RUN 1864
Date :22/7/2013
Location: Pacific Pines
HARE: Circumference
Runners: 16

The weather was like a balmy English spring evening – drizzleing and miserable but the Hash Gods no doubt at one with the RA turned off the liquid sunshine for the time of the run.
6 walkers and 10 runners turned up for the usual Hash Mash.
The walkers walked and the runners ran!
Prior to the Nosh the constabulary turned up had a quick chat to a couple of hashers and soon left mumbling something about “old farts running in the rain”. The boys in blue were no doubt attracted by the fire in the brazier which Josephine insisted on lighting with some painted fence wood (2 weeks in a row).
The GM called up the circle between main course and dessert just to show he is not afraid to make drastic changes to protocol.
Hare – Circumference:
Flasher reported it as a good well marked run in a typical Flasher suck up and awarded 7.2 and an additional .5 of a point for the fire which had nothing to do with the hare.
Botcho provided a second opinion and in a Margaret and David “At the Movies” moment also gave it a 7.2.
Rug reported on the Nosh marinated chicken pieces and salad. Nothing better than a nice hot meal on a winter’s night, unfortunately this wasn’t it.
Score 6.8
Truck Tyres as a second opinion. The tinned beetroot and tinned pineapple was really good and the bread rolls weren’t too old.
Score 6.9
Jigsaw received a high commendation for being stand in boze master and providing excellent dips.
Returners
Flasher back from Cambodia after meeting up with Misscariage, Testacles and Slug presented the GM with a special stubbie holder.
DD’s
• Rectum for mentioning he wanted to go home to see the Test which had actually finished.
• Rug for being a suspect in leaving a used condom in the RA’s unit in Thailand
• KB under a cloud of suspicion for having taken peptides and performance enhancing drugs as he was spotted on the run running.

Charges
Rectum gave a DD to Croc for backing the Blues. Croc responded that he had tuned in to watch the second match, fell asleep and woke up to find the commentator talking about the Blues beating the Reds 57 to 42 but it finally dawned on him that they were talking about the other match – the second coming of Kevin Rudd.

POW
The GM on behalf of VD in his absence gave it back to VD in absentia.

Next Weeks Run
Botcho and Moonbeams. Nosh at the Helensvale tavern with 2 for 1 meals organised. Choose your “special friend” early in the night.

See you next week.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Bluecard’s Joke Of The Week

Global Economics Explained Through E Cow Nomics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

Republican Capitalism otherwise known as tea party economics a la : LEHMANN BROS, GOLDMAN SACHS, BEAR STERNS, CITIBANK ETC… CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. Forget about milking them.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive (not quite as nice as the good looking sheep though).

RUN 1863
Date :15/7/2013
Location: Parkwood
HARE: Josephine
Runners: 18

We were indeed honoured this week with an appearance by Cum Smoke. Not only a rare appearance but he brought a guest who was quickly named Big Unit due to the fact that he was a Big Unit. Can’t wait to see him chatting with Flasher!

Speaking of Flasher – come back all is forgiven.

About 17 turned up in less than perfect weather. Not bad when you consider there are 16 away competing in the Tour de Philippines. Word coming down the wire is that Nasty has lost his phone on the bike ride but I have it on good authority his fellow riders are looking after it so he is not texting and riding at the same time.

We all gathered for drinks in Josephine’s garage but not content with the level of ambience  he decided to start a fire with what seemed like some old painted timber judging by the smoke billowing from the brazier. Not happy with the level of fire Josephine resorted to a container of kerosene and for a while it seemed like he was going to resemble a protesting monk with a serious case of self-immolation.

Eventually Sir Rabbit who was in charge of the Nosh turned up with his piece de resistance Tuna Mornay. As he had catered for 35 there was no requirement to portion control which was probably fortunate as the first course was non-existent.

The GM called up the circle and Hare Josephine was front and centre. Rectum declared  the run as a nice long run with a few hills but not well marked in the first half. Score 8.5

A second opinion from Veteran also scored an 8.5. An average of 8.5.

Rug gave an insightful opinion on the Tuna Mornay and said it was pretty good but it was a pity he didn’t have any rendering jobs at the moment as it would come in handy – score 8.

Rabbit was given a special mention, a high distinction and a DD for completing 20 half marathons and 40 years married.

DD’s to:

Cum Smokes guest Big Unit

Truck Tyres last to pay

Blackie scrubbed out a set of tyres at $500 each on the Porsche lucky the trailer tyres match

RA Miss Carriage

DD’s to:

• Josephine for training his dog to lick people on the legs
• Caustic reported Mrs Prince only let Sir Prince go to the Philippines because Rectum wasn’t going – Sir Rabbit and Sir AH copped a DD for Sir P in his absence
• Rectum for discovering a stability issue with the trailer

Returners

Cum Smoke, Veteran, and Sir Cumference.

Sir Cumference back from the Land of the Long Weekend told us the Kiwis have a saying….. what happens in the pen stays in the pen.

Next weeks run by Sir Cumference will be somewhere on the Gold Coast – to be advised.

That’s the week that was.

PS. Blue Cards joke for this week ….

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said …….”Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now … I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, and … I’m sleeping with a 62-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems.

RUN 1862
Date :8/7/2013
Location: Tallebudgera
HARE: Moonbeams
Runners: 23

A run set by Moonbeams in the middle of winter was destined to be a “pub run” and true to form we set off from the car park at Tallebudgera Surf Club.

About 12 runners and 11 walkers trekked along the beachfront, over the bridge, under the bridge, back over the bridge, around Burleigh Hill……. I am sure you get the picture.

Moonbeams had negotiated a very cost efficient “2 for1″ at the Surf Club with the only problem half the members had to choose a ” special friend” to order the meal with. Not sure why they couldn’t have simply given a 50% discount.

The GM in attendance for 2 weeks in a row called circle up which was in reality a rectangle. Rug described the run as a clever run as did Botcho and both rated it an 8.5. The ACCC has reportedly launched an investigation into collusive scoring. Link offered a third opinion and said he was marking it down as he had run into a house on the top of Burleigh Hill and of course gave Moonbeams a big serve.

Some mathematical genius then suggested the correct rating was 7.85!

Jigsaw recently returned from representing the GC Hash presented the GM with an ” adult toy” all the way from the backstreets of Amsterdam. Ferret back from a 5900k round trip to Cape York returned empty handed, Nasty reported Head Job was getting Christmas Island under control but was going on leave to the old country for a few months. Missing Link acting as an unlicensed travel agent and group tour guide had organised a hash bike tour in the Philippines leaving in a few days but unfortunately 6 of the group have had their connecting flight cancelled. DD’s for all!

Blackie reported a tale of misfortune involving the Hash Trailer and Rectum. Apparently Rectum had skilfully towed the trailer down from Tamborine Mt and on the final round about at Gilston 1K from Blackies ranch when the trailer decided to imitate the Killer Whales on Fraser Island and had beached itself on its side on the round-about!

Damage is about $500 but the upside is we have a strong contender for a new award – The POD ( Prick Of The Decade) award!

Caustic advised that Sir Rabbit had run his 20 th half Marathon last weekend and had received an award from Robert de Castella. Great effort Rabbit – come back soon for a DD!

Shat called out several suspects being the non attenders at Mt Tamborine for the POW.

When asked for his reason for non attendance VD responded in a fit of honesty “because it was f******ng raining!” He was awarded the POW and told he should wear it for the next 2 weeks in the Philippines!
Not sure what happened after this!! I’d had e few red wines by this stage.
Thanks to Moonbeams for a great night
On On
Blue Card

AFTER SURGERY QUERY

She asked,How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

“You’ll be fine,” he said.

The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.

“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

Run 1861
Date 1/7/13
Hare Rectum
Venue Mount Tambourine

About 20 runners turned up with Miscarriage turning up during the run and then having the temerity to castigate all and sundry for having gone without him; notwithstanding the fact that he was late.

The night was not one for the faint hearted as we could no be criticised for thinking we were at Everest base camp. Rectum’s sail making skills saved the night. The hardy turn ups were rewarded with an on the house dinner, fine that it was, due entirely to the cohersive skills of Blackie and the Grand Masters’ benevolence.

Circle was called and all huddled around trying to keep out of view of Shat (prick carrier).
Grand Master thundered that the wet weather sooks would be brought to account at another time.
Truck Tyres rated the run as good for what he saw of it.
Two Dogs commented on the nice bush and having run 4 Kilometres in 32 minutes rated it an 8/10.
Prince leapt straight into his role as food critic stating the dessert as somewhere between a brick cake and a rock cake. Stuffed up though mistaking garlic bread for pizza; hope yet. Rated it close to 8.
Link, not to be outdone, rated the garlic bread the best he had ever had: first time probably. Rectum did the obligatory Down Down.
Croc gave the walk 10/10 and being so fit didn’t even raise a sweat. Red cheeks though at the start of Circle.
Two Dogs , resplendent in his Racoon hat, knocked up 900 runs. Just think, in four to five years he could be Sir Dog. Great effort considering the sabbatical.
Blackie was called out, looking not unlike Rasputin and did Two dogs effort over by 92 runs. Down Down’s for both.

Returning runner R.A. was called up admitting to cavorting around Cambodia and copped a Down Down.

Grand Master, in from the cold, stated that all the considerable powers of H.A.S.H (Harrow All Suspicious Happenings) ,would be employed to find who instigated the petition ,calling for the Hierarchy to be tossed out. Insurrection he growled Someone threatened to use a banana on Banana in a most uncomfortable way.

R A duly stepped forward and offered a lot of advice and musings.

Reference was made to US spy planes, prison brothers, before moving to Cambodia and family hotel rooms, young tour guides, accompanying hashers, Testicles, Slut and Flasher representing us admirably, Rabbit as roving Ambassador, the run being the worst in twenty years, plastic plates in fires.
DD’s to Rabbit, Prince, R.A., Show pony.
R.A. had to fess up to offering very generous hands to the young 42 GG maiden who Prince had been looking after. Very touching.
DD to Prince over dog bowl, a howling success.

Rug and Flasher exposed on TV despite Flashers efforts to go off tangent. 40 minute planned interview converted to 4 hours 76 minute actual interview to 13 seconds of coverage.

Prick of the week held over due to those being there, the chosen few loyal GM followers, not being big enough pricks to carry off the award.

Swindler lined up for kicking over his Moose hat brought very cheaply in Beijing.

Rectum quiet rightly lamented the girlish attitude on show and the pathetic excuses offered as reasons for non attendance.

.On On Hard On