Run 1892
Date:3/02/2014
Location: Varsity Lakes
Hare: Rock Hard
Runners: 34

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

Well this started out as a ”NO” night.

No chalk markings for the walkers

No Booze Master

No Hare

No lights

No ice for the booze

 

Blow Fly visiting from the deep south and son Maggot thought the first 2 k of the run was OK but not too many marks after that. Botcho described his experience as “drifting out” due to lack of marks.

Rug who is on the short list as a guest judge on My Kitchen Rules thought the shredded cold chicken was beautifully presented and no doubt Sir Rabbit loved the fresh lettuce leaves.

As for the large bucket of ice cream for dessert Rug thought it was a brilliant idea to let it melt into liquid form so we could just drink it and no need to get a spoon dirty.

Croc reckoned the nosh was a good chance to win “Best Nosh Of The Week” award.

Flasher was given a DD for failing to turn up at the Botch Residence to help clean up on Saturday after the gourmet food extravaganza there on Friday. Strangely enough there was a spontaneous call from the ranks to declare February the “Be Nice to Flasher Month”. You didn’t deserve that Flasher.

Good to see the RA back in the saddle and in fine form as usual. Sir Prince Valiant has it on good authority that the RA went for a hash run in New York and took a wrong turn over the Brooklyn Bridge   and ended up turning a 6K run into 16 K’s.

The POW handed on by Ferite or is it Feret with a number of nominations:

Flasher for sending insulting emails

Josephine for defamatory language “lower than a snakes guts”

Rock Hard for 1 chalk marking at the beginning for the walkers then a big black hole, no lights, no parking

And the winner is Lurch for paying $15 to Hash cash within 50 cent coins. Rumour has it he has a little scam going with fellow partner in crime Cum Smoke empting parking metres.

The 1900^th Run is in 8 runs time and if we can’t get a sponsorship deal from Qantas for free tickets to Bali we will at Bochos home of fine dining and debauchery.

The Anzac day bike ride is ON and details to be advised.

Next Weeks Run by Josephine will be ‘off Olsen Ave’ you can’t miss it.

END OF CIRCLE

CAUSTICS JOKES FOR THIS WEEK

Gynaecologist Visit

A beautiful woman went to see a gynaecologist.

 The doctor took one look at the stunning woman and all his professionalism went out of the window.

        He told her to get undressed. 
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her,
 “Do you know what I am doing?”

“Yes,” she replied, “You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”

“That’s right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
 “Do you know what I am doing now?” he asked. 
“Yes,” she said, “You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.” 

“Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having
sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
“Do you know what I am doing now?”
     “Yes,” she said, “You’re getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place.” 

Hash Dementia  – short and sweet…! 

Run 1891
Date:27/01/2014
Location: Tamborine
Hare: Rectum
Runners: 27

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

A special “Run” this week – the Great Aussie BBQ for Australia Day.

Somebody said it was a good bushy run but Veteran said it caused him flashbacks to his time in Vietnam and could feel PTSD coming on.

The gourmet snags cooked by Kitchen Bitch made the perfect entrée.

Our resident food critic Rug thought the meal was perfect particularly as it was prepared by a fellow Yorkshire man. He loved the idea of keeping the Nosh in budget by using local road kill for the gourmet homemade kangaroo pie.

The homemade ice cream and lamingtons kept the harshest critics silent. Good effort Rectum.

If the pastry was not so light that it blew away, the Nosh score would have been 10/10.

Good to see Moonbeams there and in his own inimitable style call “END OF CIRCLE”

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

JOKES OF THE WEEK FROM CAUSTIC

The HASHMAN

The Hashman is a woman’s best friend.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions
and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels that she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait…… sorry……. I’m thinking of wine.
It’s WINE that does all that.
Sorry.

SHATS BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO JOS

“You never surprise me”  Jos moaned to her long suffering husband called “Shat”.

 “Buy me a surprise for my birthday. Something that accelerates from 0 to 150 in under 4  seconds, … and I’d prefer a blue one!, Jos hinted.

Happy and excited Jos was counting down the days for her birthday.

And finally Jos got the beautiful present that Shat had thoughtfully chosen for her …

Shat’s dead now … but he died a legend.

Run 1891 Numbers needed

Splinter hash Golf & Lunch

 Hash mobile picture link

Run 1890
Date:20/01/2014
Location: Old Fart
Hare: Pacific Pines
Runners: 37

The real GM Now Loved made a surprise appearance at this weeks run. He explained that he had been down to Tasmania to catch VD! That is just sick.

We all circled up in the backyard of Old Farts home on the side of a mountain at Pacific Pines.

Our “as yet unnamed” Hasher Paul who for all intents and purposes will currently remain nameless was asked to comment on the run. In an effort to suck up he gave a grossly overrated score of 7.8 and said it was hilly and well marked. Old Fart remarked that locals don’t call them hills but cardios.

Sir Slab this week in the walkers group scored it 10 out of 20 which the GM quickly averaged s 7.85. Catching VD in Tasmania seems to have resulted in brain damage.

Swindler on the nosh ” very tasteful and could well be Old Farts signature dish”. In a mood of generosity he scored it 8.5 with Blackie suggesting “a deduction of 1.5 because there was no potatoes”.

Rug our resident food critic never backward in offering some feedback scored it an 8.25 “I particularly thought the virtual salad was a nice touch”.

Cum Smoke thought the dessert was “sterling” WTF?

Nasty our nosh host the previous week was called out again. He had presented the receipt to Hash Cash for a reimbursement. On close examination of the itemised receipt it turns out there were several cans of dog and cat food included?  Go figure. Any hashers been sitting in the middle of the street licking themselves and barking lately? Darwin Don 92 and just returned from Africa last week had mumbled “even a Zulu wouldn’t eat that”.

Crocodile was the acting RA in the continuing absence of Miscarriage now reportedly in the UK for the MIL’s funeral after having abandoned his 3 children in the snow in the US. He is unable to return to the US as he is wanted for “reckless abandonment of children”. After trying to claim on his travel insurance so his kids could be moved from a homeless shelter his claim was rejected because HE was not there with the kids. A debacle no less.

Flasher got a DD for eating his dinner with his right hand – he is considering converting and is adopting Arab culture. Somebody should tell him he is using the wrong hand. Ferret ever the sensitive new age guy was outed for declaring in the kitchen in front of Mrs Old Fart “Not as good as Flashers trifle”

KB reported his horse was still with foal and the MRI scan indicates a Shetland. Flasher is definitely in the frame.

The returners – Care Free, Phantom, Ferret and last but not least our almost forgotten GM Now Loved.

The POW – Fanny Charmer after not too much beating around the bush bestowed the honour on Ferret for being responsible for the wrong address for the run going on the website. Ferret setting a bad precedent as a member of the highly revered Hierarchy accepted the honour even though the GM has decreed that no member of the Hierarchy can be given the POW.

Next weeks run – Mt Tamborine on Australia Day RSVP on the website. clicke here for details Apparently it is $5 for your wife but free if you bring somebody else’s wife. Several enterprising hashers much to the consternation of Hash Cash are going to do some wife swapping for the day.

JOKE OF THE WEEK FROM CAUSTIC

Two Aussies, Ferret & Kwakka, were adrift in a life boat. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Ferret stumbled across an old lamp.

Ferret rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie .

This genie, however was a little different.
The Genie stated Ferret could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought Ferret blurted out,”Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!”

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned thirst quencher.

The genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Kwakka looked disgustedly at Ferret whose wish it was had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Kwakka said,

“Nice going, you Dickhead!

Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat.”

 

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

 Hash Summer Golf Cup! Click here for details

 

Run 1889
Date:13/01/2014
Location: Evandale
Hare: Nasty, Shat and Kwakka
Runners:36

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

The acting Booze Master Truck Tyres took off on the run with no regard for those who may return before him with an almighty thirst. Not to put too finer point on things no one on the run was such a welcome sight as Truck Tyres limping in at 7.15 to open the bar.

Once again our Honorable GM Now Loved was MIA and the self appointed acting GM for the night was Sir Black Stump.

First item on the agenda was a naming for Manny Palma who has been a guest runner for a number of weeks. Blackie was in fine form when he gave Manny Palma the Hash name Fanny Charmer. I can see a few nick names coming up.

Moonbeams thanked everybody for their messages and support during his recent stint in hospital.

We had a special hash visitor Darwin Don from Sydney. What an inspiration. He has just competed in Italy in the Masters 1500 metres for his age group – OVER 90.

Caustic described the run as only Caustic could describe the run – piss poor run with poor trail marking.

Link scored the run a 3.5 out of 5 for no apparent reason.

Sir AH and Jigsaw were called out for trying to get a discount from the Hash Cash with their seniors cards. If that was going to fly half the members would get a discount. Lurch also joined them for paying the nosh fee with $15 in small coins. His excuse was that is the way Come Smoke pays him.

Sir Rabbit took some stick over Rabbits Radio at Pizzey Park however he swears it has nothing to do with him. Somebody is rabbiting on.

Two visitors this week Paul a guest of Nasty  and Dusty also a guest of Nasty we think. Speaking of Nasty still no sign of him or the Nosh at this stage. What a debacle.

Sir Prince reported the RA was an alien in New York. He had managed to go on a hash run and it was so cold his feet were frozen in a puddle. Apparently this was followed by an RA debacle when he had to change his tickets for the return flight. His 3 children are stranded in the US while he is somewhere between the US and Australia.

The AUSTRALIA DAY RUN will be at Mt Tamborine partners welcome lunch and cricket $5 BYO. Click here for details

The POW was passed on by Caustic to our newest member Fanny Charmer. He didn’t deserve that. Welcome to the Hash Fanny Charmer.

Moonbeams proudly called End Of Circle.

Finally the Nosh and Nasty arrived. Not on time but on budget. Aldi gourmet meat pies and Deb mashed potato followed by frozen cheese cake cut up with a chain saw. Best quote of the night from Nasty “I can’t believe there are pies and cheese cake left over”

Next weeks run will be from somewhere and will be next Monday.

CAUSTICS JOKE OF THE WEEK

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning.My wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did…. she’s 21 and her name’s Sarah.Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..”Question – Are there too many immigrants in Australia ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.” I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the program’s called Fact Hunt. The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries! Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

 

Splinter Hash Summer Golf Cup

Run 1887
Date:30/12/2013
Location:Cascade Gardens
Hare: Missing Link
Runners: 25

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

Our GM was MIA again and Sir Black Stump always keeping an eye out for an opportunity stepped into position with his usual savoir faire (whatever that means).

Botcho lovingly referred to by the G M as a serial pest was called out for abusing the GM last week for not wearing Hash attire. Botcho quickly claimed immunity from down downs awarded by the RA (also MIA) for his services to Hash IT as webmaster. Blackie being one who does not take to being questioned informed him that his exemption was only an exemption from DD’s issued by the RA. Watch this space for an Appeal to a Higher Jurisdiction.

Anyway “I have never seen the website” confessed Sir B.

Truck Tyres the Booze Master turned up at 7.15 and it seems he was still operating on NSW time.

KB turned up with an entre of smoked fish which not only a great surprise as the Nosh from the local Noodle In A Box take away did not turn up till 8.15.

Head Job back from the UK to build more luxury accommodation for new Australians arriving on cruise boats from Indonesia was in good form “best run to a pub and back”.

 

KB at this point in his normal humble manner volunteered “great nosh so far”.

Despite being a comp night Head Job and Manny got a DD for not having their name ticked off on Blackies list.

Truck Tyres got a DD for not only having a dud watch but for leaving his phone in Glen Innes so he couldn’t call in his delayed ETA.

KB brought a charge but he was not sure if the guilty party was Lurch, Flasher or Latrine. All these “gentlemen” had interacted with his 21 YO Mare at the previous weeks Hash and now the Mare is in foal. Flasher being the only one of the 3 present took one for the team.

Flasher aka “you didn’t deserve that” was awarded the POW for haranguing Circumference after the splinter lunch for his alleged lack of organisation and communication – code for “Flasher didn’t bring enough money and had to take an unsecured loan”

Next Week’s Run- Grassy Park Handsford Rd Coombabah compliments of Rug. BYO mosquito repellent.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Blue Card