Date: 1/06/2015

Location: Broadbeach

Hares: AGPU Hierarchy

Runners: 46

Hash words for AGPU 2015

Here I sit following the AGPU, lonely, somewhat hung over after a night of frivolity and merriment, but nevertheless, selflessly and devotedly committed to providing my fellow hash men with a true account of the night’s events.

Before the account of the events though, it is fitting to give all of the outgoing hierarchy a resounding THANK YOU from all of us for all that you have done this past year. It has been truly inspirational, it really has!

The Prelude:

The night started off with drinks and nibbles at the park just north of Kurrawa Surf Club….”fair enough” we all thought..we’ve done this before and after an hour of this we moved on and had a few more beers at Envy Bar in Broadbeach (don’t know what the f@#* there is to envy, quite frankly!)…those of us on the SRS (Slug & Rug & Shat) diet thought we just couldn’t drink beer so paid for wine instead, staying true to the cause of our lean protein, low GI, low carb diet.

One drink and we were off! Through Broadbeach we meandered, thinking we were now going to the eventual destination of our AGPU dinner, but no, very cleverly the hierarchy threw another spanner in the works and we were back to the park, this time south of the Kurrawa Surf Club, with most of us thinking “what the fuck is going on here…is the trailer going to pull up any minute now and we’re going to have a trailer AGPU here in the park, all of us freezing our bollocks off in the process???”.

We were convinced that this was going to be the case until our favourite girl Crissy turned up in the park…no way could she possibly strip off in this cold weather and sure enough, a few wines and beers later and we were off again, much to the amusement of the punters in Broadbeach whom you could tell were all thinking “wtf!..who are these old pricks and what the hell are they up to in that silly get up??”. Some parents were seen to shepherd their children away from us…don’t know why…surely we don’t look like bloody priests in our hash formal gear!!

The Nosh and Party:

After a few twists and turns surely designed to keep us guessing as to our ultimate location, we went to a place on the Gold Coast Highway, under the Meriton Building called the “Aussie Chinese Kitchen” where the festivities all started, and with the outgoing hierarchy all lined up at the head table, looking like Christ and the 12 apostles at the last supper.

The tables were choc-a-bloc full of red wine, but quite frankly, that is where the generosity in terms of servings began and ended. Soon after we settled in, out came some spring rolls and other starters…one platter per table, all not even touching the sides as we were all feeling that we could devour an Arab’s jockstrap; such was our level of hunger! Soon thereafter came some fried rice, after that some chicken and some greens.

The general consensus on the food was that “we waz ripped off!” but hey, it’s the AGPU and who really gives a f#@* at the end of the day…we just won’t go there again….simple! I don’t get how restaurants think this can be good for business, making a killing on one occasion, only to miss out on subsequently being selected for other events, including the monthly splinter lunch…idiotic on their part, it really is! As a member of hierarchy now,

I can assure you all that I will use my new position of power to influence my fellow hierarchy to make sure we never go there again!! At least the wine was good…it took Mme Latrine several short minutes to be completely knocked out by it…one minute lucid and engaging, the next minute fast asleep, even with mammaries being shoved in his face!!

The frivolous part of the evening was great fun, with Crissy being an all-round good sport, apart from getting pissed off with one hasher who shall not be named who kept wanting to take too many liberties with her posterior regions!! Her friend Ruby was good fun too, apart from not wanting her boobs in photographs…FFS!!..this is Hash and it’s the AGPU….get with the program girls!! Oh, and a personal thing here…what is it with chicks and tattoos…hate them, hate them, hate them…blah!!!!!!…just saying!

I won’t waffle on about the various awards and nominations etc…you all have a year book now…read it!!! Suffice to say that the outgoing hierarchy is going to be hard to top, it really is…we all walked out with a great gift pack of two bottles of wine, a wine bottle case with each of our names and our logo on it, and yes…yet another bloody shirt that Missing Link will never wear…emblazoned with yet another picture of the outgoing hierarchy!

Out with a bang:

This hierarchy has certainly gone out in a blaze of glory!! As your new official on-sec, rather than the assistant to the assistant to the on sec, I look forward to serving you well in this capacity. Adieu for now…back to recovering from the AGPU!!

On on,

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

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Run: 1960

Date: 25/5//2015

Location: Chevron Island

Hares: Swindler & Blue Card

Runners: 45

SWINDLER BY NAME……AND NATURE

 

In what many pundits have described as a momentous week for the ‘evolution of the planet’, during which: 1) same-sex partners were given the green light to say “Aye doo” before pedophile priests in Ireland and 2) the Australia / Europe umbilical chord was finally restored back to health with our participation in the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC), the Gourmet Hash was invited to celebrate the birthday of the man directly responsible for both these extraordinary events.

And whilst it isn’t yet clear just how broadly his influence extended in getting the ‘YES’ vote up in the Irish Gay marriage referendum, there is no doubt about Swindler’s passion and commitment to that urgent cause as there is in his endeavor to getting Australia onto the Eurovision stage.

-“I was 10 years old when I saw the very first ES contest and I’ve been a huge fan ever since although it did piss me off greatly that no Australian ever got to sing on it. That’s why I’ve dedicated so much of my life to having Aussie voices heard. Last year was a breakthrough year for the ES contest when the bearded Conchita got up and it was just a matter of time before the ESC honchos realized that Australia was really a part of Europe. And despite the fact that he looked like a bloody clown with his stupid Sinatra hat and jeans halfway down his crack, I was as happy as a pig in shit watching Guy putting our country on that map.”

While there were many on Monday night who basked in the afterglow of Swindler’s supreme world achievements, there were just as many who begrudged him for being a total failure as a Hash run setter.

-“He may be clever at getting unsuspecting fools to cough up wads of cash for bloody lost causes, but he needs to be coughing up a lot more arrows on Hash trails if he wants to be regarded as a serious Hash man. He’s fucking lucky it’s his birthday otherwise he’d have his arse parked on the ice all night” said an incensed Bent Banana.

A none-too-impressed Miscarriage lamented: “My information is that in the world of philanthropy Swindler’s known as ‘the octopus’ due to the fact that he has more fingers in more pies than most people; but with that many tentacles you’d think he’d carry enough chalk to set a run properly. Fuck me dead!”

In fact, the run was of such appalling quality that GM KB, a man not averse to displays of blatant partiality, refused to have it critiqued in the Circle because “it’s his birthday and I won’t have anyone offending that useless ole c#%t.”

-“That’s a first” whispered a gobsmacked Sir Rabbit, “I’ve missed 2 runs in 36 years and I’ve never seen that before. Bloody disgraceful. ‘Bout time we put this bloke out to pasture and got a decent GM!”

Thankfully, the nosh was an entirely different kettle of fish. Dished up on his yet-to-be-paid-for ‘Rectum’ deck, illuminated Gold Coast skyline as a backdrop, the Hash was treated to an array of delicious canapes (the type Swindler enjoys whenever he’s swanning around the world saving the Borneo rainforest or the Arctic ice shelf or even China’s Panda). It was followed by an exquisite Paris-style consommé, and for Mains, a sumptuous steak of Uruguayan grass-fed beef which he has (regularly) home-delivered as a thank you for his unrelenting campaign to save the Patagonian Toothfish. A veritable feast, all skillfully outsourced and all washed down with donated Crown Lagers and unlimited Penfolds Grange very much to Rug’s taste.

Being an enormously popular personality, much like Al Capone was popular with the Chicago underground, Swindler’s ‘friends’ turned up in droves. KG made his way down from Hong Kong where he runs that territory’s Triads, Nutcracker flew in from Moscow where he and Swindler are on first name basis with Vladimir, Darren rode in from Dubbo, etc, etc. All spoke very highly of Swindler’s impeccable ‘savoir faire’ and big heart.

In the Circle, both Show Pony and Truck Tyres were charged for being losers. Trucky for losing his wallet and bag and Pony for losing his head once again and proposing to wife no.7.

While Swindler was spared, son Darren was iced for being Swindler’s unfortunate offspring.

Flasher was iced for lack of decorum and respect, dressed in full Jihadist attire, looking for an Irish gay bar to bomb.

VD was iced by the RA for the heinous crime of telling the truth. Having argued that (protected species) Swindler should ‘swing’ for destroying wholesome family values and promoting “poofter love and marriage in Ireland”, he promptly pointed his wooden Prick towards Caustic Crusader whose birth place made him an obvious accomplice to the crime.

VD was then asked to rid himself of the Useless shirt and so advised the Circle that he was delighted to see Trucky’s head firmly attached to his neck because “there’s every chance he’d lose it otherwise. He’s a bloody born loser,…and totally Useless as a result.”

After much backslapping and high fiving Swindler’s incredible achievements, Moonbeams ended proceedings with his ubiquitous: “End of Circle.”

 

On2

BallPoint

YOU COULD BE BOOZE MASTER IN
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Run: 1959

Date: 18/5//2015

Location: Southport

Hares: Swollen Colon

Runners: 28

 

Run 1959 with Swollen Colon

18 May 2015

 28 hashers eagerly waited for the run information from Swollen Colon at the back of his factory in Southport.

The circle layout was very different and looked interesting! Swollen Colon had partially demolished his factory and taken out all his ironing boards and distributed them in a wide arc around the carpark with an open fire stating to roar into life.

Looking good so far as Nosh and Run of the Year !!!

The video explanation has Swollen Colon trying to make all present believe that this was going to not only the Run of the Year but the Nosh of the Year.

The Video of Run Instructions

[fvplayer src=”http://www.goldcoasthash.org/wp-content/uploads/video-run-1959.mov” width=”568″ height=”320″]

The Run

This was to be a Run for Runners and a Walk for Walkers. An unusual plan so was still looking good for Swollen Colon as we got the run information. Once again those excited and repetitive words of let’s go that way!! The runners went one way while the walkers went the other way and the hashers took off in different directions…!!.

Would we all meet in the park area as Swollen Colon had advised he had a special surprise for us!!.Would it be a drink stop or a stripper waiting for us?? The lights of the runners appeared out of the dark toward the waiting van and Swollen Colon.

  

  

As the runners came up to the selected location we all waited for the drinks or the stripper to appear. Then in the quite of night it all happened.

Yes…this Swollen Colon is true pyromaniac. We all know that Swollen Colon has this propensity which leads an insane person to accomplish his purpose by letting of fireworks whenever he can as well as burning anything he can get his hands on.

The fireworks exploded in amazing display that lasted for 10 minutes. This was no doubts Swollen’s best pyrotechnic display of illegal fireworks and effort to date.

The park was ablaze in lights and sound, dogs barked, raced away from their owners and went crazy, people screamed, neighbours yelled out and Hashmen all gave a loud applause for Swollen Colon at this amazing display of sounds, lights and surprise.

As the sound of the Police helicopter could be heard in the distance, Swollen Colon advised everyone to piss off quick!!! ..The police helicopter circled the park with spotlight blazing trying to locate the culprits but the Hashers by this time were well on the way following the well-marked trails while Swollen Colon jumped in his van with Kwakka and raced back to the safety of his factory.

Back to Factory Circle

Well, we must give Swollen Colon 10 points out of 10 for the most unique circle of the year with ironing boards and a roaring fire.

The GM called all to order except those allowed to sit. Somehow a special dispensation was given to Botcho (sore back), Ferrett (sore legs from too much dancing at the Car Rally dance) and Show Pony (still in recovery mode from the operation on his back).

Truckie reported it was a great run with a total of 5.9Km in a time of 45 Minutes. Bent Banana as always providing highly accurate information advised that the run was not 5.9 Km but 6.5 Km so obviously he over-ran the checks or Truckie was a shot cutting Pri@## as Bent Banana insinuated!!

However for a change the detailed run instructions and well-marked trail resulted in a total run success and not the usual Fu###@@ up.

Well done Swollen Colon for excellent run in an area where many runs have occurred.

The Run Finish

Very tight finish with Josephine, Brewtus, Jigsaw and Sir Black Stump in with the first runners. Due to the well-marked trail and good location no one was lost and within the hour all runners were back to the factory around the fire.

Bent Banana commented that it was a prick of a run with the longest checks ever at any Hash run this year. He suggested that Swollen Colon needed to do more runs so he could keep up to take on latest Hash run rules.

The Walk

Ferrett reported that it was an excellent walk and noted for the first time a walk had been actually well marked and runners and walkers joined up for the entertainment .Shat did the walk guided by Show Pony ,Hard On ,Blue Card, Swindler and once again the walkers had the honour of being accompanied by the GM. This was the second time this year so well done GM on getting so fit and healthy.

FOODS ON!!!

The Nosh

As expected this was an attempt to be the last chance of return to Gourmet Food as the Nosh of the Year. It sure looked good on the fire in big pots but what was in these big pots of food?.

Swollen Colon advised that a large amount of pre Hash preparation was involved with top quality food quality, food quantity, presentation, time etc etc etc etc … Would this be the Nosh of the Year ??? With Mrs Swollen proudly standing nearby, this Nosh was looking very good but for Swollen Colon was debatable as to the amount of effort and no outsourcing that he had contributed to this Nosh.

Could we ever forget Hash Crap with “Bring your own Tin of Food” which was rated the WORST Nosh of the year to date? This was looking a little reminiscent of that event with those big pots on the glowing fire. Oh Yeah!!!! Great to see Mrs Swollen standing with the Nosh Chef.

Resident Food critic Josephine was seen inspecting the food during the preparation and gave the THUMBS UP!!

• Great Curried Sausages and curried potatoes.
• Beans and peas excellent
• Beef Stew tasted good but bit tough.
• Desert of fresh fruit with lamingtons

Proudly Swollen Colon stepped forward to accept the accolades for this fine Hash food with Mrs Swollen proudly standing behind him. Well organised Swollen Colon as the food was excellent…maybe more outsourcing is the real answer to quality Hash Nosh.

Great to have the GM supervising the Nosh to keep up the Nosh Gourmet Food Quality.

The Winners Circle

The RA quickly got the Nosh Chef and Hare Swollen Colon into the circle for a detailed explanation of the run and nosh.

The group circled around ironing boards watching the GM and Caustic in anticipation of a pending announcement. No such luck for the Caustic immediately gave orders to the Booze Masters to prepare Ice for any misdemeanour. This was bad luck for Caustic as Weekly forget to bring sufficient ice.

Down Downs

• Sir Black Stump for selling his ranch and now fully cashed up again
• Truck Tyres for several offences including abuse of RA
• Ferrett on the Car Rally for showing disrespect to two old ladies on his way to the toilet
• Sir AH for upsetting Mrs Blackie on the Car Rally
• M Latrine for drinking all the red wine at the last 2 weeks hash
• Weekly for talking over the RA again
• Jigsaw and VD for talking in the circle

Useless Shirt

It appeared at last with Swollen Colon who promptly passed it to VD

POW

Shat appeared wearing the POW and bought out a long list of potential candidates. VD once again had to take this treasured award on behalf of Aussie.

GM Report

Once again with tears in his eyes the GM was touched by the gift from Sir Blackie of the bottle of sand from Somerset Dam. He is certainly a GM that appreciates his gifts from returning runners.

GM advised next week run will be at the Swindler Residence. All inclusive WINE BEER and 4 course Gourmet Meal $25..

Swindler & Blue Card Birthday .Dress TOP HAT

The AGPU is now fully booked and closed

At 8.55 after much laughter & frivolity it was the those familiar words of Ferrett, Botcho and Show Pony in unison that echoed over the assembled mob ……… End of CIRCLE

 

Swindler

YOU COULD BE BOOZE MASTER IN

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Run: 1958

Date: 11/5//2015

Location: Carrara

Hares: Bent Banana

Runners: 34

Gold Coast Gourmet Hash

The Sewerage Memorial Run

 

Payment for AGPU is now overdue

• Dress:   Formal – Hash Tails
• Starts Time: Broadbeach 4:30pm Sharp

Don’t be late and miss the big opening event

Warrior Nasty recovering from major surgery. He confirms that he will be attending the AGPU.

The photos is self-explanatory …not a happy hasher day.

Sewerage Memorial Run 1958 with Bent Banana

Promoted by Bent Banana as the Annual Sewerage Memorial Run and time for reflection of our past Hashmen.

34 dedicated athletes circled around Bent Banana once again at Alambe Gardens Cemetery Nerang – Broadbeach Rd. Carrara as he issued the run instructions.The pre-run briefing from Bent Banana was lots of waffle and there were those mumbled words …

“go that way and find the very well marked trail with flour and chalk ” .and then adding those immortal words .Only a bloody moron can get lost as we all know the way ”

After last few months of the so called Best Bush Run of the Year followed by the so called Best Nosh of the Year this was looking a hard act to follow by Bent Banana for this totally predictable annual event.

The Run

Bent Banana had spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked through the cemetery and across the park .As he had past experience all expected it to be a the usual run.

However it appears Bent Banana spent a considerable time planning this run considering the recent debacle last time we ran this trail and from all reports it was an excellent run!!!

As usual Sir Blackie , Brewtus ,Rug , Circumference ,Fanny Charmer and Botcho were leading the runners through the graveyard.

The runners moved forward passing walkers who somehow seemed to merge at the planned places .Well done Bent Banana for your organisation of a good trail in very predictable territory.

On On was then called several times on the run as the group all moved and cris-crossed each other in the bush and across the park . It appears that after recent runs in very high grass and mud Bent Banana had arranged to have the whole area mowed and dried out before the run..very thoughtful Bent Banana.

Ballpoint , Aussie ,Truck Tyres and 2 Dogs soon became leading runners and were reported as putting out their lights so fellow hashers would get lost ..is this really true??

All runners this week did do the full run and it was by all accounts an excellent run and unlike the previous debacles.

The run time was 34.25 minutes with distance of 4.25 Km and covering an area of 2 sq Km.( no wonder no one got lost). The run was 22 metres uphill with 19 metres downhill..In other words a very tight run .

Ballpoint celebrated a milestone tonight with 50 runs.Well done Ballpoint.

Brewtus and Flasher somehow managed to get back first again ..well done.. Two Dogs, and Missing Link came in next in 34.35 min followed by Truck Tyres ,Rug and Fanny Charmer, Jospephine and Circumference in 35.69.

New Run Critic Lartine who ran all the way noted it was a very well marked run with new territory for this location.

Run Critic 2 Dogs “ Great well marked run with more Zigging than Zaggin. Hare Bent Banana put in a lot of effort and experience for this run.

Circumference also got in on the act and commented “Amazing how Bent Banana found new territory after all the runs from here” while Sir Blackie commented it was very nice of BB to mow the grass..

Great effort Bent Banana for an excellent run in very familiar territory.

The Walkers

As always a big group of walkers raced out with the Runners. As there was no trailer on cemetary location our Grand Master for the first time in 45 Hash Runs actually did the walk…..Unbelievable!!

The dedicated professional walkers led by GM with Show Pony ,Shat, Kwakka , Swindler, Jigsaw, Blue Card, Rock Hard all quickly moved down the hill and somehow soon reappeared to the safety of the cemetary allegedly to assist Sir Slab, Sir Rabbit and Ferrett prepare for the ceromony.

Now Loved completed the walk in record time while Hard On returned late in a lather of sweat.( not sure where he walked??)

What great comraderie these brave bunch of Hash Walkers continue to experience.

The Memorial Service

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Once again 34 hashers gathered around the gravesite with many wondering how long before they too would be there!! Hopefully a long time yet!!

Ballpoint paused to reflect that his best friend Brian who attended a few of our Hash runs recently passed away suddenly and was listening nearby to the proceedings.

Sir Slab gave an long oration on his old friend Sewerage who passed away 21 years ago. It appears that part of the hash trail they were running was across the roof of the train they were traveling on in NZ. Sewerage fell off the train roof and passed away a month later from brain hemorrage ..RIP

 

Ferrett also gave a rendition on several past hashers while as usual Sir Rabbit provided background music with sounds taken from Sewerage of his notorious after dinner farting performances.

The CIRCLE

The Circle was called under the high arches of Grace-Banana Land. Fantastic venue and very well set up for the Gourmet Hash. Bent Banana was looking as a very good contender for Trailer Nosh of the Year as a late candidate.

Great fire with logs donated by Sir Blackie kept the group warm and in good spirits.

The Nosh

Presentation was perfect.

  

 

First course of Tomato Soup with fresh parmansan cheese went down well. Flashers bowl would have fed 10 people and this may be the reason the soup ran out.

Report from Food Critic Now Loved as top quality food with EXCELLENT POINTS for every course.

A big thank you for Grand Master KB and Aussie as well as the others that lent a hand in the preparation of the nights nosh and of course Bent Banana for providing great nosh and setting the excellent run.

For the record:

• Steaks were Black Angus Grass Fed
• Potates & pumpkin roasted to perfection
• Fried rice reportedly leftover from Thirsty Thursday weekend
• Fresh fruit salad of Melon ,Bananas and Pineapples purchased from the local Fruit farm outlet with Ice Cream

For the Hare & Nosh Chef Bent Banana it was always going to be a hard act to follow after the effort by Miscarriage’s that at this stage is high ranked as one of “The Best Trailer Bush Nosh of the Year?”

As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch the hash in now truly back into gourmet. It was unlimited help yourself food so many had second helpings as long as you got in quick.

Well done Bent Banana for providing the meal with NO outsourcing from Mrs BB …a great effort that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of quality and true HASH Nosh in a great location.

DD to:

It was noted that several sacrilegious events occurred at the ceremony site that should be severely punished.

• Shat was alleged to have thrown his wine glass onto a grave site.
• 2 Dogs was alleged to have been seen urinating on a grave site.
• Cumsmoke was seen as willfully ignoring the somber event by making a phone call during the ceremony
• Rock Hard was seen spilling wine on the gravesite while pouring the blessed wine
• Bent Banana as Hare and Nosh Chef for a great run and great nosh
• Now Loved as returning runner from Bali where he was a witness for the Gourmet Hash at the recent executions
• Truckie for leaving has kit bag behind
• BJ as visitor & friend of Show Pony

Prick of the Week

Given by Flasher to Shat who delegated the DD to his proxy Latrine.

Report by GM

Yes .this is our GM in full attire after enjoying the first walk of the year. He did promise that this year it will be his goal “to get fit with great walks followed by Gourmet food that he will personally supervise.”

Bent Banana who recently returned from a trip to Vietnam bought back a gift for the GM. However he felt should go to Caustic. The mini hand grenade he then rolled to Caustic exploded under Caustic feet to his great shock. For the first time it seemed Caustic was lost for words.

GM advised that that next week run will be by Swollen Colon and fireworks are guaranteed once again.

 

End of CIRCLE …….by JOSEPHINE @ 9.50 pm

 

 

Swindler

 

 

Run: 1957

Date: 4/5//2015

Location: Carrara

Hares: The Sirs

Runners: 39

Run 1957 – The Sirs Run. Gold Coast Hash Birthday. It all started just around the corner from tonight’s location, way back in 1978.

The #1 run venue has long gone.  Surfers Paradise raceway

The Sirs Run…it was always going to be a special one, wasn’t it? All of us had fond memories of last year’s Sirs Run from Sir Rabbit’s house and the delectable (no, I am not kidding!) English sausages that he provided. Apparently, and tragically, I am assured by Sir Rabbit that they are no longer available.

Tonight’s run started with the hash trailer having to be expertly manoeuvred through the gap in the fence and into the park off Hickey Road at Carrara. There were millimetres to spare and as yours truly was at the back of the trailer, pushing on it so it didn’t roll down the hill at breakneck speed, several other hashers were at the other end pushing it down the hill!! Nearly a hash debacle with yours truly almost squashed under the trailer.

The troops gathered and Sir AH proceeded to put up a giant galvanised pipe flagpole, strapping it to the lightpole above the barbeque area and shorting out the light in the process! Luckily we are totally self sufficient for power with the hash trailer.

When the trailer flaps were put up we all looked on with astonishment at the sight of the new tables and chairs. Gone were the crappy black chairs that were all falling apart, all replaced with beautiful new red padded chairs and mould-free tables!!

The RUN:

A record number of runners set off for a run that had been set by Sir Slab, who swept the trail on his mountain bike, ensuring that we did not stray too far off course. As there had been about half a metre of rain over the weekend, we knew we were in for it in terms of mud and other shiggy. We were not disappointed and the run went through some quite treacherous territory, but luckily no mishaps by Miscarriage or other runners. All got back safe and sound, albeit a little soggy and muddy, but all agreed it had been a great run. Two Dogs and yours truly clocked it at 6.5km. Sir Blackie must have found the run boring because he engaged in frivolous shenanigans, including stomping past runners in the muddy bits, throwing up mud and slush all over us and on several occasions also trying to shove runners in order to throw them off balance and fall into the mud. Luckily nobody succumbed to these vile tactics!!

There were a record number of runners tonight, approximately 20!! Congratulations guys and nice to see the less than frequent runners such as Arseup, Cumsmoke, Pile Driver, Latrine and Seedy running with us tonight

A last comment about the run was that it kept the runners together, including, unbelievably…Flasher!! At one stage we all thought we must have been off trail and on one of Flasher’s wild goose chases as he stayed with us all the way!

The walkers all complained that Shat had gotten them totally lost in the backblocks of Carrara, at one stage being heard to mutter the words “Errr…I think I’ve got the map upside down!!”. Four hardy souls apparently did the full walk…hmmm…so 4 walkers plus 20 runners equals 24…take that away from the 39 attendees tonight and that makes 15 others who probably just hung around and drank all of our red wine!!

The NOSH:

The sirs did NOT disappoint…starters were some lovely spring rolls and dumplings, all fried to perfection in the hash woks. Sir AH walked around serving everybody and making sure we all got some of the goodies. Main course was a lovely Thai style chicken curry with vegetables and bamboo shoots and with rice cooked to perfection, although somebody had the audacity to complain that it was “gluggy”…don’t listen to them Sir Rabbit..it was great!…as were your sausages last year! Latrine was effusive in his praise of the Nosh…what a gentleman! Sir AH excelled himself in the preparation of desserts…lovely jelly and fruit cups topped with flavoured yoghurt…and Mrs Charmer enjoyed some of the left overs that I took home to her!

The CIRCLE:

First things first….Weekly was called out and immediately iced for telling the GM to fuck off! Argument ensued for several minutes as to why Weekly considered it necessary to have uttered those words but this won him no favour and the ice it was! Visitors and returning runners were welcomed and the GM was showered with gifts, however undeserving and unappreciative he may have been!

The GM announced that due to the black hole in hash finances now being so huge due to the purchase of the new hash furniture, the Paris trip for the hierarchy is now cancelled.

Congratulations were given to all the Sirs on their great run and nosh…well deserved it was too!

Returning runners this week are Flasher, Pile Driver, Seedy and Miscarriage. Visitors are son and step-son of Sir Prince and their friend Matthew from the UK. Welcome guys and a well deserved down-down for bringing our average age down considerably.

Mme Latrine was called out to the front and castigated by the RA for his antics at the Splinter Lunch, essentially draining everybody else’s bottles of wine! The icing that he received was however not for that but for his deviant act in seat-sniffing…those of you who are interested can obtain more details from the RA at your leisure…the details should not go into print lest they offend some of our non-hash readers!

Truckie was, as usual called out to the front and iced, this time for sending a stupid email to Missing Link about the car rally. It is in the carpark of Outback Australia that we are meeting, is that perfectly clear Truckie??

P.O.W passed from Iceman to Flasher this week, for the offence of breaching carpooling protocols. The Useless shirt has gone walkabout with none of us having any idea who has it!!

Moonbeams performed his usual duty at the END OF CIRCLE. (He actually tried to do it about half an hour before circle closed!)

I think that is all I can think of this week…

Signing off for now…

Fanny Charmer

Substitute to the Substitute to the Hash Scribe