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Run 1964

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Date: 22/06/2015

Location: Mermaid waters

Hare: Slug

Runners: 29

The Annual Hash Relay is on our door step this year. Truck Tyres and your Hierarchy needs numbers for our team!!

About The Hash Relay

Hash Trash

Run 1964

Hare:Slug

Nosh Helpers: VD-KB-Blue Card

Location:Pizzey Park

Runners 29

Questionable skies greeted the rabble as they slowly assembled in the carpark At Pizzey Park; a few grizzled that it was “worn predictable ground” but that was predictable in itself!

Last to arrive with the Trailer was ???? Yeh, you guessed it Truckie !! A piss poor effort at reverse parking was stopped by KB de-hitching the trailer and pushing it into the parking bay; however there was a slight downslope and he was last seen being dragged by the trailer heading for the Pizzey Park lake! No reaction from the Pack except someone muttered “F#*K him” !?!

Eventually the pack was called to order by the GM and Slug gave the Trail instructions which included a Martian styled Arrow ; international markings are fine but inter-constellation markings are a bit advanced for our elderly Pack !

At 6.15ish the Pack departed through Pizzey Park heading for the Conservation Hill down to the Burleigh Heads Golf Club and back past Burleigh Bears Sports and back through Pizzey Park to the Venue.

Nosh

Entre

A variety of dip starters including a chilli mayo with Aldi Cheddar Cheese Crackers

Main

A guaranteed crowd pleasing bbq chicken schnitzel with boiled buttered potatoes with a delicious mixed green salad; sadly it was noted the Jenny Craig split-away group dismissd the potatoes which left even more of those little treasures for the “fatties” !

Dessert

Liquour marinated strawberries with vanilla icecream; a delicious ending to the “dinner in the Park”

Circle

Just as Circle was called the heavens opened with initially a light Scottish mist increasing to gentle rain with a “cold” breeze up your kilt; then KB remembered he had the new company car which he was showing off to all with the auto roof “DOWN” ; maybe he knew he would have a cold soggy arse on the way home anyway ?

This also explains why KB was hell-bent in starting a fire (with a treated Council pine post) to warm up his nether regions!

Ice could be heard being poured into the Icing Vessel (a large aluminium wok styled pot) !!!

At this point several petitions were handed to the GM

Swindler (being a tricky ex-lawyer) with a High Court Appeal regarding the summary dismissal of the Anti-Icing Fatwa; the present Hash’s legal council is presently away on a junket ( That’s 2 Dogs, Aussie and Fanny ’Mollases” Charmer already dipping into the coffers!) and is set down for a hearing towards the end of year.
Caustic petitioned for clemency on the basis he was a reformed Hasher and was now working actively for the new Committee in the Capacity of Stand in Scribe; the gracious GM pardoned the sins of Caustic and clemency was granted !

Despite the aforementioned the 2014/2015 Committee was en-masse called out for a group icing however by majority vote KB was nominated by the ex-committee as “scapegoat” and dropped his strides (What a horrific sight seeing his wrinkly bare arse) and descended, like a parachutist whose chute has failed, onto the new icing vessel; NB: last years Serial Pest Of The Year Bent Banana tried his usual shenanigans and offered one of his Patented “anti icing” appendages however this one was for girls as it had 2 cork plugs; several of the Pack Rabble shouted out that was ok as KB was a Total Cx#t and it would fit perfectly! Poor KB but the Captain of the vessel takes the accolades and also the responsibility!! Ha Ha

Run Report

Iceman started off on trail and was going okay until he lost trail (and his marbles) at the golf club and aimlessly wandered around looking for trail for the next ½ hour; seemingly he had pocket-fulls of lollies and was seen bribing a group of teenagers !! Hmmmmm

Hard-on reported the walk was fine through Pizzey Park but around the soccer club he had a bad back spasm and went into the soccer club bar area to get a glass of water to wash the medication down !! SEEMINGLY to get a glass of water you need to buy a glass of red vino !!! Hmmmmm

In conclusion; a reasonable run/walk within the confines of a well worn territory.

Charges

Josephine berated last years Hash Scribe Swindler for omission of him in the current Runners section page 20 of the Year Book ; Swindler received a DD
Kwakka piped up with a Question: Why was SPV late for Sat night dinner?

Answer: Seemingly Miscarriage had taken his 90 year year old mate Bill out to see the new development and when the town car got bogged on the first corner decided to decant Bill from the nice warm car and push him in his battery assisted hospital wheelchair up to the “lookout”.

This flawed attempt at Everest failed when the battery fell out and once again Miscarriage got bogged; at this point he was forced to phone SPV for assistance.

Little did he know but assistance came with a Princess who berated the poor boggee with language few would have heard before!! (Although many in the surrounding 5 kms vicinity thought the new ILS landing approach route had been activated and the shrieking roar and piercing howls of pain were the result!!)

SPV duly got his Snatch Strap-on fitted and pulled off Miscarriage from behind ! Hmmmmmm

Other Business

As was reported at last weeks run the Hash Hot-line has been suspended due to Hash moving to a more modern age ! WRONG!!!

Due to numerous complaints from the old blokes and their shielas and the generosity of Miscarriage ( Miscarriage has paid the telephone for next 2 years in advance) the Hot-line has been reinstated and will be manned every week by Blackstump (due to Blackie being in-fear of his life from Helen if the phone wasn’t manned again!)

Next Weeks Run

Rockhard from Mudgeeraba Music Hall

End of Circle

Josephine

This weeks Pictures

Run 1956

Run 1955

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Run: 1955

Date: 20/04/2015

Location: Main Beach

Hares: Carefree

Runners: 30

Run Report

ANZAC SPIRIT…..HASH SPIRIT….AUSSIE SPIRIT

Hareline extraordinaire VD deserves much credit for having the game plan, the nouse, the big idea of making CareFree the ‘Hare’ for the ‘Anzac Centenary’ Hash run. What foresight, what creative genius! True, many on the Gourmet Hash had questioned the decision but it became crystal clear that this was VD wisdom par excellence. The “absolute bloody debacle” (thanks very much SPV) of WW1 beautifully re-enacted by a man who lived through its most torrid and terrifying moments….and survived, battered and bruised, to live and tell the tale.

It is no secret that CareFree has long held the desire to one day ‘pass on the experience’ of his time on the Front line fighting the enemy, fighting for freedom, fighting…. for Australia.

Last Monday, Run 1955, Carefree’s dream became a reality.

It’s fair to say that the Gods smiled on him that day as the heavens opened up and cat and dogs pissed down on the pack as it assembled, much like the allied forces at Gallipoli, on Main Beach.

-“This is what it was like when we hit the Anzac Cove shore fellas” explained an emotional, choked up CareFree. “It was dark and it was wet and we were bloody cold. The storm made it impossible to see ahead of us so we stumbled forward aimlessly until we got to the cliff face.” He continued: “For tonight’s run; head down the beach for about a ‘k’ then head inland towards the bridge and then try to find your way home.”

But this would prove too big an ask for even the most hardened hashers; Swollen Colon was first to hoist the white flag and retreat back along the beach.

-“Fuck that” he said, “I lost me way a bit up the beach and came across this sign ‘BEWARE THE BIG BOA’. That was it for me.”

Not Tonight (Josephine) and Circumference followed, wet and muddy and holding up a buggered Rabbit.

-“Rabbit’s fucked” said a circumspect Circumference, “he can’t go on. We’re takin’ him back to camp for a beer and a good lie down.”

The rest was a procession in ramble retreat. No one found the washed-out trail and only a few found the bridge. Fanny Charmer found nothing, wondering aimlessly in the dark but smiling nonetheless. Eventually, in dribs and drabs, they made their way back… hopelessly lost, miserable, knackered… but happy to be alive.

Asked to comment on the campaign, Two Dogs struggled for words:

-“Difficult……………to know what to say really. Me mum taught me to say nothing if it wasn’t something nice so perhaps ‘a fucking fiasco’ is the best I can think of. I mean, it was a mess: blokes running around like chooks with no heads. A bloody disaster, we got smashed.”

A non-repentant CareFree explained:

-“When Admiral Commander Churchill ordered us to prepare for the assault I could see it was a fucked idea so I told him to go jump in the lake. There was no fucking way I was scrambling up that ridge with the fucking Turks taking pot shots at me. Winnie got plenty mad, imploring us to do it “for the Queen” but I never budged. I told him to go fuck himself, and his Queen while he was at it.”

BlueCard was asked to comment on the tucker and he too was found wanting:

-“Interesting…………” he said pensively “grizzle and gravy…… CareFree deserves much credit for cooking an authentic war dish but for me there was a distinct lack of protein and nutrients. Even on the Front, you could rely on the odd rat and a few mice to throw in the pot. That would have helped I think.”

GM KB ordered the troops into Circle formation and promptly requested Sir Arsehole to account for his lengthy ‘leave of absence’.

-“Convalescing Grand Master” said SAH. “My war injuries are coming back to haunt me. Incidently, I was on that same ship when CareFree give Church that gob full. I remember thinking then that if I happened to survive this war then I’d go live in Australia, a place which questions authority and values freedom of speech. I owe a great debt to CareFree and his ilk.”

RA Caustic was passed the baton and immediately called Swollen Colon in on the heinous charge of ‘deserting his Aussie mates’. His excuse that “I’m shit scared of snakes” was howled down and he was given a ‘down’. Fanny Charmer was charged for having the audacity to ‘question’ the generosity of the Hierarchy. Having ‘won’ a bottle of the best Stellenbosch Shiraz for his impersonation of a Chinese sportsman the previous week, Fanny decided to impress his better half with a fabulous French feed. But upon charging their glasses in celebration, a dismayed FC found that it contained water instead.

His indiscretion was further rewarded with the Prick-of-the-Week.

A thoughtful but very sad Truck Tyres (veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam Wars) was invited to pass on the USELESS garb.

-“Nothing disappoints me more than blokes deserting their mates. It is the lowest of the lows, totally bloody un-Australian. Swollen Colon deserted his mates and for that he stands condemned….. And he’s useless to boot!

And on that sober note, Moonbeams ended proceedings.

On2

BallPoint

The Nosh

Carefree prepared something call snake hot pot