Run 1690
Hare: Crocodile & Flatulence
Location: Wetlands, Coombabah
Date: 22th March, 2010

Josephine thought the checks were “confusion” points and, not holding back, went on to say “Sydney posh hash markings, should be Gold Coast markings, we’ve had some beautiful runs in this area and somebody had to go and fuck it up. I lost my shoe in the shiggy, otherwise a good run”.Acting Grand Master and Minister for Loose Change,Sir Prince,then inquired of Goat Farka what he thought of the nosh and received” sensational, barred up over it” The co-hares enjoyed a Down Down.

Moving right along the Prick of the Week was called for and Missing Link immediately passed it to Cum Smoke for laughing at him at some point and being “the perennial pest and the GM’s bumboy.”

The prevalence of mosquitos  inspired Sir Prince to tell the story of a hashman called China who put a band-aid on the end of his dick and sprayed it with fly spray in an attempt to control a case of crabs. On the same the theme Black Stump told of a Dettol and Vaseline incident which sounded quite excruciating.

Show Pony declared he was not a returning runner and Sir Prince recalled his recent trip to London which sometimes got to a balmy 5 degrees and where he attended the campaign for real ale and from the 150 beers on offer partook of “Goat Leap”and “Trashy Blonde’ amongst others.

Botcho gave a report on the upcoming wine trail extravaganza which has been well researched and is shaping up to be a great day out. Those not on the bus will, well,  miss the bus.

Goat Farka charged himself for following Flasher on the run and whilst enjoying his DD announced he would be going to Indo-China for 3 months with his wife. Shat commented ”That’s like taking a monkey to the zoo”

Old Fart assured the circle that there would be plenty of spuds at next weeks run, no hills and free crownies to mark his fiftieth.

As  convenor  of this months Splinter lunch Circumference said he had chosen a Pizza/pasta joint run by Afghanis for the purposes of “assimilation” Talk of food reminded Sir Prince that he had taken his own birthday cake to a restaurant in London and was charged 8 pounds per person “cakeage”.

At this point a helicopter flew over and Two Dogs thought it was searching for a lost hashman.

By popular acclaim Sir Prince had a DD for a recent birthday as did Rug for coming up with a rather contrived hypothetical. Botcho solved the one posed by Aussie last week.

And that was the end of the circle.

Thanks to Crocodile and Flatulence for a long run in great country and an excellent nosh. Commiserations to those hashers who missed the plating up.

on on

Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1689
Hare: Pommy & Botcho
Location: State Forest. Pacific Pines
Date: 15th March, 2010

Scene: A pleasant park and barbeque area in a newly developed suburb. Pommy is attending to his pots over gas rings and  the aroma emanating augers well for a tasty meal. From out of the darkness the front runners burst on to the tranquil scene. Flasher, Blowfly,Blackie,Goat Farka Sir Slab and Bent Banana look pleased with themselves. When interviewed Banana said “bloody big hill, went 2 k’s no check, Blackie fell over a couple of times, hare had bad habit of calling us the wrong way otherwise a good run.”Blackie offered “Botcho sent front runners the wrong way, six of us”and Aussie reported that there were “short cutting bastards everywhere, a fucking good run”All runners appeared to have put in a good effort and were quite happy.

After cooling down and a few drinks the pack were served delicious kebab style sausages with a tsaziki dressing followed by a delicious chicken curry with a lingering lemongrass taste.

Just before the meal Old Fart appeared in his full scout leaders uniform and the Grand Master considered adopting a scarf and woggle as part of his regalia.

In a theatrical moment Cum Smoke introduced the GM and at his behest Goat Farka called the circle to order. The co-hares, Pommy and Botcho, were called out and the GM congratulated them on the run and Botcho recalled a time when Aussie had set a run in this location and there were no houses. Link said the nosh was “absolutely brilliant”and the GM and Aussie agreed. The hares enjoyed a Down Down as did Goat Farka for singing and dancing during the run. Goatie is working on a new hash song. Caustic Crusader was also a recipient for declining to say something about the GM and Missing Link also enjoyed a DD for being “a cheeky bastard”.

Visitors included Mother Brown from Surrey (another “soap dodger”according to somebody in the circle) and Ajay who is travelling the world at the tender age of 18. Returning runners Flasher and Girls joined the visitors in a DD. Flasher refused to talk about going to a girlie boy bar in the Philippines.

As assistant GM ,Botcho called out Sir Rabbit for offering to do a St.Patrick’s day run but then withdrawing due to the crèche being too busy. Whilst Sir Rabbit enjoyed his DD Aussie reminded the circle of “one sir”rule.

As the Incumbent Prick of the Week, Flatulence said he had several contenders including Old Fart for scout gear but settled on Link for abusing him in the Hash Cash line.

In another round of DD’s Cum Smoke enjoyed one for calling the GM when he was drunk and Point Two for achieving 950 runs. Well done Point Two! Showpony and Link were recognized as birthday boys. Moonbeams retold the joke about the 3 legged chicken and Now Loved failed miserably in telling a true story about a kid ,a dog, an airport and a fire crew. Aussie concluded proceedings with a hypothetical that had everyone stumped.

Next weeks run is Crocodile at the western or is it wet end of Coombabah.

Thanks to Pommy and Botcho for a good run, an impressive nosh and an excellent choice of venue.

ON ON
Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1688
Hare: Stubby & Cumsmoke
Location:  Wyangan Valley Way, Mudgeeraba
Date: 8th March, 2010

Our beloved Grand Master called what was a very ragged circle on the porch area of Stubbie’s pad. Once he had organized the “cheeky bastards”at the back the hares, Stubbie and Cum Smoke, were called out and Cum Smoke was blamed for setting a long false trail. Blackie thought it ‘a shit of a run’ mostly because he was reccing the same area for  the future. Now he is threatening to set a run which may involve a swim leg in the Nerang River . Botcho thought there could have been a few more checks but overall ‘a good run’and somebody mentioned it was a nice touch to have the hash anthem playing as the pack assembled.

On the nosh front the GM asked those hashmen whose origins were in the old dart whether we had been dining on cottage or shepherds pie. Whilst a consensus was not reached it was a bloody good feed and everybody had multiple helpings. Judging by Stubbie’s little helpers he could possibly be accused of insourcing. New member “Aussie” HP gave the nosh 8/10 and the GM gave the hares a down down.

The GM told incumbent Prick of the week, Dickie Knee, to “frock up”and moved on to Rug who announced that, despite the odds, he has been granted permanent residency (probably due to his clever phone throwing wife) and must leave the country to come back again to complete the process .When filling in the form Rug answered the “do you have a criminal record ”question with” I didn’t know you still needed one”

New hashmen/visitors were called into the circle .HP had been in Hong Kong and now is a “consultant” with the council and Trev, it was claimed, was brought along by Hitler. Joining them in a DD were returning runners Sir Slab(skiing), Flatulance (work)and Tight Arse(no excuse offered).

Botcho was recognized by the GM for his mighty contribution to the hash as Trail master and hash Cash and tonight as fill in Hash Flash.

After being in regalia for the appropriate amount of time the POW was called for and the ever shrinking  Dickie Knee(he has lost 14.5 kilos with a target of 25)said the prime candidate goes back to the last splinter lunch where Crocodile was the co-host in a supposed aquatic affair .Not only did Croc not turn up with his boat, he didn’t turn up at all to the emergency venue at Cav’s. However, Croc was saved by Flatulance, who had accepted a lift in the GM’s car leaving Dickie knee to keep walking.

On prompting from the GM Old Fart told the circle that one of his sons had been invested into the senior scouts and that he (Old Fart)had recently been on a scouting “leaderphile”(his words) camp and received the award for best fart.

Hitler then launched into a barrage of charges that involved the “younger” front runners not calling and the fact that it was Pussy Boy who was responsible for introducing Trev to hash. Trev and Pussy Boy enjoyed a DD.

Cum smoke offered the news he been to Sexpo where he saw lots of tits and dildos.

Blackie conveyed news that Mad Mike had fallen off a retaining wall and cracked a few ribs. Get well Mad Mike!

Throughout the circle Sir Rabbit was quietly standing at the back (can a circle have a back?) and contemplating the absence of Sir Prince. Is a twist to the Hare and the Tortoise he may be creeping towards the run ascendency.

Next weeks run is Pommy assisted by that man again, Botcho at “the back of Pacific Pines”. Aussie was heard to muse that means Canungra!

Thanks to Stubbie and Cum Smoke for another great hash night.

ON ON
Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1687
Hare: Moonbeams & Missing Link
Location: Velodrome, Nerang
Date: 1st March, 2010

“Rain made the run, kept the adrenalin going” said Bent Banana, a veteran of many such wild,wet and tropical runs in other places. Another veteran of rain, usually of a much lower temperature, Pommy, was pumped and remarked “through the mist, brilliant”as was Cum Agen who was impressed that “only one on back(was) washed out”. Blowfly was also happy saying “a good run, nice and wet, good for a change”whilst Two Dogs was incredulous that the adventurous pack had only run a third of the original distance as stated by the co-hairs in their preamble.

Such was the scene at the run of the M and M’s, Missing Link and Moonbeams. Link led the foaming pack out into the sheet raining dark abyss whilst your scribe and Sir A.H. stayed behind to marvel at the food preparation skills of Moonbeams. In their wisdom the hares had chosen an On On site with plenty of cover.

All woks were firing until it was noticed that one was beginning to melt into the plastic table. Crisis was averted and the fire brigade were not called, as opposed to a run in the same area some time ago. The hares served a hearty stir fry, groaning with ingredients, and an authentic tasting desert of tapioca and lychees. You can take these boys out of Asia but can you take the Asia out of the boys?

The Grand Master called a circle with a head count of 21. On request Sir Rabbit said he enjoyed the run although it was not good for the fur and was unimpressed that Link called him through the creek only to call him back again. Josephine just liked being back in the forest “rain or no rain” and Blackstump was stoked, Pussy Boy got momentarily lost and Mumbles led the pack down the wrong road with no torch but still claimed to have saved the day.

Reviews of the nosh included Two Dogs “beautiful” and Blackie who thought the tapioca looked like spoof but declined to provide a sample next week for a comparison test. The general consensus was that it was very good. For providing an excellent run and nosh the hares enjoyed a Down Down.

In other developments Sir Rabbit reported his child care centre was going well and Cum Smoke, acting on inside information from show business legal circles, charged Hitler with being an extra on Sea Patrol, which was not denied. Hitler provided his best desperado tough guy look. Josephine returned to Bent Banana his undies and shorts!! Moonbeans said he was going on a trip to visit 2 previous GM’s, Maggs and the founder of the Gold Coast Hash who is named the Elusive Illusion. The GM sent Moonbeams off with a hymn.

The GM, Nasty, announced that tomorrow was his 25^th anniversary and received the appropriate commiserations. He awarded himself a DD and one also to Mumbles for being married for 54 years and finishing active service in 1957!

Congratulations to Moonbeams and Missing Link for a brilliant evening produced under great duress. Thanks also to Show Pony for providing transport.

Thanks to Cum Smoke for filling in whilst your scribe was assisting in 1770 with the terrible mud crab plague they are experiencing.

ON ON
Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1686
Hare: Josephine
Location: Hamburger Hill, Parkwood
Date: 22nd February, 2010
As the hounds gathered on a balmy Monday evening the anticipation of Josephine’s hamburger nosh hung heavily in the air. Some commented that last years burgers had been the best ever, that was nice as some of this years had been left over from last year.

At the call of Trail Master Botcho the pack received final Josephine instructions about a cross arrow and to keep in the safety of the darkened unstable ditch rather than face the peril of a freshly sealed roadway. Post run instructions followed Flasher being provided with a Hash Safety Pack containing several mobile phones, GPS, flares, safety jacket, location map and taxi fare to assist in the smooth return of all hashers. With this the hare pointed to trail and the hounds set off.

As the hounds returned in several stages from several directions and by several modes of transport the backyard swimming pool was the place to be. However it was soon discovered the solar heating had failed with Stubby suffering significant shrinkage.

After a cool down nosh of hamburgers began the cremation process as pineapple, beetroot, tomatoes, lettuce and rolls surfaced on an immaculately – never used – work bench. Unfortunately, Harry the dog also consumed a number of hamburgers and the results of RSPCA inquiries will be public record in coming weeks.

After a hearty dinner, in which our beloved Grand Master also consumed some 4 burgers, circle was called by village mouth Goat Farka.

Run report of Bent Banana stated the run was sufficient with the point of elevation being a highlight of the run. Croc reported the walkers spent more time on the runners trail than most of the runners.

Further reports confirmed the Hare also became a victim of his of deviance and took a spill from the mighty bike.

As circle reports continued a bottle of the finest Hash liquor was passed around the circle, this special limited edition was brewed by Josephine’s long passed father over 25 years ago, whilst the origins are mysterious, the label of ‘stool sample’ did not appear to ward off any of our more adventurous hashers.

Jig Saw has been caught out short cutting his way around runs after ending up in a backyard citing Caustic Crusaders run tips. Following 3 fences and several ‘peeping tom’ charges he finished the run.

Next saw Dicky Knee, Croc and Hitler take centre stage for a down down from very new, very sparkly shoes.

Next POW Flasher acknowledged all hashers for being very rude, however the gong was passed to Dicky Knee for contacting Flashers wife during the week to locate the pots and pans and Mrs. Dicky was in New Zealand and couldn’t be contacted. This is obviously a trumped-up charge and the is no way Dicky would not know the location of the family kitchen. In a final insult to our group Flasher admitted breaking our beloved yard glass the previous week.

Dicky Knee remained in the circle as he celebrated his 63rd birthday, and was joined by Veteran at 65 and Sir Prince at 61.

Further down downs awards went to Seaman for BMX cross-dressing at Main Beach, Miscarriage in his absence for discussing pro-creation in Anna’s box. Further charges had Sir Rabbit charged by the GM for running an unregistered child care facility at the Rabbit Warren, and Two Dogs charging Sir Rabbit for forcing Mrs. Rabbit back to work at Dr. Flynn’s Bait & Tackle Academy.

However Cum Again advises Mrs. Rabbit has previously handled his matter and the results are encouraging.

A further charge was raised by Caustic Crusader against Kitchen Bitch for not attending tonight’s run due to a shoulder fracture sustained whilst fluffing mother’s pillow. Swollen Collen has been reported MIA and is currently holidaying in ‘fuck-knows-where’.

Rock Hard was provided a hymn to take back to WA hash from the Gold Coast. As the circle drew to a close Show Pony announced a neighbor of the hare’s had revered out over her driveway and hit the entire side of a Land Rover parked in the street. To much laughter aimed a Cum Smoke, it was announced that his Land Rover was indeed at home this evening – Veteran became very quiet for the end of circle.

Final arrangements have been made for this weeks Splinter Lunch being an Aquatic Affair (sounds gay – not only because Croc is involved either), all hashers are to meet at the Two Dogs flotilla at 11.30am departure, those slow to arrive may be collected from the water corner of Marine Parade and Burrow Street. Wine recommendations are Annie’s Lane Shiraz for a reef and beef lunch. Bring swimmers towel and Croc would like all hashers to bring baby oil to rub on each other after lunch. Cancelled due to a leaky boat. So go to Cavs, Labrador at 12
Next weeks hares have advised a bush run and the need for a torch and fresh batteries. This run has nothing to do with the hares purchase of Energizer shares.

Next weeks run number 1687 set for 1 March 2010
Hare : Moonbeams & Missing Link
Location: Velodrome
Hope Street
NERANG
Time : 6.15pm
Bring torch, spare batteries and chair;
Flasher bring GPS, flares and taxi money