini sausage/liverwurst/crackers

Mains – German sausage/sauerkraut/red
cabbage/rosti/bratkartoffel/mustards/fresh bread

Dessert – Mixed strudel/ice cream/cream

Washed down with free Oettinger pils lager

What a lucky lot you are, we could have got you a sh%t t-shirt (which you would have given away)

DD for Rectum and Sir Rabbit, Hare and Nosh

Circle convened by the GM from the lofty heights of Pizza’s brickwork (brave man)

Iceman gave comment on the run “best run of my life, full of surprises, 7.7/10”
Latrine stated,” at least there were no hills”

Ringbark was asked to comment on the food but he had f#cked off earlier, Rainbow took his place and ventured “ Better than the Mc Donalds (what isn’t) we have had for the last three months” 9/10. Caustic suggested that Rainbow’s main menu had been filled with road kill not Mc Donalds.

Returners – Elvis – playing football
Rainbow – nomading
Phantom – busy
Head Job – something in welsh
Latrine – overseas

Visitors – Jeffrey/JD/Ken

Sir Cumference still receiving his religious orders so not with us, probably back after his circumcision.

DD’s

– Flasher for being under the radar (under everything in fact) and 500 runs completed for which he received a shirt outlining his correct run tally.

– Mr. Nice Guy (Botcho) Secretly back in training for the V8 handicap

– Caustic for having a female eagle on his hat

Sir Prince was requested to complete a structural appraisal of Pizza’s steelwork; Sir Prince declined but commented, “when the roof goes on, I’m not coming back”

POW – Shat – pulled out the following offenders

Cum Smoke – Burning out the Falcon
Testicles – Thrown out of Darcy Arms
Pizza – Thrown out of HIS eating establishment
Latrine – Thrown out of Lansdowne Pub due to bike

The winner was of course Testicles who really should have known better at his age

Next weeks run – Joint run with Brisbane, Gem Hotel, Alberton 630 start

Ende des Kreises durch moonbeams

Thanks to Kitchen Bitch this week for a sterling effort even though he’s not on committee and to the members of committee who left the GM and myself to do the washing up.

Hierarchy dishlexic!! Now I’ve heard it all

 

On On

Rectum
On Sec
Most of the above may be untrue. And I still don’t care.

Splinter Lunch 28^th September 2012

Venue Costa Packet, Orchid Avenue

Mein Host – Pizza

The large bench table was almost full as I arrived with my Dad in tow, extensions were added constantly as numbers eventually swelled to the heady heights of 42.

Clearly someone had done a bottle shop over, as there was enough wine on display to sink a large naval vessel.

The weather was beautiful and the setting not too shabby either, notable appearances by Mdme Latrine, Moonbeams, Links brother john, Nasty, Phantom together with the usual suspects.

Pizza issued the cry of 50% off all food, which went down like Devine Brown on Hugh Grant. The pasta looked just as good as the pizza; which was delicious and generous in portion.

As we settled the bill I realized that Pizza is to mathematics what Julia Gillard is to fashion, paying $40 for $37 worth of food is 108% to my reckoning, well at least we subsidized Sir Prince’s fillet steak.

Those with the stamina (or stomach capacity) adjourned to the Lansdowne Road pub for a roadie and a handful made it to the obligatory Darcy Arms to finish proceedings.

Is there a better way to finish a week? Okay strippers maybe. Thanks to all who made my Dad so welcome.

On On

Rectum

On SecMost of the above may be untrue. And I still don’t care.

Pizza seemed to have more to drink than most and was last seen being helped across the Chevron Island bridge in a wobbly state. Great birthday bash Pizza.

Run 1821
Date : 24th September 2012
Hare : Truck Tyres
Venue : Burleigh Waters
Runners 30

Weeks to my passport returning – ?

The day didn’t bode too well, an early attempt at a storm with more forecast to come. Arriving at the venue the skies told a different story and the slight chill in the air was going to make for comfortable running.

It was clear that there was a healthy head count and as, we embarked through a compound gate it seemed that the running numbers had swelled this week also.

The trail, which lead through the Burleigh Waters estates, was well marked, okay a few arrows had eroded in the earlier shower, but in the main we kept on trail. False trails and check backs were used to keep the pack together (the hare had obviously read last weeks trash) so after thirty minutes we were still as a pack. The front-runners swapped regularly and when we finally emerged onto Reedy Creek road we were still all together.

Past Bunnings over Reedy Creek road and into the industrial estate before emerging onto, then crossing, West Burleigh road and onto a graveled track. At the top of the track we climbed through a hole in the fence and then onto a council track, which undulated, between a series of bridges, skirting the edge of the water.

Once off the track we were sent down the hill towards Stocklands and just when you thought you were on the on home, the trail lead way from home (usually up another hill). Finally we descended, crossed Reedy Creek road again and back to the venue. A very good run indeed. Two words – Bench Mark.

The usual dipping chips had been dispensed with, in favour of some with more flavour, the dip was a little on the small side but tasty.

An Asian style chicken noodle soup was served as a starter with bread, this was followed by a Beef Provençale with carrots, courgettes and whole onions served alongside pasta and garlic bread. Dessert was freshly chopped melon and strawberries and ice cream doused with Grand Marnier. Looked as though someone was aiming for run and food of the year.

GM called circle and Truckie was brought out; this is the second run he has hared on the coast despite having only completed 32. The GM commented on both Kitchen Bitch and Mumbles with strong front running appearances before inviting for a Caustic comment.

“Magnificent, best run of the year, good use of arrows, route and new territory”. 9 ¼ out of ten, only minor complaint was we were over the hour by a few minutes. DD for hare, who incidentally provided the beers for his birthday, unlike you Show pony. Caustic was heard to be chuntering so DD by the GM.

Sir AH said of the nosh “Brilliant, none outsourced, only help was by KB who assisted to serve. “Grand Marnier fruit cocktail was beautiful”. Botcho (the olive maestro) critiqued “lacking salt” 7 ¾ out of ten.

Returners – Mumbles – travelling and flu
Sir AH – working – broke the wife’s foot (couldn’t quite get her over the balcony)
Swindler – working in Indonesia/Singapore where caught up with Magician
Kwakka – suffering from bad knee again

No RA this week, on a pilgrimage.

Belated pressy for the GM from testicles – an elephant calendar (from a seconds shop?) what happened to the bintang.

DD – Shat – 100 runs
Flasher – for fluency in Arabic
Caustic/Arse up/Shat – beer in wrong hand
Josephine – for doing a fine job at beer spotting

Story about the chipmunks from Botcho, about the Roosters from Cum Smoke and Miscarriage’s continued f#ck –ups that are his life by Sir Prince.

Iceman riding high on the success of his joke last week attempted another funny. I did say attempted.

POW – Rectum handed the prestigious award to Shat for doing so much for Hash last year and yet so little this year. Shat was so overcome by emotion, he collapsed with joy. Apparently he is a virgin POW, watch out next week Josephine I feel a guilt by association coming.

Next weeks run – Pizza @ his place, Committee run _ Oktoberfest, bring a German helmet??

Splinter lunch by Pizza this Friday, at an Italian on Orchid Avenue.

End of circle by Josephine.

Thanks to Truckie for a great effort on the run and food, my legs are still aching.

On On

Rectum
On Sec
Most of the above may be untrue. But I don’t care.

Run 1820

Date    :           17^th September 2012

Hare    :           Veteran

Venue :           Norm Rix Park, Labrador

Runners         32

Woche auf Deutsch Extravaganz – zwei

With the bureau forecasting showers there were a surprising number of attendees waiting at the venue. I was warned to expect an award before the end of the evening by many hashers; apparently I have been making some heightist jokes at the expense of Mohamed El-Critchley Mahmood (Flasher as we know him). What a load of sh#t he needs to grow a set (and about two feet)

Instructions issued by the hare, Veteran and we were off eastwards into the familiar territory that is Labrador. Which reminds me why does Flasher always laugh when he runs? Because the grass tickles his nuts.

Pile Driver has definitely fallen out with the wife; this is now the sixth week in a row he has attended.

The route was well marked and contained plenty of checks, check-backs and false trails. Whilst predominantly on paths there was a little grass and bush. Some markings were hard to locate but that, combined with the checks and route, ensured the pack was kept together for a large amount of the run. The walkers were cleverly orchestrated on and off our path leaving me with a feeling of De Ja Vu as I ran past Show Pony and others continually.

The pack bunched up again near government road with Bent Banana suddenly putting down the anchor, Flasher was coming to a stop when he got rear-ended by Miscarriage. Flasher turned and said, “I am not happy.” Miscarriage replied, “Well then which dwarf are you?”

I could do this all night!.

A little light on distance meant that the front-runners returned back a shade over thirty minutes, almost the same time as the walkers. A good effort by most meant that there was about seven or eight at the pointy end of the pack. Nice finish by Cum Smoke and Josephine.

Entrees were served, good quality dipping chips in abundance (when was the last time you saw left overs) with a tomato salsa. The mains were a  Mexican/Italian combination probably best named Chilli Rigatoni, it was hot tasty and just enough to feed everyone. Fruit and ice cream served as dessert.

Circle was called, several times, little respect being shown for the GM with the RA not icing anyone again

I departed to help a ‘damsel in distress’, to find a fat bloke with a beard and a flat battery (can someone point out an opticians to Moonbeams please)

Meanwhile, the Hare was being lambasted by the sh&t stirring Caustic Crusader “East Labrador is better than west but – Labrador is still Labrador” 5.9/10

Crocodile was less kind of the walk – “Lacked imagination 2/10

PV (?) said of the food “old army recipe from the Boer War” 5/10

Visitors –  Hemorrhoids

Returners – Arse up, Testicles and Dicky Knee

Shat sent his apologies but it seems the weak b%st^rd has fallen over whilst pissed again, Kwakka with bad knee (but able to motorcycle at the weekend) and Blackie was earning a coin flogging condoms and penis extensions.

RA spotlight fell on Cum Smoke – our resident seagull (others preferred Ibis) for not finishing the dipping chips, DD for him and Caustic, heard to be whining about the length of time circle was taking but giving a passable ussain bolt impersonation on hearing free crownies were in the offing.

Point Two is very healthy and relaxed according to Josephine, who is worried his own property will be reminiscent of a reptile house thanks to Point two’s snake repulsion equipment. (could we purchase one for Caustic)

Kitchen Bitch brown nosed the GM with a return from holiday pressy (which was actually worth having) an ice cold Bintang.

Miscarriage attempted a prostrate cancer examination drive but it sounded more like b@ggery to me.

Jokes – Iceman broke the stigma of gold coasts worst joke teller with a contemporary view of current events and Testicles had everyone chuckling over a Kebab.

POW – worst kept secret since he came out of the closet, Flasher attempted a lame ruse before presenting the award to Rectum. At least there was more to it than voting Labour. In the spirit of keeping it a secret, the first hasher to make a CAUSTIC comment will be getting it next week.

Hashy birthday to Botcho and Sir Rabbit who both brought crownies unlike you Show Pony.

DD for Sir Slab for trailer savings and Sir Prince giving us his three word wedding speech? (someone suggested the translation was “wrong f#ck*ng hole”)

Next weeks run Truck Tyres @ Burleigh

End of circle pre-empted by Moonbeams

Thanks to Veteran for his efforts on the run and food, bear in mind when you slag him off, he did the food by himself and kept the pack together on the run. Not everybody does.

On On

Rectum

On Sec

Most of the above may be untrue. But I don’t care.