• Date: 24-06-2016
• Location: Sardjiono’s Italian Restaurant. Surfers Paradise
• Host: Ferrett
• Hashers:22

A job well done Ferrett. Great day had by all.

Date: 20/6/2016

Location: Southport

Hare:Hard On

Hashers: 27

The venue was the Broadwater Parklands beside the Southport Aquatic Centre. In the absence of the hare , Kwakka gave instruction for the pack to head north along the Broadwater. As normal although almost 30 hashers assemble, only about one-third actually seem to be ever out running and looking for arrows. So I figured, in a roving reporting role this year I would randomly join the other two-thirds on some Mondays and this evening would be the first of these reports and get the lowdown of what actually the majority of those so called hashers get up between 6:15 pm and 7:00 pm.
I soon found myself on trail walking along with Blue Card, Ice Man and Fanny Charmer. As we headed up towards CSI and BWS, we were joined by Fullershit, Weekly and Sir Rabbit. I was shocked that I had to explain to some what these acronyms actually meant considering drinking piss forms such a prominent part of their hashing lives. After
arriving at a check of three circles , presumably some type of a extra terrestrial check, we headed north and proceeded through the Twin Towers entrance of Chinatown in the Southport CBD. As we passed numerous dining venues of all sorts of cultural persuasion, we were intercepted by a Thai female rushing out from what could be best described as a rub and tug venue which just happened to have bags of “potting mix” displayed for sale as well. She screamed out – C’mon (or was it Cum On) Young Man towards Sir Rabbit and Blue Card, who face expressions were priceless as they seemed to say – Who Me ? without even opening their mouths.
So we soon got the flock out of there and swung back in the direction of the Southport Mall where Sir Botcho was sighted heading for home at 18:41 pm. Continuing through Australia Fair, we soon headed around the back of the Aquatic Centre towards what looked like a Flashpacker’s Rosies Kitchen from a distance but was actually all returned hashers hooking into chips, dips and beverages. It wasn’t long before the nosh of beef, vegetables and rice was being consumed by all. Our ice sponsor(Woodsie) all dressed up in his Origin Blues clobber made a guest visit and told Weekly about his night out at a Sydney Origin match years ago where there seemed to be more biff off the field around him than actually on the field. Custard and lamingtons were then served up and some whinging hashers wanted the coconut taken off theirs.
The GM called the circle and Two Dogs reported that the 7-8 runnners (that’s even less than one-third) ran together for about 5 klms down to the Southport Tigers, through the medical precinct, Southport Central and back to the Broadwater Parklands.
Down downs opened with Hard On, Moonbeams, Woodsie and Sweat Hog were called just before for Swindler’s Snout in Trough abuse.
The RA announced his first appearance with his water filled weapon of mass destruction squirting all in his sights.
Sir Botcho, made his first appearance to the circle as joint 2016 Hashman with Sir Slab. Then in what could only be described as a conga line of farcuppers for forgetting Show Pony’s 600 runs milestone, the whole previous committee was called out . Even Moonbeams was called out as for the absent Missing Link as his proxy.
Blue Card was asked to do some pirouettes in his Rudolf Nutcracker Nureyev tights which he performed admirably on the concrete surface. Media moments from recent GC Bulletin commentary and stories by the GM,Shat’s conman alias and Swindler’s twin brother earned them a drink in the circle.
Finally the elephant in the room moment arrived when Rug and Hard On were called out and asked to please explain their bromance moment as Hash photographed and recorded indelibly in the minds of the young Broadbeach police constables who just arrived to drive by as the couple exited the AGPU restaurant. Lest we forget or maybe best we forget and just move on for those hashers who may have been left in a state of a shock and trauma.
Iceman was next up to explain the ding to his forehead which he explained the because of the wind (not sure whether it was his or mother natures), the angle of the dangle had caused him to somehow get into a shit fight with his recycling bin. He didn’t tell us how the bin pulled up after colliding with his tough old nut.
Kwakka got the first CRAFT award for the year for non recognition of the new committee’s correct roles. No doubt there will be a few of them this year for a couple of weeks.
Flasher’s back firing charge of not calling on the run resulted in the surprise of the night when Swollen Colon was for the first time called out as a Chipmonk along with Botcho, Flasher, Hot Dick. It was only a matter of time before Swollen decided to fire up the circle and this time he blew the head off the chook on the totem pole which was captured live and free on the CCTV cameras for Dicky Knee’s security company to watch at a later night.
Rug as outgoing GM was awarded the POW for his efforts over the previous twelve months.
With an overall rating of 9.5 given to Hard On for the RHPR1(Rock Hard Party Run One) the bench has certainly been set high for the remainder of the hashers this year.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2017 Pictures

Date: 13/6/2016

Location: Broadbeach

Hare:Hierarchy

Hashers: 43

TO BE FOREVER REMEMBERED AS THE 2016 DOUBLE DISILLUSION AGPU

Broadbeach was the location of the 2016 AGPU. Good use was made of the parks, bars and restaurants with all venues a short stroll from each other.
Beers and nibblies which included fresh salmon were enjoyed by the pack which swelled as small groups arrived together from the various groups of hashers travelling together. The resident pyrotechnomaniac arrived as late as usual but with a bang just to make sure everyone knew he had entered the party precinct.

The outgoing GM lead the pack Pied Piper style to the first watering hole which turned out to be the dining venue for events later in the evening. It would have been good for those who wanted to order the fish to put their order in on the first visit (more on that later). After a few more large ales in nearby watering holes where the discussions about next years committee members were taking place it was time for the main event. Some seemed to have the good oil from strategic leaks judging by the outcomes of the evening.

When the stagger had finished, all were ushered into the restaurant and presented with various coloured bags of goodies including a pair of black boxer shorts. The evenings tits and arse guests were involved in these presentations and gave everyone a welcoming hug. Red and white wines and beers were then organised and above the noise of the by then well lubricated throng, meal orders were taken. Awards were given to those hashers who had achieved milestones in runs and the annual excellence / farkup awards to those deserving such were mentioned in dispatches. Flashbacks of the Oxenford Chilli Pie Massacre and the Merrimac Bayou Latenighter came flooding back to those unfortunate enough to be caught up to their necks in those fiascos.Those hashers who had ordered the fish had a long wait for their meal due to the late arrival of a Jetstar Darwin flight containing the fresh billabong barramundi into Coolangatta airport. As those hashers were considering a quick rendition of – Why are we waiting ?, the other hashers devoured their steak and chicken meals.

The committee changeover ceremony or as some described it as in the usual overdone hash wording of – What a debacle , then commenced. First cab off the rank declined his nomination as he had already enough on his plate, both on the restaurant table and in his daily hashing activities. A couple of more nominations for other positions took their place on the stage and then yours truly joined them .So while a couple of the new committee members were standing around on the stage like bottles of flat piss going off in the hot NQ sun, the announcement of the nomination for the new GM reached another all time AGPU low with the nominee declining and the first emergency getting the leader’s jersey after the scratching of the favourite. The scene was something akin to the current Australian political goings on. In these circumstance could a new working committee be formed ? Would the old committee become a caretaker committee ? Would the new committee be a well hung unworkable rabble ? I started thinking about the nominees and couldn’t recall a trail master being specifically mentioned but I was assured it was built into a super sub position , so a run and hare have been organised for next Monday evening.

As a student many years ago, a teacher told me there were two newspapers in Moscow – the News and the Truth. Apparently the locals soon worked out that there was no news in the truth and no truth in the news. Rod Stewart once sang about – Every Picture Tells a Story. So on that note , each week it is suggested you regularly peruse the run reports and examine the hash photos to get your own recollections and form your own opinion on what actually happened on the previous Monday evenings and not necessarily rely on what is written in this column as it may or may not be bullshit. However if you have the intellectual ability to pick the difference between wild honey and shit, it should be become lucid each week.

So it is farewell to the old committee and thanks for another year of good hashing and onwards and upwards to who knows what and where from the new committee.

Yours in Hashing 2016-2017
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2016 Pictures

Date: 6/6/2016

Location: Miami

Hare:Slug

Hashers: 26

….and now for some non-fiction after last week’s fairy tale words!! Thanks for filling in for me Ballpoint, but you promised you’d actually turn up for the run to record events accurately….hmmm!!!

Well, tonight was a significant event as it was my last effort as your trusty scribe as next week it is the AGPU and it is all over red rover in my current role!! It’s been fun and all of that stuff…but on to the run……

Tonight was brought to you by none other than Slug, and in true form he set a cracker of a run according to those who did it…..more below…

The Run:

A hardy lot of runners turned up tonight on the windy shores of Miami beach, adjacent to the surf club and to be greeted by a pack of chanting backpackers whom I thought were invited guests to the hash, but it wasn’t to be…they were just some random weirdos who probably thought we were pretty bloody weird ourselves!

Anyway, soon after 6.15, off we all set, some on the run, but a decent number of us on the walk. The run, we were assured, was “long and interesting…about 7.5km”, to which many of us retorted with “fuck that…let’s just walk!”, which seems to be the normal reaction from a lot of us nowadays. Others, such as Missing Link, also reacted in this way, but decided to go off on his own mystery trail of about 4.00km and when questioned said “I wasn’t going to run 7.5km…I’m getting too old for shit like that…so I just ran down to Burleigh Surf Club and back…that will do me!”.

A whole heap of us set off in a southerly direction, following Slug’s instructions.. “those of you walking, just head towards Burleigh Surf Club and when you get tired just turn around and come back”…a significant number of us did that but I noticed that the closer we got to Burleigh, the fewer of us there were, until it ended up being just me, Rug, Sir Rabbit and Josephine who were anywhere to be seen!….the rest of the bludgers peeled off secretly and turned around….and we suspected that the lure of alcohol at North Burleigh Surf Club was just too enticing for the likes of Caustic and his crew!

The runners came back huffing and puffing and declaring that yes, it had indeed been a decent run….thanks therefore go to Slug on a good run/walk being set. Of course, with the coastal scenery to be had along this part of the coast, including views up to Surfers Paradise, you can’t go wrong…we do live in a wonderful part of the world!!

The Nosh:

Well, it just goes to show that the old adage is true…it’s the quick and the dead…by the time I got around to going over the food service area, there were no starters left to speak off and Hard Dick and myself had to pick through the remains of some corn chips that had been very generously left behind by the marauding hordes who had consumed everything in about 15 seconds flat. I do have it on good advice from some of the resident gluttons that the bikkies, guacamole, chipolatas and dipping sauce were very nice.

Mains was chicken schnitzel with roasted veges and ratatouille….some complained that there wasn’t enough but it was great and some of us went back for seconds of the veges and ratatouille, which is what was left. A great effort Slug!!….and thanks must also go to your helper, VD, who also slaved over a hot barbeque to assist in bringing us tonight’s delights.

Sweets consisted of an assortment of berries with dollops of ice cream…a nice ending to a fine nosh.

The Circle:

The GM opened proceedings by announcing that nominations for positions on the hierarchy are now closed and all positions have been oversubscribed, particularly those for the positions of booze-masters, which were heavily oversubscribed.

The run critique was provided by Botcho, who deemed it a good run and gave as his excuse for his tardiness…”I follow Hash traditions…no man left behind”…apparently staying back to help others find the way!! What a great bloke…cough, splutter, splutter!!  Josephine critiqued the walk…”a very nice walk”…and indeed it was, and he showed us his mum’s digs…a possible venue for a hash run perhaps??

Fullershit commented on the nosh…a very insightful and intellectually stimulating observation…”yeah, it was all ok!”…gee, thanks for the words of wisdom FoS!

First then out the front was Slug, our hare, followed in quck succession by his offsider tonight, VD, who was kitchen assistant. A well deserved down-down for your efforts guys.

Next out the front were Rock Hard and Blue Card, who came up with numerous lame excuses for failing to front on the bike ride on Friday morning…aww, too cold was it? Wimps!! Well, at least us road warrior wankers were out there in force, weren’t we Truckie and Missing Link??

Weekly our booze-master and refugee from Rotary, came out for a well deserved down-down for his 70^th birthday…and where were the $1 crownies??? This will not be forgotten!

Truckie then had to suffer the humiliation of drinking a down-down from his brand new shoes.

Next on the agenda…the Prick of the Week was passed by way of a proxy to Weekly from Blackstump and awarded to Ferrett, for something to do with trying to extort money for the AGPU.

Next week….the AGPU!!!!!!!!!!…remember….it is A TAILS AND FORMAL SHIRTS NIGHT!!!

That’s all for this week folks….AND OTHER THAN IF I EVER DO IT AS A STAND IN, it’s good bye from me as ON SEC!!

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run 2015 Pictures

Date: 30/05/2016

Location: Mudgeeraba

Hare:Sir AH

Hashers: 23

Well, as I write this I cannot help but feel like the proverbial Cheshire Cat, you know the one who gobbled all of the double cream, remembering another fantastic night of great hashing comradeship and….yes!!….superb tucker, no, (sorry!!!) food!!… If ever there was doubt in the past, there shouldn’t be any more: the gourmet is definitely back in the Hash…Sir AH delivered in absolute spades and then some. You are a hash genius mate, a stalwart worth his weight in gold. And that’s a helluva lot of gold….not that I’m having a go ‘bout your weight ole son, heaven forbid no. As for restoring our faith in our moniker “the gourmet hash” you did us proud. Thanks mate, we are so bloody grateful!

And lovely to see all them faces that don’t cum much, great to see you here fellas, really great! Trust the knee’s better Dicky Knee and oh, I almost forgot welcome back Iceman, we’ve missed you enormously!

The Run:

The pack of hardy hashers looked the most excited I have ever seen them tonight, anticipating another ‘ripper’ from one of  Hash’s greatest members. He certainly didn’t disappoint, telling the pack that: ”There’s something for everyone here. There’s bush if you want it or road if you prefer or other stuff if that’s what tickles your fantasy. You’ll get outta this as much as you are willing to put into it… Josephine gasped in horror: “Oh no, this is a f’*cking disaster, I don’t make any effort in whatever I do”. Poor Josephine. Now Loved (I think) put his arms around him and gave him a lovely man hug, which Josephine appreciated enormously.

We all set off at a great rate of knots. Blokes who hadn’t being seen running in many years were seen doing so tonight. Well done fellas, great effort and keep it up. The back streets of Mudgeeraba soon turned into bush and the enthusiasm in the pack lifted another notch (if that could be possible). Torches flashed aplenty and many of the hashers decided to voice their pleasure by regularly yelling On! On!  After about 500 metres, yours truly, who had started off with all good intentions of doing the whole run, started to get a little bit tired and so decided that I would bludge instead. The nail in my hash coffin was that humungous fence which, try as I might to squeeze underneath it (I’m too bloody fat let’s face it) or to scramble over it (too bloody high), I gave up and went back to the eski. I have no idea where all the others went, but I certainly did my very best and then promptly gave up.

As luck would have it, it seems that I wasn’t the only one who’d hoisted the white flag. Botcho and Co all had similar sentiments and had returned to base even before me (it made me feel so good that I wasn’t the laziest bugger in the pack). That HUGE fence was the topic of much complaint. Said Moonbeams: “I felt so good tonight, I was ready to do the whole run………. but for that HUGE fence, I reckon I would’ve too!

As those of us lazy bastards sat imbibing alcohol, the “serious” runners started to stream in, obviously having had a wonderful workout. There were no complaints only high fives and high praise that this was a fantastic run through virgin country blah blah blah. As always some hashers got lost (Can’t remember who exactly but I do believe Truck Tyres -doesn’t he always? Ha! Ha! Ha!) Others got lost too but sheepishly, they agreed that if they’d stayed on trail they probably wouldn’t have. Ha, ha, ha you silly Billys!!!

Apparently, the ever competitive Miss Carriage almost did himself a disastrous injury when trying to overtake some of the slower runners, yelling “extremely serious runner coming through!” as he pushed and shoved his way through….not noticing a smallish (one foot high) tree stump sticking out of the ground…lucky the cruets were not about two inches lower as he might have really bashed ‘em hard…as it was it appears that there was just sufficient clearance for no real harm to be done. Well done mate!

Weekly did the whole run and, in the circle, described it as “well marked…a good street run”.

The Nosh:

Starters …haha…we were being tricked into thinking tonight was going to be just ordinary dips and crackers but good ole Sir AH had another magnificent surprise for us: loads and loads of great tasting bits and pieces which the Hash just could not get enough of. Show Pony who loves nothing better than a big scoff stopped at 5 helpings: “I better leave a bit of room for mains and dessert otherwise I’ll make a bloody pig of meself” he said in all seriousness.

Mains was just as great: lashing of meats and beautifully cooked veges with copious amount of the most delicious gravy imaginable. Blokes who had never cooked anything bar a boiled were all scrambling for the recipe. I made a real guts of myself having 3 plates full. Mmmm, so nice!

I didn’t think I could eat dessert but I did and what a great decision it was too; I doubt that I’ve had a better dessert in all my hash life and combined with the most delicious cream and ice cream it was finger licking great! Come to think of it, if we plonked a pair of black framed glasses on his nose, you would all agree that there’s an uncanny resemblance between Sir AH and the Colonel. Maybe they are twin who knows?

In all, a bloody brilliant nosh and we were all very pleased with it… Congratulations Sir ArseHole for keeping up the standards of the Gourmet Hash!!!

The Circle:

The GM started proceedings with his usual requests for critiques of the nosh and the run. If you’ve read this far, you will have read the relevant comments above, so no need to repeat them here, but suffice to say that the hare, Sir ArseHole, came out for a well deserved down down on a great night.

Caustic and Blue Card were called out the front for a coupla downs. Not quite sure why, but highly deserved nonetheless.

Sir Slab was also called for a down to wild cheers: “His being doing it each and every week, he deserves a down each and every week” said Sir Rabbit.

Ferrett got a down but no-one quite knew why, particularly him. Still, in typical hash spirit, he took it like a man.

Miss Carriage did it again. Seeing that no-one would nominate him for a down, he self- nominated for “pulling funny faces at the hash camera”. Many on the hash reckon that it saves him buying from the bucket…

Prick of the Week….Sir Blackstump  didn’t bring it tonight…. since he didn’t bring hisself.

Iceman told a joke but no-one listened to him, poor Iceman. Welcome back mate, I listened even if no-one else did…..ungrateful so and sos.

Next week’s run…hare will be the GM hisself at Miami. Bring boardies and gundga. Which reminds me, I wont be here next week so…can I please request the OnSec back to do the words….please!!

Finally, a reminder, if you could all please start bringing in your $25 for the AGPU…and if you are one of the ones who has not done the requisite ten runs…it’s $50.

That’s all for this week folks

Chummy Farmer …

(Volunteer) On Sec.

Run 2014 Pictures