Run 1884
Date:9/12/2013
Location:Benowa
Hare: Jig saw
Runners: 36

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

Jigsaw had invited the Hashers to use his pool but it was not a pretty sight particularly with Cum Smoke doing a good imitation of Free Willy the killer whale.

CIRCLE UP

First up Bent Banana gave a run report and said he was a bit confused by the two way arrows and couldn’t understand how Flasher was on his second drink at the drink stop in the park. By now it could be expected that Bent Banana knows Flasher as a perennial shortcutter especially when there is drink involved. Rock Hard said it was a good flat walk and he enjoyed Pizza’s homemade moonshine guinness stout.

THE NOSH

Jigsaw had excelled himself with the nosh and we could all see now why Mrs Jigsaw never cooks. Josephine gave the nosh a 7.75.

THE RA Miscarriage

We had a guest RA this week and it was Nelson Mandela risen from the dead, returning to this life as a Muslim wearing white flowing Arab robes.

Rug seems to be becoming the regular nosh critic, and probably a well deserved appointment as he looks like he has been in a good paddock. He said the good old dips were reminiscent of days gone by when the booze master provided dips. There was plenty of pasta and he thought the best description of the meal was beef stroganoff but he wasn’t sure that pasta was one of the main ingredients. As for the dessert, Rug thought it was pure genius to put aviation fuel on sultanas and light them to put a new dimension to the cheap icecream which went with it. Being particularly generous with a Christmas spirit he gave it an 8.9. Kitchen bitch without being asked for an opinion interjected said he would like to give Pizza’s beer an 8.75.

Rock Hard was called out as being an absentee from the cocktail party although he had pre-paid he was severely castigated for wanting his money back just because he was a self-admission to hospital on the day. Nelson Mandela recognised another man of colour in the circle and called Missing Link out for an uncharacteristic Muslim action of downing a drink. The RA thought the meal should have been called ‘beef stroke me off’ after Jigsaw had flashed one of his special movies up on his 100 inch television screen before the nosh.

The RA complained that he had been relegated to last in the nosh queue after Lurch carrying a large trough instead of plate jumped in front of him. The 4 Peter’s Blackie, Shat, Rabbit and Bent Banana got a Down Down for imitating the RA at the cocktail party as they were all wearing name tags saying that they were Peter when there was really only one important Peter in the Hash club.

Flasher received special recognition for staying on the trail for the first time in years.

POW

Cum Smoke was last weeks POW and was in fine form to find a suitable victim to take the mantle this week. Slug would have got it except we would have been subject to a 20 minute acceptance speech. Lurch nearly got it for sending a debt collection note for certain vehicle defect infringements but finally the award went to Rug as the only Hasher still with a VHS machine who would be able to watch a whole bag of instructional VHS tapes which Cum Smoke had found in his collection.

Nasty took a drink for being the best dressed in his Liberace outfit.

REMINDERS

Christmas Run Monday 16th Dec 2013 drinks 5 for 5.30 sharp departure Bruce Bishop Carpark Roof. Wear something red and Christmas like. Need to pay $25 or if you have had less than 10 runs for the year $50. If you get lost or have any questions, call the GM on 0407 134 745

END OF CIRCLE

JOKE OF THE WEEK – ONE LINER’S COMPLIMENTS OF CAUSTIC

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning.

My wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did…. she’s 21 and her name’s Sarah.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”

Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..”

Question – Are there too many immigrants inAustralia ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the program’s called Fact Hunt.

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!

Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

On On

Blue card

No words just pictures.

Cocktail Party Pictures Mobile link

Run 1883
Date:2/12/2013
Location:Currumbin Waters
Hare: Sir Slab & Sir Prince
Runners: 31

Hash Pictures Mobile Link
CIRCLE UP
Sir AH representing the keen pack of walkers said the walk was “scenic” Just shows how verbose and insightful a Hasher becomes after 1000 runs.

Josephine not to be outdone “enjoyed the flat bits” and always keen to bring sex into it mentioned “good virgin country”

Shetland out of Show Pony brought a charge against my old mate “you didn’t deserve that” Flasher for short cutting and leading him off trail. Not very original Shetland – it’s a weekly event.

The GM in a burst of his never ending generosity of spirit scored the run 8.5

THE NOSH
Well what a change from the last few weeks of McDonalds inspired dishes.

Jamie Oliver meets Gordon Ramsay! Sir Prince and the Kitchen Bitch in fine form. The woks were firing and the boys were cooking up a storm.

Rug our resident foodie critic thought the sheep testicles meat balls entrée were particularly tasty especially the frozen centres were a nice contrast to the overlooked outer shell. The piece de resistance was combining the mango dessert into the curry and rice as one awesome dish.

THE RA Miscarriage

Shetland copped a DD for being so naive as to ever follow Flasher on a run.

A usual welcome and DD to some returners and new faces, “Last One, Paul (mate of Nasty but a nice guy) and a Virgin (mate of Rug but a nice guy).

The 3 travel agents in the club received a DD for doubtful business practices and excessive profit gauging.
Shat House Tours
Trust Me Tours
Slabatical Tours

REMINDERS
Cocktail Party Sat 7th Dec 2013 6.30 kickoff at Ferry Rd Markets

Christmas Party Monday 16th Dec 2013 drinks 5 for 5.30 sharp departure Bruce Bishop Carpark Roof

END OF CIRCLE
In the absence of Moonbeams VD jumped in but after a dummy spit and tears from Josephine the circled was closed again by Josephine in a good impersonation of the low dulcet tones of Moonbeams

JOKE FROM CAUSTIC CRUSADER

 

Please ponder the statement below

This is ONLY intended for intellectual AND

deep thinking Hashers.

On On

Blue Card

Run 1882
Date:25/11/2013
Location:Pacific Pines
Hare: Cumsmoke
Runners: 29

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

The GM Now Loved in a long run of attendance was again in charge of the circle. Nice to see the GM for several weeks in a row in Australia.

Two Dogs set the tone by commenting that Cum Smoke handed him a roll of toilet paper and said I ran out of time can you go and mark the missing part of the trail through the bush quickly before the run starts. Cum Smoke in a truly typical act true to form then jumped in his car shouting I have to go and get the food. In a final cry of justification he was heard mumbling well the Ute wouldn’t go through the bush.

Two Dogs in an act of kindness scored the run as a 6.75. Shetland a long lost member thought it was a bit short but offered a score of 7. Miscarriage thought the run fantastic a worth a 9 but as it was only half the distance scored it. 4.5.

Caustic Crusader living up to his name said the Nosh was the best Jenny Craig meal he had seen. Nothing will drop the weight off quicker than a Mexican wrap containing an egg cup full of mince, a slice of tomato and a lettuce leaf. Bring back the hamburgers.

Rug a regular contributor at this point said “After 3 weeks of hamburgers I had forgotten what gourmet food tastes like”. Scored it a 9 out of 10 but as it was only a half size main course knocked it down to 4.5. Go figure.

Hard On copped a Down Down for a pair of new shoes. Wimped out on the traditional drink from the shoe and took it like a girl.

Religious Adviser – Miscarriage

Returners: Miscarriage been to Japan on a pilgrimage and Old Fart who has been MIA forever has been playing basketball.

Circumference was found guilty of a big win at the Melbourne Cup while Sir Rabbit after receiving divine intervention while sitting on the “John” failed to follow through and almost had a boxed trifecta worth $1300.

Rug was exposed as a recent returner from Jakarta as special envoy from ASIO sorting out the current diplomatic row.

The POW “paraphernalia” was absent but this week’s awardee Cumsmoke still took the traditional drink.

NEXT WEEKS RUN:  Sir Slab “somewhere down Currumbin way”

CAUSTICS JOKE OF THE WEEK

Cumsmoke visiting the new in-laws…

On On

Blue card

Run 1881
Date:18/11/2013
Location:Pony Club Oxenford
Hare:Crocodile
Runners: 24

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

After a wild and woolly late afternoon hail storm and high winds centred over Oxenford the pack set off to follow a carefully marked trail that no longer existed.

The GM called the circle in the shape of a rectangle with everybody sitting down at the tables like cabinet ministers with the Prime Minister chairing matters.

Crocodile offered the opinion that it was a great run washed out by hail. Two Dogs reported that the cranky guy on the corner confirmed that it was Route or was it Root Street. He scored it a 7. Croc complained about the absent RA who seemed to have no capacity to arrange good weather on hash night. Rectum offered a second opinion and scored the run a 5 out 10 as it only took 35 minutes for the run.

Rug remarked that he may only come to Hash once a month to get a monthly allocation of Hamburger for dinner. He was so over Hash Burgers that in a truly telling statement said he was now looking forward to the Cum Smoke  nosh next week.

KB was quick to point out that despite the complaints of Rug he actually had FOUR hamburgers.

Rugs scored the nosh a 6.75 and Missing Link in a second opinion scored it a 4.6. The GM. in a sweeping feat of mathematics the GM made it an average of 7.5.

Croc was thanked for providing some birthday red wine.

RETURNERS

Rectum confessed that he had just been “working”. To be fair he is very busy these days working exclusively for Hash members giving new meaning to the term Hash Cash.

Slug rambled on for 10 minutes about going hashing in Kunming and the Philippines with Flasher.

The GM complained that the gift raspberry flavoured triple ribbed edible condoms that Flasher gave him last week were too small. Flasher responded that seemed strange as he tried them and they were too big for him.

THE RA

Circumference with only 5 minutes notice stood in as acting RA. Touch Tyres owned up to a break and enter on the club house to get the lights switched on. Caustic Crusader quipped TT had the lights on but nobody was home.

2 Dogs and Rug were called out for upsetting the cranky resident on the corner who got upset when they ran across his manicured front lawn. Rug tried to pacify the guy by telling him ” if its private property put up a fence”.

2 Dogs getting a second wind informed all present how Shat had rolled up to the long lunch of prawns and beer around the pool after the Yamba Bike Ride and promptly knocked over his very expensive bottle of red wine. On the subject of the bike ride there was a casualty. Long story short Sir Slab in a choice between hitting a car and bailing off the bike took the latter option and did some minor damage to an ankle which blew up like a football. After being medivaced to McLean Hospital by Lady Slab he returned to the still in progress lunch at 4 pm looking for sympathy. Didn’t get too much.

POW

Lurch was going to give it to Slug for his 10 minute oratory on his latest overseas trip.

However he regaled us with a recent encounter with the constabulary when he was pulled up driving his bosses ute which turns out it was unregistered, cancelled number plates and       received an on the spot fine for $880. Cum Smoke is debating whether he owns the ute or does the neighbour 2 doors away who agreed to sell it to Cum Smoke. Stay tuned next week to hear who paid the $880 from the POW Cum Smoke.

NEXT WEEK RUN

Cum Smoke from Pacific Pines

THIS WEEKS JOKE FROM CAUSTIC C

A preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”   With that, an Aboriginal man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Mulrunji, what do you want me to pray about for you?” Mulrunji replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.” The preacher put one finger of one hand in Mulrunji’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Mulrunji’s head, and then  prayed and prayed and prayed.   He prayed to the ‘Almighty’ for Mulrunji, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Mulrunji, how is your hearing now?” Mulrunji answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til next week!”

On On

Blue Card