Run: 1779
Date: Monday 5th December 2011
Hare: Sir Slab & Sir Prince Valiant
Venue: Robina Cricket Oval
Runners: 24

Weeks to AGPU: 27
The skies looked ominous and the summer warmth was replaced by a somewhat winter chill, however a good pack of 24 eager runners still showed to what is normally a premium evening event. With the RA working overtime keeping the rains at bay a number of the runners hurriedly offered their services in staying back to help Sir Prince prepare the evening’s feast, thus doubting the RA’s ability.
Caustic lead the pack off dressed in his fluoro orange work wear obviously just coming off a council work site somewhere. We ran across the road in the usual direction but it was not long before looped back towards the start. Over the road and north towards somewhat unfamiliar grounds.

It was only just into the run but serial offender, Flasher, already decided to run past the arrows (wasn’t even a check or on back), and merrily ran his own run, as he does and once again showing a total disregard for the Hare. When are we going to ice this guy!

We emerged from under the bridge again close to home, maybe too close for some, as we then headed west towards the distant Skilled Park. Around the back of the houses through some soft ground and we finally emerged at the Titan’s home ground.

We continued around the stadium and back into more shiggy and soft tracks. I managed to front run and find the distant On Back and decided it was a good time to stop for a leak, however, before doing so I forgot to tell Veteran it was an On Back, much to his disgust.

Slab, following on his bike, managed to keep the diminishing pack on trail, which continued further around the stadium and, south under the road and around the school before emerging near the Robina Town Centre.
It was then through the station and towards the familiar, or so we thought, track home. We managed to run a number of false trails before finding the right trail and the good run home.
Back at home base we found the number of volunteer cooks had swelled with KB, Aussie, Ferret and Botcho all in the mix assisting resident Master Chef, Sir Prince.
We also noted that our tables had been moved due to the arrival of the cricket club members for their meetings. How dare the cricket club invade our privacy holding a meeting at their club house during cricket season! However a few free feeds to several hovering cricket club members ensured we were welcome to stay.

The fine nosh consisted of soup, sweat & sour pork stir fry followed by lychees (cleaning out the local Asian supermarket at exorbitant expense to the Hash) and ice cream. jigsaw gave the nosh a deserved 8.5/10 stating “it doesn’t get any better that this”.

Bent Banana gave the run report an equal mark of 8.5/10 adding it was a good run and well marked. VD gave the walk trail the same accolades.
Of note too was the return of the King, Elvis, seen handing out dodgy T-shirts with hash spelt “Hasn”. Returning runner, BB, from the wilds of Laos gave a sales pitch on his magic pills worthy of the real Peter Foster, not the GM one. As always a great night again by the Sir’s.

Down Downs;
Sir Slab & Sir Prince; Hares
BB & Elvis; Returning runners
Botcho; Allegedly “seeing things” at post Splinter Hash entertainment
Sir Prince; Finding suspect venue following Splinter Hash
Ferret; Being first to enter above mentioned suspect venue
Flasher; Serial offender, doing own run yet again
Caustic; Noted riding home on Hare’s bike
Rug; Last to pay,again
Ferret; Charged by Cumsmoke for excessive “back seat driving” following Splinter Hash
Rug; For forgetting to bring POW, too well hidden and can’t remember where

DON’T FORGET CHRISTAMAS RUN ON 19TH DECEMBER, 5:15 START AT BUDDS BEACH, WEAR YOUR RED SANTA GEAR

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1778
Date: Monday 28th November 2011
Hare: Arseup & Sir Rabbit
Venue: Park @ Benowa
Runners: 31

Weeks to AGPU: 28

The call went to fill in for Now Loved’s run and many an offer came forth, which is fantastic and what hash is all about. Sir Rabbit offered to do the Nosh and Arseup offered to set a run, remembering all at short notice. The venue was the somewhat now familiar park behind Benowa Road. Arseup advised that the run was all on chalk, tipping us off that this was heading to pretty much familiar roads, paths and drains that abound these parts. We were also further told that the arrows had been tampered with, and thus emerged many theories of possible sabotage.

The good size pack took off into the steamy conditions and we soon found ourselves crossing Benowa Road and heading east along the well worn drain headed by regular early front runner, Flasher. The trail continued towards the east.

After a couple of checks and a regroup, ignored by Flasher, we soon ended up backtracking along the canal and in to the realms of the racecourse stable area. Rumblings could be heard in the pack regarding the lack of on backs and trails just finishing. At the back of the stables Rectum and I, running a check, lost the scent but soon picked up the scent of the horse manure and decided our best avenue was to cut through the stables and rejoin the group somewhere around the racecourse.

To our surprise the trail did not head South to Ashmore Road but North and further away from home. I suspect by the direction a few returned that they too thought this was the way home.
We found the trail and caught up to the Hare and Mumbles sweeping the trail. We also somehow managed to catch front runner, Flasher, who no doubt had once again run his own trail and got lost. After a long run, a couple of loops and a nasty little hill on Heeb Street we again emerged at Benowa Road and headed South towards home, some finding the path to the park with others running in on the out trail. A hard 55 minute slog in humid conditions.

The Nosh consisted of garlic bread, green salad, pasta capricosa. This was finished with ice cream blocks served by Arseup, during the circle, from the famous Sir Rabbit’s musical vending contraption thus silencing the wingers who had complained about no dessert being served with dinner.

Mumbles gave the food report saying it was good but there were no tomatoes with the salad and gave it a stiff 5/10 (prior to knowing about the dessert) so another 1 will be added. The run report by myself was more praising than others who complained about no on backs and dodgy arrows but given it was a last minute fill in effort I gave it a 6.5/10.

We also heard that the 28th of November was the anniversary of arrival for several of our immigrant members being Rug (6 years), Caustic (23 years) and Mumbles (43 years I think). It was suggested we should have a joint annual run featuring Haggis as the Nosh, warm Pommy beer and a run shrouded in secrecy.

Now loved has also been given an all clear, which is great news and a well deserved early Christmas present. Dicky Knee has also returned with the Melbourne weather finally getting to him.
The Saturday night Cocktail Party at Bumbles Cafe was also mentioned with over 50 attending and a great night had by all and hopefully now an annual event.

Down Downs:
Ross, Dicky Knee, Rock Hard & Swindler; Visitor and returning runners

Arseup & Sir Rabbit; Hares

Kwakka; Failing in his left hand monitoring duties several weeks ago

Ross; Not singing

Crocodile; No crownies brought for birthday, we still await

Rug, Caustic & Mumbles; Immigrant anniversary

Mumbles; Failing to own up as returning runner

Rug; POW (by Old Fart) for failing to call on during run
—————————————————————————————————————————
REMEMBER SPLINTER HASH THIS FRIDAY 2ND DECEMBER AT BENOWA GARDENS CHINESE. HOST IS MAD MIKE. 12 NOON FOR 12:30. BYO

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1777
Date: Monday 21st November 2011
Hare: Old Fart
Venue: Old Fart Land, Pacific Pines
Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 29
We headed off to Old Fart’s place with not a storm cloud in site, obviously the RA finally had to intervene thus ensuring a potentially dry run. Apparently the Hare did try to set the run on Saturday but the clouds started rolling in, forcing a change of plan and the need to set the run in disguise. Good numbers arrived despite a few of the pack away on their annual boys camping pilgrimage over the border, although I think the term camping may be a bit understated given the equipment this lot packs when they go on tour.
As expected in these parts hills were to play an integral part of the evening and this run was to be no exception. Away we went down the hill then up and down again and running about a kilometre before the trail ran out, the first of a few dodgy on backs.
Back up a side road and down more hills before heading along the bike paths, parkway and towards the infamous Pac Pines pub, no drink stops noted. At this point Rectum joined us in his new company vehicle, but not for a run, just looking for the GM, grovelling no doubt. Onwards we went towards the edge of the Nerang State Forrest with no Mumbles in sight to help us get hopelessly lost.
We continued into the forest and soon diverted off the perfectly good trails that abound in these parts and trudged our way, up a hill, through the dense undergrowth. Again we emerged on the right side of the forest and continued along the streets. All I could hear along most of the run was Caustic and Arseup discussing their Friday night escapades in Surfers, dressed in rain coats and loaded with lollies no doubt given it was Schoolies week.
We finally headed towards home but between where we were and where we had to go stood a rather large hill. And so it was as over the next 20 minutes or so we trudged up and down seemingly endless hills upsetting the local dog population. After 70 minutes the front runners got home and Flasher, who finally managed to stay on trail for 90% of the run still short cutted at the final leg. This was obviously a revenge run for Old Fart for having a late finish at last week’s event.
During the circle Arseup was asked for his run report which was given a good mark of 8/10 despite the hills and getting lost. Sir Rabbit commented on the nosh of Lasagne, bread rolls and ice cream saying it was fine but rabbits need their greens and the nosh lacked this but still got a respectable 7/10. Also Ferret helped out with the Hash Cash duties obviously wanting to fund his next tour of duty, thanks. He also concluded proceedings with a joke, but not before presenting the GM with a gift (wife impersonator) obtained on his recent holiday with the boys.
Thanks also to the guest scribes for their contributions over the past two weeks due to my absence, bloody work will do that you know.

Down Downs:
Nut Cracker, Rainbow, Flatulence; Visitor and returning runners

Gavin (aka) Show Pony; Returning runner and funny name

Prawn Star; Leaving for 2 months to Philippines

Old Fart; Hare

Caustic & Arseup; Friday night escapades

Moonbeams; Something about blowing horn and making Show Pony fall

Two Dogs; Self imposed and fessing up to being absent for 2 weeks, staying in beautiful down town Morayfield

Old Fart; Getting lost on own trail

KB; “Peter Foster” comment to GM

Arseup; 100 runs

Old Fart; POW, awarded by Pizza for being a “good” prick for looking after the trailer

Crocodile; Birthday boy, we await the crownies

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1776.
14th Nov 2011
Hare : Caustic Crusader.
Venue: Frascott Park, Yodelay St, Varsity Lakes.

Late change of venue and Hare saw Caustic Crusader setting a new run…..
Usual bunch of hairy arsed Hashers rocked up from 1745 for the 1815 punctual start; late entrant Old Fart ambled in at 1830 and to his bemusement asked if the pack had left without him? Caustic pointed him in the general direction and told him to “hurry the fukc up and catch up!!

Pack left in usual dis-aray and runners went right and walkers (why do we even talk about those “has beens !!”) went somewhere else!

Trail meandered along Ready Creek before the “walk of death” pipe crossing of a creek tributary; many of the “gay Hashers “and their closet mates refused to cross and decided keep their footsie wootsies dry !!

Pack reformed and set out to further checks and discovery of “spiky” shiggy and a further water crossing; Pizza decided a swim leg was appropriate! Fcuk he can still talk under water!!

Further travels along lake front and parkland saw the pack home in about the hour; except Old Fart ETA to be advised.

Crowds of hungry Hashers resembling a Roman Colosseum crowd witnessing a good old pack of lions and hyenas eating Jews persuaded the GM to commence Nosh before the late arrival of Old Fart.

Lashings of spicy chicken vegetable curry with accoutrements of raita, desiccated coconut, home-made chutney and tomato / red onion relish soaked up with mountains of fresh Lebanese bread

Desert followed for those stalwarts capable of stuffing hedgehog pie and ice-cream down their greedy cake-holes!

Circled was called some time later.

Returning overseas runners with gifts for the GM grovelled on bended knee into the circle; namely Messrs Sir Slab, Sir Prince and Flasher

Seemingly they had witnessed first hand the latest “facelift” cosmetic surgery and brought back for the GM, R.A. and Booze Master gifts of night-time face masks and a “fairy wand” were duly presented; Nightmare on Elm Street ensued!!!!!!!!!!

Ferrett not to be outdone tried to say he hadn’t unpacked yet and so the GM would have to wait until next week!! Hmmmmm

Other returning runners were Short Circuit and Chris.
GM announced more punishment for unruly behaviour in the Circle by way of a high powered water cannon entrusted to the sergeant -at-Arms; why don’t we just tip a bucket of ice-water over Pizza ????

Run report from Rectum reckoned the run was superb with lots of shiggy, new ground and lots of deceitful checks, score 9/10

Hash Nosh report from Sir Slab (between farts!!) gave a high appreciation of the Nosh and gave it a further 9/10

Rectum gave the Hare (Caustic ) a note

R.A. entered and a Royal Commission proceeded to “weed” out ponsy Hashers who wimped out crossing the pipeline; suffice to say the list was long including Circumference, Flasher, Jigsaw, Rug and Link.

After an hour of playing paper/scissors/stone the winner was declared: Flasher (who got a down down from someone??).

Flasher also got a stiff arm down down for something but complained the stiff arm was for adults and he couldn’t reach the Down Down through the pipe!! When will he grow up???
Sergeant at arms continually fired upon circle offenders with 9 out of 10 offences committed by serial pest Pizza!

Sir Slab was charged by the R.A. for purposely running 2 metres in front of the R.A. and then dropping a down wind fart; a further flatulence charge was levelled against Sir Slab for farting over the food!! Guilty as charged and a down down was sentenced

G.M. resumed and asked Hash to give their special thoughts and respect to the Botcho clan during their difficult times.

End of circle was called by Moonbeams at about 9pm.

Run:1775
Date: Monday 7th November, 2011
Hare: Sir Slab and Master Chef Sir Prince
Venue: Currumbin

There were 29 hashers take part in the run /walk with the majority taking on the run ,which was great to see
Front runners back just in side 1 hr, a lot of area that most have not seen before, a fairly flat run with a water crossing (which only swollen colon had the courage to cross, a real hasher that swollen not afraid of a little water)  there was also a balance  beam across water which did not claim any victims.
 
GM/RA Josphine open the circle and called on old fart to give a run report, to which he reported that it was well done and gave an excellent score of 9/10 sir slab was called for a down down
Veteran was then called for a Nosh report, words of excellent, high standard and first class were said before a score of 8.5/10 was given ,
Sir Prince and assistant Flasher were called for there down down
Gm then handed the circle over to him self as RA and called for drinks in left hand with cocka to be dobba ,then out of the blue called on the prick of the week to come forward ,caustic crusader ,caustic had his mind set on only one hasher that being pizza for wanting to go rooting instead of hashing on a Monday night ,no right of reply was entered in to ,the hand over was completed and pizza given the down down ,which seemed to go on and on and on ,in true pizza style.

Black stump reported on the up and coming ball to be held at bumbles at buds beach ,then on the Melbourne cup sweep ,the winner was Miscarriage, followed closely by sir prince then Rug .
Down downs went to Cumsmoke( expedential growth)
Miscarriage for not calling false trail again ,(Bent Banana escaped a down down  )
Miscarriage (left hand)
Melbourne Cup winners (Miscarriage, Sir prince and Rug )
Kb (late to hash with no good excuse)
Botcho (fantastic job on web site )free bucket for Botcho next week as a reward for his out standing web work

RA then called on a bike report, Missing Link came forward and the cone of silence came down .
Moon beams then steps forward and presents RA with a beret he acquired  whilst o/s ,
  Next weeks run is cum smokes at boat ramp TE PETERS DR
Moon beams then closed the circle at 9.25pm
On On
Swollen Colon
Assistant to the On Sec