Category Archives: Hash Trash

Run 2093…Hare Swindler

Date: 4th December 2017……………………..
Location:Chevron Island………………………..
Runners:31…………………………………………….
Run Pictures……………………………………….

Tonight we had confirmation that Swindler has a direct line to the Big Man above. The whole day it pissed down with rain (so of course the arrows would have been washed out!!) Cars were parked up and down the road outside his house, and hashers were gathered in his garage. Hash bags were neatly laid out at the back amongst the bicycles and boxes.

GM called the bunch to order and Swindler started by saying that the arrows were washed out. But, he had another plan. First he handed an envelope to Fanny, and told him not to open it until the pack got to the bridge over to Surfers. You could see Fanny desperately trying to restrain himself from opening the envelope. Two Dogs, Banana, Blackie also got envelopes.

Each had instructions not to open the envelope until the pack got to a certain point. I could see Two Dogs had to be restrained. Then the unholy. Swindler raised his hand, pointed towards Surfers, and at 6:15 exactly the rain instantly STOPPED. How? How? How?

I put on a coat anyway (I should have trusted him) and joined the walkers. Over the bridge towards Surfers. Left onto Riverview Parade, River Drive past Budds Beach and Shat’s old house, right along Birt Avenue, right again on Oak Avenue. Nasty continued along Birt Avenue towards the beach as he wanted a longer walk. On home for the rest of us. About a half hour walk.

Don’t know why Shat would leave such a beautiful setting. View from Budds Beach.

We got back to the garage, and everything had been moved onto the deck overlooking the river, except for a table with the left-over finger food from the Saturday night formal function. On the deck, a long table was set up for the nosh, and hashers were gathered around the eskies and overlooking the river.

KB was busy in the kitchen basting the huge roast pork leg, almost bigger that the pan. When it was ready he started carving, you could see he knew what he was doing. Seedy helped serve the salad, and Swindler dished out the potato bake. This was followed by a sponge cake with cream.

GM called the circle, and called in the hare Swindler, and Shat? Apparently Shat helped set the run. I didn’t hear any comments about the envelopes, so it must have worked. Nasty gave a note.

Returning runners were Nasty, Slug, Kwakka, Mickey, Banana, Ball Point. Seedy gave a note. Banana then presented the GM with a very spiritual necklace to protect him from volcanoes.

Visitor was Christian from Brazil, now his fourth visit, maybe due for a name if he stays. Swindler brought him, Kwakka gave a note.

Fanny and Mickey were brought out, and then the phone started ringing. Mickey scrambled to take the phone out of his back pocket, tried to turn it off and put it into his back pocket again. No sooner, it started ringing again. He couldn’t find the volume switch, new phone? Rang again, and again. This was becoming a joke. It rang eight times. Who would want him that urgently?

Circumference was called in for taking someone’s hat off during the down downs. He was doing the right thing, wasn’t he? He got a down down anyway. Ball Point gave a note.

RA stepped in and called Nasty out. After protesting, Nasty finally got into the circle, and was presented with the 400 run award embroidered cap.

RA gave a few jokes.

Sweat Hog called Swindler in for advising hashers to leave their hash bags in the garage with the door open, all our precious belongings could have walked! Prince gave a note.

GM stepped back in. It was announced that Caustic’s 52 year old sister had passed away over the weekend, cause not known yet. Hashers offered condolences.

Shat announced that Rock Hard was looking well, had lost 17 kgs, and was strictly following a diet. Hashers wished him speedy recovery.

Circumference, Ice Man and Jiggy were called in for becoming the impromptu hash choir.

Swindler announced good news about something to do with three years?? (My handwriting deteriorates as the night goes on).

Hard On was called in for no hat, he promptly took GM’s hat and had a down down. Now Loved gave a note.

POWs Two Dogs and Fanny stepped in. They each had three  nominations.

  1. Hard On and Shat. Shat had left Hard On behind and had to go back for him.
  2. Shat and Botcho for going to the Brisbane Friday lunch.
  3. Blackie for stomping on envelope 3 during the run and making it almost impossible to see the route.
  4. Kwakka for asking if Fanny would fill his wine glass at the formal saying the tide was running out although the glass was almost full.
  5. Rug for being completed trashed on Saturday and having Gigie drive him home.
  6. Shat for not wearing formal.

With three out of six, Shat was the obvious choice. He donned the gear, wanted to ram the GM up the backside, and had his down down.

Ice Man was called out for his birthday down down. KB gave a note.

Blackie called end of circle before he was asked. Recon he wanted to go home.

Remember to use [email protected] if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Run 2092…Hares Rug & Fanny Charmer

Date: 27th November 2017……………………..
Location:Coombabah……………………………..
Runners:25…………………………………………….
Run Pictures……………………………………….

The run was set this week in the Coombabah Lakes Conservation Area, nice and flat. Hashers converged at the shelter on Grassy Park on Hansford Road. Truckie drove in with the trailer spot on 6:15, just as the hare, Rug, was about to give instructions. Runners were set off across Hansford Road into Burrendong Road for a run through the streets. Once the runners were sent off, Rug lead the walkers west along Hansford Road. Seemed like there were more runners than walkers this evening. About half way down Hansford Road we started seeing arrows then we heard the runners coming behind us calling On On. Swollen was the first, and he slowed down to chat. We had heard some popping behind us and thought it was Swollen setting off firecrackers. But no, it was probably someone bursting balloons. Blackie was next and Swollen raced on ahead. The runners soon ran past us. Walkers continued on Hansford Road and on into Citie Road. Again the walkers diverged from the runners trail, and we went onto a grassy area behind some houses, trail was marked with shredded paper. Then onto a concrete foot path, then down to the creek. We walked on the boardwalk along the edge on the creek for about a kilometre, then through a housing area back to Hansford Road, then back to the Park. About half an hour, very pleasant walk.

Run Report 2092

 

The run was set this week in the Coombabah Lakes Conservation Area, nice and flat. Hashers converged at the shelter on Grassy Park on Hansford Road. Truckie drove in with the trailer spot on 6:15, just as the hare, Rug, was about to give instructions. Runners were set off across Hansford Road into Burrendong Road for a run through the streets.

Once the runners were sent off, Rug lead the walkers west along Hansford Road. Seemed like there were more runners than walkers this evening. About half way down Hansford Road we started seeing arrows then we heard the runners coming behind us calling On On. Swollen was the first, and he slowed down to chat. We had heard some popping behind us and thought it was Swollen setting off firecrackers. But no, it was probably someone bursting balloons. Blackie was next and Swollen raced on ahead. The runners soon ran past us.

Walkers continued on Hansford Road and on into Citie Road. Again the walkers diverged from the runners trail, and we went onto a grassy area behind some houses, trail was marked with shredded paper. Then onto a concrete foot path, then down to the creek. We walked on the boardwalk along the edge on the creek for about a kilometre, then through a housing area back to Hansford Road, then back to the Park. About half an hour, very pleasant walk.

water

The runners were still out when we got back to the shelter, they got back about half hour later, all said it was a good run, about 6 km.

Rug started setting up big pots on the BBQ area, and soon called out for starters which was a creamy ginger pumpkin soup. I noted hashers going up for seconds and thirds. This was followed by rice and beef curry, made by Fanny. Not too hot, but tasty. Ice cream and stewed pit fruit followed up for dessert.

GM called the circle, and pulled Rabbit, Fanny and Truckie in for being slow to form the circle and talking.

Returning runners were Blackie, Swollen, Missing Link, and Brengun. Jiggy gave a note.

Brengun was called back in for bad mouthing the Gold Coast Hash back at the Brisbane hash. Blackie gave a note.

GM called the hare Rug out, plus his accomplice Fanny. Blackie commented on the run saying too many mosquitoes and roos. Swindler commented on the walk. Truckie gave a note.

Visitors were James, brought by Magician, and Allan, brought by Jigsaw. Two Dogs gave a note.

GM asked Truckie if he had voted at the state elections on Saturday before going to Brunswick Heads for the hash weekend. Truckie said that he went to the polling booth early, but it did not open until 9:30, so he left. He said that organiser of the hash weekend, Two Dogs, did not inform hashers about the voting, nor that NSW was still on summer time. Two Dogs got the down down, Magician gave a note.

Hard On was asked to explain what happened after the Friday Splinter Hash lunch. He said he had been invited to Karawa Surf Club where he partook more food and wine (up to the plinth line), then went on to the Surfers Paradise Golf Club for more. He then got on the tram to head home, but fell asleep and ended up in Helensvale. Got back on the tram, and missed his stop. Shat gave a note.

RA came in and, while he was telling his joke, handed a photo around the circle of Hard On on his bicycle with a number of shopping bags hanging from the handle bars. It seems that while he was out shopping, he saw that the bottle shop was doing a deal on red wine. He bought two bottles, but on the way home was concerned that the bottles might drop and break, so he stopped in a park and drank one of the bottles. Continuing the bike ride, he was still concerned the other bottle might drop and break, so he stopped again to drink that bottle.

RA called out Fanny for doing 150 runs, and Blackie for doing 1150 runs. Each got a cap embroidered with name and number of runs. Blackie mentioned that that cap had cost him $22,000. Swollen gave a note.

Prince had spoken to Rock Hard and reported that, although he had lost weight, he was continuing with the alkaline diet and sticking with the alternative remedies. Hash wishes him well.

Prince also reported that Kwakka was still suffering from internal bleeding and was seeing a neurosurgeon. Hash wishes him well also.

Magician was called in for using his new Cyber Monday phone during the circle. Missing Link gave a note.

RA gave a joke about the bet to win a jar full of $50 notes.

Circumference dobbed in Swollen for chatting up an old lady in a zimmer frame. Swollen said she winked at him.

GM came back into the circle, and asked for a vote on having the New Years Day hash run at Swindlers farm or the park at Southport. Southport got the vote.

POW was Magician, but stepped into the circle without the gear. There were roars of protest, so he went to fetch the bag and don the gear. He called out Jigsaw for borrowing a kayak, but that was not good enough, so he was sent away. He then called out Two Dogs about borrowing a bike helmet, and Fanny for something about the LBG vote (???). Magician awarded a joint POW.

Botcho explained about having the password to protect the photo area of the website, and was amazed at how many emails and calls he got from hashes unable to access the photos.

Swindler closed the circle.

Remember to use [email protected] if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

 

 

The runners were still out when we got back to the shelter, they got back about half hour later, all said it was a good run, about 6 km.

 

Rug started setting up big pots on the BBQ area, and soon called out for starters which was a creamy ginger pumpkin soup. I noted hashers going up for seconds and thirds. This was followed by rice and beef curry, made by Fanny. Not too hot, but tasty. Ice cream and stewed pit fruit followed up for dessert.

 

GM called the circle, and pulled Rabbit, Fanny and Truckie in for being slow to form the circle and talking.

 

Returning runners were Blackie, Swollen, Missing Link, and Brengun. Jiggy gave a note.

 

Brengun was called back in for bad mouthing the Gold Coast Hash back at the Brisbane hash. Blackie gave a note.

 

GM called the hare Rug out, plus his accomplice Fanny. Blackie commented on the run saying too many mosquitoes and roos. Swindler commented on the walk. Truckie gave a note.

 

Visitors were James, brought by Magician, and Allan, brought by Jigsaw. Two Dogs gave a note.

 

GM asked Truckie if he had voted at the state elections on Saturday before going to Brunswick Heads for the hash weekend. Truckie said that he went to the polling booth early, but it did not open until 9:30, so he left. He said that organiser of the hash weekend, Two Dogs, did not inform hashers about the voting, nor that NSW was still on summer time. Two Dogs got the down down, Magician gave a note.

 

Hard On was asked to explain what happened after the Friday Splinter Hash lunch. He said he had been invited to Karawa Surf Club where he partook more food and wine (up to the plinth line), then went on to the Surfers Paradise Golf Club for more. He then got on the tram to head home, but fell asleep and ended up in Helensvale. Got back on the tram, and missed his stop. Shat gave a note.

 

RA came in and, while he was telling his joke, handed a photo around the circle of Hard On on his bicycle with a number of shopping bags hanging from the handle bars. It seems that while he was out shopping, he saw that the bottle shop was doing a deal on red wine. He bought two bottles, but on the way home was concerned that the bottles might drop and break, so he stopped in a park and drank one of the bottles. Continuing the bike ride, he was still concerned the other bottle might drop and break, so he stopped again to drink that bottle.

 

RA called out Fanny for doing 150 runs, and Blackie for doing 1150 runs. Each got a cap embroidered with name and number of runs. Blackie mentioned that that cap had cost him $22,000. Swollen gave a note.

 

Prince had spoken to Rock Hard and reported that, although he had lost weight, he was continuing with the alkaline diet and sticking with the alternative remedies. Hash wishes him well.

 

Prince also reported that Kwakka was still suffering from internal bleeding and was seeing a neurosurgeon. Hash wishes him well also.

 

Magician was called in for using his new Cyber Monday phone during the circle. Missing Link gave a note.

 

RA gave a joke about the bet to win a jar full of $50 notes.

 

Circumference dobbed in Swollen for chatting up an old lady in a zimmer frame. Swollen said she winked at him.

 

GM came back into the circle, and asked for a vote on having the New Years Day hash run at Swindlers farm or the park at Southport. Southport got the vote.

 

POW was Magician, but stepped into the circle without the gear. There were roars of protest, so he went to fetch the bag and don the gear. He called out Jigsaw for borrowing a kayak, but that was not good enough, so he was sent away. He then called out Two Dogs about borrowing a bike helmet, and Fanny for something about the LBG vote (???). Magician awarded a joint POW.

 

Botcho explained about having the password to protect the photo area of the website, and was amazed at how many emails and calls he got from hashes unable to access the photos.

 

Swindler closed the circle.

 

Remember to use [email protected] if you have a story for RA.

 

On on

Mad Mike

November Splinter Lunch..

Date: 24th November 2017…………………….
Location: Costa O’doro Surfers Paradise
Hashers:22…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

. It was back to Costa O’doro again this month. This is becoming a habit. We are made so welcome here and the eye candy is pretty good.

Beers, fine wine, great food and even better company then it was On On to The Lansdowne Road Irish Tavern for few cleansing ales.

The tram station was the next stop on on home

Another great Splinter Lunch day was had by all that attended.

On On till next month.

Next Months Lunch…Ferrett, has organised the December lunch and has promised a top day at a new venue in the Chevron Renaissance shopping complex “El Patio de Cuba” on the 29th December for more fun, good food along with a little bit of new eye candy.

Run 2091…Hare Sir Prince

Date: 20th November 2017……………………..
Location:Varsity lakes……………………………..
Runners:27…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Probably a big ask to follow up from Kitchen Bitch’s tunnel run last week but Sir Prince was up to the task – well almost. The first ominous sign was no hare at 6:15. Then he pitches up on his pushie sweating like a catholic priest at the annual alter boy’s picnic. This can’t be good. Oh well, on on!!

From the bucket at Hillridge Park, the hashmen headed off to the west via the walkway around the swamp. Miscarriage and Two Dogs were out the front finding the false trails, closely followed by the ever-enthusiastic pack. The walkers and runners then split with the runners heading off to the south under the powerlines on a paper trail. Must say it was very good of Prince to have that park mowed for us after all the rain.

After various twists and turns we ended up on the path along Reedy Creek and heading up towards Christine Avenue. By this time our group was down to Magician, Circumference (Cliffy Young) and me. We then followed three lovely young ladies around the path of Lake Orr. Judging by their accents, there might have been an issue with dual citizenship so Aussie politics is probably out for them. Magician and Circumference were discussing the breeding of hairy sheep for their meat only. It seems that it’s too difficult to get shearers these days. I think they were just pulling the wool over my eyes.

Then it was across the footbridge and up North Shore Avenue to University Drive then Geraldton drive and eventually back to Hillridge Crescent. All in all, it was a good run but it’s the first time I’ve seen the hare on a pushbike telling us which way to go and then marking the arrows after we passed.

Back at the bucket the cold beers and wine were going down well. Dim Sims were provided for starters and HHH magazines littered the table. Miscarriage was enlightening Truckie and Swindler on the finer points of Council Development Approvals. Luckily, one of them knew a bit about the law. I think that was Truckie.

Then it was time for the nosh. Beef and mango surprise with rice. Magician must’ve known it was going to be good because he turned up with a plate the size of Tasmania. Kitchen Bitch was on hand to lend his expertise but even so the meal might of been a disappointment until Sir Prince remembered the coriander. The added garnish went down a treat with people lining up for seconds. When darkness descended because the generator failed Truckie leapt into action and soon had it running again. And again. And again. Poor fuel was the excuse.

The GM then called Hash to order and formed up the circle.

Down Downs went to:

Prince Valiant as the hare

Botcho and Seedy as returning runners.

Allan a guest (I think)

Magician for a 4×4 misdemeanour

Ferrett and Shat for the cocktail party (non)payment and a jibe at the GM.

Sir Prince charged Seedy for his ability to stand at a BBQ turning sausages for 20 min without realising the burners weren’t lit.

However, there’s no doubt the evening belonged to Magician. His DD for the 4×4 misdemeanour. A charge from Swindler for eyeing off a young lady at a meeting. Swindler used terms such as being CEO of some-fucking-thing and having a weapon of mass destruction in describing the charge. Then to top off a perfect evening, getting POW for his driving inability and lack of preparedness to deal with same.

On a more sombre note, Ferrett advised that Rock Hard’s prostrate cancer was very serious and that he has turned to alternative therapies for treatment. We all wish him well and thoughts are with his family.

The RA amazed us all by his ability to remember the punch lines to his own jokes. I think someone might have even laughed at the one about Paddy and his cow, Bessie.

After that, it was End Of Circle and an attack on Prince’s banana fritters.

Rug is setting next week’s run at Mozzie Central.

On On

Sweathog