Category Archives: Hash Run Reports

Run 1876

Run 1876
Date:14/10/2013
Location: Main Beach
Hare:Two Dogs
Runners:26

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The Two Dogs Super V8 Hash Run

The handicapping was complete and a staggered start from outside the Southport Surf Club saw the hashers leaving in waves with the those still not at the stage of needing knee replacements out of the blocks last.

The hashers ran and walked between the Super Car barriers and the light rail construction site.

After most hashers had crossed the finishing line Truck Tyres was seen starting the run in the wrong direction. Go figure?

First order of business was an important announcement from Show Pony the Booze Master. He announced that there was a reversal of the decision by Swindler the acting Booze Master and all drinks were now $3. The Pony had spoken. This announcement was considered to be of much greater importance than the abolition of the Carbon Tax and was accepted with a lot of nodding and comments like “well done Pony” and “about f……… ng time”.

Show Pony having a good sense of diplomacy and politics failed to mention that the $3 beers were from Aldi and imported from obscure countries in South America.

The nosh was a hierarchy responsibility but the GM making a rare appearance had decided to impress by going for a solo production of ham burgers aka hash burgers. Butter for the bread roll? Sorry forgot but put on the mayonaise instead.

The GM called the circle to order. Two Dogs was called out to present the trophies.

First Prize went to Caustic who scored a backpack, cap and other valuable items.

Second Prize went to Rectum, on the edge of a complete emotional breakdown after being beaten by Caustic accepted with great humility a pair of binoculars. Very useful on Mt Tamborine for spying into the bedrooms of the Gold Coast.

Third Prize went to Veteran who was awarded a camel back water pack useful for ultra marathons in the Simpson Desert.

The walkers over achievers award went to Slug who received a bottle of red of doubtful quality. A walkers special mention went to Carefree who had left and gone home to watch 4 Corners. In his absence Blue Card was awarded a T Shirt advertising a local radio station. Two Dogs how do you get these rare and priceless items?

Latrine was back from a year in PNG building an ice cream factory. The worst year of his life capped off by the last manager who hated yanks. Welcome home Madam L.

Sir Blackstump was back with us after a successful but cold competition at the World Masters in England. 12th in the Run Swim Run event. Great effort!

Sir Prince was in trouble with the RA for always getting a DD and increasing the overheads of the booze master.

The POW awarded last week to Bent Banana could not find a suitable recipient as all the usual suspects would be away for 3 weeks in Myanmar and China. Bent Banana showing true leadership awarded the POW to himself. Where is Flasher when you need him?

Next weeks run by Lurch and Flatulence (maybe) to be held somewhere. Rest easy Ferrit has the Hare Line under control, well the jury’s out on that.

See you all in 3 weeks time when we get back from hash duty in  Myanmar. In my absence Bent Banana has kindly stepped up and will be the Hash Scribe.

HASH V8 Handicap 2013 – post race results

JOKE OF THE WEEK

The Blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that  location.
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She responds ‘It’s really cool.

If you put your ear up against it, you can  smell the ocean.’

Run 1875

Run 1875
Date:7/10/2013
Location: Merrimac
Hare: Truck Tyres
Runners:29

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About 28 hashers including 3 visitors turned up for the Truck Tyres Birthday Octoberfest Run.

The GM ingratiated himself early in the night by announcing there was a complimentary German beer for all.

Surprising for an all male hash there was a rather attractive blonde Frauline turn up for the Octoberfest Run. Rather attractive – not really, downright ugly is closer. She looked like a cross between Broome Hilde, Eva Braun and Kitchen Bitch. Go figure.

The run was different. The hare Truck Tyres turned up at 5.10 pm and on discovering the pack had already started on the run sad “Shit I haven’t finished setting the run” and took off like a scalded German cat.

The run was all over in about 35 minutes. Through St Michaels school, around the block, twice around the sports field and back to the Hash Trailer in the school ground.

Truckie was off to a questionable start on the Nosh when he had catered for only 20 with his German sausage and bread roll routine. In a last minute formation of a Plan B he took off only to return with some questionable chicken rolls. Not very October Fest. He redeemed himself with a tasty apple strudel flown in from the Black Forrest.

Lee, a visitor from the Hash in Cambodia when asked “Who made you come” replied Miscarriage.

Lurch got a DD as a returner with the only excuse for being AWOL was it looked like rain a few times.

Cum Smoke claimed he had been overseas to Cambodia and a few other places but the word on the street was that he had been married and has given up his addiction to porn.

The RA appeared in a white flowing robe more reminiscent of an Arab oil sheik than a German. A few charges from the RA..

• KB for ripping off fellow hashers with over priced free range eggs
• Mags from Brisbane put on the ice
• RA away last week because he was having the 60 minutes camera inserted where the sun don’t shine
• Sir Prince for not yet having the camera experience
• Flasher put on the Ice … He didn’t deserve that

Caustic Crusader gave away the POW to Bent Banana….. He didn’t deserve that.

The V8 Super Cars Run is being organised by Two Dogs. No doubt it will all be clear soon but I have no idea what is happening.

Next Weeks Run from the BBQ area near the Southport Surf Club.

END OF WORDS

JOKE OF THE WEEK
By Caustic Crusader

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes…

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, tax file number, etc. and then asks,

“What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a prostitute,” she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, “Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.

“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised 650 cocks last year.”

“Chicken Farmer it is.”

Run1874

Run 1874
Date:30/09/2013
Location: Ormeau
Hare: Sir slab
Runners:21

A special run this week. A joint run with Brisbane Hash from the Shearers Arms Tavern at Ormeau.

About 50 hashers turned up and it soon became apparent that the average age of the Brisbane Hashers was similar to the Gold Coast Hash.

The runners ran and the walkers walked!

The Hare Sir Slab always at home in the saddle rode his bike as tail end Charlie to make sure nobody got too lost and ended up on the M1.

It was interesting to see some of our cost conscious hashers inquiring as to the drink prices at the Brisbane Hash Booze Bucket trying to get a cheaper price to the $3 drink price instituted recently by Swindler. Speaking of Swindler he was a no show. Not sure if he was afraid of a revolt or was out spending the super profit being generated on the booze.

The 2 GM’s circled everybody up.

What was an immediate shock to this scribe was the not 1 but 2 ice carvings placed in the centre of the circle. It didn’t take long before a miscreant from Brisbane Snappy Tom was called to sit on the ice carving which was a good representation of a huge ice phallus! The crowd had great pleasure in seeing him slide off and end up with gravel impregnated in his fundamental orifice.

Sir Prince in fine form as always reported after a hard Friday at his JOB turned up after the splinter hash last Friday at the Lansdowne Pub to find Kwakka in a particularly untidy shape. Not wanting to leave the Brisbane Hash out of the fun Sir P called out 2 of their members and our own Slug for being in a certain cathedral in Angeles City when Sir Prince and his fellow bike riders dropped in their recently.

Shat conspicuous by his absence got a special mention from the Brisbane Hash for bringing us into disrepute for failing to turn to a court appearance recently as reported ” Peter Foster – Arrested” for failing to turn up at court. See the full story

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5lyhdh4tvu13uv1/Peter%20Foster%20Arrested.pdf

After being told on the website to bring a plate, knife and fork we all headed in for a pub meal – come back Sir Blackstump the surplus is turning into a deficit.

Next week’s run an October Fest Run 5pm start from the German Club.

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This weeks  Joke of The Week from Caustic Crusader….

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Run 1873

Run 1873
Date:23/09/2013
Location: Miami
Hare: Slug
Runners:22

Run 1873                                                                                                                                                 Words of Wisdom  …  by SHAT

Not a big turn-out for this run in familiar territory at Nobby’s, only 20 runners.  Yet, by objective observation, this group of brave runners surely represent the Hash elite, save RECTUM, conspicuous by his absence.  But there was FLASHER, tall not but so strong and willing.  And MISSING LINK & BOTCHO, so athletic and primed like coiled springs.   ROCK HARD, very focused and looking super fit.  The three sirs present, SIRs SLAB, RABBIT & AH together looking like Olympic icons.  What about SIR PRINCE VALLIANT, you ask.  Well, he was not present at the start of the run – instead he joined the pack in a gentlemanly like fashion strolling down from his lounge room as the runners passed his residence, leaving his good wife The Princess to drop off his bag at the run venue.  Good work SPV.

The limits of time prevent one from going through the merits all present, yet special mention must be made of KITCHEN BITCH, SIR AH & SHOWPONY who, despite being battered and wrecked by the cruelness of time, actually ran a couple of steps as the pack set out.  Very impressive.  Keep it up guys.

THE RUN

SLUG the Hare set a tricky but clearly marked run; well sort of.  On more than one occasion I did see the pack wandering around lost in side streets, like dazed sheep.  The home trail passed the Miami Hotel then up and over the hill, down the stairs into our Nobby’s park venue.   Unfortunately, not one runner managed to find this section of the trail and on one ran in from this direction.

By the finish of the run the pack were well and truly strung out.  Just over the hour, TWO DOGS was first home and not happy: “9.2k”, he exclaimed, “There should be a rule about this”!  CAUSTIC too seemed a tad disgruntled: “No chalk. Too firkin long”.

Nonetheless, CAUSTIC rated the run 9 out of 10 … “less 1 point for every firkin busy road crossing” giving a net result of 3.  Not bad SLUG.  Accept the 9.

THE NOSH

Chilli Con Carne!!  Beautifully prepared by SLUG’s squeeze PUSSY GALORE.  But, hey, no dessert!  ( Sorry Slug, I believe we had a desert!!!  I missed out. I was into my second bottle of red when the Strawberries and Ice Cream appeared, had a memory lapse)  MISSING LINK gave the nosh a rating of 8; BENT BANANA awarded 7.5.  An average of 7.75.  Well done SLUG.

THE CIRCLE

Four returning runners:  PIZZA, PILE DRIVER, PHANTOM & TWO DOGS.  Where have they been?  Well, PIZZA & PILE DRIVER claim they have been busy working (yeah, right).  PHANTOM has been very busy doing Phantom stuff.   TWO DOGS meanwhile has been swanning around the Whitsundays where he met up with HARD ON & AUSSIE for a secret men’s business meeting around a bottle of red, or four.  TWO DOGS presented the GM with some used golf tees he found on the Hamilton Island golf course … lovely thought TWO DOGS.

RA MISCARRIAGE gave MISSING LINK a disciplinary down-down for secret training and for distributing peptides; LINK pleaded guilty.  SIR PRINCE VALLIANT also suffered the RA’s ire for dobbing-in the RA to help out at MOONBEAM’s market stall.; JOSEPHINE stood-in for MOONBEAMS’ down-down.  SHOWPONY too was reprimanded for giving the RA a hand massage … boys please, remember Rule 1.

PRICK OF THE WEEK:   FLASHER  received the PoW award last week at the Highland Park Taven where the run was washed out.  Flowing from that traumatic experience, FLASHER nominated three miscreants for this weeks award: BOTCHO and BENT BANANA who (according to FLASHER) refused to help him re-set the run; and CAUSTIC who called him a “firkin lazy karnt” for seeking help to reset the run.

The winner:  CAUSTIC

Footnote:  CAUSTIC indeed is a worthy Prick.  He was asked by BLUE CARD to be the stand-in scribe for this weeks run, but quickly withdrew when he saw me with a pen in my hand.   Shame CAUSTIC.

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World Age Group Triathlete

News Flash

Quote from Sir Black Stump after finishing World Age GroupTriathlon. “I would have had better results if the Gold Coast Hash had provided more cash.”

His fellow Hashers at the Gold Coast Hash should be proud of this over achiever. He finished 12th in the Aquathon and 13th out of 40 in the Triathlon.

The English climate didn’t help, wet and cold, temperature was 12 degress and the water temp 16 degress.  Certainly not Queensland temperatures, where Sir Blackie as he is known does all his training.

He also stated that

“I’ll be training in Tibet next year so I’ll apply for the Hash Cash Job again next year.”

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