Category Archives: Hash Trash

Run 2041…Hare: Fanny Charmer & Rug

Leave a reply

Run 2041

Date:5/12/2016

Location: Ashmore

Hare: Fanny Charmer & Rug

Hashers: 28

As the humidity kicked in , Bent Banana, iced down the beers as hashers arrived to the venue in Girril Park. No toilets, no lighting and non working BBQ’s did not deter the hares who soon raided the hash trailer to get some equipment to make the place habitable for the evening.
 It wasn’t long before all set off on the various trails of short walk (3.5 K), long walk (4.0 K) and run (6.5 K). Through clever trail setting by Rug, every now and then all 3 groups came together near checks. So through the suburb, all sweated their way back towards the venue.
Over near the Ashmore Steak and Seafood Restaurant, many arrows in different choices offered different choices of ways home via the XXXX on home marking.
It didn’t take long before Crownies, Heineken beers and fresh wine casks were being opened by Weekly. The entrée of corn chips and dips were devoured pretty quickly.The main course was a beef and potato curry with basmati rice .
Moonbeams remarked that it was very good but oh for some condiments like mango pickle to top it off. It wasn’t long before the dessert of Coles very tasty mince tarts drowned in the best drink of the evening – brandy custard was served and went down a treat.
After the GM got all the chairs and tables back in the trailer , again delivered to the venue by Truck Tyres, the circle commenced. Swollen Colon, was invited to speak on the run which he modestly described as being lonely when out in front by himself.
He pulled a number like 8.2 out of the air as a measure of its quality. Suddenly many hashers experienced temporary deafness as an explosion in a rubbish bin scared the shit out of many. Swollen as usual was the culprit.
Carefree was called out to explain his choice of partner at the cocktail party as most were expecting Kate to be on his arm that night but he had someone else. His response was – Who’s Kate ?
A couple of milestones were awarded to Truck Tyres (200) and Brutus (100). Well done, on these achievements.
The MC’s changed with the RA invited to take over proceedings. Rug was asked to convey his day’s activities to the circle. He advised that he had left home early in the morning , driving his son’s car to the venue to set the run.
After parking the car and dropping arrows around the suburb, he didn’t realise that he was under the surveillance of the Ashmore Neighbourhood Watch, a local community group who obviously guard their patch pretty closely as they tipped off the Southport police about the suspicious activity of this stranger in their neighbourhood who had been casing the homes and marking the ones, with arrows out the front, to perhaps burgle later. So the coppers in a lazy sort of way of policing rang up the registered owner of the vehicle, Rug’s son, and asked what was going on. They accepted the story and once they did a security search on Rug with M15, they closed the file.
Dicky Knee was asked to tell all about his Schoolies Security gig at the Swindler venue, the Moorings. The most unusual incident was about 13 schoolies who overloaded a lift and caused it to shut down. So instead of calling the telephone number recommended in the lift in the event of such occurrences,  Dicky Knee contacted the Dept of Emergency Services which resulted in 2 firies, 4 police, 1 police chaplain and 1 ambo turning up to rescue the schoolies trapped between the ground and first floor.
Late arrival, Sir Prince Valiant, told of another misfortunate weekend incident involving Miscarriage whose tractor driver, Thickus Brickus, had bogged a tractor and after rehiring other vehicles in an attempt to get the first tractor out ended up bogging a few more as well. Miscarriage , while he was having a down down , related to an incident involving actor Marlon Brando in the movie, Last Tango In Paris. He called out Dicky Knee, who he believed had a resemblance to the actor (just before he died).
Visitor Craig, returning hashers Sir AH with his new bionic knee replacement, Swollen and Bent Banana were the next recipients of a down down.
Incumbent POW , Jigsaw, gave Josephine a yellow card warning for regular criticism of his runs. However he saved the red card and POW for a committee member. Due to an oversight, as he had not been paid for the previous week when he was the hare and then again at the cocktail party,as he was still left waiting ,  it left him with no other candidate other than to anoint Ferret as POW.
With lightning threatening in the south, Moonbeams closed the circle to RPR 26 (half the committee year gone already).
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Hashers:28

Run 2041 Pictures Here

Run 2040…Hare: Jigsaw

Leave a reply

Run 2040

Date:28/11/2016

Location: Benowa

Hare: Jigsaw

Hashers:35

A few hashers made their mark as the entered the venue at Jigsaw’s residence. Stubbies fell out of eskys and cartons onto the ground and Swindler sampled the cherry tomatoes growing in the garden. As the numbers swelled, the clock ticked over and soon the hare advised the walkers to go left and the runners right. Miscarriage and Missing Link were the only runners to actually stay on trail as most of the pack dropped off in various stages due to the humid conditions and the thought of icy cold beer awaiting them back at the venue.
The entrée of Jigsaw’s home made dips of beetroot and hommus were served with crackers before the next course of spicy balls followed. If you had pole position like Showpony at the end of the table, all the nibbles were within easy reach, otherwise it was just wait until a gap opened up to get a snack. Next up was the pulled pork roll /salads and chips combo which went down a treat with a Mc Guigan’s red or two. The final course was a crunchy custard pastry with ice cream
With the GM assuming his position behind bars(the pool fence), jigsaw was called out for a down down. Missing Link said he stayed on trail only by following Miscarriage because he wanted to find his way home on the adequate well marked trail. The walkers faced a challenge as it went down a no through road. Kwakka, on behalf of the Shaky Isle Wobblies Tourists was invited to tell the circle about their misadventures in  NZ.
The RA called up Mikki Pedia for being on his mobile phone . Apparently this hasher knows about everything, as he is a Hash Mensa International and more clever than the legendary Smartass Farkaroon. But as we all know, from time to time,shit happens, no matter how smart you are.
Returning from an extended tour of Thailand, Missing Link, entertained the circle with a story about his travelling companions hygiene habits. As I have not written one of those hashers on tour sermons for awhile, this could be entertaining down the track.
Miscarriage, never short of an encounter told how he sprung some Nerangatangs hooning around his development site. When he approached them, they didn’t believe that they were trespassing, or that it was his land/ property because of the piece of shit vehicle he was driving was worse than the bigger piece of shit vehicle they were ripping his place up in.
As usual, after a Miscarriage yarn, another from Sir Prince Valiant is never to far away. SPV told how he copped a spray from a WPHS official for not wearing his high vis vest on a site where he had visited to check out some work that had been carried out. So off to the car he goes to get the said vest which he puts on. Then suddenly he was copping a laugh from everyone he walked past. As we all know, BLF/CMFEU workplaces are not exactly convents, so when they saw the words that were clearly printed on the back of the vest, that was enough to get them giving it to SPV bigtime. Poor old SPV realised he had been set up a beauty by his so called hash mates when he checked out the scribble on the back of his vest. There it was in bright bold letters – I AM A WANKER and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Probably the first nomination for the Prick/s of the Year. Caustic Crusader was almost invited out into the circle  for some of his disparaging remarks about the scenario.
As Showpony had a nap, Iceman told his best joke of the year about a prick, well that was the long and short of it.
Magician who was a late starter on the evening arrived with the POW which he awarded to the hare, Jigsaw. As he had missed most of the evening, the circle was wondering what Magician could pull out of his box of tricks to nail the hare. Apparently on the weekend, Magician had been doing the rounds of his local Bunnings when in wandered Jigsaw in his lyrca mankini hot pants which Magician considered obscene as there were women and children in the store who should not have been exposed to that much of Jigsaw’s crack.
A couple of card carrying honorary Cubans for the night, namely Fanny Charmer and Elvis who did a few gigs down there, shouted Viva Fidel in the circle at the passing of the former Cuban GM.
Circle closer Moonbeams did the honours and it that was the end of RPR 25, another fine evening of good food, beverages and frivolity.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2040 Pictures Here

joint-pain-problemIcemans Secret sore Knee fix

Splinter Lunch November…Host VD

Leave a reply

November Splinter Lunch

Date: 25/11/2016

Location: Honey Eater

Host: VD

Hashers:26  I think

Well, it is with pleasure that I provide you with some words about our November splinter lunch, having been asked to do so by our Splinter GM who informed me that for the purposes of this lunch, he had passed the GM’s baton on to RockHard…why you might ask… “because it was Rock Hard who changed the venue on me without any consultation, so he can be GM for today!!”.

We all gathered, about thirty of us, from far and wide to converge upon “The Kitchens” at Robina shopping centre, it being the dining precinct to now be seen at, and here we found that lovely restaurant “The Honey Eater”, owned and operated by VD’s son. It wasn’t the usual thing that we have at Splinter lunches, with there being no BYO of bottles of wine, but we were able to buy very generously filled glasses of good red and white wine for $5 a glass or beer on tap for $9. All good and everybody seemed to have a bloody good time of it all!!

The food, ahhh, the food!! For $20.00 we had the choice of a chicken or a beef meal…to me it was reminiscent of work conference dinners where you get asked “what’ll it be mate, the chicken or the beef?”…I thought that on this occasion I would choose the beef….what a bloody great choice it was too! A prime cut of beef, about 3cm thickness, done rare to medium and it just melted in your mouth. I daresay that the meal would normally cost much more than we paid so all that can be said is thanks for looking after the Hash. Those on my table all agreed that the food was a cut above what we normally have at Splinter lunches. Our compliments to VD’s son and it was worth the tram/bus ride out to Robina for the lunch. May you go well in your new enterprise!

In closing, after almost three months away in Spain, it was a pleasure to be back amongst all the bon-vivants who enjoy Splinter lunches…you don’t realise how good it is until you’re away from it all. We in the Hash are all very fortunate to have such good mates! Thanks guys for another fun afternoon!

Fanny Charmer

November Splinter Lunch Pictures 

Run 2039…Hare: Elvis

Leave a reply

Run 2039

Date:21/11/2016

Location: West Burleigh

Hare: Elvis

Hashers:21

Return to Sender, an old Elvis song, could not have been a better way to describe this evening’s events. The same venue as the hare’s previous runs made it a nice and easy commute and location after the previous week’s car park gridlock around Southport on the Super Moon Monday. With the promise of drink stops, the two groups headed off in different directions.
How easy is this thought the runners as they went around the block, crossed the road and into the Liquorland bottle shop where a cold six pack of just terrible tasting Hahn Ultra Low beer was handed out.
Then up a few sharp hills and onto the next drink stop. However just like last time Elvis returned us past a pair of uptight bad neighbours who really need to get a life and have a happy bypass to get rid of their shitty attitude towards any visitors as they pass their property.
However the good neighbours, the Elvis groupies in their GAP year label T-shirts, were far  more welcoming as they served butterscotch schnapps. It didn’t take long before the strong alcohol kicked in and Miscarriage went arse over, legless down the hill.
A regroup outside Elvis’ residence, Gracelands, saw the pack split up and some head for the shortest way home and others kicked on following Sir Two Dogs who had located the trail. It lead the pack down through the industrial estates before the next check on Reedy Creek/Burleigh Road, not that far from the M1 entrance, and west of Bunnings.
Suddenly realty kicked in that easy street was over, as hashers realised it was at least 4 kilometres home after beer and schnapps. Elvis kept a close watch on all hashers on the this long stretch where the pack was now well and truly stretched out along the road. Finally a right turn into Kortum Drive , past the detox/rehab clinic, up a goat track hill to locate the Travel Guide magazine and it was on home for the back markers who included Sir Rabbit, Rug, Iceman and Magician.
Birthday beers, namely Peroni Nastro Azzuro, supplied by Brewtus were enjoyed by the thirsty hashers before everyone was seated in the Silver Star Thai restaurant. The same 3 course banquet, as served previously was again served in a rapid fire fashion by the welcoming staff. Plenty of nosh soon had everyone full and a few more beers washed down the tasty Thai food. The GM called for a circle outside and as usual the booze masters quickly responded.
Up stepped Elvis as hare and  sir Two Dogs spoke favourably of the well marked trail good run including the first ever bottle shop run through drink stop. Truck Tyres  was observed doing his best to get his mobile telephone turned off in case it rang during the circle.
Miscarriage charged a hasher with fraud of the Commonwealth Government by enjoying his Seniors card benefits since he turned 47 after organising a dodgy card from some rogue lawyer. Anyhow, as he is now street legal in his senior years, it is best we leave his identity a secret in this run report due to Commonwealth laws regarding megadata. otherwise he may find himself being pursued for the error of his deceitful youth.
By locating and returning the hidden Travel Guide brochure found on the trail to the hare, a US Halloween T-Shirt was awarded to Circumference who passed it on as a hash birthday present for Brewtus. Next up , a little bit more of returning property, namely the POW. The conga line of title went from the incumbent POW, Showpony, who gave it to Dicky Knee, absent on Surfers Schoolies duty, who gave it to Swindler. Magician who could have been awarded it for any of several charges including his behaviour while on a tour of duty in Vietnam received the POW from travelling companion , Swindler.
Returning from mourning in Thailand, Slug, presented the GM with a Pattya T-shirt with the wording – Hashing at the Speed of Beer. Earlier Slug recalled over dinner how he had tried to pay Shat for the cocktail party only to receive an e mail alert from a Peter Foster ‘s e mail account with the message – Suspected Spam. Good to see, someone is on the ball in IT world. If you happen to read this, Shat, here is heads up. There is a warrant out for the arrest of your twin, if there is a whole lot of bells and whistles going off when you hand your passport over at the next airports you visit.
As news comes in from around the world daily about earthquakes, Shat, Kwakka and Sir Slab are cycling around the North Island of NZ which experienced one off shore this week. Hopefully, they will not fall off their bikes. How about the well named Japanese city that has copped a decent shake for a second time in a couple of years. Maybe mother nature  is sending it a subliminal message .If you say the city’s name, slowly it is  –  Fuk -U- Shima.
After a very quick evening, Ferret was invited to close the circle of RPR 24.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2039 Pictures Here