Hash House Hussars….

Gourmet Hash Grand Master.. Bent Banana not happy with Hash members who attended a rival Hash rather than  Moonbeam’s magnificent run.

The culprits. Photos removed as request!!

Run 1814
Date : 6th August 2012
Hare : Flatulence
Venue : The Esplanade, Paradise Point
Runners 32 (yes 32)

Weeks to next Paradise Point run – about 3 (its taking over from Len Fox)

Numbers were almost as strong as the feeling of De ja Vu at the venue, 32 specimens in the prime of life gathered with the back drop of Ephraim Island. (looks like a giant house boat at night).

Once again personal commitments meant I was unable to complete the run, so the following account was obtained from those who had.

The pack set off from the venue in the direction of Sovereign Island and several got lost at a confusing first check, the route looped around sending all towards the sports club near runaway bay before returning home.

Quotes were – “Not many runners”
“Too long” (11k)
“Too straight”
“missing arrows at the sports field”
“Pretty boring”

So when you take out the perennial Hash whiners, it was a pretty normal run then.

On arrival Cum Smoke and I were set the task of eating a very large bowl of dipping chips which we almost completed without assistance, fortunately there were top-ups for those who had mistakenly chosen to run.

Food was served and had obviously been sponsored by the United Nations, potatoes (Russia) Chilli (Mexico) Spaghetti (Italy) Strudel (Denmark). That said it was hot and tasty and in abundance.

Circle called and Flatulence brought out.

Veteran was asked to comment on Flasher, who rather surprisingly, had not short cut (as much as normal) this run. Despite Veterans protestations no one believed a word of it. Especially Ossie who decided to do the trail by car so he could find the venue (?) and who witnessed Flasher again not on trail but claiming to be.

Truck Tyres gave comment on the run “Lost whole course” (7.5) prompting moonbeams to question why he had been selected to comment.

Rock Hard, back from walkabout, stated about the food “I’m not sure what it was, but it was very good 8/10”

Visitors – Little Hun (from Sydney)
Jerry (from Holland)
Rick (from Show Pony’s family)

Returners – Rug (UK)
Rock Hard (Perth)
Flatulence (Port somewhere)

The RA opened with a poem about farting, which wasn’t up to the standard of Sir Prince’s Indonesian story last week nor up to the quality of the very loud fart Sir Prince perpetrated at the end of the poem. DD for his efforts (and an underwear check later)

There was then a dementia half hour of half forgotten, badly told jokes.

POW – Ferret, who was still sulking over last weeks award, gave the blow-up doll to Veteran then passed the Prick to Cum Smoke for sheer gluttony over the dipping chips incident (You didn’t deserve that) taking it on the chin, Cum Smoke nicely downed the yard glass.

Veteran was invited out after completing 100 runs but without any award (to follow)(don’t get your hopes up, remember the GM saying very few hand outs this year)

Excel Pet unable to attend but sends his regards (I did cook breakfast for him last Saturday morning but that’s another story) (No rule #1 infringement honest)

Mumbles back from wherever and should be making an appearance soon. Same story for Pizza who we haven’t seen (or Heard) for a while.

Red dress run soon, check your emails and also Thirsty Thursday doing a fundraiser at Broadbeach this Thursday so try to make an effort and support it please.

Link, VD and Bouncer currently consuming their body weight in red wine at Ayres Rock. (beats the locals favourite tipple – unleaded)

DD for Moonbeams for assuming that everyone knows where next weeks run venue is. Its Cascade Gardens, Surfers, so remember no valuables to be left in your car.

Thanks to Flatulence for returning from Hols, setting the run and cooking with no outside help, makes a change from you weak b#st@rds who need some holding your hands.

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.

From the Archives.. Words from Run 1

Run 1813
Date : 30th July 2012
Hare : Shat
Venue : Budds Beach, Surfers
Runners not sure

Weeks to Christmas Bash – About 19

It was billed as the Surfers Novelty/Olympic run, as the Hare explained that an authentic Olympic torch (manufactured by Sir Rabbit) was to be carried ‘baton relay style’ for the duration. Instructions (far too complex for us simple folk) were also given for the carriage and rewarded return of a miniature inflatable doll (which looked full size when flasher had it)

That said, we set off to a smattering of arrows, which eventually led us through Chevron Renaissance, I handed to the torch to the second recipient, Jigsaw who within five minutes had vanished and was never to be seen on the route again. (so much for baton relay style)

The route took us through hordes of bemused tourists, through shopping malls, and on and off the Esplanade in a northernly direction.

Macintosh bridge led us back towards the Gold Coast Highway and civilization, the trip under the sundial bridge was omitted due to high tide, as I emerged on the south side of the bridge I saw the serial short cutting bast#rd that is flasher who had nicely removed the Macintosh bridge section but was claiming the whole route as per usual.

On home was sighted after the board walk leading to Budds Beach and Shateaux Shat. Overall not many checks or false trails but the novelty aspects made it a memorable outing.

Under the strobe lighting we were offered unnaturally red coloured sausages, steaming hot, alongside bowls of tomato ketchup and loaves of bread, a hungry (and slightly cold) pack devoured the starter and then tucked into the mains – roast chicken, potato, pumpkin and garden peas with gravy. Dessert was apple pie custard and ice cream. Mrs. Coles or Mr. Woolworths had been very busy preparing the feast.

The new whistle was moistened to indicate circle was commencing. The hare was invited out, cross examination showed Veteran set the trail, KB managed the portion control, Joss finished off where Mrs. Coles had started and Shat …..well….…he had the ‘Concept’.

Someone, I cant remember who, scored the run 7.75 and Sir Slab described the food as ‘Bloody fantastic’ scoring an 8+.

Continuing the Olympic theme, three gold medals (that’s more than the English and Australian athletes combined) were awarded

1 – Flasher – largest number of short cuts (who’d have guessed)
2 – Cum Smoke – outrageous number of foul-mouthed interruptions (as 1)
3 – Black Stump – all time greatest athlete with the worlds shortest recovery times

Returners – Big ‘O’ and Iceman

DD to Jigsaw as a proxy for Caustic, for a dummy spit at the casino which McEnroe would have been proud of. I was asked not to mention that it was felt that Caustic could not drive a “finger up his own arse” so I wont.

RA – DD to Cum Smoke for waking the former mayor of Ephraim Island (Two
Dogs)
– Kitchen Bitch for selling sex toys (rubber eggs)

Iceman attempted another joke (no I don’t know why) I’ve seen Leyton Hewitt with a better delivery

It seems, according to the Bulletin, that there was in fact more than one type of hash at last weeks run, this could explain Sir AH’s absence, permanent smile and constant request for nibbles.

DD for show pony for not viewing the hash photos (you weren’t the only one)

Hilarious story about an Indonesian toilet and a turd by Sir Prince

POW finally re-awarded to Ferret despite protests and denials for failing to follow the complex rules regarding the inflatable lady.

GM presented with holiday gifts from Sir Slab

Next weeks run – Flatulence @ mission beach (?)

Thanks to Team Shat for a memorable night (well the pervert neighbour thought so)

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.

Rug on Tour
Having just returned from Olympic torch duty with SH3 I enclose a picture taken on the Monday Hash on the day that the Olympic torch passed through Scarborough, North Yorkshire, my home town.

On the evening as I ran through the streets carrying the torch with the pack following, locals tooted their horns and I am sure many would have gone home to say they had seen the Olympic torch heading out of Scarborough on the evening.

News Flash: Ex GM out shopping
Some people know him as..

Run 1812
Date : 23rd July 2012
Hare : Sir AH
Venue : Xanadu Court, Mudgeraba
Runners 23

Weeks to Blackie not having to piss in a bag – 1

The journey to the venue was enough to take your breath away, not particularly the view, just the lack of oxygen at this altitude. As I passed the Von Trapp family, fleeing to Austria, I realized that there was a strong likelihood of hills being employed on the run

Walkers and runners (we seem to be less runners by the week) set off downhill (which meant a nice uphill for the on home)Sir Slab was heard to comment on the walking group with the words “Look at that bunch of geriatrics” he did have a point, most looked as they were searching for their carers.

The run was, as expected, many ups, many downs, no false trails and checks into courts, which were fooling, no one. A small off-road section was encountered as we all trespassed onto the local golf course, the rest was tarmac and well marked. Although some confusion was experienced by Josephine and Jigsaw, who both decided to do a second lap after running past the venue. (should have asked one of the Sherpa’s)

Consideration was given to finding them but it was too cozy by the patio heater and its is the thought that counts, I was always told.

Hard to believe that the run had been set at short notice as the birthday boy served entree’s of creamy tomato and pumpkin soup and followed this with Thai chicken curry and perfectly cooked rice. There was even a choice of three mud cakes with custard for dessert. Nicely done AH.

Circle opened by the GM and the hare invited out. 70 years young and allegedly born in an air raid (prompting suggestions of Hitler’s love child). Josephine gave comment on the run – no fun factor, suggests AH move to Palm Beach (so we can run between the street fights and drunks?) enjoyed the run so much started a second lap. 6/10

Sir Prince adopted the role of Matt Preston, stating – plenty, very nice, no chilli, 8/10 which in the words of KB was “almost up there with Latrine”

DD’s to –

Shat – job well done on last years committee
Jigsaw – ‘best committee man last year’
Sir Prince Valliant – nearly at wrong venue
Returners – Sir Slab, travelling with wife/Shat, travelling with wife/Sir AH, long service leave/Moonbeams, had better offers

GM presented with an unusual shaped whistle, nice colours but a twat of thing to blow.

RA entered the scene giving a DD to Carefree for use of the ‘V’ word which is apparently less offensive than c#nt??? Sir Prince informed us that Miscarriage is back where he belongs – Christmas Island (as one of Santa’s little helpers?) after a fortuitous flight cancellation.

POW missing again so no new recipient.

Other news – Blackie back home and doing well after keyhole surgery, Caustic enquired if he has had a dump yet. Apparently he’s dumped the bag as he couldn’t get shoes to match.

Dicky Knee’s woes have multiplied, mobile phone infringement, numerous car breakdowns, it’s a good job he’s on the big money at the mines.

Excel pet visiting next week, Splinter lunch on Friday (which was yesterday, yes I’m a bit behind this week. Apologies to all)

Charges – Aussie for the suns
– Caustic for opening his mouth

Next weeks run – Shat @ Budds Beach (where else)

Thanks to Sir AH for a great job at short notice and also to Two Dogs whom I forgot to thank last week.

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.

This is a furtive Shat about to buy the GM’s present in Trogir, Croatia.
On on,
Slab