Run: 1796
Date: 2nd April, 2012
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Marine Parade, Labrador
Runners: 29

Weeks to AGPU: 10

THE RUN :
With a very Hash experienced Hare such as Aussie, setting a run in very familiar Hashing territory around the ‘burbs of Labrador, on a perfectly clear afternoon, what could possibly go wrong? Virtually nothing you would imagine.

Well,……. 29 Hasher turned up to test the theory.

Aussie gave explicit instructions before the run stating, “If you find a false trail, go back to the last arrow!”

Although not quite meeting the Gold Coast Hashing standard of going back to the last Check, this direction seemed simple enough and surely we could work with this for the run.

16 Runners took off, (not including the ever increasing numbers of Walkers), with Swollen appointed the Task of Sweeping and keeping everyone on track.

Seemed like a good plan, but on arrival at the very First Check, only 6 runners were still on trail including Swollen!

Fortunately I was one of those so I can give some sort of report on the run. Heading up Parker St I found a very cranky Veteran. “I’ve been up there, I’ve been down there, I’ve been down that Street, they’re all False Trails, so Fucked if I Know!”

Fortunately Aussie, (remember Aussie?, He was the Hare) arrived and with a little bit of calm coaching about returning back to the previous arrow, set Veteran on his way in exactly the direction Veteran had claimed a false trail existed. Seems he may have got a little confused in the red mist!

The rest of the run was comparatively uneventful heading through the shops on Brisbane Rd before turning South and (mostly) following Govt Rd to Central St before heading On Home. (editors note: it is a true-ism that only Bent Banana and Flasher did the complete run!).

THE CIRCLE:

Our illustrious GM blew the whistle at exactly 8:14pm to frighten off any marauding Orangutans and to call the Circle to order.

Rug was called on for a review of the run. He stated, “In all my years of Hashing this is the first run where I never saw a single arrow!” (Editors comment: ‘Rug, you’ve been spending too much time with Flasher at Splinter Hash piss ups. If you haven’t seen an arrow you’re not on the fucking trail!!)
Bent Banana restored some sanity by giving the run a very generous 6 / 10.

Nosh Report – The GM said the Nosh was “Glorious” so who could argue with a 7.8 score.

DOWN DOWNS :

Aussie – Hare

Rock Hard, Big ‘O’, Mumbles, Ross – Returning Runners
(At this time the Big ‘O” waffled on some story about breaking his appendage but no one had a fucking clue what he was talking about!)

Caustic – RA Abuse

Caustic, Nasty, Sir Prince, Mumbles, Rainbow, Flasher (grossly unfair charge!) – not following run directions

Flasher & Rug – Disgraceful behaviour after Splinter Hash. (Has anyone seen my Johnnie?)

Rainbow – 27 years of Hashing. (Looks like he started on his 40th B’day)

PRICK OF THE WEEK :

The incumbent POW (Caustic) presented a novel method of issuing the POW by calling on 4 ‘Wallflowers’ (those who hide away in the background in the Circle) and letting them vote on who should be this week’s POW.

After Veteran recovered from a seemingly impossible position after naming all of the other three nominees as his first choice (Well who else would they all vote for?) The final vote was a unanimous choice for Show Pony.

SUMMARY :

Thank you to Aussie for a great Hash Night and a special thank you to Swollen for his dictatorial role as stand in R.A.

ON ON – JOSEPHINE

Run: 1794
Date: Monday 19th March 2012
Hare: Pizza & Rectum
Venue: Pizza Palace
Runners: 27

Weeks to AGPU: 12
Seems the RA must be a busy little bee these days as he has had considerable difficulty in controlling the elements, either that or he has a weird sense of humour. Pouring rain, sun, showers, more rain, more sunshine, yet more rain, and thus was all day Monday.

Rectum had waited until the skies cleared, yet again, and as late as possible went to set the run only to watch it wash out within minutes of finishing. As a result the venue was changed from the race track to the well utilised Pizza Palace, with only Dicky Knee failing the “find the new venue” test. The solid pack arrived to hear the sad news of the run wash out but was placated by the fine post Saint Patrick’s Day dark brew.

The GM and I informed Rectum a run was mandatory and that the live hare option was inevitable. We suggested he make pace quickly and get a good start as the penalty for getting caught can be painful and or embarrassing, pending which penalty one applies. Rectum quickly disappeared with his new patented flour trail marker.

Meanwhile the pack, unaware of these proceedings, was still tucking into the brew, again skilfully brewed and supplied by host Pizza, adding to the Saint Patrick’s Day theme. Finally figuring the Hare had a fair start the GM called the rabble to order and sent them on their way in hot pursuit. The trail was surprisingly good as we ran west along Slatyer Avenue and soon crossed the road, towards the bush.
The pack was then forced to endure the drain section with ankle deep water now filling the once dry water course. After a few hundred metres, to the amazement of many a resident wondering at the goings on in the drain behind their abodes, we turned left across the slushy grass section.

Rug and I were now in the lead group as we came across yet another drain crossing. Rug tested the depth, thinking it only a few centimetres deep, but in fact it was now well over waist deep as Rug disappeared into the murky waters. Not being in possession of the same, secret agent, survival skills of Rug I quickly decided to head for the road and run around the drain and cross it at the Benowa Road intersection.

I found Rug again as we now struggled to find the next leg of the trail. As I headed north along Benowa Road I spotted front runner Miscarriage in the distance and quickly followed, again finding the trail. Bent Banana and Rug had now disappeared trying to find the trail in other ways. Miscarriage and I continued until we turned east into Cottlew Street East and managed to lose the trail somewhere along this stretch.

We searched high and low but in the end we figured if we continued to Ferry Road we’d find the trail or at least be in the right direction for home. Apparently the correct trail went further north to the Tafe College before looping back south then east parallel to home.

Aussie was out here somewhere as well but as to which section he did is unknown. The walkers, I am led to believe, did a quick about turn at the water leg and returned to the dry conditions and ready brew awaiting at home base. Never the less a great effort in trying conditions.

The nosh, also prepared by Rectum, was an Irish stew with lamb, onions, and vegies, which turned out a treat with plenty to go around, even Blacky had some, which must be a major stamp of approval. A flaming desert of an Irish Cream Brule topped with Baileys followed, again an enjoyable treat.

Rug gave a brief run report saying it was good and he particularly enjoyed the swim leg 8/10. The food was also given a resounding 8/10 as given by the majority.
Thanks to Rectum for the run and nosh and thanks again to Pizza for use of the Palace and providing the brew, though I suspect the morning after might have had some interesting results.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Pizza & Rectum: Hares

Rug: Spectacular swan dive into drain

Flasher: No gift for GM following OS tour to Philippines

Phantom: Returning runner

Splat: New name for son of Head Job

KB: Charged by Miscarriage for not being on electoral roll and thus being unable to assist Miscarriage in forthcoming 157th tilt at a political post

Splat: POW by KB for being fourth member of Village People (go figure)

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1792
Date: Monday 5th March 2012
Hare: Veteran & Sir Rabbit
Venue: Coombabah
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 14
Aussie’s name had been on the Hare line for months now and yet last week he declared he didn’t know it was his run and he would be in Melbourne anyway.

Don’t worry, the repercussions will be severe and swift, however a carton of Crownies may assist in redemption. Veteran and Sir Rabbit stepped up to the plate with the ever reliable Coombabah Wetlands (aka Shit Farm) as the new chosen venue.

However the skies had not cleared and the climate change storms had continued resulting in a somewhat tame and predictable run. The alternative would have been a very wet and miserable slosh through appalling conditions.

Considering the very average conditions a reasonable pack of 19 runners showed including visitor from the south, Iceman.

Show Pony was spied acquiring some fishing gear and tips from KB he need for catching some monster fish (apparently) residing in his marina. Fortunately the RA was in attendance and had thankfully diverted the rain for the duration of our evening.

The Hare, Veteran, commenced with a 10 minute ramble on the run and checks and thousands of dangerous kangaroos and red paper for walkers and toilet paper for others and in the end it was blah, blah, blah. Instead he could have said he has just set a 7km loop using only one roll of dunny paper and half a bag of flour with one check and watch out for the rabid roos and flooding rivers, simple.

Rectum, Bent Banana and I set the pace with my local knowledge coming into play as we dodged the roos and the water. We came across the one check and walkers trail and continued on our merry loop around the perimeter of the park.

Good running country but not much to report as we returned on the out trail in about 45 minutes with Bent Banana figuring it was about 7.24km and I figured about 7.26km was right.
We arrived back at our road side retreat under the street light to the eagerly awaiting mossie horde, which had figured an extra good feed was on offer tonight.

Sir Rabbit had prepared one of his usual “big pot” surprises of a spag bol type thingy with bread and lettuce followed by lamingtons for dessert.
The GM decided not to ruin the street side ambience we had created and called a very casual “sit down” circle.

He was so astounded at the quality of the food and run created at such short notice that he gave the run a 9.5/10 and the food a 10/10 saying it was the best pasta dish he had ever had. Others agreed that it was the best they’d had that day.

No down downs except for Rug getting the POW (by Flabio) for near gay type infringements on the run amid incorrect accusations about coming from Huddersfield (an English thing I figure).
Iceman, our visitor form Nambucca and Posh Hash chimed in with a joke nearly worthy of repeating (nearly I said).

The seemingly quiet street appeared more like the M1 at peak hour with locals toing and froing trying to figure out why this homeless bunch had descended with their meals on wheels to this neck of the woods. Just as the early circle had concluded the RA could no longer hold back the elements as the heavens opened again and cleared the crowd to return home early trying to explain their “quiet” night at Hash. Well done to Sir Rabbit & Veteran.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Rug; POW, from Flabio, for using pink torch and tip toeing around water on run
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1791
Date: Monday 27th February 2012
Hare: Nasty
Venue: Robina Common
Runners: 27

Weeks to AGPU: 15
Circumference could have been excused for being a bit apprehensive on the way to the run given recent events at Robina have resulted in lengthy legal proceedings following collapsed boardwalks on the run. However this was not to be as a good solid pack arrived at the common Robina Common venue.

We got the brief re the usual markings and short run advice of 45 minutes (seems everyone thinks we’re athletes these days, or grossly underestimating distances).
We were also given the usual sad spiel about how the recent wet conditions had made the run hard to set and how we would have been running under 10 foot (that’s 3 metres) of water if it was yesterday, blah, blah, blah. As we well know any run in these parts generally means a lot of toing and throwing amongst the myriad of paths and parks, which abound these parts.

The first leg provided a good long on back, which seemed to catch many of the pack. We soon had to run across Markeri Street before turning east across the bridge then north along Bermuda Street.
I figure a few may have deserted at this point fearing a long run to Broadbeach/Nerang Road etc. This was not to be as we ran under the road opposite the shopping centre with Cumagain nearly taking out an oncoming bike rider. Bent Banana was meanwhile spied brown nosing to the RA by running a couple of on backs and alerting the RA in plenty of time.

We continued behind the shops then looped around back to Markeri Street where we regrouped. A few more may have retreated at this point given the lack of numbers now at the regroup. Over the road and south into the back streets before again emerging at Bermuda Street. It seemed confusion reigned as we searched for the trail in all directions.

It seemed the arrows on the check pointed over the road so Bent Banana and Cumagain investigated then headed south, not to be seen again for some time. They picked the wrong way and ended up doing the lengthy Bond Uni circuit home. The rest of us found the trail heading north then across Bermuda Street and west again homewards.

We passed a few suspect short cutters and reached home in about 55 minutes to find most of the pack already into the birthday beers provided by Caustic (obviously clearing his fridge of old stock).
The nosh consisted of garlic bread followed by chilli beef, roast spuds and potato bake (no greens for Sir Rabbit). Dessert was pavlova and trifle, all quite nice.
Moonbeams gave the nosh a score of 7/10 but did mention it needed more chilli. Sir Cumference gave the run a good report and 7.5/10, with Sir Rabbit also saying it was good but Caustic, as one would expect, said it was yet another debacle.

Ferret came good with a gift for the GM from his recent run with Singapore Hash, alas Nasty failed to deliver on his offering and was punished accordingly.
Rainbow had acquired a number of confiscated water pistols ensuring a somewhat wet battle in the circle. How am I supposed to write notes when my note book is soaked?
Well done Nasty and good to see a solid turn out.
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Down Downs:
Nasty: Hare

Tony: Visitor and named “Done One Once” (I think)

Show Pony, Rainbow, Pile Driver, Sir AH & Flabio: Returning runners

Caustic (x2 down downs); Birthday boy (thanks for the beers)

Moonbeams & Missing Link: Drinking from wrong hand

Nasty: No gift for GM from OS tour

Jigsaw: Leaving lights behind at last event (as charged by Moonbeams)

Sir Rabbit: Being in less than average state after Point Two trying to phone following Splinter Hash Lunch/golf on Friday

Sir Prince Valiant; Not singing

Flabio: Charged for misdemeanour on Sunday Bike ride

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1790
Date: Monday 20th February 2012
Hare: Swollen Colon
Venue: Lands End Bridge, Biggera Waters
Runners: 24

Weeks to AGPU: 16
On arrival the car park was full and cars were being marshalled by KB in an attempt to avoid any parking infringements. Bent Banana suggested that Black Stump would cover the costs, but I feel this may have fallen on deaf ears. The Mayor strolled past avoiding any eye contact and trying to appear disinterested in the rabble descending upon his home suburb.
Some of our group was gathered in a circle trying to piece together the events of birthday drinks for Bouncer at the surf club on Sunday. Slowly the story unfolded and what started as a few drinks apparently ended up an epic event with some 11 bottles of red alone destroyed.

Latrine made one of his phantom returns and joined us on the run but as per usual these days disappeared into the night before the festivities and circle. The Hare gathered the pack and advised that it was a 9.5km run and we should be home in 55 minutes.
There was also a walkers trail, we were told, and that the trails were well marked with large arrows. After some 500 metres we still had not found anything resembling a trail nor arrows.
Finally we found a check, which soon had the pack divided and running in various directions. We ran southwards past Veteran’s abode where he was spotted spying at the running rabble below. An investigation will no doubt be launched to determine why he was too busy too join us, and so close to home.

As the run continued along the waterfront, with a few diversions, the pack soon wilted with only Sir Cumference, Latrine, Rectum and myself now the only runners to be seen. Sir Cumference was dropped off as he tried finding the trail opposite KFC whilst the rest of us went over the bridge and along Loders Creek behind Maccas.

We soon lost Latrine and now only Rectum and myself ran to Chirn Park, near Sir Rabbit’s warren, and slowly began the hilly run northwards. It was now very obvious where the run was heading and on several occasions I suggested to Rectum that local knowledge should prevail and that we should take the “most direct route” home.

However, undeterred by my comments we continued and completed the entire trail apart from missing a small section just over Biggera Creek Bridge. Apparently one or two others also completed the entire run including Bent Banana.
I don’t know about well marked nor the huge arrows we were promised, but the run seemed a good workout for anyone contemplating a half marathon or an upcoming triathlon, gotta say though nice scenery along the waterfront leg.

It appears that no one did the walk, much to the disgust of the Hare and in fact most of the pack just stayed with the out and back option along the waterfront and enjoying the views.
The nosh consisted of a range of delicacies including, Lambs fry and bacon, cat food as most called it (savory mince), peas, spuds and bread rolls followed by apple pie and cream. As I think Croc said, “10/10 for trying to provide something different”.

However, serial whinger, Cumsmoke thought other wise during his food report and the words, bi product and shit came into it, but did mention the peas and bread rolls were good, many of the others said it was good nosh 5/10. Rectum was given the job of the run report and firstly apologised to Sir Cumference in saying that his run was one of the worst for the year and in fact tonight’s run just took over. He said we may well have just run 4.5km one way then just turned around 4/10. A bit harsh but never the less a great night had by all.

By the way, Sir Prince advised that there will be a working bee in Thailand to assist Moonbeams in the painting of his new abode. However one thinks that the work hours will be minimal and in fact the only work going on will be some rabble trying to “supervise” the poor unsuspecting locals.

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Down Downs;
Swollen; Hare

Big O, Nasty & Arseup; Returning runners

Arseup & Nasty; Returning runners from OS tours failing to bring GM a gift

Sir Rabbit; Scaring a recuperating Black Stump with Horn

Caustic; No Hash shirt on run

Cumsmoke (x 2 down downs); Spreading butter over my notes and false charge attempt

DON’T FORGET BOTCHO’S SPLINTER HASH GOLF EXTRAVAGANZA FROM HIS PLACE FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY, GOLF COMMENCING AT 09:00 SHARP. PLEASE LET BOTCHO KNOW IF YOU’RE COMING TO GOLF AND OR LUNCH. SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE TIPPED.
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs