Run 1858
Date : 10th June.2013
Hare : Rug
Venue : Arundel
Runners : 18

The Week That Was!
About 18 hardy Hashers turned up for the run braving the wet weather. It seems the others preferred to sit at home and vegetate with their ugg boots on watching TV.
The beer supplies had to be forded across the creek to the rotunda in the park. Rectum came to the rescue with a bailey bridge to help with fording the creek. Kwakka, Blue Card and Botcho kindly agreed to forego exercise and guard the beer supplies.

10 runners set off and 3 walkers wandered off into the gloom and had no idea where they were going.
Sir Prince turned up late having driven around the park and Allied Drive for 15 minutes trying to find the start of the run.
After starting off late Sir Prince caught up with Swindler, still walking after 700m and when asked which way to go. Swindler pointed 180 degrees in the wrong direction and said “well the rotunda is that way”.
In the absence of the GM who has now been missing for 50% of the meetings this year, the Acting GM Miscarriage took centre stage at the circle. He advised that he noticed everybody was getting on in years and was concerned about Alzheimer’s setting in and one way to counteract that was to shake things up and do things in a different way.
Staying with that theme he then started the circle with the POW which left Blue Card floundering a bit as he was planning on 15 minutes of the circle to find a few possible contenders.
Blue Card called out a few shortlisted suspects for the POW – Swindler for failing 2 weeks in a row to honour the tradition of a carton of crownies for his birthday, Flasher for being reported in a half page article in the Gold Coast Bulletin for his new invention which sniffs out drugs and all sorts of questionable odours and smells in a rental property. But the award was finally given by a close margin to Show Pony, who was the neighbour of a house boat in which the elderly gentlemen had been murdered 18 months ago and apparently his body has turned up under Show Pony’s houseboat. There is now some reason why he has been catching more mud crabs than anybody else in the marina. Good to see they have a close knit community where they all look after each other.
The RA/Acting GM had previously advised by email that he would be selecting at random an acting RA as he was the Acting GM. He then proceeded to repeat what was about to happen, that we should all be mentally prepared. He then selected Swindler as the Acting RA and Swindler obviously in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, thought that he had been elected as Acting GM and went on some kind of a manic rant until it was pointed out to him that no such important task would ever be entrusted to him and he was the Acting RA.
Swindler then selected a couple of people for Down Downs – including one to Kwakka for being on last year’s hierarchy and coming back for a second term – no shame, and Link for being one of the “Wednesday Wankers” in the lycra bike riding outfits. He reportedly, has now applied to be in the Wednesday Warriors who ride at a more sedate pace on hybrid bikes rather than those high end carbon fibre missiles.
Apparently the entry to the Wednesday Warriors is to sing a war cry in the middle of the coffee shop after a ride.
Sir Prince brought a charge from the floor. He arrived late, couldn’t find the place. He called Sir Rabbit’s phone to get the address. Couldn’t get a hold of him so sent a text to Rugs number, no answer telephoned Veteran and was told to call Blackstump. After calling Blackstump who was in 1770 he said to try Circumference who didn’t answer the phone. So he only thought it fair that Circumference get a Down Down as he was responsible for the online next run announcement which apparently was not working properly.
Sir Prince then regaled us with a tale relating to his position as a board member of the Anglican All Saints School. Apparently one of the parents, aka Miscarriage, had written a long letter as to why his daughter should be released a week early from school so that she could go to Cambodia with the family. Apparently our Acting GM had planned his holiday based on last year’s school calendar!
It then transpired that there would be an unofficial meeting of Gold Coast Hashmen in Camdodia, all being there at the same time – Miscarriage, Rug, Swindler, Flasher and Slug. More Down Downs!
Iceman gave a report on the run, said it was a good run but a few of the marks had been washed out although Rug the Hare said he had re-layed it several times during the day. He was scored a 7.5.
Kwakka gave a report on the Nosh and quite rightly gave it a score of fantastic. Started with the prawn and avocado with a slice of lemon in a half avocado shell followed with by a Yorkshire pudding and beef stew or for the more sophisticated beef bourguignon and then homemade pear crumble with a decadent rich chocolate sauce. He scored an 8.5 and is the leading contender for the “Nosh of the Year”.
Next week’s run will no doubt be somewhere.
Blue Card

……………..Blue Card On Marriage…………….Love is Blind
This guy is Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto:

He was married to — this woman.

Her name is Cibele Dorsa.
She is a Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria ‘s Secret, and Playboy model.

He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman:

These two are very happily married right now.

Some people argue that love is blind.

This story clearly proves it…

It proves that men are capable of real love; truly seeing
a personal inner beauty, not basing their decisions
solely on looks.

Oh, by the way…
the new girl is Athina Onassis.

She is worth 12 billion dollars.

Kinda brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?

August 1978 GC HHH FIRST OVERSEAS TRIP, to Port Moresby’s 250th run
‘Maurie “ First Hill Tanner “ changing local baby

First Hill losing pants with Kwakka on right hand side

Sir Prince AND First Hill with locals

left to right: SIR PRINCE VALIANT,WEEKLY JOHN DALEY, ALLUSIVE ALLUSION TERRY MORROW FOUNDING GM, GREG MASON, PORTNOYS COMPAINT,KWAKKA WAYNE NOLAN

Run 1857
Date    :    3rd June.2013
Hare    :    Missing Link
Venue    :   Broadbeach
Runners : 26

The Week That Was!
The Splinter Lunch at the Latin Quarter, Broadbeach proved to be the normal circus. Organised by Swindler and Nasty jointly, although rumour has it Swindler did all the work, having to have a practice run the Friday before with a few other desperates while Nasty was busy attending to the Nasty Party who have registered to make a run at the next election. Apparently Tom Waterhouse is giving very long odds for anyone wanting to back the Nasty Party.
A crowd of about 20 included the appearance of Fucks Off, the past business partner of Hard On . There was discussion of giving him a new name Period as he only regularly turns up once a month.
The Ex GM BB apparently enjoyed himself as he did not return home Friday night and was discovered sleeping in the hedge in the front yard of his daughters house at 9am Saturday morning. Also worthy of a mention, the 2 desparates below who arrived home at 9.30pm after doing a pub crawl from Broadbeach to Chevron Island. They thought they would quietly enter the residence of Kwakka for a last drink!

On to the run last Monday night at the park on Bermuda St (Cnr Fremar St), Broadbeach Waters. About 26 hardy souls with 8 gentlemen walkers and 18 runners. Link advised that the walkers could go whichever way they felt like and the runners should go off and follow the clearly marked trail.
The new GM Now Loved headed up the circle and was well prepared with a lot of briefing notes. Although having well prepared notes he welcomed everyone to run number?? and then didn’t know the number. Good start!
So as to alienate the old hierarchy he called them out for a Down Down but there were complaints “they should be iced”.
The Hare, Link was called out. Flasher awarded him 7 out of 10 for the best run of the year while Two Dogs gave him 1.5 out of 10 for the worst run of the year. So being a fair crowd they averaged and awarded 4.25 on the voices.
Pile Driver was asked to comment on the meal and said it was good but gave a less than generous score of 5. Nasty giving a second opinion said the entrée was very light as was the dessert, however gave top marks to the beef curry with a large array of condiments and side dishes.
A few returners this week, Nasty is going to Christmas Island to give a quote to install the saunas and gymnasiums for the boat people. Head Job has just returned from working on the island and gave a long discourse about working on the island but really said nothing. He did own up to getting lost on a Hash run on Christmas Island not withstanding he had a large Hash cow bell around his neck. He said if you turn left instead of turning right even on a little island you can get lost.
Next it was the new RA, Miscarriage to take the stage and although he is a shy and retiring type he managed to entertain the troops with gusto.
All Sir’s got a Down Down out of respect for Sir Rabbit who was not in attendance. Show Pony managed to have his new Hash shorts on backwards. As a sign of total disrespect the RA called out the new GM for a Down Down for a recent frontal lobotomy operation to dull down his mental capacity so that he could continue in the fine tradition of a GM. Dangerous stuff!
Flasher was awarded the trophy for ‘Worst Nosh Of The Year’ last year as a temporary stand in and second place getter for the winner, Pizza, who was not in attendance.
Sir Slab presented an expensive set of free road maps and brochures that he had collected on his trip as a special gift to the new GM.
And just to prove that no good turn goes unpunished, yours truly the Hon Sec after providing a box of crownies as a birthday boy was given 2 Down Downs during the night and the POW for absolutely no good reason. So much for the suggestion from the new GM that the hierarchy does not get given Down Downs or the POW…yeah right! See you next week.
Blue Card
………………………………………
POVERTY IN AMERICA…….
Will Australia fall into decline also?

Run 1856
Date : 27th May 2013
Hare : Committee AGPU
Venue : Bruce Bishop car park, Watermark bar and Darcy Arms
Runners A good 40

Weeks to being back on the committee – 208

Boy I have waited for this for some time. It was worth the wait.

A five o’clock start heralded the commencement of the final run of the 2012-2013 committee. Arriving a tad late Caustic, Cum Smoke and myself observed a very healthy turn out partaking in the obligatory nibbles and quality beers. As a member of the outgoing committee it was fabulous to see the fake smiles plastered over some very worried faces. Even better than that was the look of complete certainty exhibited by several, convinced within their own minds, that they would not be required to perform next year. Yeah right.

VD questioned if the email sent out by Croc earlier in the week was correct or not whilst attempting to convince himself that no one would select a committee member who would be away for the next six months. Don’t believe it, you were remarkably close to selection.

Living on the promise of a warm fleece for my run achievements I stood and shivered as Sir Rabbit explained that would occur later.

After much backslapping and self congratulations (gee we are a humble lot) the next stage of our journey was contemplated then delayed as we awaited the arrival of Sir Prince Valliant and Miscarriage. The former arrived and we departed, the latter arrived minutes after our leaving, checked in the Irish pubs and, as he left his mobile at work, ended up with a fish and chips supper for one.

The rest of us ambled to Watermark for a single beer, which once consumed instigated the cries of “more beer”, not wearing the extra cost Blackie quickly shut the bar down and we were ushered to our final destination – The Darcy Arms or ‘the head office’ as several of our fold fondly refer to it.

Half of us dived to the bar for either Guinness or Kilkenny the rest hit the tables for a variety of good quality reds. The committee smugly sat at the ‘top table’ clearly happy with the overwhelming acceptance of the venue and booze, by the pack. For the last time, You’re Welcome.

Montana assisted in the presentation of some quality shorts with an innovative approach to handing them out.

A tasty bruschetta was served and the awards commenced whilst we awaited the delivery of the mains.

Worst run – Cum Smoke at Broady (the try to avoid, map debarcle), runners up Latrine (bus run) and Caustic (the no run wash out).

Best run – Josephine (parkwood at its best), runners up Truck Tyres (Burleigh boardwalks) Botcho (Helensvale bush).

Worst Food – Pizza (hot plate pantry surprise), runners up Swollen Colon (gruel and mushy pasta) Flasher (Helensvale food with the flavour removed).

Best Food – Kitchen Bitch (roast lamb at its best), runners up Truck Tyres (noodle soup) Botcho (all his food is good).

On reviewing the runs and food it was genuinely difficult to find three poor runs and food, the standard this year has been excellent, especially the food; which on many occasions has bettered that served on splinter lunches by professional caterers.

Most number of runs – Sir Rabbit (you really need a life)

Best committeeman – Rectum (try-hard).

By now some seriously HUGE steaks served with chips and salad had arrived on the scene so it was hard to maintain anyone’s attention. The fighting irons (knives and forks to you non northerners) were picked up and the delicious sauces were poured. Quiet resumed.

You know the steaks are big when a large number of plates were collected by the waitresses, still loaded with food.

The awards continued –

Prick of the Year was a complete walk over for a thousand reasons; runners up were not required as Flasher hoisted the honour. Well deserved.

Those responsible for milestones were recognized with long sleeved fleeces (bit late I was roasting hot by then).

1500 – Sir Rabbit
1300 – Sir Slab
800 – Josephine
500 – Flasher
200 – Crocodile
200 – Cum Smoke
100 – Rectum
100 – Veteran
100 – Shat

Finally the best bit arrived with the selection of the new committee

Trail Master – Ferret (seemed very excited)
Booze Masters – Show Pony (usual bemused expression)
Iceman (worried expression)
Hash Cash – Black Stump (volunteered 2nd term)
Hash Flash – Kwakka (volunteered 2nd term)
RA – Miscarriage (lost in Surfers)
On Sec – Blue Card (utter disbelief)
GM – Now Loved (in denial)

The new committee were welcomed in and the old, told to piss off.

Good luck to you all, I hope you enjoy it as much as we have this year.

Thanks to all those who put in the effort to attend, run, cook, assist with the cooking, set a trail, tell a joke or contribute in some way or another.

On On

Rectum
Ex On a Sec on behalf of Blue Card (still recovering from the shock)
Another tissue of lies.

Run 1855
Date : 20th May 2013
Hare : Swindler
Venue : Somebody Gilchrest park, Tarcoola Crescent, Chevron Island
Runners Lots

The curse is lifted in seven days.

Welcome to the sequel to Ben Hur. Who were all these people gathered in shivering groups on a park the size of a postage stamp? The AGPU was obviously so close you could smell it and it smelled of freedom.

So, Chevron Island, two ways on two ways off (discounting a swim leg) so either a tour round Surfers or Ferry road or a long tour round both. The Hare proclaimed this as the run for the walkers? In which the runners would play second fiddle to the walkers, we must have changed our name to Hash House Amblers.

Furthermore in a completely innovative way, (since Jigsaw’s run a couple of week back) a bottle of ‘High Class’ wine would be presented to the first returner with the key word. How novel. Again.

With a feeling which measured equally of both anticipation and reluctance, we embarked on a semi circumnavigation of Chevron, knowing full well we would be getting off this Gold Coast enigma via the west bridge. Numerous checks were fooling no-one and so it wasn’t long before we arrived at the aforementioned bridge (for the first time).

The trail indicated left and towards the council chambers for the runners – under the bridge for the walkers. The first check showed either left to a dead end or straight on which turned up being a ……….. dead end.

I ended up walking aimlessly for ten minutes, looking for any sign of a trail and was about to give up when I met up with Circumference by the bridge, the trail, apparently, was on the opposite side of the road. Of course, why didn’t anyone think of looking there before? Oh that’s right, according to the markings, it didn’t go that way. This was fast turning into a debacle.

Eventually the trail lead along a path before emerging onto Slatyer and giving a choice of returning to the de ja vu bridge or left to an …….on back obviously.

Back at the bridge, Hashers milled around in utter desperation, the vast majority continued home, I noticed the trail heading north up ferry road, it won’t surprise you I am sure, that after 800m it did a U-turn by the word ‘Dick’ (short for Dicked about) and went straight back to, yes you guessed the bridge once more. Not a debacle, more a travesty.

Once back at the micro-park I observed the general scratching of heads and puzzled glances, what had just happened?

Once settled in the rather refined surroundings of the Hare’s alfresco area, more Nacho’s than you could shake a stick at, were served against the stunning backdrop of Chevron Renaissance etc. A pumpkin soup followed these, which, dependent on your location within the food queue was either delicious or marginally toxic after being ‘watered’ down with red wine.

The mains consisted of what I assume was beef Goulash, rice, sliced baguettes and Greek salad. The servings were generous, the beef tender and the salad tasty, a fine effort. The climax to the meal was apple crumble served with ice cream and caramel sauce, that Swindler certainly knows his way around the kitchen, or does he?

Methinks someone was aiming for nosh of the year. Shame the trophy has already been engraved.

A rather relaxed circle was called with most opting to remain seated. The GM, wearing a hideous Freddy Kruger mask, opened with “Swindler by name, Swindler by nature” and questioned whether the bottle of vino would end up with a Gossips label. The Hare was congratulated on his 68th birthday, he replied with “ Its so good to be with you blokes, you make me feel so young”. Swindlers impressive run count was relayed to the response “we don’t have to worry about Sir Swindler” by Two Dogs.

Ferret was asked to comment on the run, this lead to a ten-minute argument with the Hare about correct markings, Caustic enquired if the Hare had outsourced the run to Cum Smoke, as it was so bad.

Reg was identified as a co-hare and brought out for the onslaught. Despite having attended on only one previous occasion and having never set a run before Swindler seemed to have left most of it up to Reg and strenuously claimed the distance to have been 8.01km. Mr. Garmin (that’s Two Dogs to you) contested this. The score rather generously ended up as 1.08.

Miscarriage described the food as beef stroke-me-off and scored it an 8.01.

Rectum received a bottle of red with a dodgy looking label.

Visitors –

Slug – former Gladstone runner now residing on coast
Mr. Miscarriage – 83 years young and with far more decorum than his progeny
Magician – back from Saigon where he saw testicles (that’s lady-boys for you)
Veteran – Injury prone and adverse to long bouts of travel
Reg – helped cook the meal

Milestone (but too late for a gift) Caustic Crusader with 200 runs – DD

RA dished a DD to Moonbeams for his Franz Klammer get up, Swindler for the artwork on the menu, which unfortunately abused intellectual property. That must be a small portfolio in our hash.
DD to Swindler, Kwakka for the trail, Reg sidestepped the DD with a skill level seldom seen from such a novice hasher. This man has potential.

Charges were asked for and Miscarriage answered the call with a DD to, well who, Princey for kissing cousins, of whom VD adjudicated – seems ok to me. Then a DD to Arse Up as a proxy for Mumbles who recently appropriated Miscarriages shirt.
Caustic volunteered Elvis for sneaking off home half way through the run and hiding in the ladies toilet before rejoining the pack on their way home. Elvis apologized, explaining it was his time of the month.

The circle was then hijacked by the current POW Josephine who was intent on regaining his beloved RA’s position with a strong performance. Those chosen were essentially the current committee –

GM – false charge last week
Croc and Rug – constantly running out of booze
Rectum – Latin for tourists in the trash
RA – failure to stop the rain, apparently he is being chased by a North Queensland farmers co-operative, who are hoping he can end the drought.
Swindler – after taking credit for the food was overheard talking to the boss on the phone asking how to turn the oven on.
Elvis – admission of Eurovision viewing
Slug – arriving on the GC six months ago but not turning up to run until the week before the AGPU.

Slug took out the award, welcome to the GC, as Blackie put it “this is why we can never keep hold of new members”

AGPU seven sleeps and counting. Yeah Baby. Meet 5pm Bruce Bishop car park top level for a few drinks first. Hash formal t-shirts and top hats please. $30 for regular runners and $50 for the bludgers, great value either way.

Remember if you don’t get the job on the committee you wanted then ………………….. You should have volunteered.

End of circle by Franz Moonbeams.

Thanks to Swindler for opening his doors to our rabble, the neighbours wont speak to you for months. Thanks also to Kwakka for taking the trail-marking fall and to Reg for a dazzling display of sidestepping. Good luck as On sec next year Swindler. Sorry was I not supposed to say that.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Another tissue of lies.