Date: 19/10/5015

Run: 1981

Location: Main Beach

Hare: Hierarchy

       Runners:29

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Vroom…Vroom…the V8 Supercars run…the Indy Challenge…the Sir 2 Dogs handicapping extravanza…call it what you will, but it was always going to be an explosive event, particularly as it was in the 4217 postcode, which could only mean one thing….Swollen Colon was gracing us with his presence and his pyrotechnics!!

…and of course, being a V8 event, what did the down-downs consist of….yep, bloody V8 vegetable juice!!!….blah!!!!!!!!!!!…thank goodness your trusty scribe was not called out the front for anything tonight!

The run:

My description of the run is based entirely on hearsay…as I did not do it, having stayed back to assist with the nosh debacle…where the F### did all the cooking utensils and other shit that lived in the trailer get to???? The run apparently was predictable but enjoyable, with the added twist this year of security personnel on the track telling the runners to get the F### off the track! The early arrivals back at base camp obviously cheated, having not conformed with their expected handicaps. Cheating bastards!! No names though…don’t want to offend any sensitivities. In all, Sir 2 Dogs, you’ve excelled yourself with a good run on the track…it’s become a yearly tradition so while the race is on the coast, let’s just keep bloody doing it!!

The walkers track…yawn, yawn…who cares about the walkers anyway..yawn, yawn!!

The Nosh:

 Probably the best thing to do in terms of describing the nosh is to quote directly from some of the bon-vivants present tonight…

Circumference – “I won’t have too many saveloids…I don’t want to spoil the fine filet that is coming for mains!”

 Josephine – “Ahhh…just like the good old days…

 Swindler – “ohhhhh….it just doesn’t get any better than this!!!”

 Swollen Colon – “definitely nosh of the year!!…but I’ve only been to two of them!!”

 Ferrett – “what’s that green shit in that bowl??” (to which the answer “after-birth” came from some disgusting degenerate).

 Briefly, the entrée was saveloids (known also as Weenies or Little Boys in parts of the country” with dipping sauces and the mains was expertly barbequed steaks with lashings of side salads, dips, high quality wholemeal bread (not of that white shit!) and various other delicacies…topped off with two superb Woolies chocolate cakes…yes, definitely back to basics under this hierarchy but those of you doubting Thomas’s please again refer to the comments above from various experienced Hashers!!

I do believe that thanks must go to Sir Rabbit and Sir Two Dogs for the nosh, but if I am wrong on this, I do apologise.

Basically, a corker of a meal….and to use those words familiar to many of you…..this is what we came here for!!!!!!!!

The Circle:

This is starting to get a bit tedious, isn’t it…yet again, out the front were the usual suspects….Flasher and IceMan…for the life of me I cannot recall why, but there must obviously have been a good reason. A V8 down-down for these two….oh, and IceMan, I think you’d better get yourself a new joke book mate…the current one from whence you draw your material is shit!!

Swollen Colon was the first runner in tonight, but as described above, must have been one of the cheating ones as he was handicapped out! Bad luck!!

Sir Slab was declared the real winner tonight…being awarded all sorts of crap like a cap, a trophy and a shirt..he seemed really impressed with all of this stuff!

First walker home…Rock Hard…who took his V8 down-down and then exclaimed “what the shit is that???”….probably should have said “what is in that shit??”!

Swindler and Shat were called out the front for causing a crash on the Warriors ride that morning, resulting in poor old Kwakka ending up on the ground with a buggered elbow….guys…all Warriors know that you turn right to go past and perve on the exercising chicky babes…you do NOT go straight ahead!!!

Visitors from Cambodia Mr Ly and Mr Hun Phy, Miscarriage’s contacts from Sihanoukville were dragged out the front and welcomed…Mr Ly was spared the humiliation of taking a down-down from his brand new running shoes!

Swollen Colon was dragged out as a returning runner…this is what happens when you only run in your own postcode!….but to ensure that he actually comes back soon, he was also awarded the Prick of the Week…good call there IceMan!!

Flasher then came out and tried to present the USELESS shirt to Jigsaw on the pretext of not taking sufficient photos in Circle!!! Jigsaw was able to provide proof that he had in fact taken sufficient photos and thus Flasher had to quickly rethink his strategy and promptly passed the shirt on to Sir Rabbit for no particular reason…you didn’t deserve that Sir Rabbit, you really didn’t!!

Sir Prince Valiant was called out for having his snout in the trough and despite being one of the more well-to-do Hashers, bludging off the taxpayer by attending a swanky publicly funded event.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bent Banana graciously accepted a $100 donation from the Hash Heirarchy for the sponsorship of a young girl in Cambodia….do we get a tax receipt for that one BB??

As a finale, Swollen Colon, with his usual pyrotechnic flair, proceeded to attempt the destruction of a traffic cone…it went off like Mt Vesuvius!!

Finally, a big thank you to Circumference for agreeing to do the words for the next few weeks as yours truly is off to the Philippines..enjoy Halloween guys!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

This weeks Pictures

 

 

 

Date: 12/10/5015

Run: 1980

Location: Varsity Lakes

Hare: Hierarchy

       Runners:28

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Run 1980

Tonight was billed as the night where, for the paltry sum of just $20.00, you could drink as much beer and eat as much food as you wanted!! On that basis, we, your faithful hierarchy, were expecting a decent number of Hashers to turn up for an offer like this…but no, for some reason numbers were down to 28 tonight…inexplicable really, considering the quality of the run, the venue, the beer and the food! …and we bloody paid for 35 of you to turn up and swill yourselves into oblivion!!! Sure, the food was “back to basics”, but you will all recall that as we were not going to compete with the outgoing hierarchy, this year was going to be about getting back to the basics of hashing…and how much more basic can you get than all the beer you can drink???

Oh well, c’est la vie, as they say…..those of you who weren’t there all missed out on a convivial night where those who did turn up were treated to a decent run through virgin bush, shiggy and with a fair smattering of hills and then a night of good beer, sausages, party pies and sausage rolls and a lovely cheese platter, all with background music provided by Sir Rabbit. Was it the lack of a serving wench that kept you all away……I wonder??….geez, I am sure that myself and the rest of the hierarchy present on the night would have stripped down to our underdaks if it is about there not being enough exposed flesh about!!!!!

The theme being Oktoberfest, we were asked to dress with a German theme and a special thankyou to those of you who went the extra mile to dress accordingly, particularly Jigsaw, Missing Link and Sir Rabbit, all of whom looked like they’d just been plucked out of a Bavarian village!…and to Caustic and KB, who looked like Gestapo officers….oh, and of course, who can forget Truckie’s “Harry High Pants” outfit…a classic mate, a true classic!!

The run

The run, was, according to Flasher, exactly 4.8km, including all the checks that he did…Missing Link and I didn’t measure it when we set it so thanks Flasher for that information. The run took in shaggy and a decent amount of bush and considering we were on the eastern side of the M1, that’s not too bad. Sir Botcho described the run as “excellent..these boys have really done a good job with this one!” Several of us suffered scratches from encounters with the scenery on the run, but the worst was Weekly, whose legs looked like they had been through a shredding machine! Caustic was heard to say “geez, you look like you’re on the rags!!”.

The Nosh:

Guy, the owner of Aardvark and Arrow brewery had two kegs on for us, a Lowenbrau style and a Pilsener style and the taps were open as soon as we got to the brewery…allegedly some attendees were heard to say “oh fuck it…let’s just stay here and drink!!”…and why not when there was no limit!!

Nibbles when we got back from the run was bowls of chips and then out came a huge platter of various cheeses, crackers, tomatoes and grapes on steroids. Out also came several plates of party pies and sausage rolls and then the mains of unlimited sausages and rolls came out, with the option of several mustards, sauces and of course, being Oktoberfest, Saukraut and onions. Again, sure, it’s fairly basic but we all thought it was great!

The Circle:

First victim out the front…as per usual it would seem…was Truckie, to be commended for doing the whole run and also for his “Harry High Pants” outfit. Weekly also came out the front to be laughed at for the various wounds on his legs…”my missus is going to be impressed with this….she’ll want to plaster me with fucking band-aids!!”

Next out the front were three of the four accused in the “Croc Abandonment” , also known as the Gang of Four No Man Left Behind trial that is coming up soon….the three present tonight were Sir Two Dogs, Circumference and Sir Rabbit, with one accused being indicted in absentia (Josephine). The three present have been granted bail on their own recognisance pending the upcoming trial. If he does not turn up for next week’s Hash to be indicted for his crimes, Josephine will find himself on the receiving end of a bench warrant for his arrest that will be vigorously sought by counsel for the prosecution (me!).

Miscarriage was called out the front for elder abuse of his second father and also for dressing as an Arab when it was supposed to be a German night….. “this is fucking German…have youse been to Berlin lately??”…fair call I guess.

String Bean from Sydney Larrikins Hash was out the front, welcomed as a visitor and also to tell a funny yarn about his adventures driving up from Sydney with his mate Truckie…..oh, and there was also an accusation of Truckie putting some shonky tow hitch on the Hash Trailer and nearly causing it to come off Sir Slab’s towbar and get wrecked a second time.

Welcome also to Miscarriage’s nephew Blake…pleasssseee join the Hash and bring our average age down a bit!!!!

Iceman and Flasher came out the front for something to do with the Prick of the Week and Useless award, but I was too busy pulling another beer to really follow what was going on.

That’s about it for tonight I think….too much beer on board to take too many notes!!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sc

 This Weeks Run Pictures

Date: 5/10/5015

Run: 1979

Location: Burleigh Heads

Hare: Truck Tyres

       Runners:22

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Tonight was Truckie’s birthday run…happy birthday mate…72 years and going strong!!!…and thank you for the birthday Crownies which were greatly appreciated by all.

The Pre-run and run:

The instructions on the website were as follows:Park on DUNLIN DRIVE in the vicinity of house No 116 to 120 (house numbers are on the kerb), at the entrance to Burleigh Cove estate. Walk over the pedestrian bridge beside No 116, to assemble on the lake shore reserve behind my place. Note: Please DO NOT try parking or entering from Beachcomber Court…

 ….sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? Well, Sir Prince Valiant and I were crossing the bridge when we spotted Mme Latrine down in the Park… “bloody hell, it’s amazing the people you see walking around here, isn’t it Fanny Charmer?” says Sir Prince as we merrily continue walking along the path after the bridge….and only after we’d gone some 500 metres did someone yell out “on back, on back you blokes!”. Apparently it was Mme Latrine’s job to shepherd us all into the park so we could find Truckie’s place…not just stand there looking at us as we headed off into the distance, expecting us to be able to magically read his thoughts!!!

Eventually we were guided by Mme Latrine to the noisy gathering in Truckie’s backyard where the run description was given by our hare… “this is a suburban run and it’s hard to find much bush but I’ve tried to give you as little bitumen as possible”..and he then produces a bag containing a piece of chalk, a roll of toilet paper and some flour…. “now, there’s a bit of this (holding up the chalk)….there’s a bit of this (holding up the toilet paper) and there’s a bit of this (holding up a handful of flour)…and the run is on single point arrows and the walk is on double point arrows!!”. Now that we all knew what toilet paper, chalk and flour look like, off we went into the wilderness of Burleigh Waters.

This week your faithful scribe decided to throw caution and his dicky leg to the wind and did the whole run and it was a good one as it meandered through the wilds of Burleigh Waters and gave us a look at some interesting industrial estates, including the back of Bunnings and the Billabong warehouse and gave us the choice of a “drain crossing” where we could get our feet wet or for those of us scared off by the prospect of that, either wriggling under a fence or climbing over it, the latter being my choice and nearly coming down on Sir Blackstump as we was wriggling through underneath me!

The run was very well marked indeed with clear chalk marks at reasonable distances, toilet paper hung in obvious places and little dots of flour leaving no doubt as to the course to be followed….now this is how a run should be marked…good onya Truckie!!!

The Nosh:

 Truckie has excelled himself, and being obviously ably assisted by Kitchen Bitch, impressing us with a fine three course delight! First off we had some nibbles consisting of what looked to be honey soy chicken…devoured by some and leaving me wondering how on earth they were going to fit in the other two courses!!!

Mains was some great chunks of beef that were, well…let’s say ablaze on the barbeque at one stage…with Truckie assuring us that incinerating the meat is the “in thing” nowadays in haute cuisine circles… “it’s Brazilian style beef” we were assured!. This was served with sides of left over veges from last week’s run…not bad at all! Sweets was tinned peaches with custard and for those lucky enough to get in before it was all gone, some lovely pudding! In all, a great nosh and you’ve kept up the standard Truckie (and KB!).

The Circle:

First victim out the front…our hare Truckie…complemented on the run, which according to Flasher’s new TomTom watch was exactly 5.84km in length..to quote SIR Botcho… “you managed to find a great deal of bush out her in the wilds of suburbia!”. A well deserved down-down for Truckie.

Second out the front…the assistant chef KB and when asked if he did a run or a walk was adamant that he did do a run…”I ran down the bottom of the hill and back up to Truckie’s back gate!!”… a distance of around 5 metres! Another well deserved down down for his efforts on the nosh….and apparently it was SIR Botcho who gave some tips on the nosh, telling KB last week.. “just fucking freeze it, they won’t know the difference”…and if we all get food poisoning this week we can all blame it on Sir Botcho because the freezer didn’t work for about three or four days, but he deemed the left overs to be OK to serve up tonight.

Two returning runners tonight…Sir Blackstump…back from setting world records again in the USA… “it was a shit trip..customs in LA took all my bike bits, including my latex spray!!”…what on earth could that be for Blackie???? In total contrast to Blackie’s fitness adventure trip, BlueCard was in Canada touring all the cafes! BlueCard, unlike Blackie who presented the Acting GM with a bronze medallion, had no gift for the GM, only a yarn to tell…apparently he mistook a “personal hygiene cream” for women to be body lotion, which he smeared all over himself…when he read the label, in French, it is designed to make women’s “nether regions” smell nice…roughly translated into English… “designed to make a “c### smell good” he told us…”so you can’t call me a dirty c### anymore!!”…hahaha..says who??

Circumference was called out the front to take all the punishment on behalf of himself, Josephine, Sir Rabbit and Sir Two Dogs, all for having left poor old Croc behind last week! They will probably all be iced over this next week.

Miscarriage was called out for a down-down for coming to Hash last Monday, it being his wife’s birthday… “at least I put Hash first!!”…good to see he has his priorities in order.

Last but not least ……the USELESS award to this week was passed from Truckie (how could he forget it this week…he’s at home FFS!!) to none other than……Flasher!!!!!!! And for the record, let it be known he thoroughly deserved it!! Not only did Flasher abuse Truckie’s old mate JukeBox (from the Sydney Larrikins some years back), and in the process, guilty of offending Sor Botcho’s wife Cappa with his abusive language last week – he was up to more of his old stunts on the run this week!!! When Flasher found himself led down a drainage by-way with an impassable drain on the one side and a 8ft solid fence (climbed by some, including your faithful scribe) enclosing him on the other side (and in the company of other front runners)  – he transgressed in avoiding following the set trail through the large but ankle deep wet underpass ahead, to avoid getting his tootsies a little wet and was last seen heading off-trail, scurrying like a water rat up the embankment and wriggling his way beneath the fencing.

Yes, Flasher thoroughly deserved his icing AND the USELESS award for each of the foregoing transgressions…(and thankyou Truckie for the inspiration for this little snippet!).

Next week’s run…Oktoberfest

That’s all for now folks!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

 

 

 

This Weeks Run Pictures

 

Date: 28/9/2015

Location: Burleigh Heads

Hare: The Ice party

       Runners:41

Executive Summary (for those who get bored reading too much):

The night of knights!!!!!….it has finally arrived….tonight was all about SIR TWO DOGS and SIR BOTCHOLISM and it’s going to be a long time until we have another knighting night in this hash because there are only three likely contenders for reaching this milestone in either their lifetimes or that of the rest of us, namely Ferret (916), Josephine (888) and Missing Link (754)….as for the rest of us…I cannot speak for anybody else, but I will be pushing up the daisies long before I get to knighthood status!!

In keeping with the “knight” theme, it was…you guessed it…a medieval night tonight!

It was pleasing to see that most of us, with the exception of the few who simply could not be bothered, went to great pains to procure garb of a medieval nature….and yes, Arabs did exist in medieval times so your trusty scribe, Missing Link and Miscarriage were entirely appropriately attired!!…the secondary intent behind this attire was also to rattle our resident Islamaphobe…he knows who he is!! It was nice to see that we all made such an effort for the two new knights.

 

 

 

It must also be said at the start that the outgoing committee and some helpers have done a sterling job to make tonight such a resounding success. Sir Slab to be commended for the venue…Caustic and Sir Rabbit for setting the place up and of course…KB for ensuring that we all dined with nothing less than haute cuisine…and to all those who helped on the night by serving and clearing up…a great team effort guys!!!

 

 

The Pre-run:

We all gathered at Sir Slab’s shed in the backblocks of West Burleigh for the “run” and “walk”…the words are in inverted commas as really they were a bit of a token gesture as we all wanted to get back and get into the festivities. Your trusty scribe again did the walk this week…a good stroll and the drink stop was nice…that is about it..the run was probably much the same…but given that tonight was all about the TWO SIRS…who really gives a rat’s rectum about the walk and run!!!

The Nosh:

 In usual style, KB has regaled us with a fine Gourmet Hash menu consisting of:

Potage of game soup

Seared yellow fin tuna with a dill mayonnaise sauce

Spit roasted piglet stuffed with apple and served with chicken and veggies

And last but not least, on the menu was an item described as “slow baked pears with home made crème Anglais…which looked to me awfully like tinned peaches serves with lashings of custard!!

 The costumes:

As you can see from the Hash pictures from the night, a great number of us went to a great effort to make this special for the TWO NEW KNIGHTS…particularly memorable though was Phantom, whose outfit of “King’s executioner”, complete with axe, bloodied apron, intestines hanging out of his pocket and severed feet was, to my mind at least, the most imaginative…great job Phantom!!

The most apt costume…our beloved village idiot!! Some village in the midlands is obviously desperately missing him!!…one day he may go FLASHing back there!

 

 

 

 

 

The Knighting:

The most formal part of the night was the knighting of SIR BOTCHOLISM AND SIR TWO DOGS…all performed with great pomp and ceremony by our substitute GM, Sir Prince Valiant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A rundown of the hashing history of the TWO NEW KNIGHTS was given by SPV…SIR BOTCHOLISM did his first run in February 1993 and also of significance, has been our webmaster since 1997…what a sucker for punishment!! Sir BOTCHOLISM summed up his feelings in one short, but touching sentence to describe his hashing times… “a great bunch of blokes!!”

SIR TWO DOGS…commenced his GC Hashing career in June 1990 and we were all touched by his acceptance speech wherein he said that the hash has provided him with many special memories and he numbers his hash mates amongst his dearest friends!! I am sure that applies to a lot of us, not just SIR TWO DOGS!!

The frivolities of the night:

If you weren’t there…it’s none of your f###ing business…if you were there, you know what went on!! What happens at Hash stays at Hash..right??

Another notable milestone of the night:

 Congratulations must go to SIR SLAB…1400 runs tonight…bloody hell!!!

 

 

 

The Circle of sorts:

Welcome to JUKEBOX from Sydney…but ex-Kiwi who on the walk told me some interesting information about his good mate SIR BOTCHOLISM…now, how many crates of eggs went off the side of the pier with you Sir Botcho????????

Welcome also to Toad, a once a decade member of our Hash. A welcome also to Seedy, our Hasher out-posted to Bathurst most of the time.

 

 

 

The outgoing committee came out the front with most being abused by the gathered masses for their absolutely lousy attendance rate at Hash since they took their snouts out of the trough…..KB has only been 8 times since leaving office…despite what looked to be like a new leaf being turned with him actually running!! Swindler’s excuse on behalf of himself and many of the others… “but we’ve been overseas!!”.

Well, that’s my bloomin’ lot for this week…..

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This Weeks Pictures

 

Date: 21/9/2015

Location: Main Beach

Hare: Carefree and the Wobblys

       Runners:32

 Next weeks run details

 

“Welcome gentlemen to the second great snaykunt…this year we will be successful…we will catch this slimy bastard who’s probably grown to twice the length he was last year!”…or words to that effect were uttered by our faithful hare for tonight, young Mr Carefree and with the familiar sounds of “on on”, off headed the motley pack of runners into the wilds of the Main Beach headland, where as has become the trend for hares setting runs in familiar territory… “there’s plenty of virgin territory out there guys…and don’t drown in the ocean!!”.

Gracing our presence tonight as visitors we had Bent Banana’s son-in-law, Mr D, down from Brisbane for a visit, along with his mate Nick the Greek, who is actually an Italian and whom yours truly, being able to do this as he is one himself, quickly anointed him with the honorary Hash name of “Wog C##t”!

The summation of the run was given by Bent Banana…..”it could have been a good run but some young blokes were rubbing out all of the arrows and we were all running around like chooks with our heads cut off”.

 The Run (and walk):

Your trusty scribe did neither the run nor the walk tonight due to a f##ked leg, but I am assured that the run tonight was a decent one, albeit one in well-known territory with no hills but most blokes thought it was good fun and a chance to have a leisurely, social time with each other….and after all, isn’t that what it was all about? Unfortunately the boa-constrictor wasn’t found tonight…maybe we’ll have to wait until the great snaykunt next year!

The walkers all ambled in in small groups, chatting amongst themselves in a very animated fashion, obviously also having had a good time…how far was it to the bar at the Southport surf club???

The Nosh:

The Nosh tonight was a corker if I do say so myself, but then I guess I am a bit biased, having been responsible for the mains curry! …the Nosh was a joint effort provided to you by four of your Warriors Premier Cycling Troupe….Carefree as chief maitre d’ and yours truly, Hard On and Moonbeams as sous-chefs. Entrée was “Little Boys”….known to me as frankfurts (but then I did grow up in the multi-cultural eastern suburbs of Sydney), with lashings of tomato sauce, mains was a beef and potato curry with basmati rice and Kumera and other assorted sides, all very tasty indeed! To top it all off we had individual servings of jelly and custard…great stuff Carefree, you’ve done the Warriors proud!

The Circle:

The GM has now departed on his business-class around the world trip…definitely a case of snout in the trough…thankfully it is not the Hash Hierarchy trough!! The very capable Sir Prince Valiant stood in tonight and did an admirable job of it, as one would expect from a Hasher with such a wealth of experience.

First out the front tonight were Carefree and his sous-chefs and a down-down was had after some much-deserved praise to us from everybody in the circle. We love youse all!!!

Caustic remarked in circle that at one stage he saw Colonel Klink out in the bush wrestling with a small snake, obviously not the much sought after Boa Constrictor! Apparently Klink managed to get the snake under control and he was seen to be secreting it into his clothing!

Next out the front were Mr D and Wog C##t, our two visitors…I’m sure that whilst they had a look of mild amusement on their faces, Wog C##t in particular was thinking.. …”wtf..this is so fucking weird!!”. I guess some of our little rituals can seem a tad weird to outsiders.

Next out for his dose of embarrassment was Botcho….happy birthday….69!!!…you don’t look a day over 40!!….and thanks for supplying the free Peronis…hooray for Botcho!!!

Next out the front for a down-down were Swindler, Hard On and Shat…for eating Botcho’s birthday cake before bringing it to Hash!! Thanks guys!!

Next in line for their dose of ridicule were Swollen Colon and Aussie…it was noted that the reason Swollen Colon cannot hash outside of his postcode of 4217 is that he has no licence…a paltry excuse!! Aussie told of his escapades in Greece and other far-flung places…and yes, he’s off again soon and won’t be seen for ages…this also accounts for his resignation from hierarchy.

As per usual, Flasher was brought out and made to eat humble pie for…you guessed it….shortcutting! Sir Slab and Carefree were brought out for a “hats in circle” infringement.

Various miscellaneous charges came from the floor and then we moved onto the Useless Shirt award…again Truckie has forgotten to bring it along to Hash and serious consideration is being given by Hierarchy to awarding it in perpetuity to Truckie…how fitting…perpetually useless!!!

Prick of the Week this week goes from Miscarriage to none other than…Iceman!!…yeah, down, down, down it goes!!!

Oh…and thanks Sir Rabbit for sharing some of that lovely red wine tonight!!

NEXT WEEK’S RUN IS AT 45 ALEX FISHER DRIVE, BURLEIGH GARDENS ESTATE AND WITH A 5.30 START.

On On

Fanny Charmer

On Sec

 This weeks run Pictures