Run: 1774
Date: Monday 31st October 2011
Hare: Mumbles
Venue: Mumbles World, Nerang
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 32
It was not to be the usual Mumbles slog around the surrounding hills, nor even the usually anticipated ‘lost tribe’ affair in the Nerang State Forrest, though could have been interesting being Halloween. Instead we got a very mild and reasonably short sprint around the local area.
Mind you there was still the obligatory hills and, as expected on a Mumbles run we managed to lose Darwin Don and Caustic’s “friend” Chris. The trail was well marked, though lacking a few on backs (if any), apart from the section in the bush where the pack wondered around aimlessly looking for the trail.

The run took us through some good paths and side streets and even through a few town house complexes and through the new “home world” precinct where, no doubt, Mumbles acquires his gnomes and water features to keep Mumbles World up to scratch.

After some 40 minutes with a sizeable on home trail the pack finally returned minus the above mentioned duo who had to be rescued by Jigsaw. In the GM’s absence the RA took over proceedings and asked Slab for the run report which was given the comments of a good street run and awarded 5/10.

Sir Rabbit commented on the excellent nosh of chicken, spicy beef & noodles, spuds, more spuds, and rice, and gave it a fitting 7/10 even if Mumbles had some assistance in the preparation. The gourmet has really come back to the Hash in a big way and more to come.

Three of the bike tour was back so a few stories emerged of the usual mishaps one has come to expect. The Melbourne Cup sweeps were drawn with Miscarriage winning the prize from Sir Prince and Rug, money to be paid next week if I don’t spend it first.

A few dressed to impress with their top hats or jockeys caps. Well done Mumbles.

Down Downs:
Mumbles: Hare
Truck Tyre; Late arrival, drove from Sydney but should have left 10 minutes earlier

Mumbles & Truck Tyre: Drinking from wrong hand and failing to spot (Respectively)

Chris & Darwin Don: Lost on run and having to be rescued

Mumbles: Responsible for the two getting lost

Caustic: Mate got lost and given POW by Sir Cumference as a result and for avoiding his Duty of Care

Flasher and Sir Slab: Dobbed by Sir Prince (forced to save his butt by RA) for stuff ups on recent OS tour

Chris& Caustic: Drinking from wrong hand

Miscarriage: Drinking from wrong hand

RA: Self imposed drink for getting Xmas Island and Easter Island wrong

Miscarriage: For false charge against Sir Prince

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners at “BUMBLES” Budd’s Beach, get your frocks out! Heavily subsidised discount for early bookings, only $45.00 per person. Includes gourmet food, beer for the Blokes, bubbly for the Gals and BYO plonk if you need to bring your favourite drop.

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1773
Date: Monday 24th October 2011
Hare: Rainbow
Venue: Emerald lakes
Runners: 20

Weeks to AGPU: 33
Apparently, as the sob story goes, and I’m sure it’s just as story, poor old Rainbow was playing golf in Melbourne (Kingston Heath, Huntington or Royal Melbourne, I’m sure) when he received his call from the Trail Master to inform him of his forthcoming run duty. And as any Hasher would do, he dropped everything, flew back, and quickly organised a good run and superb nosh, and the pigs will be flying over in formation shortly.

The run site was Miscarriage’s familiar haunt next to the boat ramp on the lakes edge over looking the growing Emerald Lakes enclave. Instructions were given to the 19 starters including look for the coloured (read Rainbow) chalk and don’t get run over.

We headed east along the lakes edge until reaching the bridge and over into the maze of paths, bridges and streets, which is Emerald Lakes . On several occasions the path split into runners and walkers trail but I feel some local knowledge and short cutting may have been taking place as I viewed several runners going in opposite direction to the trail.
The diminishing pack continued around the paths along the picturesque route until finally emerging at the town centre. We kept crossing paths with the walkers and then after a couple of laps of these streets the path ran us towards Neilsons Road.

The now small pack was not happy figuring a long trek home, however the Hare, following us on his Harley Vespa (and sporting an Emerald Angels Patch) advised us that it was only 1.5kms to home. We reluctantly continued after doing a time check.

In some 10 minutes time we were further advised that we were now only some 500 metres from home (after seemingly run 2kms). The problem here was the trail headed further from home before crossing the main road then running back to the start.

His supposed 1.5km took us front running athletes 23 minutes, so do your sums! Back at the start Hash Cash, Blackstump quickly collected the cash, loaded it into his suitcase and disappeared again to invest (siphon off) the booty.

It was a good run with a slight absence of checks and on backs but still received a good score of 6/10 by front runner Swollen.

The coloured chalk and multiple on homes also added to the score. The nosh of Lasagne, potato bake, veges and garlic bread got huge wraps and was scored an excellent 9/10 by Veteran. No need for a bonfire tonight as the pack enjoyed perfect conditions with an absence of the usual chill and blistering winds we normally get here.

Returning runner and now FNQ resident, Goatfarka kept us amused with his All Blacks Rugby game and injured couch story. Another great effort, particularly the nosh and good numbers considering many of the pack still away OS.
** Next week pre Melbourne Cup event, bring extra cash for sweeps **

Down Downs:
Rainbow; Hare

Darwin Don; Visitor recently back from Ethiopia Hash event (less nosh than tonight we figure)

Goatfarka; Returning runner and now FNQ resident, also National Secretary of Fishing and Good Times Political Party

Pile Driver; Drink in wrong hand

Sir Cumference; POW, by Pile Driver, for wearing same shirt as POW

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
– This Friday 28th October – Splinter Lunch, Vietnamese at Broadbeach, See website for details, 12 noon for 12:30 lunch (BYO)
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners at “BUMBLES” Budd’s Beach, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1772
Date: Monday 17rd October 2011
Hare: Hierarchy
Venue: Main Beach, Annual Gold Coast 600 V8 Handicap Event
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 34
The RA phoned me whilst on my way to mark out the track for the annual V8 Supercar Handicap event. The weather was the best we’ve seen all year, the handicaps were set, the late bribes accepted, what could go wrong? Anyway the RA continued that he had few jobs to do on the coast so he was off to his mountain temple to engage in some meditation and prepare to fend off potentially troublesome neighbouring invaders.
What he forgot to mention, or forgot to organise, was the weather gods were still in need of control. His sudden departure soon left the Coast encompassed in torrential rainfall and blistering winds, what a difference 24 hours can make.

Regardless of the deteriorating conditions a good pack of 19 runners still showed up, despite a good portion of the pack being away in Thailand engaged in riding recent flood waters. KB showed up early with a financial offering for the handicapper which quickly saw Aussie lose 2 minutes. A few battled the traffic conditions and arrived late, including visitor Jonathan (wearing his racing Doc Martins), who was apparently sent by his father who told him he’d have a really fun night.

There he was all alone with no one to run with and I said”do you know your way around here”, to which he confirmed he did and I said to follow the track head back to Main Beach then run back to here, and don’t forget to have fun doing it on your own.

I don’t know how many times we’ve run around these parts but it still amazes me how so many people can get it wrong. Cumsmoke got as far as the bridge near the Marriott before returning the same way, Sir Rabbit got hopelessly lost somewhere near where the track finished to the north, Black Stump did his own run up the spit and back and god knows what else went on. I guess there’s always next year.

Anyway the pack still managed to finish in close proximity except our visitor who managed somehow to return in the same direction he went out and some 10 minutes later that the rest, but he did say he’d had a good time!

The winner was Botcho who now holds the title 3 times, second was Swollen, followed by Rectum, who complained bitterly about the handicapping but being a Pom know one cared and anyway there are ways to get your handicap adjusted, just speak to KB.

Crocodile came in as the first (and only) walker. The next dilemma was the fact that the electric BBQ’s had been shut down and the power diverted to some work site office being used in conjunction with the race. Again KG did some research and found working BBQ’s near the surf club where the hungry pack relocated to.

Stand in GM, Two Dogs announced the winners and presented the much sought after sponsored prizes with Blackstump adding his own flare by providing winners ribbons for first and second place.
The stand in RA, Botulism asked for comments about the run and nosh, coincidently from fellow Hierarchy members, who all overwhelmingly and of course without bias gave both the run and nosh a 10 out of 10. On that subject the catering department should get a big wrap for their efforts with KB helping to find the new location, cooked and provided the “A” grade eggs, Blacky provide the salad and top notch dessert of strawberries and ice cream and of course Botcho organised the gourmet burgers and did much of the cooking, with Swollen also helping out and apologies to anyone else I forgot.

As the night ended with pack huddled under a 4m x 4m shelter with 30 knot southerly winds and horizontal rain, I thought nothing stops the Hash from having a good Monday night out, On On and thanks to all for participating.
  Gold Coast Hash V8 Handicap Results

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Down Downs:
Botulism, Swollen, Rectum & Crocodile; Podium place getters

“Perkele” & Mother Brown; Visitors

Botcho; Self imposed, for wearing his new shoes

Rectum; Winging about handicaps (bring folding stuff next time)

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1771
Date: Monday 10rd October 2011
Hare: Rock Hard
Venue: Mudgeeraba
Runners: 29

Weeks to AGPU: 35
We passed Hungry Jacks on the way to the venue and wondered whether this would be tonight’s dining extravaganza, given the debacle which ensured following
Rock Hard’s previous run. However the Hash being a forgiving lot still turned out in good numbers hoping for better than KFC vouchers, and something more like crabs and lobsters.
After the hare’s instructions saying it was all on chalk, the pack headed off into the west along the busy main drag. Before long, however, Rock Hard had us off the main road and into the back streets and then into the depths of beyond along the nice bike paths through the lush surrounds.

The windy trail provided a short cutters paradise as following runners could spot the torches of the lead hounds and soon cut across and catch the pack, another novel way of keeping the pack together.

Swollen lead the pack for much of the first part and he soon lead us down a dodgy path to a dead end deck where the ever increasing numbers kept running and calling those behind. It was in fact the on back of all on backs with virtually the whole pack caught out.

Fortunately Veteran was not in attendance as he would have been horrified by such a callous act, what is this Hash coming to?

The paths eventually lead us to the bridge near Hardy’s road where we feared we might head up into the big back hills. Fortunately the trail continued on the eastern side of the creek as another good number of the pack got caught out at the on back at the top of the hill. Latrine had found us on his pushy and emerged from the shadows, yet again for another of his now becoming common guest appearances.

I’m sure he now hangs out in phone boxes leaping out in his Hash attire at any opportune moment. Inevitably we eventually ran along the pipe line and emerged at more back streets where the runners and walkers were sent on their separate ways.

I noted we ran down Moonbeams Parade but he was no where to be seen, another Hasher on tour. The final run leg saw us emerge near nude follies park to the sight of the full moon (thoughtfully signed by the Hare to look up at the right moment) and then past the cemetery, or the dead end of town.

The front runners, Rectum, Cumagain and Botulism were busy trying to increase their forthcoming V8 race handicaps. After some 55 minutes the runners and walkers arrived together on what was an excellent run in good territory and well marked.

The run report by Rectum was a glowing report of a good run with lots of checks and arrows but still gave it a hard mark of 6/10, but by applying the GM’s maths equation this was upped to 7/10. Rainbow also commented on it being a good stroll.

The nosh (Chilli beef and rice plus ice cream for dessert) report started with Botcho, then to Pile Driver who commented on still being hungry, Cumsmoke saying it was shit, KB complaining about the minuscule portion control and finally by Rabbit who gave it a worthy 6/10. A good all round effort with redemption on the horizon!
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Down Downs:

Sir Cumference & Prawn Star; Returning runners

Rock Hard; Hare

Rainbow; Flatulence event on run, in front of GM

Rectum; First non Hierarchy present at major on back event

Cumagain; Putting plastic plate on BBQ

Rock Hard; Organising to pick up fellow Hashers for lift but then forgetting to do so

Nasty & Show Pony; For not knowing whereabouts of foot

AH; Knowing whereabouts of foot

Cumsmoke and Caustic; As charged by Botulism for them being on Mixed hash Hierarchy and then complaining about Men’s hash

Cumsmoke; For wearing new gay purple shoes

Rectum; Birthday boy form last week and aborted sky diving effort

Pile Driver; POW from caustic for complaining about being still hungry (fill him up with beer he figured)

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 17th October Gold Coast 600, V8 Super Car annual handicap challenge

– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1770
Date: Monday 3rd October 2011
Hare: Bent Banana – Oktoberfest Extravaganza
Venue: Von Trap Mansion – Munichrarra
Runners: 44

Weeks to AGPU: 36
Das grosse numbers of das Herrs, das commandants and das dumbkopfs gathered at the Von Trap Manor for the highly anticipated Oktoberfest event. Der panzers parked all over the Manor’s immaculately kept grounds particularly the 4 wheel drive versions. Unfortunately there were no signs of the of the much anticipated fraulines with the grosse knockers (perhaps something to do with last weeks budget, or the Hash Cash needs another holiday soon)

Are you getting the drift here guys? Finally we were set on our way by the hare with the usual briefing of the usual sorts in possibly very usual terrain. The pressure was on, as a number of Brisbane Hashers had been invited under the guise of this being a top notch event run by a top notch Hash, sounds like a real estate agent spiel to me.
Anyway we set off across the road from Gracelands (aka Von Trap manor) and over into the neighbours yard, down the side, across the paddock and finally emerging at Nerang Broadbeach road. We then headed east before hitting the on back, which then lead us down the side of the golf course and into the swamp lands of Carrara, soon the new home of the Gold Coast Show. The pack zig zagged through the scrub, trees and creek crossings to emerge at the back streets and hills of the burbs.

However it wasn’t long before we ventured back into the scrub to trudge our way through the soft and soggy grounds. It seemed like we were going in endless circles but somehow we emerged back onto the road just in time to meet with the walking group and join in for the kilometre or so run home. A great well set and marked run venturing through new turf and keeping the pack well together. A well deserved 9/10 mark as given by Charred Arse.

The gathering back at the manor was enough to get any neo Nazi or white supremacist salivating until such time they found out the real truth behind the many strange get ups, particularly those of Sir AH, Josephine, Sir Rabbit, Caustic and the GM himself.

This fine ensemble resembled the cast of Hogans Heroes as they would look if still all around today. The nosh organised by Swollen and Jigsaw was a fine fair of meat balls, German sausage, sauerkraut, spuds, chook left over from the bike ride on Sunday and finished with fine strudel and ice cream. Also worthy of the 9/10 mark given by our Brisbane visitors.

Host Bent Banana had laid out his finest antique furniture for all to enjoy the outdoor dining experience, accompanied by the soothing German music in the back ground. At my end of the table we were entertained by Pizza’s commentary on how to make red wine from woe to go, all good except I forget to write it all down, no doubt the CD will be out soon.
Swollen ran the German trivia contest with Old Fart winning the priceless photo collection, which will no doubt soon appear on e-bay.

The RA also gave the pleasing news that Sir Point Two has decided not to run for Mayor of Urbenville but instead become a neighbour of the RA in the hills near Killarney.

What a great night, great run, great circle, great nosh, great venue and of course great company but where was the frauline that appeared in the photos?
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Down Downs:
Visitors and returning runners; including numerous Brisbane types along with Miscarriage and Flatulence

Shetland, Sir Slab, Sir Prince, Flasher & Ferret; Leaving on tours of duty (Sweden & Thailand)

Bent Banana: Hare

Jigsaw & Swollen; Cooks

Rugstein; Suspected spy infiltrating event and changing citizenship as a cover

Arseup; Drinking from wrong hand

Pizza; Parking Ute at front door of manor and ruining ambience of event (I thought his mere presence did that)

Miscarriage; Update on recent travels

Rectum; Wrong hand infringement

Caustic; Falling picture incident

Veteran; Falling over and hitting head incident

Dennis; Now known as Pile Driver

Charred Arse; For something to do with above mentioned naming

Caustic: As stand in for Phantom re visitor incident at Splinter lunch

Caustic; POW, because he’s just Caustic

**Anything above to referred to as “incident” means further details are available from those involved in said incidents **

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 17th October Gold Coast 600, V8 Supercar annual handicap challenge
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 