Run 1867
Date: 12/08/2013
Location: Surfers Paradise
Hare: Hard On

Runners:33

Black Stump

News Flash: Darwin Don takes Gold at World Master Games

The word was out Hard On as the virgin Hare. A big turn out with 33 hashers.

All gathered at Budds Beach on the banks of the river within walking distance of  la residence of the Hare Hard On and assistant Hares Shat living at Shat O and Kwakka from over the river.

Our esteemed Acting GM aka the RA aka Miscarriage called the circle up. Being a very fair and balanced acting GM volunteered to take a DD from his brand new GLOWING PURPLE sneakers size 22 that would have looked right at home on the Big Unit.

Speaking of Big Unit good to see the BU again particularly as he had a choice of watching porn at Cum Smokes love shack or coming to Hash. Just shows what a real desperate BU must be.

Botcho was called out and given a special thank you for setting up the mobile web site (click the link and save as a book mark on mobile smart phone. Never get lost again, trying to find the run location) and all the other web master magic. The Acting GM gave an undertaking that Botcho will not be given another DD this year. Well Botcho this sounds like ” there will be no carbon tax” so we will see if Now Loved the “real GM ” will honour the commitment.

Sir Slab received a DD for having a dead heat on his bike with a car in front that wouldn’t get out of his way. But that’s not all. Reportedly allegedly was out on a Hashers boat and suggested that 2 young females on board take there tops off up on the bow of the boat. Not illegal but one was a hashers daughter. Sir S totally denies the accusation and is claiming mistaken identity.

All  Sirs got to share a DD Sir Rabbit Sir AH Sir Slab and Sir Prince.

The Hare Hard On was called out and as a virgin Hare he remains intact as he out sourced the trail to Shat. To preserve his virgin Hare status he outsourced the Nosh to Mrs Hard On. To continue the theme he had 14 hashers cooking on the BBQ while he chatted over a large glass of red or two.

Two Dogs in an unkind moment described the run as debacle as he ended up running by himself. Veteran described it as an excellent run. Multiple circles and plenty of arrows. He considered Hard On an excellent manager who had recruited people smarter and more experienced than him to do the work and he could take all the glory. Management 101.

No score given so as scribe after a lot of thinking I have awarded 7.162.

Flasher, Flasher Flasher reported as a serial short cutter.

POW

Truck Tyres donned the uniform and after a bit of waffling passed the award to Two Dogs for leading the pack including him way off trail by taking them overseas to Chevron Island.

RETURNERS

Swindler, Arse Up, Bent Banana, Show Pony and Pile Driver – DD’s

Miscarriage was offended to be called a Hobbit and called out a few other vertically challenged Hashers and then lined them up beside BU.

Ferret had a bitch about members not reading the Hare Line so for those who don’t read the Hare Line. Read it here

See you next week for another Hash Dash.

Blue Card Joke Of The Week

Date Change For Clean Up Australia Day.Please adjust your diaries accordingly

Run 1866
Date: 5/08/2013
Location: Ashmore
Hare: Sir Rabbit / Josephine
Hard On

Bent Banana update:
A good turnout with 26 hashes turning up.

About half walkers and half runners but from the observation of the walkers most of the so called runners seemed to be walking.

The RA Miscarriage once again took on the exalted roles of both acting GM and RA..Clearly bored after so many Circles following the same format every week that he once again decided to reverse the normal the normal order of business.

Showing no respect for editorial independence, first up he called out yours truly for referring to him in last weeks Words as being the self appointed GM and presented me with a DD. Seems to think he is Gina Rhineart and can influence the independence of the press.

VD had the pleasure of passing on the POW. He called out the Big Unit (BU) and explained how a woman living below knocked on BU’s door to complain about the noise. Being not guilty he redirected the woman to Come Smokes unit. The woman was most shocked to discover the “noise” coming from Come Smokes unit was a loud audio track on a porn movie.

However in the absence of Come Smoke the award went to Truck Tyres who turned up for a bike ride with 2 flat tyres and has been nominated for a renaming to Flat Tyres.

Botcho aka Botulism got a DD for destroying the economy in the home country last week and causing more of his county men to migrate to OZ.

The RA/GM reminded us that the funeral for Useless was held during the week. He reminisced about how Useless had a broken relationship in Singapore, came down to the Gold Coast for a new life, and became engaged to a lovely lady. It appears she then met another Hasher and married him!  Come on down Sir AH!

Hares Josephine (the run) and Rabbit (the nosh)…..

BU described it as 1 of the best hash runs he has ever been on. Has done 3.

VD said it was OK but most runners seemed to be walking and only pretend runners.

Iceman said the Nosh was OK and he particularly liked the burnt rice taste near the bottom of the pot.

Miscarriage said he enjoyed the raisin toast which was a poor mans Naan and went particularly well with the chicken curry.

Graham a friend of Elvis got a DD for being a visitor. Welcome Graham hope you will come again.

Sir Prince and Sir Rabbit got a DD for reminding the RA about the time he “beached” the Fairlane on a parking island in the very same car park as we were standing. One Sir drinks all Sirs drink……  Come on down Sir AH.

Botcho said he had spoken to Pizza who reportedly misses us all and has been very busy writing the instruction manual on “Laying Bricks”.

Next weeks run will be next Monday night somewhere.

That’s the week that was.

Blue Cards Joke Of The Week

A Guy Walks Into A Bar

Just click here…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub3Cm0V_Z8w

RUN 1865
Date :29/7/2013
Location: Helensvale
HARE: Botcho
Runners: 29

Once again we were honoured with an appearance by Cum Smoke. Good to see he brought his mate Big Unit!                                                                                                                                  The Big Unit chatting with Flasher….  I heard the BU complaining about a pain in the neck. No not Flasher just cause and effect from chatting with Flasher.Sorry Flasher but I am under strict instructions from Rectum to give you a special mention every week.

8 walkers and 18 runners hit the trail this week.In the absence of the GM the RA took on the self appointed joint role of GM/RA and called the circle in the Helensvale Tavern car park before dinner.

Flasher said it was a good run until he got lost. Iceman gave him instructions to follow him…. Big mistake. Botcho told a shaggy dog story about being chased by a dog while setting the run. There seemed to no real score but Ferret mumbled to the On Sec give him 4.77.

A DD to Josephine, Caustic and KB for email spam about a certain round ball match in Melbourne.

A minutes silence for Useless a past Hasher in the club who passed away recently. Ferret reported that Useless introduced him to Hash in Singapore where a week later Ferret met his future wife and Useless was best man at his wedding.

RETURNERS

The athletes returning from a Peptide fuelled bike ride in the Phillipines were front and centre.

Ferret as the oldest took 1 for the team and got the DD.

Shat when asked to report on the trip said everybody behaved and they inspected a lot of Catholic Churches. Yeah right!

Sir Prince was awarded the “Plastic Plucked Chicken” to take to Myanmar as the stand in “Yellow Jersey”

Ferret called out Flasher for being a media tart for having his photo on the cover of the Hash Magazine.

Everybody then adjourned to the Tavern, selected a special person for a 2 for 1 meal to the delight of Moonbeams but the despair of Hash Cash.

That’s it for this week see you all next week.

PS Keep the emails about “Hash Shit” or bear the consequences in the circle!!

Blue Cards Lesson For The Week

Short Lesson On Towel Heads…
In these troubled times, it has become very difficult to distinguish the good towel-heads from the bad towel heads. Just where are the moderate Muslims, anyway? Do they actually exist?

The following is provided, to help you distinguish between a BAD “towel-head” and a GOOD “towel-head.” You must study the pictures carefully so that you will not confuse the two in a moment of indecision … It could save your life!
This is a bad towel head

and this is a

GOOD TOWEL-HEAD:

RUN 1864
Date :22/7/2013
Location: Pacific Pines
HARE: Circumference
Runners: 16

The weather was like a balmy English spring evening – drizzleing and miserable but the Hash Gods no doubt at one with the RA turned off the liquid sunshine for the time of the run.
6 walkers and 10 runners turned up for the usual Hash Mash.
The walkers walked and the runners ran!
Prior to the Nosh the constabulary turned up had a quick chat to a couple of hashers and soon left mumbling something about “old farts running in the rain”. The boys in blue were no doubt attracted by the fire in the brazier which Josephine insisted on lighting with some painted fence wood (2 weeks in a row).
The GM called up the circle between main course and dessert just to show he is not afraid to make drastic changes to protocol.
Hare – Circumference:
Flasher reported it as a good well marked run in a typical Flasher suck up and awarded 7.2 and an additional .5 of a point for the fire which had nothing to do with the hare.
Botcho provided a second opinion and in a Margaret and David “At the Movies” moment also gave it a 7.2.
Rug reported on the Nosh marinated chicken pieces and salad. Nothing better than a nice hot meal on a winter’s night, unfortunately this wasn’t it.
Score 6.8
Truck Tyres as a second opinion. The tinned beetroot and tinned pineapple was really good and the bread rolls weren’t too old.
Score 6.9
Jigsaw received a high commendation for being stand in boze master and providing excellent dips.
Returners
Flasher back from Cambodia after meeting up with Misscariage, Testacles and Slug presented the GM with a special stubbie holder.
DD’s
• Rectum for mentioning he wanted to go home to see the Test which had actually finished.
• Rug for being a suspect in leaving a used condom in the RA’s unit in Thailand
• KB under a cloud of suspicion for having taken peptides and performance enhancing drugs as he was spotted on the run running.

Charges
Rectum gave a DD to Croc for backing the Blues. Croc responded that he had tuned in to watch the second match, fell asleep and woke up to find the commentator talking about the Blues beating the Reds 57 to 42 but it finally dawned on him that they were talking about the other match – the second coming of Kevin Rudd.

POW
The GM on behalf of VD in his absence gave it back to VD in absentia.

Next Weeks Run
Botcho and Moonbeams. Nosh at the Helensvale tavern with 2 for 1 meals organised. Choose your “special friend” early in the night.

See you next week.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Bluecard’s Joke Of The Week

Global Economics Explained Through E Cow Nomics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

Republican Capitalism otherwise known as tea party economics a la : LEHMANN BROS, GOLDMAN SACHS, BEAR STERNS, CITIBANK ETC… CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. Forget about milking them.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive (not quite as nice as the good looking sheep though).