Run 1872
Date:16/09/2013
Location: Highland  Park
Hare: Flasher
Runners: 20

..unn1872 Report from our guest On Sec..Swindler

Hash Pictures mobile link

Run 1871
Date:9/09/2013
Location: Parkwood
Hare: Carefree and a few Helpers
Runners: 26

THE HASH POST ERECTION RUN

Well how things have changed with a Liberal government. Things are certainly looking up if the Nosh tonight was any indication. Talk about the Gourmet Hash – 2 huge salmon cooked whole in wet paper but more about that later.

We all set off on the run with some deep concerns as the assistant Booze Master Truck Tyres was no where to be seen. SWINDLER after only 1 week on the job had absented himself after pulling a Campbell Newman the week before putting booze prices up 50%

Who should we spot half way through the run driving through the new Gold Coast Hospital looking left and right for a Hash group than TRUCK TYRES! To bad the directions clearly indicated the Griffith University.

THE CIRCLE

CROC was first to be outed by the RA for conduct likely to bring the Hash into disrepute. In a voice loud enough to be heard at the new hospital he had called out ” alright you …… (Women’s Genitals) listen up!

BENT BANANA when asked about the run said it was a good venue.

TWO DOGS reported that while the directions started as well marked they soon went downhill on the flat section and he found the runners were going in circles and lapping the walkers.

The HARE CAREFREE had a team of chefs working under his role as chief chef and they all got a DD – Sir AH, KWAKKA, KITCHEN BITCH, and SIR SLAB.

LURCH said it was the best meal he had EVER had and gave the Nosh a 9.3 while MOONBEAMS equally impressed gave it a 9.35.

The RA was struggling with a lost voice due to a suspected deep throat infection.

MISSING LINK was really missing as he was confined to hospital with a blocked bowel.

“Give him caster oil”

“I knew he was full of shit”

“Does that mean he can’t mow my lawn tomorrow”. Sir Prince.

“I will take his jobs.” Jigsaw

“Should we take up a collection for a funeral plan”. Croc.

THE ELECTION

The RA was impressed by our preference system for the Senate and the fact that a group of lunatics had been elected including the Motoring Party in Victoria with 1.8% of the vote.  The hash petrol head was called out as a supporter- Josephine. 2 Dogs got a similar treatment as a supporter of the Hunting Party who look like winning a seat with 500 votes.

SIR CUMFERENCE was given a DD for being a stand in double for Clive Palmer.

LURCH got a mention in dispatches for volunteering to clean up the rubbish and trying to impress and get on next years hierarchy.

POW.

Last week awarded to Sir S.

FLASHER AND MADAM LASH for insisting on the honeymoon suite at the Boonah Hotel, or TRUCK TYRES for annoying Sir Slab and screwing up his bookings in Yangon Hotel but no the award went to JIGSAW for putting his foot in the booze bucket.

NEXT WEEKS RUN

Will be a pub run from the Highland Park Tavern.

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Contributed by Caustic

 

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally

cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone

again I will kill them!’

The word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird

forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’   He

jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until A woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird’s cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him

and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn’t die!

Why ???

OH, come on…. take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

You’re going to love this !!!

Everyone knows…

You can’t kill Two Birds

withOneStone!!!
Hash Pictures Mobile Link

Run 1870
Date:2/09/2013
Location: Mudgeeraba
Hare: Sir AH
Runners: 31

BOOZE MASTER

The first shock of the evening was the meteoric  rise in drink prices of up to 50% in 1 week introduced by Swindler standing in for Show Pony.

All drinks now $3 he announced to those who wanted to hear. He mumbled something about the state of the books being far worse than he imagined and in true Tony Abbott style would have to increase prices and cut expenditure in an attempt to bring a surplus to the account by fiscal 2015! Next week cold drinks on ice will be an additional charge in a display of “user pays”. You can always have warm beer at a reduced price he suggested.

Bring back Show Pony.

THE CIRCLE

The GM Now Loved made a rare guest appearance resplendent in a formal Tibeten Princess head dress.

The Hare Sir AH was called out front and centre. Big Unit still new to Hash and wanting to suck up said it was a good run to an immediate cry of ‘bullshit”

Rectum said it was a good length but many runners took more than an hour with the resultant suggestion to “ice the bastards”.

“I didn’t need the tour of Skilled Park”

Caustic Crusader commented the Tour de Mudgeeraba was a little excessive.

Flasher in his own style was overheard on the run muttering  this is long and boring. I would rather be out fishing with Rex Hunt and the Wednesday Wobblers.

Rug decided the Nosh was pretty good, Bolognese with Rice, Pasta and high quality bread. However the most impressive thing for Rug was the inclusion of minute traces of Olives – just enough to keep Cumsmoke away. Almost a 9 so 8.8.

Shat wanted the recipe that would make the pasta all stick together like he had tonight.

Swindler was given a DD for falling in love with a Maori Fisherwoman on the fishing trip. So sweet it was interracial love on the high seas.

Rug is off on a secret mission to Syria working for the old firm so keep an eye out for Rug with a towel on his head at the back of the crowd on CNN and Al Jazeera.

Rock Hard just back from 7 weeks holding up his end in Europe returned without a gift for the GM – so thoughtless and received a well deserved DD.

Seedy soon to return to his farm growing ‘secret undisclosed crops’ in Bathurst was given a DD When it was pointed out he was a Pr…k Relation of Swindlers he quickly clarified matters that Swindler was the Pr..k and he was the relation.

A NAMING

It is an auspicious occasion when a new Hasher is officially baptised by being given a Hash Name. Tonight it was the official naming of the Big Unit. Now Tom Waterhouse had been offering odds on that Big Unit would officially be named Big Unit because he is a Big Unit. Well in a stroke of naming genius the GM made the previously known  Big Unit kneel before him. He went down on his knees as the Big Unit and arose as LURCH. What a sweet and appropriate name. Big Unit is no more henceforth its LURCH.

THE RELIGEOUS ADVISOR

Miscarriage announced there was a new position created  to deal with a situation with the reengineered water tank on the Hash Trailer. At great expense, effort, ingenuity and insurance claim funds Sir Black Stump has moved the water tank from the top of the trailer to the bottom to thawt the demons of gravity from seizing the trailer once again and laying it on its side. This has caused a little issue in that the pump is now above the water tank and needs a good suck to prime the pump and get things flowing. This is a highly responsible position awarded to a hasher who knows how to suck – Hard On. Keep on sucking Hard On/Hash Suck.

Sir Prince Valiant when invited to the football on Sunday by the RA declined because he had some “polishing” to do. What the…?

By special request all Hashers were asked after the Nosh to return the cut crystal goblets used to serve the dessert so they could be used again by the Gold Coast Gourmet Hash.  Sir Slab not yet on board with the idea of recycling was spotted by the RA dumping said crystal goblet in the bin.

Two Sirs drinks ALL Sirs drink!

POW

Slug was called out in “uniform” to hand on the POW. He waffled for awhile perhaps his mind casting back to the same time last week when he was given the POW for certain unspeakable acts in foreign lands.

After almost giving it to Sir Prince for staying home to do some “polishing” he awarded it to Sir Slab for throwing out the Hash Crystal!

NEXT WEEKS RUN

Care Free – details on the website.

BLUE CARDS JOKE OF THE WEEK
I love being politically correct!

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man who was
wearing a turban eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her
to deflect it.

Eventually she had enough and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing
that, you stupid Catholic bitch.”

She laughed and said, “When I cry ‘rape’ and they smell your fingers,
you’ll get 10 years, you towel-headed Camel-f*cker.”

On On
Blue card

Hash Pictures  Mobile Link

Run 1869
Date:26/08/2013
Location: Burleigh Waters
Hare: Ferret
Runners: 28
Ferret’s famous birthday run and nosh!

73 years young and going strong.

The GM made a rare appearance between overseas holidays at this weeks Hash and it seemed he was reasserting power and keeping the RA in check. The power will shift back again to the RA in a couple of weeks when the GM is representing GC Hash at a surfing meet in Bali and then more work for the GM cycling in Myanmar for 2 weeks promoting our Hash Club. What a gravy train.

The GM asked Flasher what he thought of the run. Flasher now fully clothed after his usual semi naked run said it was a long run and at least half a K between some arrows. Apparently Flasher had taken a wrong turn and only discovered his mistake when he ran into the surf at Burleigh and couldn’t find an arrow. Link giving a second opinion scored it as an 8 while the GM wanting to assert his authority scored the run as an 8.375.

Rug rated the Nosh as “Fantastic” and took the opportunity to inform us there were 3 kinds of Turds for dessert Custard, Mustard, and Flasher. VD gave the nosh a 9 and was particularly impressed by not only the silverside and vegetables but the fancy Bain Marie got a special mention. Croc having the last word on the nosh said it was great for “Ferret Food” and said he would score it 8.0379 but would go to 8.95 if Ferret cleaned the grill plate.

Swindler and Truck Tyres took DD’s as the assistant Booze Masters in the temporary absence of Show Pony who is off to China for a few weeks.

The GM advised that the infamous October Fest run will be on the 7th October for a 5pm start somewhere.

The hard working Hierarchy have organised a social boat trip on Houseboats to South Stradbroke Island on 13 October for $50 per person. Show Pony will be the Admiral in charge of the fleet of 2 houseboats.

The RA in fine form called out Sir Black Stump for his poorly lit fence last week. When the RA was leaving Sir Blackstumps humble abode last night he was struck down by an alien force which threw him over the fence of the dog yard where he landed on his back .Fortunately Sir Prince heard the thump and was able to revive him and gently guide him to his car ( with a strange limp and very sore arm ). SO MUCH FOR THE PROTECTION OF HIS POPES
OUTFIT

The RA told some incredible tale about girls in Asia who are also boys in Asia but what happens on tour stays on tour so this story is on hold for another time!

Rug having a senior moment went to Ferrets place for the run then discovering it was in Christine Ave proceeded to get lost in Christine Avenue and forgot he had the map and directions on the new Mobile App.

To finish the session Sir Prince brought a charge against the RA for failing to repay the $100 he borrowed a couple of weeks ago.

Next weeks run by Sir AH from somewhere on the Gold Coast.

See you all next week.

SPLINTER FISHING

A small band of splinter bike riders Caustic Crusader, VD, Swindler, the GM and the On Sec had a splinter fishing trip. A few fish which worked out about $75 per kilo – lucky we didn’t catch more!

Rumour has it KB is working on another trip.
…………………………………………………………….

18 Reasons why Fishing is better than Sex

18 – You don’t have to hide your Fishing magazines..
17 – It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

16 – The Ten Commandments don’t say anything about Fishing.

15 – If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing,you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

14 – Your Fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you fished with long ago

13 – It’s perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

12 – When you see a really good Fisherperson, you don’t have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

11 – If your regular Fishing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you Fish with someone else.

10 – Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

9 – When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

8 – You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

7 – You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

6 – There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

5 – If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don’t have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

4 – Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

3 – Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

2 – You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.
1 – Your Fishing partner will never say, “Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?”

Run 1868
Date:19/08/2013
Location: Gilston
Hare: Black Stump

Runners:33
Ferret

• What an auspicious night at Hash.
• Sir Slabs birthday celebrated with some fancy new beer kegs
• The real GM has returned temporarily between overseas trips
• Black Stump hit the 1000 run mark and was inducted into that strange group of misfits known as the “Sirs” . Apparently he has also had an audition as a backup singer in the Rock group “Black Eye Peas”

The GM appeared wearing a long floral dress and a Tiara looking like a  transvestite version of a southern baptist gospel called up the circle.

Rug reporting on the run…..  Was pretty good but took me 10 minutes to get out of the driveway.

Flasher said he had stuck with Rectum on the run so proudly anounced he had not short cutted and had a reliable witness to prove it. This has now been named as the “miracle of Gilston” no shortcuting by Flasher.

Sir AH commented that the walk had a been an emotional almost mystical experience for him as stopped for a moments silence at the round a about where Rectum had an attack from aliens who pushed the hash trailer on its side.

The NOSH – Hard On gave the dinner a good wrap and in an extremely generous mood mentioned 9 out of 10. Big Unit said he was just happy to have a home cooked meal.

RETURNERS Testicles, Aussie, and Mother Brown were welcomed back with a DD.

POW. 2 Dogs awarded the prestigious trophy to Flasher for a series of Politically Incorrect emails. You have been put on notice Flasher, keep the emails to Hash Shit.

RA Dressed for the special night of a special Knight Sir Black Stump, the RA came attired as the Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan.

The RA reminded us of THE rules.

#1 Rule of Hash – what happens own tour stays on tour

#2 Rule of Hash – what’s discussed between Hash Bretheren stays in the Hash.

But there is a weak link, a Trojan Horse – Sir Prince Valiant impugning the reputation of the RA by talking outside of the circle with a certain young french female known intimately by both the Prince and the RA. Enough said refer to rules #1 and # 2.

And of course  1 Sir drinks all Sirs drink- welcome to the group Sir Blackie.

DD to the BU for literally having  the biggest torch ever seen at the Hash. It resembled those huge spot lights used by the Germans to spot bombers at 20,000 ft over the Rhine.

A TV reference to cyclists as the cockroaches of the road and MAMILs  – Middle Age Men In Lycra resulted in Caustic Crusader taking a DD for the team.

INDUCTION of Blackie in a fitting ceremony Sword and all that would make Her  Maje proud.

NEXT WEEKS RUN Ferret at Christine Av Burleigh Waters. Park behind the library.

The night was dragging on so Moonbeams shut things down End of Circle!

That’s it see you next week

On On

Blue Card