Splinter Lunch
Date: 27/05/2016
Location: Nicolinis
Host: Nasty
Hashers: 27
May Splinter Lunch…Host: Nasty
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Splinter Lunch
Category Archives: Hash Trash
Run 2013
Run 2013
Date: 23/05/2016
Location: Bundall
Hare: Jigsaw
Hashers: 25
Well, as I write this I cannot help but have a smile on my face recalling a night of comraderie and….yes!!….great food!!…thank goodness, the gourmet is definitely back in the Hash…Jigsaw, you are to be thanked for restoring our faith in our moniker “the gourmet hash”. It was nice to see the likes of Arse-Up and Phantom tonight…irregular attendees but always welcomed with open arms…and nice to see that Dicky Knee is looking like becoming a regular, as is Sweathog (look for your photo on the rogues’ gallery!!)…oh, and welcome back Iceman!
The Run:
The 25 hashers tonight were spooked at the start when Jigsaw announced “I hope you’ve all got your mobiles with location turned on because this is going to be another GPS run!!”….”oh no!” we all gasped in horror as some of us had memories of that particular debacle about a year ago when we all wandered around the backstreets of Sorrento and Benowa, hopelessly lost and bewildered.
“I’m only kidding guys, it’s a standard run…it’s all on chalk..there’s no water to keep to your left or rght..in fact if you see water at all, it means you’re hopelessly lost!” and as we were shown the direction, off we all headed into the back streets of Benowa. After about 500 metres, yours truly, who had started off with all good intentions of doing the whole run, started to get shin pains so decided that I would do a very brisk walk with Ferrett. I have no idea where all the other walkers went, but Ferrett and I certainly followed arrows until we got sick of walking then headed back.
Ferrett and I were in fact the first ones back to base and shortly after in rolls Josephine who said “bloody hell, I thought I was the worst shortcutter tonight!!”….no, we outdid you tonight mate!! .
As those of us lazy bastards sat imbibing alcohol, the “serious” runners started to stream in, obviously having had a decent workout. There were no complaints that this was a run through well-trodden and familiar areas….and there were compliments for Jigsaw having gone out on his bike to sweep the trail and keep people on trail but no matter how hard he tried, yep, there were some hashers who got lost…with Miscarriage, Brewtus and Blackstump running straight through the false trail…apparently Arse-Up had something to do with that!
Missing Link did the whole run and in circle described it as “well marked…a good street run”.
The Nosh:
Starters …haha…we were being tricked into thinking tonight was going to be ordinary as dips and crackers came out and Jigsaw said “eat heaps guys because there’s not much mains…in fact here it comes now…as he laid out platters of salmon on thinly cut bread rolls. “That’s all there is guys, eat up!”….but of course this was more trickery on the part of Jigsaw, who then proceeded to unwrap some lovely pork which was served up with fennel, broccoli, and baked apples, along with some dollops of mash…boy, this is living!! Of course there always have to be detractors, don’t there?….in this case Josephine, who in circle said “jeez, all I got on my plate was a heap of rocket and broccoli…I come to Hash to get away from shit like that!”
Dessert consisted of vanilla slice sandwiched between those lovely Arnott’s lattice biscuits that I grew up with, combined with what Jigsaw described as “gourmet icecream”.
In all, a bloody brilliant nosh and we were all very pleased with it…thanks Jigsaw for keeping up the standards of the Gourmet Hash!!!
The Circle:
The GM started proceedings with his usual requests for critiques of the nosh and the run. If you’ve read this far, you will have read the relevant comments above, so no need to repeat them here, but suffice to say that the hare, Jigsaw, came out for a well deserved down down on a great night.
Arse-Up was called out the front to answer for the fuck up on the run where he apparently has been blamed for getting several hashers off course!
Caustic was called out the front to get two shirts that were brand new and had his picture and those of last year’s hierarchy..who else would want to bloody wear them!!
Oh, and on the subject of shirts and other such things…thank you Sir Rabbit (Hasherdashery) for bringing along two bags of hash gear for us to try on and take as needed…hey, we managed to offload more than one large bag!! A good effort!!
Miscarriage, a sucker for punishment, self nominated for a charge tonight….does there need to be a reason??…of course not.
Prick of the Week….can you believe the tale spun by Sir Blackstump for not bringing it tonight???….”I thought I’d let Helen take it to Hash on Thursday!!”…..what??? ….me reckons he just forgot it!!
Iceman told a joke about walking down the street and talking to random people, telling them about what he’d had for dinner, showing them photos of places he’d been to….basically a pisstake of Facebook…right, you’re being defriended on Facebook!!
Next week’s run…hare will be Sir Arseole and it will be in Mudgeeraba….oh, and that reminds me….I will be at a conference in Redcliffe next week…can I please have a volunteer to do the words….please!!
Finally, a reminder, if you could al please start bringing in your $25 for the AGPU…and if you are one of the ones who has not done the requisite ten runs…it’s $50.
That’s all for this week folks
Fanny Charmer …
On Sec.
Run 2012
Run 2012
Date:16/05/2016
Location:Varsity Lakes
Hares: Rock Hard
Hashers: 24
Tonight was…well, not like last week, was it??? We went from an attendance of 44 last week to a measly 24 hardy souls this week, all gathered on the grassy knoll in the middle of Azzure Island in Varsity Lakes, which was bloody hard to find in the dark! Speaking of the dark, we basically remained in this condition until we all came back from the run/walk, by which time we had the semblance of lighting around the main table and food prep area, but more on that later.
The Run:
The hare tonight was Rock Hard and one of the comments about the run was “did he set the run from inside a fucking helicopter?? Those fucking marks were at least 300metres apart!!”…and this was in relation to the street markings…in the bush, we were on our own, with the only clues being the instructions in the run briefing…”just keep the water to your left”….but of course, with all the water around us, this was not possible all of the time. The run was somewhat confusing at times and Missing Link and I were certainly saved from hours in the wilderness by Blackstump and Bent Banana, who were generally about 100 metres in front of us and periodically yelling out “on on” and flashing their torches back at us. Thanks for that guys, you were lifesavers!!
Josephine started out with great intentions but when he came to the end of the out-trail for the walk, he decided he’d had enough and turned back. Somebody got a lot more lost tonight than anybody else, that person being our esteemed GM, Rug, who came back to base about half an hour after everybody else. Fortunately this run did not turn into the Hash debacle that was the run by Miscarriage from the dog park at Carrara.
In all, not a bad run, not a good run….just a run!
The Nosh:
Starters – cheese and bikkies…what else can I say???
Mains – cold chicken, beetroot, Tomato, lettuce (lots of fucking lettuce) and buttered rolls…that’s it!
Dessert – several cheesecakes straight from the antique chilly bin…no custard, no ice-cream, no cream, no frills!!
The Circle:
Tonight’s circle was certainly a low key affair…run critique from Bent Banana…”boring at first..and I heard someone call Rock Hard a lazy cunt!”…and Josephine said “not eventful at all!”…well, hey, it was a run and it beats sitting in front of the goggle box on a Monday night!!
Sir Blackstump was asked to critique the nosh….”thank goodness there were no visitors tonight…it would have been embarrassing!”
Prick of the Week…passed from Rock Hard to Sir Blackstump…and that fellow hashers just about sums up tonight.
The highlight of the evening??? Sir Rabbit (Hasherdashery) having fun measuring us all up for the surprise giveaways at the AGPU!!
With that, Josephine brought the evening to a close with his rendition of “end of circle”.
Finally, a reminder, if you could al please start bringing in your $25 for the AGPU…and if you are one of the ones who has not done the requisite ten runs…it’s $50.
That’s all for this week folks
Fanny Charmer …
On Sec.
Run 2011
Run 2011
Date: 9/05/2016
Location: Robina
Hares: Sir Slab & Sir Prince
Hashers: 44
A COLOSSAL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…..44….yes, you read right…44 runners and walkers tonight!!!…enough to send our hares and the booze-masters into a tailspin even before the run had begun…….“Shit, we’ve only got 64 beers and 10 ciders…I’ll have to go to the pub and buy more grog!” exclaimed Weekly as the Hashers just kept on rolling in for the night. They came from far and wide tonight and a great number of our own decided to also turn up…the latter probably realising that they’d better get their ten runs in so that they can go to the AGPU for the discounted rate!!
At the start of the night I noted these significant attendees…Arse Up, Show Pony, Moonbeams, Dicky Knee and our Melbourne visitors Phantom II, PolPot, Happy and Big Steve, and of course, let’s not forget Sir Botcho’s much better looking brother, Vomit.
The Run:
The hares tonight were Sir Slabb and Sir Prince Valiant and this was a typical great run set by Sir Slabb…starting from the soccer fields off Ron Penhaligon Way at Robina and winding its way through bush, parks, down pedestrian pathways, and suburbia, which in the dark all looks the bloody same, leading some of us to wonder at times “where the fuck are we??”. Your truly decided that he could cope with the run tonight and it turned out to be quite challenging in parts, but very well marked (apart from when a whole heap of us got lost when we came out of suburbia out onto the Robina Parkway), but other than that, excellent world-class markings. The checks were great in keeping us all bunched up and I even detected that Flasher stayed the course rather than doing what he normally does, which is making it up as he goes along.
According to my “Map My Walk” app on my phone, the run was 5.93 km in length, with which some of the others who measure the run electronically agreed to be roughly right.
As we meandered through suburban Robina, several residents came out and one woman was heard to comment…”it’s just a bunch of silly old blokes running around, I thought somebody was being chased and beaten up!”…to the uninitiated we must seem like a weird lot…a bunch of enthusiastic senior types, racing around yelling “on on”, “are you”, “on left”, “on right”, “checking”, “on back” and other such nonsense. I am sure we would all agree that it is their loss and “fuck ‘em!” if they have a problem with us.
Sir Blackstump almost did himself a disastrous injury when he was trying to overtake some of the slower runners, yelling “serious runner coming through!” as he pushed and shoved his way through….not noticing the wooden bollard directly in front of him…lucky he was not about two inches lower in his vital areas as he might have really bashed ‘em hard…as it was it appears that there was just sufficient clearance for no real harm to be done.
In all a great run…and it was great to see shitloads of us out there!
The Nosh:
Starters this week was AGAIN definitely left overs from the Boonah weekend…but what leftovers they were!! Unlike last week, where we were served up some lovely slices of ham, this week we got served up some fried spring rolls, very kindly served to us by Hard On…if your pencils all go blunt you can always become a waiter Hard On!! They were indeed a nice treat, with lots of dipping soy sauce available.
There were also cheese and crackers available in a large platter and the cheese disappeared awfully quickly I noticed.
Mains was sausages, bacon and onion, either served on rolls or for those of us attempting to maintain the SRS diet, dished up on our plates without the added carbs. Of course there were the usual detractors and whingers, particularly notable being Moonbeams who said “I told Boo I had to go to Hash tonight as I was looking forward to a nice meal, probably two or three curries to choose from and I get a banger in a roll?? I thought this was supposed to be the gourmet hash??”…oh well, can’t please everybody, can you?? I certainly enjoyed it, but I gotta say…you all missed a fine nosh if you didn’t come last week for my Spanish meatballs done to my mother’s recipe!!
Dessert was same as last week (Sir Prince, how many fucking bananas did you buy for Boonah???)…yep, fried bananas with ice cream!
Given that there were 44 of us tonight, this was probably an appropriate menu as we would surely not have had sufficient curry or other specialty dish for this number of people….I don’t know about the rest of you, but I generally cater for around 30 in my noshes.
The Circle:
Circle commenced with the GM bringing out Sir Slabb and Sir Prince Valiant as the hares…a well deserved down down for a great effort tonight boys…and Slabb, your sweeping of the trail as we progressed was much appreciated. Truckie was asked for his opinion of the run…he babbled on and on and the only sensible thing he said was that it was….wait for it…AMAZING!!
Superlatives kept on spewing forth, this time from the GM who commended Sir Slabb on the sweeping which I have already described…..EXCELLENT!!
Yet more superlatives were to come…Slug described the walk as being none other than….AMAZING!!….this is just getting too much!!
Moonbeams, who had been detected whinging incessantly about the nosh, was therefore asked to provide an assessment thereof….”I’m fucking worse than shat off…I saw the breakfast at Boonah and this is what was fucking left!!”
Moving onto the RA’s spot…he called out our visitors from Melbourne…the four that I have already mentioned above, so you’ll just have to scroll back up to see who they were…and then came the returning runners, Dicky Knee, Arse Up and ShowPony…apparently Dicky has come off 18 months of night shift so we should be seeing him more regularly.
Swindler called Truckie out the front…my notes and memory fail me, but the fact that Truckie has committed some kind of misdemeanour is hardly surprising!!
Vomit, brother of Sir Botcho is going back to Wellington in lovely Aoteoroa so he got his “piss off, thanks for coming” down down. Great to have you with us Vomit and thanks for joining in the 2000th run celebrations.
Lion from Burma is also departing our shores fairly soon…again, a “piss off, thanks for coming” down down was had and thanks for all your mighty efforts in helping at Boonah.
Now, a well deserved castigatory (that means “by way of punishment”) down down for the likes of Caustic, Nasty, ShowPony, VD and Kwakka, for shortcutting the walk and going to the pub!!!
Last but not least, Rock Hard gets Prick of the Week…I fucking forget why, but he gets it anyway!!
We then had a very premature self nomination from the floor for a committee position next year…Josephine would like to take Nasty’s role of Minister for C.R.A.P as he has correctly perceived that it is a total rort and a fine excuse for sticking your nose in the trough at committee breakfasts, etc.
A reminder that the AGPU is coming up soon and those of us who have not completed 10 runs this year will be charged the higher, but still heavily subsidised fee for the night.
On that note, and still complaining about the nosh, Moonbeams brought proceedings to a close.
Next week’s run…..check the website!!
And for those of you who would like to order a blue 2000th run shirt, please see Botcho as he can get some more made up.
That’s all folks!!
Fanny Charmer …
On Sec.
Run 2010
Run 2010
Run: Run 2010
Date: 2/5/2016
Location: Carrara
Hares: Bent Banana and Fanny Charmer
Hashers: 27
After the Boonah Bonanza we all expected tonight to be a bit of a quiet night and sure enough there were a few absences tonight, but a hardy bunch numbering 22, including several visitors, gathered at the exact location of our first run 38 years ago….it’s now where the boat ramp is located at Emerald Lakes, but all those years ago it was the site of the Gold Coast race track and as Sir Prince noted, back then he could hear the cars from his house down at Miami…ahhh the good old days…much has certainly changed in all those years, but let’s hope that hashing continues on strongly into the future.
Apart from commemorating our first run from this site, tonight served a dual purpose, with those present holding the usual ceremony in honor of Sewerage and all of those other Hashers who have passed on to the check on the other side, but more on that later….
The Run:
The hare tonight was Bent Banana, and yes, normally he sets the Sewerage memorial run from Allambie Gardens with the ceremony being held at his gravestone, but as this was also a commemorative run for the first run ever held by GCHHH, the venue was changed….despite the fact that this was made clear to the runners, there has to be one….Flasher!!…off on his own little tangent again, coming back to the start about 20 minutes after everybody else, but with all due credit to him, he decided to go off on his own little deviation to go to Sewerage’s grave and pay his respects on his own and have a moment of contemplation …a touching tale Flasher!!
Given that I did neither the run or the walk as I was busy preparing the mains for the nosh,I am unable to provide much of a description but everybody who came back seems to have had a decent run or walk and all seem to have recovered well from the festivities of the weekend. Clearly those still recovering are the ones who weren’t here tonight!! Also, if you were here, you know what the run was like and if you weren’t, do you really give a cracker anyway??
The Nosh:
Starters this week was definitely left overs from the Boonah weekend…but what leftovers they were!! Beautiful slices of ham that were very quickly devoured by all and sundry…thank you Sir Prince Valiant for that effort!
After the brilliant curries that were served up to us last week at the Anzac Day run, it was going to be a hard one to beat but I did try my best with a large pot of Spanish meatballs, done to my mother’s own recipe…firstly covered in a bit of flour, then lightly browned in a frypan then finished off in the pot with the sauce with the secret ingredients. I also provided a large amount of spaghetti to go with it…I hope youse all enjoyed it…..but can you believe this…rather than simply put a dollop of the secret recipe sauce over the spaghetti, what did Ferrett do??…yep, he drowned the spaghetti with tomato sauce!!!!….he was appropriately castigated for revealing his true bogan colours!!
Dessert was provided by Sir Prince Valiant who brought out the massive wok he’d used at Boonah to….wait for it…….fry bananas!!! These were served up with ice cream and they truly hit the spot…I will remember that one!
The Circle:
Circle commenced with the GM bringing out all of those responsible for tonight’s run and nosh, namely me, Bent Banana and Sir Prince…..yeah….a well deserved down-down..yeah!!!
Moving on quickly to the RA’s spot, Sir Two Dogs started off by bringing out the front our two visitors from Hawaii, who also happen to have attended the 2000th run celebrations, Saintly Suds and Easy Lips…a big welcome to the Gold Coast guys, hope you enjoy your stay.
Sir Botcholism was brought out to be recognised for all of his wonderful efforts on the 2000th run celebrations…but he did show that he is human as well as super-human as he told the gluten-free lot to go and get fucked apparently!!
Caustic Crusader brought a charge against Flasher for having gone off course and going to Sewerage’s gravesite for his own personal memorial service.
Ferrett was also brought out on a charge of having put tomato sauce, yes, bloody tomato sauce, on the fine meal I prepared!!
Sir Botcholism was called back out the front for forgetting the POW, with the unlikely excuse of “I didn’t think it appropriate on a night that we are remembering the gone”!!! What??? Come on Botcho, with all the work you had to do for the 2000th run, you simply forgot, didn’t you?? A well deserved down-down Botcho!!
Fullershit was called out to the Circle as a returning runner and presented the GM with a small bottle of wine from China that is 55% proof…don’t drink it all at once Rug!!
Our boozemaster Weekly told the circle that in his opinion, the entire organising committee for the 2000th bike ride ought to be iced for making him take Mme Latrine home….apparently Latrine consumed not only his own bottle of wine, but also mixed the dregs out of several other bottles, both red and white, and consumed that too…Weekly said he didn’t stop talking all the way from Boonah to home!!…..oh, and on the subject of Weekly, apparently at Boonah he and his co-boozemaster Brewtus were sharing a room but poor Brewtus had to move his bed into the corridor thanks to the chainsaw-like snoring of dear old Weekly.
The Sewerage Memorial:
Sir Prince Valiant then stepped to the centre to tell of Sewerage’s escapades, of which I am sure we all know, including falling off the roof of a moving train whilst on a Hash event, which no doubt contributed to his early demise, which we were informed was now 31 years ago!!! All other departed Hashers were also remembered.
Sir Rabbit has gone hi-tech and he raced around before this little ceremony, telling us all to make sure that we had all switched off blue-tooth on our phones as he was about to connect his iPod to his wireless blue-tooth speaker for the obligatory 21 fart salute to Sewerage. With that and the port salute and the “fuck him” hymn, the solemn occasion came to an end.
….and that gentlemen is a wrap!! On that note, Ferrett, in the absence of Moonbeams, heralded the END OF CIRCLE!
Up Coming Events:
Next week’s run is hosted by Sir Slabb and it will be from the Robina Soccer Club and at the usual time of 6.15 now that all of these bloody public holidays are all over and done with.
That’s all folks!!
Fanny Charmer …
On Sec.