Date:17/10/2016

Location: Main Beach

Hare: Cicumference

Hashers:15

Several months ago, the RA was consulted about the weather for the Indy/V8’s run and he couldn’t guarantee a fine night. As there has been a bit of Bob Dylan around in recent times – The times they are a changing- he told us years ago, the committee made contingency plans. So with weather patterns changing all the time and a 100-1 shot winning the last Melbourne Cup, a punt was taken on moving the event to somewhere more sheltered,namely in the vicinity of the Southport SLSC, in case of bad weather. So right on cue, a big storm system appeared on the BOM site , with less than 2 hours till the start of Monday’s V8’s event. The storm was coming from the west and was heading direct for the GC. The gridlock traffic standstill in pouring rain made the trip to the venue a big enough challenge before the 6:15 pm scheduled start.

So down came the rain and washed the trail away and after that the drizzle made the concrete and in particularly the bitumen an oily skating rink. The numbers of hashers had swelled to 14, so a vote was held as to whether to proceed or not in the Carefree(run venue) undercover shelter. First up was the runners vote and Swollen Colon raised his right hand in the affirmative while he held his cold Crownie in his left. Next up was the walkers vote and M’selle Latrine raised his right hand in the affirmative while he held his cold Crownie in his left. So 12 hashers,concerned about their health and safety out in the elements, without their wet weather racing slicks, declined in the Hashexit vote. The 2016 V8 Run was officially declared a washout.

Suddenly everyone was heading for the eskys and the good selection of beers provided by Bent Banana. The conversations over drinks included the weekend of madness the GC had just witnessed with new drug, Flakka, causing overdoses resulting in demonic behaviour, induced comas, and crazy clowns wandering around the streets acting like nutters. Apparently the Scottish food chain clown, Ronald McDonald, has gone into hiding for fear of being bashed by vigilante groups, like the Palmy Army, the Cooly Kids,Helensvale Hoods and The Nerang Bogans.

As the bottled red wine was also being consumed fairly quickly, the acting GM called a quick circle before everyone spent their dinner money.
As they were the only ones who voted to participate in the evening’s activities, Swollen and Latrine were declared unofficial winners in their respective events.
Visitor Clive, now a GC resident, formerly of Rhodesia and SA, was given a welcoming down down. At great expense, the committee were able to get former Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, to pop in for a quick chat while he visits the GC for the V8’s, before he joined us at the surf club for dinner. Well done, M’selle Latrine on your impersonation, especially the way you drank as much red wine as your alias. Swollen also got a mention after the GC Bulletin story about his all Australian business , that doesn’t outsource its work but employs only Australians(all 7.5 of them).

Sir Botcho mentioned apologies for their absences from Miscarriage and carry over POW Kitchen Bitch. The word kitchen was a prompt for time to go to the surf club for a meal. A young wannabe Moonbeams, Brewtus, was invited to close the circle of RPR 19.
The meals were served fairly quickly and as all tucked in, a discovery of a particular red wine made for hash was made by the Top Gear presenter look a like. The label has a footprint on it and it is a shiraz known as Barefoot. A couple of bottles of the product were downed by Shat, Hard On and M’selle Latrine over dinner.

The conversation then turned to the hashing Thai tourists and whether that’s country shutdown was stopping their alcohol consumption by turning Thailand into the country with no beer during the mourning period following the death of the king. However , it was agreed that Missing Link would sniff out some alcohol somewhere for all of them to enjoy.

As it had been an early night on the drink, from around 6:20 pm, it was time to call it quits around 9pm after a fairly intoxicating but memorable evening, the first time the Indy/V8’s run has been a washout.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2034 Pictures Here

Date:10/10/2016

Location: Robina

Hare: Sir Prince & Magician

Hashers:26

Final instructions from the hare sent the pack off in a couple of directions, some on the on on trail and others on the reverse no no trail. As a result, there were multiple splinter groups doing runs, walks and even kitchen duties. In fairly new hashing territory, Bent Banana and Miscarriage were first home from their tour of the suburb with Truck Tyres not too far behind. A sizeable crew were working in the trailer kitchen area and before long M’selle Latrine was offering the entrée of dim sims and spring rolls in his roving maitre d’ role. Cold beers and red wine were soon being enjoyed just as Sir Prince Valiant called that the first sitting of mains was being served. A spicy Red Curry Thai Beef and rice was the tasty offering. Next up was the 72 egg omelette and beef noodle dish which topped off the appetites of all pretty quickly.

After a breather to allow hashers to get their guts back in shape in case down downs were coming their way, the stand in GM, Shat, called for all to tidy up the trailer furniture to get the circle underway.

First up was the Magician and ex Saigon and now Brisbane hasher , Metal Dildo who actually got lost on his own run. Truck Tyres who believed he did the whole run, said he found the whole trail rather confusing. In particular, there was the first XXXX On Home marking which got his beer thirst going, only to be cut down by the next marking of a check before another XXXX On Home.

The kitchen crew of Sir Prince Valiant, Kitchen Bitch, Sir Botcho, Dicky Knee and Moonbeams were next up for a drink. The latter remarked that he thought the nosh was down on quality on past performances.

Soon the GM presented a quick spiel in a This Is Your Life, Blue Card. A headline from his tablet and another news item from Circumference soon had him facing the circle to explain his French tour behaviour. However Blue Card shot one back at the acting GM for telling him that the evening’s run venue was actually at next weeks venue. Then in a flick pass move, Shat who obviously had a Senior’s moment on his morning bike ride got confused by the arrows around Main Beach from where Sir Two Dogs and Circumference had set the run over the weekend, asked Circumference to join Blue Card for a down down.

Jigsaw, hardly a virgin hasher who stunned the circle when he admitted he didn’t know what XXXX On Home meant got a well deserved down down. A quick hash Royal Commission demanded to know just how many runs has Jigsaw now actually gone the full distance on and been rewarded with milestones.

Visitor Metal Dildo was joined by Truck Tyres who elaborated a doggy style story about a purchase he made while on tour in the Phillipines . Apparently the RSPCA is following up on this story.

Miscarriage called out Circumference for his story about his Melbourne GF trip with Sir Prince Valiant as everyone had told him what a great time he must have had, although he couldn’t recall any of it..

The Iceman told the circle a joke about a photographer having the chance to take a black, white or coloured photo of a pompous pussy pinching Presidential wannabe.

Moonbeams was the invited to close the circle to RPR 18.

Thanks, Slug , for last week’s run report.

BAR TALK

A legless man and a blind man were having a conversation over a few beers. The legless man said he was there to get blind while the blind man said he was there to get legless.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2033 Pictures Here

Date:3/10/2016

Location: Chevron Island

Hare: Kwakka

Hashers:21

The Run

Despite the weather being somewhat inclement there was a good turnout of 21 hashers for Kwaaka’s run on Chevron Island.  Kwaaka had seen his run washed out twice so Two Dogs was given a piece of Gyprock and the runners set off over the bridge towards Surfers.

The walkers did the circuit of Stanhill Drive where recently returned Magician sought advice on how to deal with an infestation of termites.

The Nosh

Due to the pack arriving back a bit earlier than expected there was a wait before the nosh arrived.  Flasher and BB had sourced some new bottled reds and there were German beers left over from last week. The Devlin’s Mount Shiraz received favourable comment.

Entrée of sausage rolls and party pies was followed by a main course of lasagne, salad and bread rolls.  Desert was a tasty mousse.  The lasagne received favourable comments, even KB who was a late arrival was impressed.

The Circle

Down Downs:

Hare: Kwaaka

Visitor: Bren Gun who is still finding his way back to Brisbane after Friday’s Splinter Hash.  After casting aspirations on Shat and Slab being rejects from Brisbane Men’s Hash, he told a great story about Layout back dooring him.  Reminded me of an episode at James Cook University however that’s another story.

Birthday: Truck Tyres – 7?

Sinners: Prince Valiant, Brutus, Magician, Miscarriage

Returners: Bren Gun, Magician, Fuller Shit, Nasty

Trucks Tyres: for his love affair with Ice Road Truckers and attempting to fit an oversized bull bar to the Suzuki Vitara.

Prick of the Week: The GM who was presented with the award at last week’s Octoberfest Run called out those who would be absent for the next two Monday runs into an inner circle. By process of elimination amonst those remaining hashers in the outer circle, Weekly received the Prick.

Last Down Down of the Night : Magician who suspects he may have picked up Zika virus in the Philippines. Was that a mosquito bite or sexual transmission?

In the absence of Moonbeans, Ferret and Josephine, the circle was closed by Botcho.

Slug (Stand-in Scribe)

Special Report from Circumference…Boys on Tour

WHAT GOES ON TOUR SHOULD’T ALWAYS STAY THERE AS IT IS CAN BE GOOD TO SHARE WITH OTHERS LATER

Sir Prince Valiant(SPV) has a regular catch up with his old Melbourne University mates from time to time and this time instead of sunny Port Douglas where the pale Victorians like to get some spring sunshine, this time they decided to stay in Melbourne for Grand Final weekend, to protect their white winter skin from the FNQ sun. So SPV organised himself to fly down on Friday for the first function that evening and then attend the second function at the AFL GF at the MCG on Saturday. He happened to mention his trip to Miscarriage(MC) who said that as he was also going to the GF, they could catch up. SPV said as he just happened to have a spare ticket into a corporate box, it would be all organised. They arranged to meet at the Young & Jacksons Hotel for game preloading. So on Saturday morning, a pretty dusty hungover SPV fronted up to the busy CBD hotel where MC was already on his first Carlton Draught. After a couple of these, they proceeded to the G, found their box and were soon sucking on Crownies (quite a few were consumed during the afternoon’s game).

After the GF was decided in a history making doggy style, they decided to go for a feed in Lygon Street, a far safer dining precinct these days compared to the Underbelly years. They were plucked off the street and given a window seat in Mafiossi’s Trattoria ,by head spruiker and maitre de, Salvatore (SAL) which was the name on his name tag. They quickly ordered the veal scalloponi so as to get the 20% early diner’s discount. Salvatore got a couple of bottles of the Yarra Valley’s finest chiraz for taste tests, and they chose a sneaky 2012 red to compliment their mains. Salvatore had noticed the names that they were calling each other – Miscarriage and Prince and couldn’t help himself from asking about their names.

The conversation went something like this –

SAL to SPV- Why do you call him Miss Carriage when hessa man. Shouldn’t it beea Mr Carriage ?
SAL to MC – And you call him a Prince, why ? He doesn’t sing as well , does he, like the dead one ?
MC – Sir Prince, if you don’t mind (correcting him)
SAL – How is this so, that he is a Prince and a Knight ? In what country ,what part of the world is he from ? He didn’t get one of those Tony Abbott knighthoods like Phil the Greek did he ?
MC- No.They are just our nicknames. We are Hash House Harriers.
SAL – Please, we no longa want any involvement with drugs and shootings anymore. The bad old days long gone, they all dead or rotting in jail.
SPV – It is a running club, we are runners not drug runners.

A relieved Salvatore then got another bottle of red for the table and MC thought he would try and lighten up the conversation so as to ensure any doubts that SPV and himself were associate members of the infamous Carlton Club.

MC – Salvatore, let me tell you about my friend, Mick, in Beaudesert.
SAL – Yuoa know Bo Derek, the beautiful woman with the bigga bosoms ?
MC – No, not that Bo. It is a town in Qld near the Gold Coast.
My friend is Mick
SAL – Your friend is a Catholic man ?
MC- Not that sort of Mick. It’s his name, it’s short for Michael.
SAL – Now I understand.
MC- As Michael has a Wooden eye and a speech impediment, he lacks confidence and thought he was hopeless and unemployable.
He said he wished he had a job and a girlfriend.
MC- When I met him, I told him as I used to be a butcher, I knew he would be suitable for work in that industry. So I drove him out to
meatworks and they said they would give him a trial as a Boner.
A couple of weeks later, I saw him again and asked him how things were going.
Now that’s another story.

After the fortnight, he got his first pay and went to the hotel for a few drinks. He had a couple of XXXX Golds and saw a pretty girl
sitting by herself. To get a bit of Dutch courage to approach her, he had some Bundy & Cokes to settle his nerves. He walked up to
her and said –

Hi, I am Michael. How would you like to go home to a BBBBBBBoner every night. The lass, excited by that sort of proposition couldn’t
contain herself and screamed out – Wouldn’t I ? Poor old Mick thought she was mimicking his eye and let rip his reply which was –
Shut up, Cunt Face, before he stormed out of the hotel with his self esteem in tatters.
SAL- That is sad. As it sounds like she wanna him real bad to makea love to her and he stuffed up real bad.
SPV – What about you Salvatore. How are things with you ?

By this time, between the effect of the whole day’s alcohol consumption and the noisy restaurant customers, MC thought he heard Salvatore say the following –
I have to get my tubes tied and nuts aligned next month and the whole operation is going to be very expensive without insurance.
So MC replies – No Sal, that’s for sheilas, not blokes. Do you mean the snip ? Sal.
SPV – JC, Miscarriage. He said he needs new tubes and tyres and with a wheel alignment, the whole exercise will be an expensive one as he has to pay his car insurance as well next month. Let’s get out of here, before you make a complete fool of yourself.

Can we have the bill please, Sav ?

SAL still gobsmacked by what he had just come out of MC’s mouth, produced the bill which indicated that the early diner’s discount well had been well and truly cancelled by the wine bill.
MC figured it was his time to pay as SPV had shouted him a wonderful day at the football. He began to search for his wallet but as he couldn’t find it, he hoped he have left it in the corporate box at the MCG.
SPV then said – What is it with you Miscarriage ? Everywhere you fucking go, you loose something – passports, credit cards, get bank account details wrong and now this. To which Miscarriage replied – Well you know what say, Sir Prince – a fool and his money are soon parted.
So SPV got out the Platinum Plus VISA, paid the bill and they left the premises, SPV decided as it was still early and as the night was still a pup, a couple of cleansing ales wouldn’t go astray at the hotel across the road.

Once seated at the bar, SPV spied a sign at the entrance to another bar which stated – LIVE MUSIC $10 Cover Charge. So before parting with his hard earned , he decided to send MC over to enquire as to what type of music would be on that evening ? So MC swayed over in his size 13 brown suede shoes, and in some sort of Swahali speak approached the doorman –

MC to the doorman – Ex -Cuuuuuuuse me, what type of music is it, tonight ?
Is it rock,blues, soul, jazz. 70’s or 80’s etc ?
The doorman answered- Country and Western
On the way back, MC purchased a couple of pints with some loose change he found in his pockets and then this conversation took place –
SPV to MC – So, what’s the go with the music ?
MC to SPV – I dunno, he didn’t explain it real well, just said its some cunt from Preston !
After another mouthful of his beer –
MC to SPV – I wouldn’t mind some more shiraz, hearing some jazz, something like a sax session, cause who doesn’t love a good blow !

With that, SPV swallowed the contents of his pint and decided that was time to call it quits and get MC and himself home on the tram before they got locked up for the night.

Run 2032 Pictures Here

Date:30/9/2016

Location: Costa D’oro. Surfers Paradise

Host: Sir Botcho

Hashers:40

Roving reporter Annie “Shiraz” Lane from the  ABC reporting on  “The Gold Coast Splinter Hash”

Well here I am again out and about with the Gold Coast Hash.

 Today was a special event!  I was invited along with Sir Botcho’s wife Cappaccino and other well dressed ladies to attend the September Splinter lunch.

Wow! This Splinter Lunch is certainly getting more popular each month…40 was the count. When questioned about the large number of attendees. Sir Rabbit the spokes person for the group, told me that I was the attraction and that boys just love a bit of eye candy.

The girls were in fine form knocking  back the reds in keeping with the Splinter Lunch tradition… never leave any wine behind.

Sir Botcho  was celebrating his 70th apparently!! I myself would not have him a day over 69 plus a few days perhaps. LOL

Cappuccino returned from the kitchen with a magnificent Birthday cake with only one candle for him to blow out. The call came out from some over lubricated Hasher  ” put more candles on the cake” Another Hasher called out speech! speech ! You always have something to say Sir Botcho, and we have trouble keeping you quiet on Monday nights.

The few times that I have had the pleasure to chat with Sir Botcho I have found him a reserved polite person with not much to say at all. He responded to the call outs with a simple thankyou. What a gentlemen.

I was told by Flasher, these names have me bloody confused! (got his naming after being caught flashing his arse on a run in Bancock I believe) that Sir Botcho’s  favourite saying is, “Why let the truth stand in the way of a good story.”

As the wine bottles were being emptied a call was made to move to the local Irish Pub for a few cleansing ales. No I! The pace is too much for me.

 September Splinter Lunch Pictures Here

Date:26/9/2016

Location: Robina

Hare: Hierarchy

Hashers:29

Hares are regularly asked when they are doing a run recce or setting a run – What are you doing, mister ? or the more confronting – Get the fuck off my property or I will set the dogs onto you or I will get the shotgun out. Last Monday afternoon was certainly different experience for me while setting the run. Over near C Bus Stadium , some bloke covered in tatts in a black sports car pulled up and asked me – Are you the SEA FM Fugitive ? I replied – Not as far as I know, but I am Circumference from Gold Coast Hash. To which, he just took off. I wonder what the fuck that was all about, I thought. Anyhow as I continued marking the trail, I finally got to the cricket club and two young females asked me the same question about the SEA FM Fugitive. I asked – what’s this all about ? They advised that there was a $5000 bounty for locating the SEA FM Fugitive and the clue was – a ball and grass stains. To these few clues, the radio station had listeners visiting every park form Coolangatta to Coomera looking for the Fugitive. This went on for hours and I had some quite hot little female bodies cruising up in their wheels, having a quick chat to me in their quest to locate the Fugitive and jag the $5 grand. After that procession finished the MILF’s started walking their poodles around the cricket oval. Next up was enterprising young Ben flogging off his plants to raise funds for his deposit on a new BMX bike.Several generous hashers made some purchases with the GM digging the deepest into his wallet before thinking about how much digging he had ahead of him to plant them.

Finally the run and walk were off after the dining set-up logistics were finished. The pack followed the lake around towards the Robina township precinct , towards the railway station, over to C Bus stadium, around the hospital, through the bus station, and back to the cricket club. The walkers who were back first , were settling into their Octoberfest beer consumption mood when the German beers were located in the big esky. A sound track of German music classics fired up in the background with Josephine hanging out waiting to hear the Chicken Dance song, but alas he had missed it while he was still on the run . so he had to settle for the next song from the Beach Boys Tour of Germany album.

The kitchen crew of KB, Sir AH and Truck Tyres soon had the dips and crackers out for entrees. Many hashers had changed into their German clobber including some Nazi look a likes and some Bavarian boys brigade outfits. One big Nazi/SS officer made a smashing entry as he belted his leaden truncheon onto a table from the trailer. As a result, he left a fair sized indelible dent in the table for all to see. A couple of hashers, knowing I was the current POW, then asked me if I had witnessed that , to which I replied to in the affirmative.

The appetites of the now well lubricated hashers were coming to the boil as the mains were served. Lots of sauerkraut, onions, bacon and big thick sausages were served in fresh bread rolls. The red wine was also appearing on the tables. Those still hungry hooked into the strudles and ice-cream for dessert. Others had another German beer for their dessert.

The GM called it was time to load up the trailer in readiness for the circle. The ever alert Missing Link noticed a table was missing from the inventory and I quickly assured him, it would be available after the circle. As the hare, I was pleased to hear Josephine enjoyed the run as he said it kept Flasher on trail which is normally pretty hard and the involvement of the hare on the run., He compared it to – sometimes it’s like rounding up cats. Asian visitor, Mental, was next up and he told of his hash adventures and his club’s upcoming 1700th run. Sir Prince normally has a bit of dirt on Miscarriage and sure enough, he told the circle about his mate nearly burning down half of Gilston last Saturday when a regulated burn off turned into a bushfire. I know it was all true, as I could see all this smoke on the mountains from my drinking spot on the deck of Rainbow Beach Surf Club at Snapper Rocks. In the absence of Miscarriage, Dicky Knee , his proxy look a like (?) , took a big swallow for him.

RA Shat then remarked that he had to broach the next topic a bit like the plebiscite, a touchy stepping on egg shells matter. He called for the table and for the record asked it to be identified as Exhibit A. With the spade work done and the exhibit on display in front of the jury, the current POW, stepped out in full regalia and spoke how hash trailer property needs to be looked after by all as a lot of generous donors and hash dollars are tied up in those assets. He then pointed to the dent made by the Big Nazi/SS officer.
Under that army clobber, was none other than our GM. Shit, is this going to create a drama giving him the POW , thought many in the circle ?. Anyhow in true hashing democratic tradition, it went to a vote and in an unanimous vote, the GM became the POW. Sir PV was quick off the mark with a note which the circle sang heartily.
Moonbeams closed the circle to RPR 16, in a German styl spiel.

MEDIA WATCH

A Lucky Prick

A Vietnamese man is recovering from a penis reattachment after the husband of his mistress allegedly sliced off his genitalia.
Dr Dong of Bac Giang General Hospital said – The patient’s condition is stable , however it will take some days to learn if the function returns to the victim’s genitalia.The hatchet man,Nguyen Van Huen began stalking his wife after suspecting that she was having an affair. He allegedly caught her at a hotel where he allegedly chopped off the man’s penis and then threw it away.

The penis was found 200 metres away after an extensive two hour search for the missing genitalia after the victim’s relatives convinced Huan to reveal its location.
The victim, obviously became quite worried during the two hour search as his reply to being asked would he miss it, if it wasn’t found.
Of course I will – was his reply.

It reminds me of another story about a girl working in a busy takeaway years ago who used to write the customer’s name down on the order and call it out when it was ready. One evening, in sheer desperation of waiting for a customer to return for his order she screamed out – Has anyone seen Mike Hunt ? Bemused customers were not sure whether it was also a case of missing genitalia or as was it the couple of blokes, standing outside, pissing themselves laughing, playing a prank on her.

HERE’S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT IT

From Wikipedia – In April 2013, elected politicians from 9 different political parties voted to change the Marriage Act in the NZ parliament. There was no need to outsource the job to every New Zealand household for comment. Since then over 25% of the marriages for same sex folk have been Australia couples who took a three hour flight across the ditch to get hitched.

Prior to last Australian General Election, the government was quite up front that a plebiscite would be held some time during the life of the next parliament, should the government be returned. What the government was not so up front with was how close it would follow on from the election,the Census and how much it would cost.

On 2 July 2016, Australia voted and the government was returned. The 11 February 2017, is the date, the government has suggested that Australians participate in a survey about marriage. The issue to be surveyed on has been around since 1980 and there have been 24 attempts to table bills on it in the Australian Parliament since then to date. Since 1980 there have been 10 Australian PM’s, 13 General Elections and 8 Census. Another General election is due in 2019 and another Census in 2021.
Recently there was another opportunity to survey Australians on the subject on 9 August 2016 during the GASH (Great Australian Survey of Households) or as the government calls it, the more political correct, the Census. In that survey, the ABS already asked Australians about marriage, divorce, remarried, single etc. One more question on the census form could have saved Australians millions of dollars.

Thirty-three (33) weeks is the time between July 2016 and February 2017 and the cost is anticipated to be about $170 million, including to explain Yes and No arguments, which is not exactly rocket science,when another piece of paper in July 2016 or another Census question could have saved the next required event and Australian tax payers money. In hash time terms, that’s just over half the life of a hash committee.

The government also talks about budget repair but we still borrowing billions of dollars, so we can send more foreign aid offshore.It’s a bit like things being tight in the family budget and the Salvos come knocking on your door, but as you want to be seen to do the right thing you go and borrow $50 off your neighbour to give the Sallies.
However when you see what is happening in the rest of the world with displaced people, whose homes have been bombed to smithereens and now resemble Deen Bros demolition sites. wondering around the planet and even drowning at sea, maybe it is better drowning in a sea of debt than drowning at sea, full stop.

Maybe there’s no better time to be an Australian and realise how lucky and great it is that we all live in The Lucky Country, where our politicians throw tax payer’s money around like drunken sailors.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2031 Pictures Here