Hash Cocktail Party Details

Run 1827
Date : 5th November 2012
Hare : Botcho
Venue : Botcho’s Pizzaria and Putting Green, Helensvale
Runners 30

Weeks until Vasso’s pot comes off – 7

Had I arrived on the set of Ben Hur? The cast of thousands was congregating at the entrance to the venue, gathered around the prodigal sons on their return from distant lands. It was a pleasure to see their smiling faces, ebullient with the knowing winks and secretive smiles of persons who have recently shared memories. For those of us looking on (and who nearly got there) it appeared that all had had a great time.

The hare, Botcho, resplendent in chefs hat and apron, explained that the walker’s trail was non-existent and that the initial section of the run had been consigned to the memory of Flasher (first mistake).

We ran a fairway across the golf course, hooking to the left instead of slicing to the right and, after what appeared to be an age, we finally found trail. Tarmac was only on the menu as an aperitif, the mains turned out to be bush and lots of it served with a side helping of chiggy and grass.

No idea where we ran except to say that after a large anti-clockwise loop, we ended up back at the venue. The trail was well marked and abundant in checks. FRB’s were the GM and myself, but a large amount of the pack finished together in a respectable time.

After nibbling on crisps and olives, the Moroccan chicken drumsticks, peas, carrots and mashed potato was served by none other than Kitchen Bitch, with a self-service section containing nuts, coriander, bread and some biting chillies.

Our table turned into a chimpanzee’s tea party as Flasher took full vent to Caustic for the table playing baton relay with his drink and food.

Dessert was a deliciously light apple crumble, cream and ice cream. Gourmet indeed.

As circle commenced, Veteran gave comment on the run, with the precursor – “ As Botcho stepped up to the plate to help out Swindler it is very hard to criticise” fortunately not too hard, as he mentioned the failure to have any markings for the first two k’s and some of the worlds longest check backs. 7.5/10. You would think that Botcho would know better.

Josephine described the food as superb despite there being no pizzas in the pizza oven 91/4 out of 10.

Returners – Missing Link, Head Job, Sir Slab, Sir Prince Valliant, VD, Jigsaw, Blue Card, Kwakka

An overview of the trip was given by the travelling GM – Princey, in a multicoloured Mohawk and smoking jacket (looked like a cast member from lord of the rings)

The highlights were Vasso’s spiral fracture, Kwakka, Slab and VD’s flight upgrade, Swindler proving that only 15 year olds can let go of the handle bars without fear, Head Job (or should I say Disco Dancer) educating Vietnamese Taxi drivers with ‘Road Rage’ techniques, Shat for hotel bookings for large parties, Phantom for grubby hands and Vasso who kindly prescribed malaria tablets for everyone.

Star of the show was Link who admires Miscarriage so much, he emulated his last holiday outing and lost a phone.

DD’s to all.

Circumference thanked KB with a DD for crematorium duties then Flasher (who had calmed down by then) for his blatant attempt to pyramid sell, a magazine that he owns.

VD was invited out by the POW, Aussie, for queue jumping at the food line. You didn’t deserve that.

DON’T FORGET —— Blackie’s brilliant bike bonanza at Pizzy Park on Sunday, fun for all the family and two courses to choose from (not the food). This is a must attend due to the sumptuous seafood BBQ.

DD for Flasher (attention grabbing again)

Two pressies for the GM from Slab, confiscated by customs (a hand grenade and a sex slave) so just a poxy baseball cap then, which the GM valued so highly he gave it to me.

DD for Aussie and Sir AH both of whom attended the ‘No boat terminal at the Spit’ action day. Over two thousand people showed their support. Slightly overshadowed by the twenty thousand who attended the Coomera boat show and spent 4 million.

Next weeks run – the Sir Prince, de-ja-vu run at Robina, prepare to eat your body weight in dim-sims.

End of circle by the padwan that is Josephine

Thanks this week to Botcho (and Capo), helping out at short notice, giving us a better run than last time and, as always, supplying food to die for.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it. No really, don’t believe a word of it.

Run 1825
Date : 22nd October 2012
Hare : Elvis and Cum Smoke
Venue : Keith Hunt Park, Musgrave Avenue, West Labrador
Runners 23

Weeks to the family bike ride – 3

Even without our Hanoi contingent, numbers had swelled from last week, despite the unpredictability of either the hares or the food; it must be the overall popular appeal of Labrador. Fingers crossed we are back soon.

Weather conditions were bizarre; despite roasting hot temperatures through the day, as we were about to embark, a cooler southerly introduced itself, distant lightning was observed and a coastal storm seemed imminent.

Nonetheless a good dozen of us hearty souls set off towards the trees, which skirted the venue. The trail ran round paths and easements rarely touch tarmac. The checks were numerous and slowed down proceedings nicely. There was good use of alleyways, private grounds and even a swimming pool. The wind picked up strength and made certain sections exhilarating.

Ultimately we looped round in an anticlockwise direction before heading home.
On the down side the trail was hard to spot in places (use of writing chalk not gyproc), no false trail markings and the final leg was a lottery unless you knew your way home. On the upside, the duration was good; the use of novel alleyways and easements kept us off the roads and the pack was kept intact throughout. Every runner had a turn at the front. Good effort.

Circle was commenced prior to food and the hares brought out. Elvis explained that the run had been set yesterday and so was slightly faded due to light rain overnight; he also described his co-hare’s efforts as “he helped my wife walk the dog”. Stick to what you are good at, I say. (though I wouldn’t trust my dog with him)

Botcho gave comment “ quite good, distance between arrows a little long in places, lost the trail on the way home”

Prior to eating the food we were reminded that at this event last year, the same choice of food was given and Blackie ended up with a near death experience and minus three kilos.

Returners – Bouncer (who thought we would welcome him back to the fold), Moonbeams questioned, “where have you been for the last 14 years”
Ferret – In Canberra organizing political parties

Flasher was brought out and congratulated for his suggestion of abolishing the current birthday beers strategy. As of 1st Jan 2013 these will be discouraged and the birthday boy will be supplied with a drink by the committee.

Ra took to the stage and invited Blackie to inform us of his recent bike ride, to which Caustic Crusader had invited him. True to form, after starting out together, Caustic pissed off at a great rate of knots, leaving Blackie on his own. Word to the wise, suggest a ride with plenty of hills, and then you can catch him up as he is walking up them.

POW – Flasher invited everyone into the circle for some unfathomable reason, then, rather unimaginatively, tried pointing the finger at Rectum for soundly beating him at the V8 Handicap, Caustic for (couldn’t hear) before handing the award to Two Dogs on a weak as piss trumped up charge of ‘Fudging the books’. We expect better than this, or do we?

DD to Cum Smoke (200 runs) but 300 meals, go figure and Rectum (Hashy Birthday) Interesting to see that despite vehement protestations by email, some hashers were able to put their ethics to one side and still take a free drink. That’s commitment for you.

From Reuters – photographic evidence of severe bark removal by Swindler after a Hanoi hill.

From Moonbeams, Sir Prince Valiant is struggling under the pressure of many kilometers on the saddle followed by road runs. Moonbeams suggested he would rather be here with Cum Smoke.

Next weeks run – Swollen Colon or Aussie from Charris Seafoods, woo hoo
Labrador again. Who will Aussie try to kill on the Gold coast highway this year?

End of circle, as it should be, by Moonbeams.

Thanks this week to Elvis and Cum Smoke for exceeding expectations. Good effort.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.

Head Job’s Vietnamese Report

Poor old Swindler had a crash at 53 kph and hospitalized. Lucky he was wearing a helmet. But like a true hash man took it for the team and stayed on his own as we reconvened at a pub to discuss if we should go back.

General consensus was ‘fuck him’. So we ordered another beer.

On on
Head Job

Recently retired Hasher Sir Point Two and now lord of the manor at his county estate near Warrick is celebrating this week end. Why you may ask?

Because his favourite brewer has returned Victoria Bitter to 4.9% to give him a full flavour and full strength beer for his hard earned thirst.

Victoria Bitter is back and Sir Point Two is a happy man.

Run 1824
Date : 15th October 2012
Hare : Two Dogs (committee run)
Venue : Southport SLSC, V8 Handicap run
Runners 17

Weeks to Christmas run – 9

Numbers were anticipated at being lower this week due to our Hanoi contingent being absent (no tales of interest yet, I am awaiting a text) but despite this an eager group of runners and walkers assembled to watch the Hare chalking up grid positions on the footpath.

The running conditions were perfect, with a cool sea breeze gently stirring the foliage bordering the park. Anticipation was high and nerves edgy as hashers assessed their chances of bringing home the trophy (well an old t-shirt) muscles rippled and arms flailed as the pre-run warm up exercises took a serious turn (okay enough of the arty sh#t).

The course directions were issued, twice, yet still there were questioning looks. How long have we lived on the Gold Coast and done this run?

The walkers left, followed in waves by the rest of us, was it me or was there an element of speed being exhibited by most? It’s unbelievable that a few prizes that wouldn’t make it into a garage sale in Chirn Park (not yours Rabbit) could cause such competitiveness.

Starting from the back, with a marginally altered handicap, I followed the course down the seafront, turning right by the caravan park and leading left into Tedder Avenue. Running as a group were Veteran, Swollen, Flasher and the GM. We turned onto the V8 track then left into Macintosh park where I finally passed Swollen who was putting out a good pace.

The course turned left behind Red Rooter, unlike the hasher (could have been Pile Driver) who was continuing into Surfers. Left again back onto Main Beach Parade for the journey home.

Sir Rabbit was visible up ahead (well his bright green shorts were) as I caught him he pointed out the ‘ringer’ – circumference who was making like the Warner Bros road- runner on the home stretch.

Everyone was cheered home, a great effort put in by all.

After recovery, the food was half served, half self-served. Primo quality steaks, I will not call them minute steaks as a) they tasted of beef and b) they were more than four microns thick, served in bread with lettuce, beetroot, onions and tomato. Hash food at its best, simple, tasty and in abundance. It pissed all over the meal last week.

The GM took the high ground and called circle to order. The hare, masquerading as Yasser Arafat, was brought out for comment.

Pile Driver – “only three went past me yet I finished last, Flasher must have gone between my legs”

Close scrutiny of the course CCTV showed Show Pony and Latrine had taken an unauthorized course deviation. Ferret took out first walker and was proudly presented with a bag that holds nothing (still too good for him was the call).

Circumference took home a wine cooler for his efforts and I landed the obligatory unwashed shirt and a container for something called golf shoes (no idea what they are).

Returners – Swollen Colon – not doing much
Rock Hard – hopping between us and Perth
Visitor – Rocks off – recently in Sumatra (I’m assuming that’s the country
And not a person)

DDs

Show Pony – 500 runs
Pile Driver – Hashy birthday (beers provided)
KB/Aussie – Chef du jour
Aussie – Banking story
Flasher – whinging again, appropriate vessel used
Blackie – Winning another triathlon despite having to drop an age group

Iceman encouraged by the RA to regale us with another joke. Interest levels were maintained, as Bridget Bardot was included. Best effort yet, the punch line was delivered the same day and laughter made an appearance. You can only go down from here.

POW
Mdme Latrine pulled out Aussie/Croc/Rug and mentioned Missing Link and Caustic but handed it instead to Flasher, for ‘White Anting” also known as cutting your mates grass. Who would have thought of Flasher as some seedy little pervert? Flasher was presented with a Japanese DVD about elevating a donkey.

Next weeks run – Club run – Musgrave soccer club with hares – Cumsmoke and Elvis, god help us

End of circle by Ferret.

Big thanks this week to Two Dogs – Hare, Sir Rabbit – food organizer, Aussie and Kitchen Bitch for marshaling and cooking and Botcho for the photography especially as three were sick. Great effort guys.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Some elements are true, such as my name and the date.

Early reminder from our Hierarchy
Keep Sunday 11 November free
You and your spouse, girlfriend, mistress or whoever are invited to Blackie’s Blistering Bike Blast which is likely to be held in the Pizzey Park area of Mermaid Waters. More details later.
I am hoping that there will be courses and leaders determined to suit the professional camp and the occasional riders & novices.
It is planned to have a ride around 11am followed by a few drinks and lunch.
On On
Bent Banana