Run: 1768
Date: Monday 19th September 2011
Hare: Cumagen
Venue: The Observatory
Runners: 28 + 1

Weeks to AGPU: 38
What a difference a couple of weeks can make in Hash! A great venue, some hills, bush, great tucker and a great run, mixed with nearly summer like conditions.
It started a bit suspect though, Josephine’s high tech sat nav did not want to comply, or knew better, as it continually tried sending us any where but to the heights of the observatory.
Maybe it was there on a past run of many moons ago, freezing, windy, raining and a surplus of bush and hills. Times have changed with conditions much better, many more houses and bike paths but just as many hills.

We finally arrived with little thanks to “sulking Sally sat nav” to find Latrine had made yet another guest appearance and was deep in meditation, no doubt readying himself for the punishing run to come. Sir Prince even had to borrow the Princess’s V8 Merc to make it all the way to the run and get up the hills to the start.

Being on top of the hill the inevitable downhill leg started with a check and on back soon encountered followed by another up hill leg. Hard to put much into the description as similar to many of Sir Slab’s runs at Robina, one just seems to wonder back and forth with absolutely no idea where they are. Lots of bush, lots of bike paths, and of course lots of hills, though not the Blackstump “goes forever type”, just short and sharp.

Checks and arrows abounded as we continued through the night. It was hard to imagine how anyone could stray off such a well set course, however we always have serial offender, Flasher, in tow. He of the Hobbit build just has to go where no one else has gone before and runs right past double left “hard on” arrows and then has the audacity to yell out “are you on” as the rest of the pack easily follows the well set trail.

I would suggest that each week commences with an automatic icing of Flasher who would have, with very little doubt, somehow have missed the trail.
Back at base camp, and I do mean base camp, at some several thousand meters above the rest of the Gold Coast, the pack regroups to the free beers presented by birthday boys, Botulism and Sir Rabbit, as Latrine disappears, yet again into the night on his trusty tredly.

And speaking of tredlies much of the circle is spent on dishing out misdemeanours to those on the weekend 100km mountain bike ride down the Brisbane Valley, including numerous accidents and Flasher for trying the equivalent of rowing a bathtub around Cape Horn!
By the way, the nosh was a fine feast of de-boned chicken and speciality sauce with rice an veggies followed by raspberry tart and ice cream (I think), with many suggesting outsourcing via Mrs Cumagain.

The run was given a resounding 9/10 by both Caustic and Arse Up whilst Sir Rabbit gave the food great marks providing they were one less than his score of a few weeks ago meaning a paltry 6.5/10, it deserved better.

However it does make the race for the “run of the year score” very interesting. However Crocodile did complain about the walk saying they had to do it several times as they kept ending up at home.
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Down Downs:
Ringbark, Blackstump, Caustic (proxy for Latrine): Returning runners

Cumagain: Hare

Sir Prince: Hat in circle

Sir Prince: Prang at Esk on weekend trying to take out Hierarchy member (yours truly)

Missing Link: Prang at weekend

Flasher: Trying impossible feat on crap $89 Target bike

Crocodile: Prang on weekend, forgot to take foot of peddle

Sir Rabbit & Botulism; Birthday boys, thanks for the beers

Ferret: Assisting in updating records but writing Rainbow’s birthday as 31st February

Crocodile: Frivolous attempt at charging Sir Slab for affecting his golf game due to rigorous weekend

Caustic (alias/proxy for Latrine): & Missing Link: Not knowing location of “Mystery Foot”

Caustic (proxy for Latrine) & Rabbit (proxy for Caustic): being delinquents

Sir Slab was also presented with a rail spike from the rail trail for his efforts on the weekend

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
1. BUDD’S BEACH BIKE RIDE, SUNDAY 2ND OCTOBER AT 09:30
BRING A CHAIR, ONLY $10.00 PER PERSON FOR A GREAT FEED,
DRINKS ON SALE AT USUAL ROCK BOTTOM PRICES
2. 3rd October, October fest run by Bent Banana, wear appropriate attire
3. 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1767
Date: Monday 12th September 2011
Hare: Rectum
Venue: The Spit Main Beach
Runners: 34 + 1

Weeks to AGPU: 39
I keep saying this, but somehow another debacle was just avoided as Rectum stepped up to the plate to cover for Blowfly who had come up with some feeble excuse to avoid setting a run. How could the impending birth of your child be more important that Monday night at Hash?

It’s nearly as bad as staying away to celebrate a wedding anniversary. Anyhow the problems were just beginning as Rectum thought he had the quick fix sorted by negotiating with the local fish & chip shop for a bargain feed for 30+ athletes. However upon confirming at a later time, he found the person he had done the deal with was not there and no one knew of the event nor would they do the feed at the alleged price. After some nervous moments and smooth talking Rectum had saved his, well rectum, from an inevitable icing.

As we were on strict time limits we were quickly set on our way into very familiar grounds, it was just a mater of up the Spit to upset those that dwell amongst the bushes or down to Main beach to upset the local pimps and pros. Being told it was a seafood dinner we wondered whether the great Hierarchy had exceeded expectations and booked the Versace for dinner?

Or maybe at Saks, no onwards, possibly a seafood feast and open bar at Omeros brothers or Glass? We continued past these reputable venues and ran towards Fisherman’s Wharf, to start a fight some suggested. However upon sending in Cumsmoke as our decoy we discovered the on back and continued south to the Yacht Club.

Would I have to use my members card to get the rabble in for drinks at the bar? No onwards where the pack became confused and spread in all directions. Latrine, making a guest appearance, headed off to the south and soon returned sighting the on back. However he missed the on trail to the right and more confusion reigned. Fortunately, as often happens, the trail was rediscovered and we continued through the back streets emerging at the Surf Club for the run north along the beach path.

The actual trail headed down the beach but only a select few took the opportunity for the picturesque run alongside a moonlit ocean. Back on the path, and dangerously close to home, most of the pack turned left at the Mirage and headed for home. The remainder headed north to the Seaworld car park before turning back. A good run considering the difficult conditions.

The feed as expected was not as lavish as the Versace but at least next door (“pity the poor bloke paying $400 for the night listening to this lot”, Nasty commented), and the fish and chip feast was more than ample followed by ice cream on bread (as many had it).

Looking like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock’s,” The Birds” we sat surrounded by the marauding seagulls ready to pounce on any discarded morsels or in fact any discarded Hasher.
AH was called for the nosh report and stated it could have been wrapped in newspaper and gave a 4/10 but this was upped to 5 upon appearance of the ice cream. Slab gave the run report saying it was well set and gave it a 5. A great effort at short notice, well done Rectum.
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Down Downs:
Prawn Star & Rainbow; Returning runners
John; Now named “Swindler” having worked or I“CON” Energy

Walkers were again called to notice by the RA and asked for their notes as to why they were walking. Crocodile quickly handed over a $20 and was excused, AH handed over his bank balance statement and was excused leaving Swindler and Kwakka to cop the down down

Mumbles; Not knowing left from right when asked to monitor the left handed drinkers

Crocodile & Missing Link; Drinking from wrong hand

Pizza & Cumsmoke; Double handed down downs for numerous charges as stated by Caustic including statements referring to the gay Hash, and I don’t mean happy Hash
Caustic; And iced for being a stool pigeon and laying charges in the first place

Nasty; As charged by rainbow for arriving at airport in Melbourne for flight but on the wrong day

Moonbeams; Trying to charge someone but backfired as he admitted to taking afternoon nap on a Monday

Lyn; Bilge Pumps missus showed up and partaking in a down down on Bilge’s behalf

Rectum; Hare
Cumsmoke; POW by Flasher for Gay aspirations. Footnote; With Caustic still on the ice it brought back memories of the past Hierarchy as all three exchanged abuses

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
BUDD’S BEACH BIKE RIDE, SUNDAY 2ND OCTOBER AT 09:30
BRING A CHAIR, ONLY $15.00 PER PERSON FOR A GREAT FEED,
DRINKS ON SALE AT USUAL ROCK BOTTOM PRICES

Annual Hash Relay
Since 1968 one of the highlights of hashing for us and many other Hashers has been the Annual Hash Relay. 
The 2012 Relay on 3/3/12 is planned to be ‘Off the Planet” with action centred in the Warrumbungles near the NSW Central West town of Coonabarabran.
Book your place in the GCHHH Team now

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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1766
Date: Monday 5th September 2011
Hare: Sir Rabbit
Venue: Dodgers Football Club, Labrador
Runners: 33

Weeks to AGPU: 40
Was another debacle in the brewing, Sir Rabbit’s Bar & Grill was still not ready for opening after several years of extensive renovations, familiar surrounds, and the weather looked dodgy as Sir Rabbit anxiously studied the radar and called upon the RA’s intervention?

The pack arrived at the new location, Dodgers Club, to find the gates locked and Sir Rabbit’s fur in a ruffle as he looked for options. To no avail as the pack was called to order and set off in seemingly familiar directions. Across Oxley Drive we ran and into the enclave of dodgy back streets before emerging through a hole in the fence and traversing potentially dangerous grounds, possibly occupied by the armed and dangerous. Quickly the well organised pack ran through in tight formation and over the road to the bush around the cricket club.

Back over Oxley Drive and more back streets and bike paths. Sir Rabbit remained in close proximity on his trusted bike ensuring the pack didn’t stray too far off course. Magician, a visitor from Vietnam, ran in his customary tribal sandals to the bewilderment of the seemingly talented athletes in tow.

We finally emerged at Sir Point Two’s residence hoping to raid the fridge of his VB’s, but instead had to settle for just paying homage to the soon to be vacated abode. The trail then continued south towards the hockey fields where a nervous and now somewhat reluctant pack followed. Through the park, across bridges, through the scrub and along the fence line we went, until again emerging in familiar surrounds but not quite knowing how we got there.

After some coming and going, crossing paths, and some short cutting we set off along the creek for the run home. A couple of usual suspects scented their way home across the footy ground, claiming the trail lead them, whilst the rest of us trudged along the real trail through the scrub and slop before emerging at the creek crossing to the obvious joy of the pack.

It was then a short trot across the field to a large pack already well home and into the refreshments, including serial late comer, KB. Good use of a well worn area and in fact even finding a few new paths.
The nosh was a quality chilli dish and highlighted by the ever resourceful Hare, providing dessert from his vending receptacle. Sir Prince Valiant gave the run a glowing report, commenting on his religious experience, with Miscarriage quickly concurring. Pizza’s food report was the usual waste of time, so the GM turned to Josephine to make sense, who quickly gave a 7/10 which was then upped to 7.5 following the dessert arrival.
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Down Downs:
Jigsaw: For printing out “mystery foot” photo and Missing link for not being able to name all in photo

Miscarriage: Called to order by the RA for potentially bringing the Hash into disrepute by perving into people’s back yards

Sir Rabbit: Wearing non Hash hat (“I’ve been to Urbenville”)

Sir Point Two: 1003 runs (allegedly) since 1984, and recalled his first run at Gaven. A warm farewell was given to a popular and long serving member who is off to start the Urbenville Hash, run for Mayor, buy (or at least support) the pub and try to notch up another 1000 runs

Crocodile: Trying to charge Flasher for trying to blame Goatfarker for disappearance of his ironing board alter, which he allegedly found in the bush, however alter was not recognised and down down reversed

Miscarriage: Charged by Sir Prince for consuming with his prized marmalade, behind his back
Magician & Short Circuit: Visitors

Flasher: POW from Sir Point Two for having no life and spending all his time sending trivial emails
Flasher: Shrapnel found in cash bucket

KB: Late arrival, but claiming to have gone on trail

Jigsaw: 65th birthday, thanks for the Coronas

Pizza & Crocodile: For slack jokes (I think)

Sir Rabbit: Hare

The increasing numbers of walkers were put on notice and ordered by the RA to bring medical certificates as to why they had to walk
GOOD LUCK SIR POINT TWO, KEEP VISITING, AND BE PREPARED FOR MANY A VISITOR DOWN URBENVILLE WAY.

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
BUDD’S BEACH BIKE RIDE, SUNDAY 2ND OCTOBER AT 09:30
BRING A CHAIR, ONLY $15.00 PER PERSON FOR A GREAT FEED,
DRINKS ON SALE AT USUAL ROCK BOTTOM PRICES
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1765
Date: Monday 29th August 2011
Hare: Sir AH
Venue: Off Nerang M’Bah Rd Nerang

Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 42

Oh what a difference a trailer makes! Freed from the shackles of hosting runs from parks with BBQ’s in Labrador and suburbia in general, it was great to see the return of the trailer and a run set in the bush.

Of course with the return of the trailer we also got to ask the now familiar question, ‘How many Hashers does it take to light a BBQ?’ With 6:15 fast approaching and half the pack still stuffing around with the gas, (Where is Seamen when you need him?), the GM called the group together and due to the daunting nature of the surrounding hills and bushland, called on the RA to bless the run. The RA provided a blessing for the Run and the Hare, but unfortunately forgot to bless the poor little Skippy found mid-trail with an arrow up its arse.

Following some very sparse direction from Sir AH the pack took off for the hills, then some more hills, followed by some more hills, then finally the last few hills before returning home. (If ya haven’t got the point by now, all I can remember is there were lots of fucking hills!)

Back at the On On venue the BBQ was finally alight thanks to Pizza dodging the run and heading back to town to buy some matches. The table that Sir AH had meticulously set up for the hierarchy was quickly populated by ‘next year would be committee members’, and yes, we have your names. The Nosh consisted of red and yellow curries served with rice, and apple strudel and custard for desert.

The Circle.

Down downs commenced with Now Loved (returning runner) and Bum Crack (a visitor).
The GM noted a special thank you to Old Fart for bringing the trailer, and to Pizza for going off to get the matches.

Sir Slab provided a run report and noted that the run was well marked, was a return to some good serious hashing, and slightly undulating. Score – 8/10

KB provided the Nosh report and noted there was no need for portion control, however that may have been due to Cumsmoke being absent. Score – 8/10

Further Down Downs went to – Sir AH ( Hare), Flasher ( not recognising Sir Ah’s 100th run),

Nasty and Cumagain (returning runners), Missing Link (drinking from left hand), Rug (not reporting Link’s indiscretion),

Moonbeams for sitting near the head of the hierarchy table.

Caustic took the floor and detailed the plight of some poor bastard who needs to give $70M to registered charities. So if you know a legitimate registered Australian charity that can help him out, speak with Caustic.

Sir Rabbit provided a report on the Splinter lunch and the much anticipated launch of the new shirt.

POW was carried over (or maybe it’s been carried off to Urbenville?)

The GM then asked Caustic where the foot was located in last week’s words. He didn’t have a fucking clue so he asked Pizza, Nuh, then Link, Nuh, then Cumagen, then Arseup, Rug, Sir Rabbit, Moonbeams,……. What a fucking debacle this has turned into! Finally Sir Slab restored order by providing the correct answer and the mammoth Down Down commenced.

On a more sombre note, Rectum addressed the circle and advised that he and Pizza had been working with a group to raise funds for an orphanage in Cambodia. After giving a small insight into the plight of these poor little beggars, a hat was passed round for anyone who wished to help this cause and make a donation. With the committee throwing in $100 we collectively donated $250.50. Well done everyone.

With no further business, Moonbeams was finally called on to end the circle.

All in all, an excellent traditional Hashing night so thanks again to Sir AH.

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

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Run: 1764
Date: Monday 22nd August 2011
Hare: Ferret
Venue: Ferret’s abode, Mermaid Beach
Runners: 26

Weeks to AGPU: 43
The debacles continue. The RA, after working overtime on Sunday controlling the inclement weather, decided not to attend on Monday thus causing unprecedented driving rain, quickly destroying any possible attempt by Ferret to set a run.
I’m sure he’s thrilled his run was swapped around. The venue was quickly cancelled and the reasonable crowd (obviously no one has a life on Mondays bar Hash) made their way to Ferret’s abode to dry and protected surrounds (and a chance to raid his wine cabinet).
Fortunately Sir Point Two, on his last drive for the Northern Alliance arrived just in time otherwise we would have been no wiser to the venue change and would have been forced to an evening of beers at the Kurrawa Surf Club or similar (pity about that).

The rain was still pouring, and the free Becks was flowing for Ferret’s birthday, as a small pack of 7 runners departed. This consisted of Blackstump, who after his Hawaii trip and having to endure the hardship of economy class, decided the North Burleigh Surf Club was enough.

The second pack of Rock Hard, Missing link and myself decided to time our run in order to return by 7:15pm, in true Hash tradition and turned near Burleigh central. And the final pack of over achievers of Miscarriage, Rectum and Bent Banana, decided that the entry to Burleigh Hill was the mark.

Apparently Miscarriage, still hyped up from his grovelling, snout troughing session at his stadium opening in Mackay, suggested they continue through the park, only to see it fall on deaf ears. Rectum thought he was lost on the way home but fortunately he could home in on the constant drone of Cumsmoke’s ramblings.

Back at the Ferret cave the group marvelled at his collection of ropes (one can only guess what for), number plates (must have worked on them on the inside) and cruise ship certificates (seeming to indicate he keeps going in circles). I also noted that there were some 15 odd awards, hanging on the wall for Romeo (Mrs Ferret), showing her success at real estate and obviously the bread winner for many many years.
The nosh consisted of tomato soup, gourmet “Barry” burgers and birthday cake, which received a very high 8.5 mark from Cumsmoke, who of course consumed some three burgers and god knows what else. Veteran of course had to have a “right of reply” after having Ferret suggest his nosh lacked something and mentioned the beetroot and lettuce were superb. Cumsmoke also gave the “no” run report giving it a .5/10 as there were no marks, not long enough and generally nothing to speak of.

It was also noted that Ferret had donned his “pixie” pantomime boots and Elvis made a sneaky exit passing on his apologies to myself.

And finally Show Pony offered a prize of a carton of Crownies to whoever came up with a suitable name to his new boat, which he intends to sell and start on another one, go figure (and good luck getting the beer from him). As usual nothing stops the Hash from having a good night regardless of the conditions, well done to all.
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Down Downs:
Ferret: Hare
Blackstump & Dennis: Returning runners

Caustic: Couldn’t identify location of the “mystery” foot

Caustic: Internet cock up with Flasher, plus failed to give Cumsmoke a lift (allegedly). Awarded “Internet for Dummies” book by Flasher

Ferret: “Vice” Council citation noted hanging on his wall (AKA Porn King)

Sir Point Two: POW as awarded by Crocodile for not showing up at Botcho’s after confirming

Miscarriage & GM: Charge to GM for bringing visitor with new shoes

Hash Event Notice: Sunday 11th September is the second Budd’s Beach to Spit bike ride and BBQ, all welcome. Details to come.
__________________________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs