Run: 1722
Hare: Aussie
Location: Coombabah
Date: 1st November, 2010

Aussie takes a dash of daring and steps outside of his beloved Labrador into a brand new venue, seems the invitation to attend a hash run also went out to the local squadron !!!!!! Mosquito squadron that is !!!!!!!!

The pack gathers at the gates of the nature reserve in Coombabah and the clock strikes 6 PM …………. Gates close!!! It’s 6PM .

On On round the gates and onward into the mosquito infested swamp the pack goes, kangaroos and native wildlife abound this spot of Aussie’s. Dicky Knee stays back to mind the keg and gear set up already by booze master Cumagen and his new able assistant Sir AH.

It’s now 6.35pm Dicky has retreated to the car to do his guard duties, seems some of the local squadron found they wanted to linger with Dicky and attempt to eat him alive.

Walkers wander off down past the airfield and the runners are out in the boonies dodging kangaroos.

The pack starts to arrive back at the nosh just as Sir Prince Valiant arrives via Victoria. He’s been down to Blowfly’s wedding (a comprehensive report is coming …….. seems sooooo much happened it will take a few days to prepare, stand-by it’s worth the wait)

A fantastic nosh with ABSOLUTE perfect portion allotment is dished up by Aussie. Roast chicken with all the trimmings is VERY well received by all, then followed by ice creams sticks to top of a great nosh……….. Well done Aussie!!!

GM Flasher is back from O/S circle is called at 8.35pm.

No sponsor the week …… seems GM had telecommunications hassles from O/S

Dicky Knee is in first ……. For no apparent reason …. “Just stand there Dicky”

Run comments are called for from trail master Caustic …….. “ Boring, Straight run, No shaggy ….. poor effort!!” is Caustic’s comment ….But don’t forget it is Caustic making them !!

Josephine is asked for further comment and he quotes it as “GREAT RUN 9/10” GM

(I’m confused!!)

Cumsmoke is asked to comment on the nosh ……..” It’s got to be Nosh Of The Year” GM , I also got two ice creams!!

Bung gives a note and refuses to quote on the after run activities of last week.

Dicky Knee finally gets called for yellow code ….. The GM figures he finally has this wirily fox in his sights, Dicky asks Crock …… No fucking idea!!! Then Blackie …… can’t even turn the computer on GM Hmmmmmmmmm GM might have Dicky.

Dicky fronts up with the letter “O” just as serial pest Pizza starts up an Italian chorus of “O” “O” “O” “O”

Dicky is OFF the hook!!! Amazing after all his interjection and comment on the one or two (Million) mossies.

Visitors ….. Barnacle from Porta Galera (Think that’s how you spellit!)

For those that have a GPS it’s 1357Nth 12139 East

Bent Banana is called the give a note and hands down a rendition of Barnacle Bill like no other.

A DD follows.

GM Flasher passes a vote of thanks to Sir AH for standing in while he has been swanning around in the typhoons overseas.

R/A is called………

Ferret gets it for R/A abuse ( Don’t know why anyone would do that)

Sir AH gives the note.

Missing Link is asked for comment on the splinter lunch …….. nothing for the press !!!!!!! A number somewhere between 17 and 22 attended depending on what part of Link’s comments you take it from. Ferret appears to have behaved, but couldn’t understand why the metre maids didn’t want to come home and meet Mummy ??????

POW Pizza called and through a slurrrrrrrrrred summary of abuse and wanting to take the prick home for the fourth week in a row (seems he has found a use for it ?????????) he finally settled on Dicky Knee who had to arm wrestle it off him. Dicky’s abuse of the Hash keg and frothy beer for everyone won Dicky POW. Not a bad attempt at the POW yard glass ….. but too much spillage!!

CHARGES are called by R/A Cumsmoke.

First up is Caustic with a very serious charge indeed…………..

A blatant abuse of THE FIRST RULE OF HASH says Caustic …. “A homophobic offence GM”

Seems a hash member has written “I LOVE COCK” into Caustic’s troublesome neighbour’s lawn with round-up weed killer!!!!!!!!!!

CUMSMOKE is charged with this very serious offence and for the first time appears to be totally lacking any defence.

The charge is put to the vote of the pack …………A resounding GUILTY AS CHARGED !!!!! is the result ……..

The upshot is ….it seems Caustic is now very popular in his street.

Pay back …….. Cumsmoke gets Caustic for his new abode

Seems it is co-habitation with benefits Hmmmmmmmm!

Two Dogs gives the note.

Sir Prince is asked for comment on the wedding of the year.

RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.

Convert the restaurant into a chapel in 30 minutes.

4 inches of water running under foot

Bridesmaids in gumboots.

That’s just a taste of what will be in Sir Prince’s wedding bliss report out soon.

Next week’s run …………BUNG

From Mariners Mate B-Arm Mariners Cove Main Beach.

It’s now 9.10pm

MOONBEAMS calls “ End of circle”

Run: 1721
Hare: Bent Banana
Location: Nerang
Date: 25th Oct, 2010

GCHHH Run 1721 Bent Banana

Poofta (Boat) Park Nerang saw the gathering of an unusually smaller number of hashers.

WELL THOSE WHO DID NOT ATTEND CERTAINLY MISSED OUT !!!

GM Flasher is still overseas spreading hash goodwill, so acting GM Sir AH calls the pack together just on 6.15pm where the hare declares the trail is on flour, paper and chalk. So guess we are off into the shiggy!!! The R/A’s powers prevail and the rains have gone completely around our trail leaving it perfectly marked. A few VERY minor sprinkles and the R/A has dodged the ice once again.

On On out into the darkness the pack goes, walkers you will see a “W” for you so follow that, the rest of you On On.

First officially back is Cumagen, just in time to fix the gas on the keg that Sir AH and many other advisors have completely stuffed up!!

It’s a full moon night and the pack gathers for a few cold beers of the keg and then amazing corned beef, cabbage, carrots potatoes and homemade pickles. Sounds mouth watering doesn’t it …… WELL IT WAS !!!! No portion control tonight there is heaps to go round!!

This was followed by homemade fruit salad and whipped or option pure cream.

By this stage the pack are happily replete and rubbing their full bellies thinking of those poor bastards that are not here!

8.28 Sir AH calls circle.

Latrine is asked to comment on the nosh and reverts to KB for a score 9.9/10 is the score …… a SERIOUS contender for N.O.T.Y.

Sir Slab comments on the run …….. VERY VERY good run was the result, well marked with interesting elements like creek crossings and the like.

Sir Slab offers a note.

Next week’s run is Aussie somewhere in the Paris end of Labrador.

POW Pizza is missing, rumored to be tied up with his harriette polishing up the prick.

The R/A is up next dressed in his off duty R/A gear, seems the papal gear is only for formal occasions now (me thinks the dry-cleaning bills are killing him)

Any charges???

KB is up first …… seems caustic has added to the poor reputation of the Gold Coast police by using the police vehicle as a taxi to get home (at 6AM) from the V8 races.

KB gives a note.

Sir Slab remarks on the lack of courtesy exhibited by Blackie having knocked an old lady over while on the hash bike ride. The lady ends up unconscious and Blackie rides on ?? The comment was “Just a bloody Kiwi!!”

Sir Slab offers a note.

Caustic gives it to missing link for falling OFF BOTH SIDES of the bridge crossing.

Old Fart gets it for his first venture into handy-man extraordinaire. If the R/A can do it anyone can is the theory!!! Wrong…….. seems all went OK with mounting the clothes dryer on the wall UNTIL it came time to open the lid of the washing machine ????????? But he (the team) won the footy on the weekend.

Bent Banana offers a “howl at the moon” note.

Moonbeams confesses to being first to lose his shiny new Hash glass……… But that’s OK acting GM “I found a box of brand new ones “.

Two Dogs is accused of stealing Nasty’s parking spot by driving up the wrong side of the road to get it. Don’t forget we are across the road from V8 Super Car headquarters. So Two Dogs figures he can do what he wants.

Nasty gives a note.

REMINDER …. Splinter lunch THIS Friday call Qwakka or Sir Rabbit to register or run the risk of missing out on the super dooper steak.

Bung is called to nominate the secret letter ……. Bit hard without a computer Acting GM .

It’s “T” of course but Bung gets a DD anyway!!!

It’s 8.45 PM and Moonbeams is twitching on this full moon night……. A world record for the shortest circle is looming!!!!

8.46 PM Moonbeams does it !!!! END OF CIRCLE …….. A record!!!

On On

KB .

Well done Bent Banana …….. Corned beef sangers for the next week .. Yum!!!

Run: 1720
Hare: Two Dogs & Hierarchy
Location: Main Beach
Date: 18th Oct, 2010

With all graft corruption and OBVIOUS slings in place, the final starting grid and handicaps were in place for the highly contested Two Dogs V8 dash.

KB gets the job of catering for the nosh and asks Two Dogs “how many do you normally get ??? Maybe 30 !!! Two Dogs replies. Hmmmmmmm !!! Better throw in a few more “just in case” me thinks.

33,34 and they are still coming………. Shit !!!!!

The pack gathers, Veteran stretches quietly out of site, Cumsmoke hands over a paper bag ( wonder just what is in it). Swollen is studying the street directory and Caustic is applying the camouflage paint. All is ready!!!! 38,39 FUCK 40 Starters!!!! Must be summer and Two Dogs has completely underestimated his own popularity.

8 minute starters head off much to the heckling of the more handicapped (non payers) in Two Dog’s list.

Last ones away are Pussy Boy, Hitler and Dumbshit…. So they should they are less than half the age of most of the pack.

First back is Pizza who has had a casual stroll down Tedder Ave spreading Hash goodwill. Better get over here and help out KB Pizza I’m in the shit with the numbers.
Official first back arrives not long after and full marks to the handicapper the whole pack is back within 3 minutes from first to last.

Race track food is the order of the day ……… So this is where I your sharing and caring On Sec needs to pass on a very appreciative THANK YOU to a few very willing volunteers who jumped in to help with the nosh. Firstly Sir Prince … one quick call and the Wok, Oil, gas ring and tools were there along with Sir Prince’s help. Then Pizza jumped in and chopped up all the extra bits, Dicky Knee lined all the fish and chip bags and Sir AH was ever willing to assist with (portion control) serving the masses. Let alone the calls on Monday arvo to offer assistance from a few others, to all of you THANK YOU!!!

Paper bag fish and chips followed by hot dogs and then a steak sandwich with the late offer of optional bacon seemed to fill the bellies of the hungry lot. Somehow we got through (sorry to the few guys who missed out on the fish and chips) just enough hot dogs and one and a half steaks left over.

Our stand in GM Sir AH calls for circle ……. It’s 8.05 pm.

The hare Two Dogs is called to circle and gives a summary of the event. 40 runners !!! 3 Minutes over the total finish times and a pocket full of graft and corruption…….. not a bad event!!!
Fastest time goes to Kee Tee ??? at 18.16 minutes followed by Pussy boy and Blow fly seconds behind.

Turd Third place somehow goes to our R/A Cumsmoke ( he either has plenty on Two Dogs or has done some sort of immunity deal.. Me thinks)

Second place goes to a very deserving Cumagen who arrived back in a lather of sweat 3 seconds behind our winner “Veteran”

Prizes at enormous expense are handed to the podium finishers and last year’s winner Swollen hands over the official winners shirt complete with this year’s perspiration dripping from it to our very deserving winner. DDs all round and Swollen gives a note.

Two Dogs thanks KB, Dicky Knee, Sir Prince, Pizza and Sir AH for doing the nosh.

Bent Banana jumps in and announces next week’s run is from Poofter Park at Nerang (first rule of hash ????)

The story of the sequel to last week’s run comes out … it seems Swollen and the German interpreter having been chucked out of the brewery a tad early decided to visit the Grand Hotel and spread a little Hash goodwill. Well somehow they must have caught the eye of the bouncer. “Can’t wear that in here sir” So the swat sicker comes off. “Can’t wear that in here sir” So the hat comes off. Can’t have that in here sir” So the bag with all the gear goes out to the car!!

“Think you and your lanky friend had better leave sir”…. FUCK YOU !!

And that was the end of the goodwill trip for another year!!

Pizza gives a note sounding more like a version of Italian opera (maybe)

Sir AH finds a very somber moment and calls on Miscarriage to impart his wealth of knowledge on blissful marriage, giving Blowfly invaluable guidance for his future happiness.

POW Pizza is called to circle confessing to a slight over indulgence last week resulting in misplacing the “prick” Hmmmmmmm !!
Seems Caustic stole it !!

Pizza has done “NO preparation on the POW “so he takes the opportunity to let the pack know that he is not taking kindly to the new Christian names he has been given at Hash lately. He finds the new names of “Fuck off” Pizza, “ Shut the fuck up” Pizza and “Piss off” Pizza a little offensive…. But we all know what happens when you complain about your Hash name… Don’t we!!

Caustic gives a note

Pizza come back later with the POW candidates”.

Sir AH announces a Gold Card will be awarded tonight !!!! Sir Prince is the awarded one, and well deserved too!!!

KB gives him a note.

THE R/A is called.

CHARGES ???

Sir Prince pipes up and asks if any Hashman knows about a recent incident in Spain.

Seems Miscarriage might have headed down the spread a little Hash goodwill into the gay area of Madrid… off to the internet café with the 24 year old daughter of a close (not now) friend ….. That somehow tuned into turning up at a “Pommy Bay” at 4am meeting a Spanish guy (hard to do in Spain ???

Seems Miscarraige was bigger than him …… (Call the Guinness book of records quick)
Lost his “I-phone” , Lost the 24 year old, Lost 300 Euro and copped a phone bill of $2,500.

NOT BAD FOR A TRIP to “The internet café”

So now he is off to Thailand to see if he can better that effort!!!!

Ferret gives a note.

Pussy boy gets nabbed for new shoes …. A smelly DD follows

Hitler offers the note.

Pizza is back for POW nominations …….. He is still waffling!!

Sir Rabbit REJECTS all the lame charges.

Pizza gets the POW back !!!

Fuck .. that means he will be back next week!!!!!!!!

Dicky Knee offers a note.

Visitors are called
ex Tasmanian Hasher Tee Kee?? and second time runner Mirco from Switzerland get a DD
Dicky Knee offers another note.

Show Pony, Black stump, Moonbeams, Nasty and Semen along with Two Dogs get a DD
R/A offers the note.

Missing Link reminds all off the rules regarding your cost for the Christmas run…… bottom line is … it’s 8 weeks away and you need to have 10 runs up or you will pay extra over the standard $20

RETURNING RUNNERS

(Dobbed by Hitler) Miscarraige and Pussy Boy.
Aussie gives a note.
It’s 8.45pm and Moonbeams calls … “End of circle”

On On
KB.
Thanks again Prince, Dicky, Sir AH, Pizza and Bung ( for the paper again)

Run: 1719
Hare: Swollon Colon & Hierarchy
Location: Biggera waters
Date: 11th Oct, 2010

Well…. some will have seen the On Sec in the blonde wig.
Seems the On Sec had a blonde (or maybe seniors) moment, spent too much time in the kitchen and completely forgot to take notes.

So I will wing it from the foggy memories I have outside of the beautiful water wings on our assistant for the night.

The night started many weeks ago and always promised to be a good one !!
DRESS AND SPEAK GERMAN !!!! were the instructions from trail master Caustic.
Vell zee night vas to be a whole eep of zee fun if za mood and get ups of zee pack vas any inducassshion! Sir AH even has zee original 1939 model !!!! Link has zee lederhosen found in some gay bay in Munich.

Colonel Schultz from zee German short arm regiment assisted by his interpreter Sergeant Hietowzer Frederik Latrine zee turd gave zee pack zee long and zee short of it on zee rrrun.
Zee walkerrrs vill go arooound zee block and zee rrrrrunners will follow zee trail on the shortest hash runn in history yaaa!!!

A record 12 (yes TWELVE) of the pack stayed back at zee brewery to ASSIST the assistant and sample zee booze.

Aussie bottled his own brew to share with zee pack ……ONE DAY !!

Back in record time the pack got their hands on the complimentary beer glasses and the booze flowed freely.

Circle first calls Flasher ….. Dicky Knee is no-where to be seen so Flasher has to call it again and again.

ICE, ICE and more ICE it is obvious the R/A has finally lost control of the weather gods and his is in zee shitenhouser.

Icings are the flavor of the night including ex GM Nasty bare arsed on the ice.

Hitler and Pussy Boy get it for selective attendance and stand on the ice.

FINALLY ………… The R/A gets it and Flasher gives him the ultimate of icings with BOTH feet on the ICE TUB.

POW goes to the “quite one” Pizza who could be talking Italian, German or Swahili and no one would know the difference.

Moonbeams calls end of circle!!

Sir Prince’s German snags, KB’s spuds, Sis AH’s sauerkraut and Link’s Apple strudel are found very popular with the pack and our assistant cleaning up the lot.
It’s now 9 O’clock and the curfew at the brewery is here, thank goodness we are all getting a bit pissy!!!

On zee On yaaa!

KB

Run: 1718
Hare: Arseup & VD
Location: Ashmore
Date: 4th Oct, 2010

Summer must be here !!!!

Our Hash numbers are on the increase!!

27,28,29 FUCK !!! say VD.

The pack gathers in the middle of beautiful Benowa for VD’s third run this year (should have it right by now!!) Arse-up has set a trail through the scrub and around the hills of Benowa … markings are under trees and lights where ever possible and the recent heavy rain appears to be staying away….. Amazing the powers of our R/A !!!
31,32,33 FUUUUUUUUCK !!!! VD calls KB in ……..Portion control!!! Portion control!!!

The pack heads out into the wilds and the walkers take a leisurely stroll around the hills, only to spot Sir Prince leaving out the side gate of a property….. “just popped in for a coldly” ………….Where’s ours???

The pack gathers back at the park with excellent comments flowing on the run!!

34,35 FUCK 36

More water in the soup KB !!!

GM Flasher calls “circle in 5 Minutes”

Able assistant Dicky Knee calls “Circle in 5 Minutes”

The beer flows freely and the rumor spreads that the Booze Master MAY have secured an assistant booze master and we will soon be back on the “ Keg gig” real soon.

Flasher calls circle in 3 Minutes.

Dicky Knee calls circle in 4 Minutes ????

Sir AH is hiding from the R/A … figures that painting job cannot have gone well with all this rain … “I’m laying low “

Circle in 1 minute says Flasher

Circle in 4 minutes say Dicky Knee.

Shut the fuck up says Flasher.

Circle in 1 minute is the immediate response from Dicky!!

8.30 PM on the dot circle is called.

Why are we waiting ?? Why are we waiting?? Echoes through the park… seems Flasher had trouble with the mystery dog collar and chain ????????????????

Tonight’s sponsor is announced as Ferret’s Fumigation Service ( Beds are a specialty) Dutch ovens optional.

First up as usual are the hares…. Arse Up and VD

Moonbeams is asked for his input on the run …… “Sweeping was great and a very interesting run with great markings GM” At times Moonbeams didn’t know if he was heading North, South East or West he says!! ( not bad considering he walked it )

8 out of 10 GM !!! was the score.

Sir Slab commented on the nosh and asked VD if he came in on budget????

OF COURSE !!!!! says VD

Great job !!!! MATE was Sir Slab’s comment … it was noted that NO score out of ten was offered. It should also be noted that the portion control worked a treat with a few lucky hashers even coming back for seconds.

Bent Banana offers a note.

Ferret is busy counting and POTENTIALLY doubting the hash cash’s numbers…. Seems his accounting background sees him have the occasional break out in this direction ……. All is well the count is confirmed at 36.

RETURNING RUNNERS.

Nasty ….. Back from China ( AGAIN) and Singapore.

Dumb shit …. Back from Bali.

Moonbeams …… back from his fourth honeymoon.

Pizza …… back from the Paris end of Bundall and his new computer course.

Semen …. Back from the blue waters of the Pacific.

Mumbles …… Back from visiting Rose (great to see you back)

IT WAS NOTED THAT THERE WERE NO PRESENTS FOR THE GM from any of these R/Rs. Pizza offered a dose of some STD he carries but it was politely declined.

Mumbles then finds a need to bring the pack up to speed with what has gone on in his absence ….. Your On Sec will attempt to translate.

“ Mmmmm nnnnn zzz the mmmm zzzz wwww and mmmmm plunger mmmm nnnn zzzzzzz wwwwwww so the mmmmmmmm hhhh nn . Then I mmmmmmmmm www vvnnnnnnnn ppppppppp nnn oooo plunger got mmmm nnn ssssssssss oooooo . So that’s the way it was.”

Swollen offered a note.

VISITORS ….

Just Stephen quest of Caustic.

Short circuit. (Interhash reporter)

Tidal wave. Moving here.

Mumbles offers a note..

Next up is our illustrious R/A in full regalia.

He enters the circle with an obvious amount of spunk in his stride.

First up are the hares ……. Complimentary bugs in the nosh is the charge.

Seems the R/A is the only one with them …… (must have been standing next to Pizza)

Dicky Knee offers a note.

Latrine is called in for his Harry High Pants …. Standing next to the R/A he still tops his height even with the Papal hat on.

Now Loved is also called for Dress code regulations .. simple answer for the shirt on inside out ……… “the outside is dirty R/A”

Booze Master is in for transferring the Hieneken brewery from Holland to Germany without telling the dutch.

Semen offers a note.

R/A calls for charges ……… NOT ONE comes forward.

POW Rug is up next.

His most favoured are ……

Ferret …….. Seems he feels he could be calling Rug a dumbshit too.

Blowfly …. Pushing in…..in front of the GM.

Pizza ….. Critical of the pasta (nosh)

However he risks breaking Hash rules and gives the POW to a sometimes visitor. Simon from the Hong Kong Hash …….. Better known as Nasty.

The reason for awarding the POW to Nasty…….. Simple !!! “To bring him back next week”

Nasty goes to HOT FAVOURITE to win the POW DD competition….. He drops it in ONE gulp and doesn’t spill a drop. Latrine and Nasty fight out the lead…. Latrine has the timing record however the consumption/spillage level is certainly Nasty’s.

Sir Prince is called for the secret letter comp and confesses to not looking BEFORE it is declared that there wasn’t one this week ….. A DD followes for Sir Prince.

Botcho gives a note.

Trail Master Caustic reminds the pack of the NOT TO BE MISSED Octoberfest next week.

$20 a head for all you can eat and drink with additional entertainment.

DRESS RULES APPLY ……….. Wear something German!!!!

………. Hogan’s Heros springs to mind.

Rumour has it the R/A is coming as a Jewish rabbi.

The V8 Supercar bookie has blamed the “Fuck me the computer crashed” excuse. Real fact is ……. He is holding that much on this one event he cannot lay the bets off anywhere.

Seems there has been a late mail on Semen having some potion he picked up O/S and Cumsmoke has got his hands on it……. Or is that HAND ON IT??

Nasty makes a plea for assistance to take over two runs he is not here for …. Trail master Caustic (how did he get that name ?? ) is quick to note that this is Nasty’s sixth change.

Swollen offers advice on farting on public transport ………. Ferret listens intently!!

Moonbeams calls “END OF CIRCLE”

It’s 9.00 PM on the dot !!!!!!!!