Run 1836
Date : 7th January 2013
Hare : Show Pony
Venue : Queen Elizabeth 111, Hope Island Marina
Runners 30

Weeks to the anniversary of the theft of Australia – 2.5

The inaugural 2013 run of the Gold Coast Hash commenced from the car park of the Hope Island Marina. The evening was warm, very warm, well almost unbearable with very little in the way of breeze. The crowd was well sized with the guest appearance of some old favourites – Bouncer, Josephine, Testicles, Girls amongst others. Had someone let it slip that the run was a freebie? With a stifled tear, Blackie informed the rest of us.

Our host pointed us east, informing us that any check would have an East, West, South or North in its guts, so use the setting sun as a reference and work it out. Several (those with an internal compass) smiled at this until discovering the markings were in Chinese (?) and of use to Charlie Chan only.

We ran along the boardwalk until its zenith at which point a ‘U’ turn ensued, sending us West until we arrived the Grand Canal bridge. I am unable to explain what exactly was ‘grand’ about it; certainly, the derelict looking south bank appeared more ‘ordinary’.

Over the bridge we ran (both of us) certain in the belief it was either a false trail or a swim leg. The trail lead East along the south bank and skirted the water before sending us back West in another ‘U’ turn, de-ja-vu ensued.

We ran back to where Kwakka was sending Elvis, Botcho and Flasher (who had removed a healthy slice of the trail) on home. The pace picked up, as we smelled the finish ahead, which resulted in most pissing wet with sweat.

Aboard the luxury craft (it really is a piece of quality construction and not like the shit boxes they hire out to drunks on Australia Day) we moved gingerly, fearing a first floor collapse or capsize due to our overloading of the builders recommendations. The eskies steadily emptied as we awaited the starters, it appeared that more alcohol could be found at the local mosque.

Food arrived in the form of spring rolls and a crispy batter thing with a dipping sauce that gave acid flashbacks to the black salty meal of couple of years ago. Those present at that run held their breath until the mains were delivered, sighing with relief when it turned out to be beef cooked with Chinese leaf, stock and the world’s hottest chillies, which had been cleverly disguised as olives. The deep sighs manifested as large intakes of breath as the ruse was unearthed.

The dessert course (which arrived after circle had concluded) was delicious – Water melon beautifully sculpted into fruit bowls containing water and rock melon with grapes.

Circle began with the GM calling for the hare, Show Pony to reflect in the praises/criticisms of the pack and answer whether it was a hash run or a marketing ploy?

Two Dogs described the run to all claiming “not a bad effort” and definitely the best run of the year so far. 7/10

Caustic proclaimed the food this year was at least edible, salt reduced compared to previous offerings (I’m afraid you are never going to live that one down) and a score of 7.7/10 was supplied by Rectum who has upgraded it to 7.9 after sampling the fruit platter.

Visitors Steve (a mate of Elvis – (footballer not burger eater) enthused that
the run was fabulous, new faces and friends, Bouncer, Girls

Returners Nasty, Josephine, Pile Driver, Veteran and Rectum

Flasher was invited out to make an apology for his recent demeanour, unable to read it (no spectacles?) he was placed on the ice where to his credit; he actually consumed a DD without throwing it away.

RA and current holder of POW, awarded the POW to Botcho for falsifying hash trash re the xmas eve run.
DD to both Josephine and Veteran who were both competing for the world’s brightest new trainers.

By now the down downs had changed from beer to wine to god only knows what, as the eskies were somewhat depleted.
Iceman ventured out for a joke, riding high on his current impressive form, but pride comes before a fall, leaving the stage fright funnier than the eventual punch line.

Other news – Shats better half had to exit stage left from the mammoth bike ride, fortunately Head Job took over as first reserve. Pizza awarded ‘Most embarrassing moment on New Years Eve’ after attempting to fool the local constabulary that his Grappa was in fact cough mixture. From Nasty – VD’s beach shack is still standing despite many others succumbing to the Tassie fires, our thoughts and best wishes are with you VD.

Next Weeks Run – Sir Slab and Sir Prince at what is becoming the new Len Fox Park – Robina AFL Club, next to the Dog and Parrot. Did someone say bring on the dim Sims?

End of Circle by Josephine

A very big thank you to Show pony and helpers, great eating point and heaps of freshly prepared home cooked food.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.

Very late this week I’m afraid, finishing off a large contract in Brissy.

January Splinter Lunch. Splinter Hash Summer Cup Golf day

Numbers needed:

Golf and Lunch

Lunch only

Run 1833
Date : 17 December 2012
Hare : Committee
Venue : Broadbeach
Runners 31

A Short Christmas Story

A group of 30 Santa impersonators gartered behind the Convention Centre around 5 PM and waited patiently for Santa’s little helper Montana to arrive.
When Montana arrived the happy old Santas wandered in a merry way around the Casino, through the Oasis, around the Oracle development, up the Broadbeach Mall and through the Niecon Plaza refurbishing lost fluids along the way and finally arriving at the Thai Thai restaurant for a banquet. They all had a jolly good time.

The End.
Next weeks run from The Helensvale Tavern. 5 o’clock start

Splinter Lunch Friday 28th December. Reserve your seat at the table

Posting from our Hash Mate Rockhard

Run 1829

Date : 19th November 2012
Hare : Pizza
Venue : Bundall
Runners: 34

Late apologies from Rectum, who has this old fashion belief that’s its more important to make a quid than to spend quality time jogging with your mates and being entertained by Pizza, whilst slowly getting pissed.

Well he does have one wife, two high-maintenance teenage daughters and large fuel bills to support, so maybe he does have a point. However the real reason seemed to be that he had to work another 16 hr day because his offsider “Linksey” was called home early to deliver one hash trailer for today’s hare.

THE RUN: Despite it being another Pizza RUN a big crowd of 33 turned up for the event. So he does have pulling power. The group gathered beside Racecourse Rd Ashmore and listened rather apprehensively to the hare’s confusing guidance; something about following arrows that point away and then towards you on the return.

The trail set off south then East through the Domayne and Harvey Norman complex, out to a 3 way check which led down Ashmore Road and then took a turn North up Bemuda St. The only place of interest was a check back where a few ladies of the night sat around in their undies having a fag until their next guests arrived.

When they spotted the first few heavy breathing hounds looking through the back gate, they quickly provided directions to the front door, when party-pooper Flasher broke their hearts by stating we were only a few lost joggers and couldn’t help out. Someone pointed out that the missing in action Veteran may be inside collecting his raffle prize as it must be due to expire about now.

The trail continued north until the Chevron Island bridge. “No” it wouldn’t go across the bridge someone screamed as there was no coming back. Flasher went across to scout it out and as he didn’t return the other FRB’s Botcho, Myself, Iceman and Riceman went across.

We were very doubtful as time spent running was already 20 mins and to turn left would head towards home and the earlier statement about maybe having to run against the arrows did cross our minds. Nevertheless in true hash form we headed east and there was no sigh of a check back. The trail went into Surfers and after a spin around there, and terrorizing a few schoolies, it seemed to disappear.

Despite wise counsel from Botcho to head back the way we came, Iceman convinced us to finish the Run and head south towards Broadbeach and back over the Isle of Capri bridge. And that’s what we did, taking us just under the hour. In the meantime the walkers, the Pizza supporters on the evening and a few runners who took the easy (& smart) route went to Pizza’s parlour and enjoyed several free black ales. Lucky bastards!

THE NOSH: A collection of frozen vegetables and a smell of mince beef was served as an entre. It was followed by a collection of frozen vegetables, but more beef as a mains. A dish which he served up some time back, with the only difference being this time he didn’t do his naked chef act and left his clothes on. When I spotted a hound take one bite and throw his entrée on the grass, my reservations about gourmet food being served up were confirmed. After some time a vanilla ice cream container appeared with two bottles of flavoured sauce. Well it cost less than $100 all up I heard Pizza say.

We should have known better, with fond memories of last weeks (Slab & Valiant) banquet lingering in our minds.

THE CIRCLE: Because of the seating arrangements provided the hounds aged over 60 (& 70) were permitted to remain seated, which suited Moonbeams and Ferret. The GM welcomed all and thanked them for coming and presented down downs:

Hares: Pizza, BOG & The Senator. Not a great report for the Run, unless you needed to do some training, and worse comments for the food. Caustic did not at all like the entrée and Ferret described the mains as a collection of boiled cardboard reheated on the BBQ with heaps of garlic but all kinds of herbs and sauces missing.

He thought he acted over generously in awarding it a -1. Well after all Ferret is one of Pizzas great admirers!

Returners & Visitors: Rsup, Short Circuit, Little dog, Bushy, Phantom, Captain, BOG and The Senator, from various travels and three coming from Doncaster Hash in Victoria; Pizzas old stomping ground.

The RA awarded:
Sir Prince: for his unwelcomed suggestion of “Get a real Job to the RA” and then to 90% of all hashers.
Missing Link: something about his poor motoring skills and his unwelcomed comment of “Get Fu$@ed you Cu%&s”.

Caustic Crusader: got pissed on vodka at Missing Links after lunch at Darcy Arms and trying to drag his fiancée down some telecom hole because he was feeling horny and in the mood, during his moonlight walk home.

Blue Card: POW by Kwakka for his unusual display of character, rarely observed in a hasher, by not finding fault with two worthy recipients Rsup and Now Loved.

BOG: for 3 short and funny jokes.

OTHER ANNOUNCEMENTS:

There will be the usual Run on the Gold Coast 15/12 as it appears only a small group plus Cumsmoke will be attending the Red Dress Run in Brisbane. The run will be for a great cause and should be a fun night – see the flyer if you can support the Salvos $$$.

Apologies from Blackie & Rectum.
Price inflation will start 1/12/12 for those who wish to attend the Nash Hash in Brisbane in May next year and have yet to sign up. Price will increase from $350 to $450. Total registrations to date: 407.

Aussie finally distributed the winnings for the Hash Melbourne Cup sweep, with Flasher having collected first prize. Thanks Aussie.
VD has volunteered to stand in for Head Job next week and the Run will be somewhere in Burleigh Heads – check the web for details.

Don’t forget the Hash 2012 Gala Event at Flavors@Ferry The Brickworks on evening of 1 December. Most have signed up, but final numbers required next Monday.

Hash Cocktail Party Details
Moonbeams closed the circle at 2120.

Thanks Pizza for another night of fun, bringing along lots of guests, shit food and your generously sponsored beer stop.

All the above is the gospel truth, as remembered by St. Peter aka Bent Banana

Hash Cocktail Party Details
Run    : 1828
Hare   :  Sir Slab (run)
Sir Prince (food)
Venue : Robina

As to be expected the numbers were high this week, most had not eaten for two days to ensure plenty of room for the food. What would the run give us? I had been quite harsh over the last one after it had been overhyped by Cum Smoke.

We left the venue towards the toyota garage on a well marked trail, checks commenced immediately and continued throughout the entire run. There was a nice use of bush/parkland and the checks kept the pack together. The pace seemed high – somewhere between usain bolt and sally pearson. By the finish we had nearly regrouped so very few stragglers this week.

A thoroughly enjoyable run in all aspects, nice to see the criticism had been heeded.

Once again the kitchen had more hands than a poker game, Sir Prince, Tom, KB, Ferret, Moonbeams, Swollen Colon, Kwakka, preparing a smorgasbord of dim sims, spinach bread dip, char sui noodle soup, sweet and sour chewy meat thing, mince omelette and no dessert.

On the plus side, a lot of time and effort put in, more food than you could shake a stick at (couldnt finish my mains) and very tasty to boot. On the down side, the horse hair noodles were infact horse hair and the omelette tasted like cardboard soaked in hospital grade disinfectant and drizzled in maple syrup.

Circle started with a bang, fireworks thanks to Swollen, then Princy was informed by his princess that a grandson and potential hasher had emerged into the world. DD to both.

The GM, decked out in a punk rock boxing tribute outfit called out the hares (2735 runs bteween them) it was commented that even with 100 years experience they still know f#ck all.

A visitor enjoyed the run, scoring 9/10 but that didnt count.

Sir AH stated the food was up to standard but no bananas 9/10

Returners/visitors – Tom, Hollywood and Swindler. Pressies for the GM, Botcho and Jigsaw (who had come dressed as the predator, almost impossible to see him in certain lights.)

No Caustic this week due to an unprovoked attack by a bottle of vodka.

RA gave DDs to KB, Swollen, Latrine and Show Pony. Then contraversionally told a terrorist joke.

POW, VD called out many but selected a ‘wall flower’ – Kwakka for being a wednesday warrior and decorating the table.

Rectum tried his hardest to give a DD to the GM and if this had been a hollywood film the GM would have sculled it like a man, however he shimmied to the left and passed it over to a speechless RA. You didn’t deserve that.

Dont forget the gala event – cocktails at Ferry road, 1st Dec unless the GM cancels it five minutes before its due to start.

End of circle by Moonbeams

Huge thanks to Slab and Princy and the cast of thousands, a very good night.

On On

Rectum
On Sec

Sorry its late, not spell checked and a bit light on the ground. Done on the mobile in Noosa