Run: 1922

Date:1/09/2014

Location:Mermaid Waters

Hare: Birthday Boy Ferrett

Runners: 41

Link to pictures Mobile

 

This morning after a last meal of Aussie bacon and eggs prepared by Botcho we say farewell to one of our hash family. It is reported that Malaysian Airlines have claimed another casualty taking one of our GCHHH finest hashman to a far distant place.

This very sad event has now resulted in the average age of GCHHH members increasing by 10 years with average age now 70.229 years.

Thank you Rectum for your contribution to the GCH. You have been not only a great Hashman but you made an excellent contribution to the Hash. Also I personally extend my thanks to you for the very professional work you did when you rebuilt our home. You did a perfect job and we could have asked for no more.

Rockhard, Kwakka and Shat as well as many other Hashman also extend this personal thanks to for the professional way in which you worked and always did excellent first class work in every job you undertook.

We will miss you and your support. We all wish you well, please stay in touch and hope one day you will return to your Gold Coast Hash family.

Au Revoir & Bon Voyage Rectum

Evolution History of Hash Disorganization

It is now confirmed by a very reliable source that this was shop set up by none other than another Hash Rabbit. The Hash House Harriers was formed at the Selangor Club Chambers in Malaya in 1937/38 by E.J Galvin, Malay Mail, H.M Doig, A.S Gispert and Cecil H. Lee. Rumor has it that Gispert was the real ideas man who created the Hash and he was also a Walker as is our own Sir Rabbit.

Run 1922 with Birthday Boy Ferrett

Successfully promoted by Birthday Boy Ferrett as the Run and Nosh of the Year. This resulted in a huge attendance of 41 hashers for what was to be a totally unpredictable evening.

Will Ferrett be able to break through this week and take the lead?

Will the run compete with Miscarriage as the Best Trailer /Bush Bush Run of the Year.

A group of 41 dedicated athletes circled under the stars with the glowing lights illuminating the forest trees. Thanks Ferrett for creating a great venue which was all very well prepared to make another great Hash night..fairy lights, flood lights ,LED lights ,tables and white chairs especially for the heirachy..well done Ferrett.

The pre-run briefing from Ferrett was very detailed with promises of forests, shiggy , water , dirt tracks, wild animals etc ..( can you believe all this is located in Pizzey Park area??).

As always Ferrett has not let truth get in the way of a good Hash run.Finally with arms waving in all directions he advised runners to take off. Once again we heard those mumbled Hare words …“walk to the top of the drive and find the trail marked with arrows,chalk,flour,paper”

The GM called the rabble to order and sent the group on their way at 6.18 pm with his signature words “ good luck finding the trail’ . Once again in full chef attire with his tall Michelen chef hat he stayed behind near the warm BBQ fire. Once again in the event of a major disaster Cumsmoke ( yes..3 weeks in a row!!) decided to stay behind to keep GM company and keep up an ongoing supply of red wine.

Yes, our GM is a very thoughtful person and dedicated to the Hash to ensure we are truly the GCGourmet Hash. He forgoes his exercise each week to ensure the meal is perfect.

After last few weeks of the so called Best Run of the Year followed by the so called Best Nosh of the Year this was looking a hard act to follow by Ferrett.

The Run Warm Up

Yes…this week we see 2 Dogs, Rectum Botcho and even Bent Banana doing stretching exercises…who do they think they are kidding!!! They must think that we don’t notice this elaborate ruse to make us believe they actually run fast.

The Run

Ferrett spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked Ferret Birthday Run (74 years young). We guess he has the experience so it was expected to be a good hash run especially after all the talk he gave about the flour, paper etc. etc in the forest.

The runners and walkers moved into the dark abyiss up the gravel roadway with torches blazing to find the promised forest.

Flasher , Caustic , Rectum , Miscarriage, Bent Banana and Botcho were leading the runners up the pathway into the dark abyiss of the nearby forest adjacent to the main road. Miscarriage’s bush run was all looking in trouble as the runners headed into the tall pine forest.

Fanny Charmer , Latrine , Truck Tyres, Rug , Josephine and Circumference were in full flight on the run. Rectum was waiting at the checks to make sure each person went the right way ..well done Rectum for your assistance.

On On was then called several times on the run as the group all moved across the pine forest and then via the park roadways.

The first runners back via the correct rail though the bush at the rear of the house were Flasher and 2 Dogs in 41 minutes..Run distance 7.41 km. Well done hashers.

Flasher somehow managed to get back first again but it seems he was once again was forced to follow the main road and returned via the main road but was on trail all the way ?? work that out!!! ..well done Flasher.

Ballpoint ,Caustic and Missing Link came innext at 43 min followed by Sir Black Stump ,Truck Tyres and Josephine. Somehere Sir Prince Valient appeared from nowhere at the end of the run.

Run Critic 2 Dogs “Run went well for the the first 400 meteres into the pine forest ..then we lost trail in bush” 2 Dogsalso commented “Amazing how Ferrett found new territory after all the runs from here” ..

Sweep Bent Banana noted that most runners this week did do the full run and it was by all accounts an excellent run.

Great effort Ferrett for an excellent well planned run.

The Walkers

OH My God!!! This group grows bigger each week and moves slower.

As always a big group of walkers lined up at the starting gate. The walking group is getting slower and most of these geriatics in the past weeks have made little effort to move away from the Nosh and Booze area but this week all decided to walk albeit at a slow amble with no attempt to burn up any calories.

Very quickly the walkers moved forward passing Moonbeams and Show Pony using some supporting equiptment as they struggled down the roadway.Great effort by Moonbeams and Show Pony who recently have returned from major operations and a great inspiration to our hashers.

Again we see those ex runners, Sir Rabbit , Sir Slab , Rockhard, Pile Driver this week joined by Van Diemen and Now Loved who enjoyed a slow amble ,tothe ranks of the dedicated professional walkers. They now classified as permanent walkers.

The dedicated professional permanent walkers Carefree,Crocadile ,Hard On ,Slug ,Jigsaw, Weekly, Wrong Way, Kwakka ,Full of Shit , Sir AH & Swindler all moved out a snails pace which they kept up the for the 2 km walk.

What great comraderie these brave bunch of Hash Walkers continue to experience.

The Nosh

For Hare Ferrett it was always going to be a hard act to follow after the recent week’s effort with every one saying that at this stage they have been voted “The Best Trailer Bush Nosh of the Year?”

As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch the hash in now truly back into gourmet.

Resident food CriTic RECTUM Who had helpEd cooked the meal gave a totally Unbiased report…” steak cooked to perfection”

Latrine noted that “the steak was very tender and flavourful”

Well done Ferrett for providing the Trailer meal with minimal outsourcing…a Great effort that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of quality and true HASH nosh in a great bush city location.

Menu:

• Minestrone soup served in original Italian containers with French breadsticks

• Grilled black Angus steaks served with lashings of fresh salad and beetroot

 

• Homemade chocolate cake minus candles but a high density light placed over the cake that VD noted was there to defrost the cake …………just grab a piece were the instructions from the birthday boy!

The First CIRCLE

Our GM fu@##** up last week’s Circle due to the Ice Challenge from Flasher. Yes, can you believein the exuberance of the Circle evening he forget to get a Nosh and Run report for Hare Shat who had lost 3 days of his life preparing for this event. (and as he needs every day now he can’t afford this type of lost days)

All Hashers agree that the penalty was well deserved as the buck must stop at the top. This is the result below for the GM !!!…

 The Second CIRCLE

Our GM quickly dried off ,got dressed and then opened the Second Circle complete in Katmandu Hat, Hash Chains and the Moses Staff and long flashy pants.

Sir Prince Valiant reported that his Mum who just passed away was also an ex hasher having started to run in Indonesia at the ripe young age of 63. Obviously runs in the family!!!

DD to:

• Hashy Birthday to Ferrett
• Flasher for affecting the GM memory last week
• Miscarriage for watching crap on TV
• Weekly as he gets one every week and this week was too quite
• Crocodile for interruption of GM in the circle & bad joke
• Ballpoint and Full of Shit for sitting down in the circle
• Pathetic failed jokes by Iceman, Crocodile and Miscarriage.
• Sir Black Stump for trying to muscle on the travel business operated by Shat House Tours , Sabbatical Tours and Trust Me Tours with his new business tour group Hammas Tours by offering bike rides to Israel.
• Truck Tyres for removing Latrines XXL Tails at the recent Birthday bash for Sir Slab
• Carefree for leaving Moonbeams behind at the recent Birthday bash for Sir Slab

Useless Shirt

Ballpoint proudly wearing a newly washed Useless shirt quickly passed it on to Now Loved. How the mighty fall from Ex GM to Useless … a long way down from the top!!

Yes. A Rooster one day a Feather Duster the next!!!

Prick of the Week

Awarded by Circumference to Blue Card for commenting that Circumference new hash tails reminded Blue Card of his grandmother’s curtains!!

Report by GM

GM announced this year’s ever caring hierarchy will this year provide to every Hasher a Full Colour Photo gift of their loving hierarchy. This as imagined created huge applause and much appreciation from the assembled mass!!!

He thanked Sir Rabbit for the new white Hierarchy chairs and the new salmonella bowls and steak knives that he was able to find in one of his house! Obviously cheaper to give to hash than pay dump fees

GM asked all to stay behind to clean the trailer but most decided that this would mean the Hash pet cockroaches that live in the trailer BBQ would now lose their home. Decision made to leave a it was!!

Gift for GM

Once again with tears in his eyes saying “the best gift so far this year” the GM accepted a more amazing and thoughtful gift from Latrine who just returned from Mexico. Nothing could turn on our GM more than a real Cuban cigar which he immediately proceed to light to the total disgust of all present. He then tried to ensure every Hasher got a large dose of secondary smoke inhalations to ensure they all had a good chance of developing lung cancer!

GM advised next week run will be by Rug!

Our GM has again personally promised to assist Rug.

End of CIRCLE …….by moonbeams @ 9.04 pm

 

 

Swindler

 

Run: 1921

Date:25/08/2014

Location: McIntosh Island

Hare: Shat

Runners: 33

Link to pictures Mobile

Run 1921 with Experienced Hare S Hat

 

Note: Please read words and view carefully a question will be asked by the GM in the circle about these words. At this stage the track record for comprehension of our hashers is abysmal but this week the clue is very easy to determine for those who were at hash on monday.

 

Evolution History of Hash Disorganization

Promoted widely as a first class run with first class gourmet food by none other than Mr S Hat himself..could he live up to the self promotion?

Will Shat be able to prove that his generation of GCHHH can achieve the impossible?

A group of 33 dedicated athletes circled under the stars in Macintosh Park ..where was our GM.???. the merry men were like a lost band as the group become very restless as time passed the magical 6.15 mark with no sign of our GM. RA Caustic came to the rescue and gathered up the lost group of worried hashmen.

Closely watched by the nearby wildlife the pre-run briefing from Shat as suspected was very detailed with specific directions for an experienced hashman..this run was certainly having the hallmarks of a well planned and well considered run.

Shat then sent the runners on their way those mumbled words …“run that way and find the arrows and find the trail marked with arrows”. The good news was he announced there was a high quality drink stop somewhere on the trail. First drink stop for a long time…well done Shat to get extra marks.

After last few weeks of the so called Best Inner City Run ,Best Run of the Year , Best Trailer Run , Best Location Run, Best Bush Trailer Run followed by the so called Best Nosh of the Year ,Best Trailer Nosh of the Year this was so far looking a very good for Shat. Could he pull of the magic double of best quality no outsoucing Nosh and the best City Run !!

The Run

Caustic called the rabble to order and sent the group on their way at 6.20 pm with the GM signature words “ good luck finding the trail’ .

Shat was heard telling anyone who would listentold that he spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked City Trail….is this possible in Southport?

This week the we saw a reduced number of experienced runners.However 2 Dogs, Botcho , Missing Link, Caustic ,Sir Black Stump, Rug and Miscarriage were quick to exit the group as front runners closely followed by Flasher ,Truck Tyres, Swoolen Colon, Fanny Charmer, Ferrett and Bent Banana.

Circumference, Lurch and Rug followed closeby.

But where was Rectum??

Then fresh from a day atwork relaxing at the home of Rockhard who should arrive after all the runners had left..none other than Rectum.

Shat’s run was looking in trouble as the runners tried to leave the bitumen and concrete road beside the tram track in search of the bush & rough with 2 Dogs, Truck Tyres, Fanny Charmer and Flasher in full flight on the run. Shat promised well marked checks to make sure each person went the right way ..well done Shat but bad luck as no one could find them.

On On was then called several times during the run as the group all moved along the road near tram tracks and then via the shops and roadways to Queen Street and then into the shopping centre.They were again saved by 2 Dogs with his assistance to get them going the right way.

Most of the runners this week did do most of full run and it was by all accounts an excellent city run. 2 Dogs and Flasher excelled as they were back first with Botcho and Fanny Charmer closeby ..well done Hashers.

Unfortunately Run Critic Rectum was not called upon to given his opinion as he not only failed to run and left early but mainly because in the general exhuberance of the evening the GM forgot to ask for a run report.

Word is out that a detailed run report will be provided next week?

The Walkers

As always a big group of walkers lined up at the starting gate.The walking group is getting bigger and slower .As usual most of these geriatics in the past weeks have just come to get away from their family committements on Monday night.

Most make little effort to move away from the Nosh and Booze area except to move their Walkers.

Again we see those ex runners, Sir Rabbit , Sir Slab ,Jigsaw this week joined by Crocadile , Rockhard , Wrong way Woodsie and Weekley tothe ranks of the dedicated professional permanent walkers.

The dedicated professional walkers Skinny Slug (now lost 15 Kg on his new diet)moved out a brisk pace and attempted to keep up a good pace for the long walk along the tramtrack.

What great comraderie these brave bunch of Hash Walkers are experiencing.

Kwakka and Shat took off to man the drink stop while Swindler remained as security for all the valuable hash equiptment.

Meanwhile the late arrivals of Rectum (just dropped in for a quick beer) , Ballpoint ,Cumsmoke, Blue Card, Van Dieman decided it was best to just hang aroung the BBQ in the hope of getting first in the food queuue to get some early food.

The Nosh

POSITION –POSITION- POSITION in a great park is a fitting place for the Gourment Hash Shat extravanganza to enjoy his fine food. A central location , well lit , easy parking, seats and tables.

Every successful gourmet meal needs great organisation and Shat rose to the challenge. His planning and execution was exemplary. As promised by Shat the gourmet in now truly back into hash as he produced the gourmet goods by giving full and detailed directions to Mrs S Hat.

Resident food CriTic JosEphine Was unable to give a report due to the excitement of the GM who was determined to take the Flasher ICE challenge.

However it was “Great Gourmet food and certainly not back to Hash basics”

Well done Shat for providing the 3 course meal with minimal outsourcing from Mrs S Hat. A great effort to create a genuine Hash atmosphere that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of true Gourmet HASH Nosh in a excellent park location.

Menu:

• Unlimited Mini Hungarian hot sausages served from hotplate in fresh bread rolls
• MeatLoaf cooked to perfection served with copious quantities of fresh mixed vegetables and mashed potato.
• Fresh Strawberries and Ice Cream

a first class gourmet meal with minimal outsourcing

The CIRCLE

Yes…this would soon prove to be the most colourful circles so far this year!!

The GM appeared in Katmandu Hat with Hash Chains, the Moses Staff, and his long flashy pants with his horn announced that this was a “Circle not a Circus”. He had arrived late to the concern of all but the reason was soon to be revealed.

The Circle opened on a somber note as the GM advised all of the passing of Sir Prince Valiant’ mother to Hash World in the Sky. On behalf of all members our GM expressed our condolences to Sir Prince Valiant and his family. Miscarriage advised he would attend the funeral next week and represent the GCHHH.

Ice Challenge to GM by Flasher

The event will be hard to be repeated and I will doubt ever be repeated. Photos will say a thousand words so if you were not there please view these pornographic images so you can see the event in full detail.

Suffice to say our GM rose the challenge with his well-proportioned and endowed mankind protected by his Mankini. He fully acquitted himself in the challenge in what was an amazing performance by the GM and something that will be long remembered in the annals of GCHHH.

DD to:

• Ballpoint for doing an amazing effort in writing the words as Assistant On Sec.
• Rug for seeing his photo on Hash Web and realizing that he got home from Splinter lunch on the tram.
• Rockhard for over celebrating at the birthday party of Sir Slab and spending the next 36 hours in bed
• Truck Tyres for creating problems with the Hash Tails
• Weekly for overbalancing and getting caught going under the bed!!..what was he really doing ??
• Jigsaw for taking phone calls during the circle
• Fanny Charmer & Lurch for adding “xxxx plus 1 hug” to Sir Slab birthday card

Useless T-Shirt

 

Awarded by Cumsmoke to Ballpoint who promises to wear it proudly next week.

Prick of the Week

 

Given by Cumsmoke to Circumference for saying he had stayed away for 4 weeks because he already had the POW 4 times this year…now he has it 5 times so far!!

Report by GM

Q: what COLOUR was the Mankini worn by our GM

New Rule by GM proudly wearing his Mankini

POW and Useless T-shirt cannot be given to same person

Gift for GM

Once again with tears in his eyes saying “these are best gifts so far this year” (as we know he says this every week) the GM accepted more thoughtful gifts from returning International runners from Bent Banana of a bottle of hot Indonesia Bintang beer and from Miscarriage who has been very busy in Cambodia “a do it your Colonoscopy kit “…you can see why each week he gets so excited with the gifts!!

End of CIRCLE …….by Swindler @ 9.10 pm

 

 

Swindler

 

Run: 1920

Date:18/08/2014

Location: Robina

Hare: Sir Slab

Runners: 41

Link to pictures Mobile

Sir Slab and the Cuban Crisis

You know the saying:
‘Cometh the hour…..Cometh the Man.’
Sure, it’s a cliche but never more apt than on this occasion. It was back in March 2013 and a bunch of tough, hardened hashers were doing the hard yards on the Tour of Cuba in preparation for the Giro d’Italia a few weeks later. Day 14 had been a gruelling mountain stage in the Sierra Maestra; 112 kms of pure ‘pedal’ hell. It was already dusk as the thirsty, buggered bunch rode in to the Las Tunas de Santiago on Cuba’s south coast. Las Tunas is a charming little fishing village stuck in the 17th century, and only one guest house; ‘Casa de Fidel’, named after the revolutionary freedom fighter and reputed to be Castro’s favourite getaway destination. The presidential suite still bears his name.

As they heaved their weary bodies off the saddle, Sir Slab took control: “I’ll get the beers fellas” but he would return empty handed. “You would not f#@king believe this, there’s no bloody beer” he told the startled bikers. “Apparently that arsehole Hugo Chavez has just fallen off the twig and Castro’s declared a national day of mourning; so NO FUCKING PISS.” He continued: “Power will be switched off at 7.30pm and there’s no hot water in the rooms.” He strode back inside to reception and he was back five minutes later bearing 5 Evian water bottle.

-“What the f#@k’s this Slab? said a shattered Shat. “I didn’t come half way round the f#@king world to drink Evian water Slab.”
-“It’s not water ole mate, it’s rum. Pure Cuban rum. Hooch. Moonshine. They make it at the back.”

With spirits instantly restored, Sir Slab continued: “Listen up fellas, these are the sleeping arrangements: Valiant, you’re in Room 1 with Now Loved. I’ve put the snorers together in Room 2, that is Shat, Kwakka and the Ferrett. Flasher, you can play with Testicles in Room 3.”

-“What about you Slab” asked Kwakka most concerned, “where are you bunking down?”
-“I’m in the Castro Suite” replied Sir Slab, “it’s the only one with a king size bed and my knee’s playing up a bit.” He went on: “As you can see, it’s a bloody f#@k-up this place, so I’ve organised ourselves to make life a little more bearable. Kwakka, you’re responsible for the candles and cigars, I reckon we’ll be needing them later tonight. Shat, you and Testicles organise the tucker. Ferrett, you’re the booze master and Flasher you’re the ice man. As for you two” looking at Prince Valiant and Now Loved, “you can sort out some sheilas for the night. They gotta be young, black with big tits, and make sure they can all smoke cigars.”

Prince Valiant looked bemused: “What about you mate, what are you gonna do?” Slab was taken aback: “Me…….I’ve just bloody done it. Talk about an ungrateful bunch of bastards.”

Let’s be clear: people generally underestimate the silky skills of delegation; that is, accepting the kudos for the efforts of others at the coal face. And in Sir Slab, the Gourmet Hash has someone who has made ‘delegating’ an art form. Take monday’s Run 1920, Sir Slab’s 70th Birthday Bash Brouhaha; he assembled an A-Team comprising 2 Dogs (Run), the entire Heirarchy (Nosh) and Moonbeams’ missus for sewing up 50 Hash garments with badges. His instructions to 2 Dogs were simple: “Don’t make it conventional Dogs, forget about ‘checks’, forget about bloody drinks stop and all that shit. I want them back in 40 mins max.” To be fair 2 Dogs did a serviceable job in releasing the pack at different time intervals all in an unsuccessful attempt to bring them all back together. The terrain was pleasant enough mixing bitumen and park footpaths and the markings were aplenty. Flasher ‘won’ the trial and was iced for his troubles. In critiquing the run, Missing Link argued that there were “too many checks” so he was immediately iced for sarcasm. BallPoint appreciated the fact that the run was unconventional but he confirmed that he preferred Hash runs to be conventional.

Sir Slab is often referred to as the Nelson Mandela of the GCH3. And, like the great man, he is a devotee of the African philosophy ‘Ubuntu’ i.e. quiet diplomacy. It’s not often talked about but when Slab first made a splash on the Hash scene in Brisbane he was known as ‘Saw Us’, a reference to the way he became involved in the Hash caper. “He Saw Us running around and drinking shit loads of piss and so he joined us” said a source close to the Brisbane Hash House. Unfortunately, the name did not sit well with him and Sir Slab attempted to have himself re-named. He told the then GM: “It sounds too much like Sore Arse, and while I have no issues with homos, I don’t want people to think that I’m a poofter.” Not being conversant with the ‘Ubuntu’ philosophy, the then GM told him to fuck off. And so he did. Quietly. Diplomatically. Saw Us gathered his meagre possessions and moved down the highway to the Gold Coast where he made his fortune and joined the Gourmet Hash feigning Hash virginity. Slab was born.

Sir Slab’s Nosh instructions to the Hierarchy were very simple: “I want it great, no balls-ups. Forget about the fucking trailer, I want it done in a proper kitchen. I want Prawn Cocktail with 1000 Islands seafood sauce for Entree, Beef Rib Roast with red wine jus for Mains and for Dessert, a moist Chocolate Cake with King Island cream and Tasmanian berries.
All things considered, Sir Slab deserves to be congratulated on a most magnificent menu. The Hierarchy too, deserves credit for carrying out Sir Slab’s culinary vision to an absolute T. Gourmet gear indeed.

A slightly ‘affected’ GM KItchen Bitch finally called ‘Circle’. He duly took the fabulously attired ‘Gourmets’ on a Slab infused ‘memory lane’ trip choc full of weird and wonderful tales both tall and true. It was belly laughs galore. And as is becoming customary with the GM, a quiz was produced before a stunned Sir Slab who, unable to delegate it, was found most wanting. The GM then requested that he do the honour of parking his arse on the ice for a while.

Flasher was called in to hand-over the Useless sweater and, still seething from having his arse on the ice for an hour the previous week, he handed the shirt to Cumsmoke for his tale about Little Inflatable Johnny.

Flasher was called in to hand-over the Prick-of-the-Week and, still seething from having his arse on the ice for an hour the previous week, he handed the PotW to Cumsmoke for his tale about Little Inflatable Johnny.

Before Moonbeams was asked to close the Circle, GM completed his tribute: “Sir Slab, you’ve been an ornament to this great Hash and I speak on behalf of every GCH3 hasher, both past and present, that, if not for that trailer, we would not have you with us.” He went on with twinkle in his eye: “Now, I know whatever happens on Hash trips stays on Hash trips but, between you and the group here, can you tell us a bit about that Cuban crisis trip?”

A startled and confused Sir Slab was momentarily lost for words:…………..

“Crisis……….what bloody Crisis?”

by Acting On-Sec

From the Grand Master

Many thanks to you Swollen Colon for providing the cloth for your magnificent formal coat with tails. Please fell free to add your personal touches to your new coat with tails, that your caring Hierarchy has provided at no cost. Spot Light have iron on letters etc .

Run: 1919

Date:11/08/2014

Location: Nerang

Hare: Rectum

Runners: 36

Link to pictures Mobile
‘ARSEHOLE’ to his mates

Was down at my local last week wetting the whistle with the favourite brew…. Got talking to a bunch of likely lads from Doncaster in Yorkshire England. Over the course of a few ales most subjects got an airing until the topic turned to hashing. Percy let the cat out: -“Me mate Arsehole, he does fookin’ hashing like, y’ know. He fookin’ luvs it, reckons it’s the best fookin’ crack, runnin’ around the place and shit. His name’s fookin’ Steve Bottomley so we call him fookin’ Arsehole” he added cracking himself up.

-“I bloody know him” I told my new chum, “but on our Hash we call him Rectum.”

-“Well I fookin’ never………..who’da thought like……….the world’s a fookin’ small place I’ll tell yuh.” He went on: -“Arsehole’s a great lad, luvs avin’ a laugh like but fookin’ real intelligent like, y’ know. With a bit of luck he coulda been a fookin’ doctor y’ know.”

-“Really” I said intrigued, “That’s one facet of his personna we’ve not experienced on the Hash. What happened with the medical studies?”

-“He fooked up like, his final entrance exam. He still kicks himself over it like, y’ know. He failed this last question:

‘Rearrange the letters P-N-S-I-E in order to make the body part which functions best when it’s erect.’

“All the fookin’ students who answered ‘spine’ got though and were enrolled on the spot but Arsehole and a coupla others were rounded up and shipped off to fookin’ Australia like, y’ know.

It’s fair to say that England’s loss was the Gourmet Hash’s great gain. Rectum is a terrific bloke and an absolute ornament to the Hash cause. So much so in fact that tonight’s Hash had been anticipated for months.

The run was laid in the new suburbs west of Highland Park. The pack set off at a thundering rate of knots on the twisting and turning bitumen until the first check, 3kms in. Rectum would later reveal that his cunning ‘2 check’ strategy was all about “keeping the run as short as possible.” There was another 3.5 kms of similar terrain until the pack finally hit bush……..and a bloody big mountain to boot. Up and along a fire trail for a couple of kms until we came to the steepest part of the climb, in the most impenetrable bush. Thankfully, the ever considerate Hare had the great foresight to lay the trail in parallel with a rusty, barbed wire fence which was most handy in hauling the buggered pack towards the top. The decent was just as treacherous as hashers slipped and slided down the slope, gashing limbs along the way. With immense relief the torture test was over and there remained a gentle 8.7 kms doddle back to the eski.

The normally well mannered Sir Black Stump didn’t hold back when requested to crit the run. Still panting, and sporting numourous gashes on his arms, he laid in: “This is the f#$king most stupid fucking run I f*&king ever run. What a f#@king f@$k-up!”

Two Dogs was more restrained: “My Hawaii Triathlon days are well past me, but another couple of runs like this and I might reconsider me options.”

Ferret was asked to comment on the Walk but he couldn’t remember much of it due to the fact that he’d been deep in dialogue with Sir Rabbit. For his part, Sir Rabbit said he couldn’t remember much of it either as he’d been concentrating on all the crap Ferret was telling him.

Onto the Nosh. Being a dedicated disciple of GM Kitchen Bitch’s ‘Gourmet’ agenda, and with Palestine the flavour of the moment, Rectum served up a feed of a distinctive Arab nature. On the menu were Deep Fried Budgerigars and yoghurt for Entree, sloppy Chicken stew with rice for Mains while Dessert consisted of a dry Cloves and Dates cake without any dates in it.

Cumsmoke called a very ordinary feed and he made the valid point that half the Chicken mush remained which was indicative of its quality and taste.
Two Dogs was more generous: “This reminded me of the food we use to eat at the Numimbah Resort” where the two first met and Rectum was doing his apprenticeship.
Lurch admitted that he’d tucked into a 6 pack of 4&20 pies in the afternoon and he was “bloody glad I did.”

The Grand Master had barely begun his final summation that the sound of strides hitting the floor was heard and Rectum duly plonked his namesake on the ice.

GM KB then called his favourite hashman for his Weekly down. Having just pointed the ‘mongrel’ at a nearby bush, Weekly returned to the Circle with a large map of Africa on the bottom of his oversized t-shirt. For gloating about his massive long dick, Weekly was given a Down.
Flasher was given a Down for the heinous crime of “fucking his old dear on a monday night.” However, upon bleating something about his daughter, a shocked GM promptly iced him.
New ‘Boot’ Mat, a young lad out of the Nasty stable, was invited for his first Down. Welcome Mat! (It’s got a ring to it hasn’t it?)

Normally, at this juncture in the proceedings, the baton is usually tossed to the eager RA for his dishing out of Hash penance. However, on this occasion, he would be ignored and left to impersonate a wallflower while the GM took it upon hisself to complete the Circle work.
(Observers close to the Heirarchy Court have revealed that a rift has developed between the GM and the RA over the RA’s below par performance the previous week when he iced Acting On Sec BallPoint for “inacurate reporting.” The GM was overheard reading the Riot Act: “When I want ‘acurate reporting’ I read the f#$king Courrier Mail; I don’t look for it in the Hash Trash. Why the f&%k do you think it’s called the Trash, you bloody imbecile?”) or words to that effect.

Jigsaw entered the Circle looking to hand over the Useless sweater to another deserving conveyance. His gaze fell upon the man with the ‘pick-me-when-you-can’t-be-arsed-thinking-of-anyone-else’ sign on his forehead: Flasher.

Ferret was then called in to part with the Prick-of-the-Week. He looked like a man on a mission.

-“You would know fellas that I love a conspiracy theory as much as any other fertile mind. UFOs, the Holocaust, 9/11, Climate Change, the death of Princess Diana……..you name it and I fucking support it. But this crap about fucking Hamas terror tunnels into fucking Israel is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever heard in my life. So Flasher, for starting this ridiculous rumour, you’re the Prick of the Week.”

The final act of the night was a baptism. The Grand Master was at his best and called Jimmy front and on one knee. It so happens that Jimmy has a particular noctural fetish which involves ropes, leather and heavy chains. Thankfully, his bird is of a feather and together they are known to make the most wonderful whoopee with, apparently, chandelier hi-jinxs their absolute favourite. GM was left with little choice but to name the tie-me-down fiend……. Bondage.

Just as Josephine was lubricating the tonsils, Rectum announced, to a cacophony of raucous “you fucking beauty”, that he would soon be returning to the Old Dart.
-“The UK Education Department have been in touch and I’ve been accepted to the Doncaster School of Medicine.” He went on:”Most of you would be aware that I have a passion for gynecology……..it’s me first luv like, y’know. I just want to thank the Prime Minister David Cameron for this great fookin’ opportunity. And you know how much I luv fookin opportunities like.” And with great gusto the Hash sent him on way with ‘F&$k off you ?? f#@k off!”

Josephine closed the Circle soon after.

On2,
BP (Acting On Sec)

Run: 1918

Date:4/08/2014

Location: Mermaid Beach

Hare: Lurch

Runners: 29

Link to pictures Mobile

• Shat & Warrior Team all back safely from InterHash Junket in Brussels

• Showpony on vacation in Sydney

• Iceman reported to have sore chest and unable to attend Hash

• Moonbeans relaxing at home on Gold Coast

• Bent Bananaon luxury cruise in Indonesia

• Flasher unable to attend Hash due to Wedding Anniversary

• Sir Slab off to Thredbo to lay more Hash trails

Note: Please read words and view carefully as again next week a question will be asked by the GM in the circle about these words. At this stage the track record for comprehension of our hashers is abysmal but this week the clue is very easy to determine. Check out the clue to see who is the most observant GCGHHH.

 Evolution History of Hash Disorganization

 The First Hash House

The ‘Hash House’ was the mildly derogative nickname given for its unimaginative, monotonous food to the Selangor Club Chambers, by the British Civil Servants and businessman who lived and dined there. Originally, the ground floor housed the main Selangor Club dining room, and between the two World Wars it became a social center of the times, used regularly for lunch time meals by the members who worked in the immediate vicinity.

Situated close to and behind the present Selangor Club, it’s function changed after independence and it became a key office for the local Water Board, as it was the place where all Kuala Lumpur residents came to pay their water bills. Sadly, it gave way to the relentless march of time around 1964, being bulldozed to the ground under the north-bound lane Jalan Kuching. The buildings housing the original stables and servants quarters are still in existence.

Run 1918 with Virgin Lurch

Promoted as the first Virgin Run and a Virgin Nosh.

Will Lurch be able to break the mould this week and prove that there is a new generation of GCHHH who can achieve the impossible.

A group of 29 dedicated athletes circled under the stars around the glowing beachfront fire in the luxury surroundings of Hedges Avenue.

A 10 million dollar $$$$ POSITION –POSITION- POSITION is a fitting place for the Gourment Hash to meet and enjoy fine food.

 

Thanks Lurch for providing such a great venue and another fire for the Hash night.

The pre-run briefing from Lurch as suspected was a lot of waffle for a Virgin and again there were as usual those mumbled words …“walk to the top of the driveway and find the trail marked with arrows”. He advised all that there were no marking in the schoolyard as he was too scared of the Yummy Mummies when he set the run so he left no arrow trail..can you believe this crap!!

 

After last few weeks of the so called Best Run of the Year , Best Trailer Run , Best Location Run, Best Bush Trailer Run followed by the so called Best Nosh of the Year ,Best Trailer Nosh of the Year this was looking a hard act to follow by Virgin Lurch.

The Run Warm Up by our RA Caustic, Rectum and Botcho

Some of our runners actually do stretching before the run even in the cold night air. They must think that we don’t notice this elaborate ruse to make us believe they run fast. Names have been provided to give embarrassment!!

The Run

The GM called the usual rabble to order and sent the group on their way at 6.20 pm with his signature words “ good luck finding the trail’ . Again he stayed near the warm fire on the pretense his experience as a firefighter was needed in case the fire got out of control and burnt down the luxury homes on Hedges Avenue.In the event of a major disaster Cumsmoke ( yes he has made an appearance again) decided to stay behind as well to keep him company and assist with legal advice. Mainly Cumsmoke’s job to keep up an ongoing supply of red wine for our GM while pretending to cook the Nosh on the BBQ.

Lurch told all that he spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked Virgin Trail….is this possible on Hedges avenue?? He noted to watch out for female joggers…this was the first good sign that this may be an interesting run.

The runners and walkers moved up the dark laneway into the full light of Hedges Avenue with torches blazing. The only relevant clue was the final information that Lurch would be the Sweep in case anyone got lost!!!..is this guy for real..lost on Hedges Avenue !!!

Rectum fresh from a day atwork relaxing at the home of RockHard took off as usuallike a startled bullantwith Botcho and Josephine hot on his heels.

Lurch’s run was looking in trouble as the runners tried to leave the bitumen road in search of the bush & rough with 2 Dogs, Truck Tyres, Fanny Charmer and Rockhard in full flight on the run. Lurch as promised was waiting at the checks to make sure each person went the right way ..well done Lurch for your assistance.

On On was then called several times on the run as the group all moved across the bitumen roads and then via the shops and roadways to Pissey Park .They were saved by Lurch with his assistance to get them going the right way. The schoolyard part of the run was a bit of a worry as only one member has a Blue Card and he is a walker. Rectum asked his running companion Josephine how do we find the carpark as they raced across the schoolyard without Blue Card??

Most of the few runners this week did do the most of full run and it was by all accounts an excellent city run.

Josephine excelled as he was back for the first run for some time and was able to keep up the pace with Rectum..well done Josephine.

The first runners back via the correct trail was Rectum with Josephine .Botcho with 2 Dogs and TT in 49 minutes.Run distance 6.95 km. Well done hashers. Rockhard somehow managed to get back first but it seems he had a battery failure and was forced to follow the main road and returned via Hegdes Avenue but was on trail all the way ?? work that out!!! ..well done Rockhard.

Run Critic Rectum “ Best Virgin Run of the year so far”. Virgin Hare Lurch put in a lot of effort for this run but again failed to provide a drink stop.Yes..These words say it all …direct from a very experienced hasher!!.These comments by Rectum were wholly endorsed by Josephine and Truck Tyres.

Two Dogs also got in on the act and commented “Amazing how he found new territory after all the runs from this location .”

Great effort Virgin Hare Lurchfor an excellent first run.

The Walkers

As always a big group of walkers lined up at the starting gate.The walking group is getting bigger and slower .As usual most of these geriatics in the past weeks have just come to get away from their family committements on Monday night.

Most make little effort to move away from the Nosh and Booze area except to move their Walkers. Full of Shit now even comes on his electic walker in hope of increasing sales for his products and supporting equiptment.

Again we see those ex runners, Sir Rabbit , Sir Slab , Ballpoint , Jigsaw this week joined by Ferrett and Caustic tothe ranks of the dedicated professional walkers. Are they now permanent walkers?

The dedicated professional walkers Skinny Slug (lost 14 Kg on his new diet), Sir AH ,Weekly, Kwakka ,Woodsie,Now Loved , Blue Card, Shat & Swindler all moved out a brisk pace and attempted to keep up a good pace for the long walk along the beachfront and back.

In this group we saw Nasty and Trannie set out but they go lost at the 45 metre mark in the nearby surf club.

What great comraderie these brave bunch of Hash Walkers are experiencing.

The Nosh

For the Virgin Hare Lurchit was always going to be a hard act to follow after last few week with Miscarriage’s et al recentefforts that at this stage are competing for “The Best Trailer Bush Nosh of the Year?”

As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch the hash in now truly back into gourmet but would Virgin Hare Lurch be able to produce the goods.

It was unlimited Hot Dogs from a real hot dog stand with help yourself homemade accompaniments so most had second and third helpings.

 Resident food CriTic JosEphine Who had 3 hOt Dogs OBVIOUSLY appreciated the food: “Great food and at last back to Hash basics”

Well done Virgin Hare Lurch for providing the meal with minimal outsourcing from MISS LURCH …a Great effort to create a genuine Hash atmosphere that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of true HASH nosh in a great beachfront location around the Fire.

 

Menu:

• Mini Meat Pies and sausage rolls served from a hotbox
• Organic Hot dogs served in hot toasted bread rolls cooked to a rubbery over perfection and kept hot in boiling water with lashings of freshly cooked onions and accompaniments.
• Pavlova with fresh Strawberries

The CIRCLE

Q: what is happening in the Centre of thIs Circle

As usual our GM appeared in Katmandu Hat with Hash Chains, the Moses Staff and with his new horn. As always his long flashy pants did create some interesting comments.

The Circle opened on a somber note as the GM advised all of the passing to Hash World in the Sky of Nasty’s father Gordy. Many will remember Gordy who often came to our Splinter lunches with Nasty and he really enjoyed these event and the company of the Gourmet Hash Team.

After a minutes silence the GM called on all to sing the Hash Hymn in memory of Gordy

The GCGH members all pass on our condolences to Nasty as no matter at what age it is always so sad to lose one of our family.

The Icings

Is this a new treatment for this condition by Dr Caustic?

•  Very unfairly given to Shat as Warrior in Chief for creating those Blue Warrior Vests that are now seen on cyclists all over the Gold Coast.

•   Ballpoint for doing an amazing effort in writing the words as Assistant On Sec . But why did he have to say to Caustic “who gives a Fuckkkabout the truth!!!

 DD to:

• Wrong Way Woodie for bringing his son in law Jonathon as a visitor. Is he trying to break up the marriage by introducing him to Hash??

Useless Shirt

 

Awarded by Truck Tyres to Jigsaw for losing his computer.

Prick of the Week

 Given by Truck Tyres to Ferrett for character assassination

 Report by GM

 Gift for GM

With tears in his eyes saying “these are best gifts so far this year” ( he always says this) the GM accepted more amazing and thoughtful gifts from Shat of a Brussell’s little boy pissing statute ,from Kwakka a Brussels bus ticket with unused coupons and from Ex GM Now Loved some crap from Turkey.

 Special Welcome:

Our GM gave a special welcome to our visitor Jonathon who happens to be Wrong Way Woodsie son in law. Jonathon is the sponsor this year for the ongoing supply each week of Ice for the Hash and we thank him (Not everyone says thanks but mainly Caustic who can’t believe his luck with never ending supply of Ice).This is a big expense for the Hash and the funds saved will most certainly assist the additional funding of travel plans of your hierarchy.

 GM advised that

1. Sir Slab 70^th birthday run will be a 4 Hat Michelin Chef Event – An expensive free gift will be provided to commemorate this important event.

Run cost $20.00 including free gift

If non-attendance then free gift is for sale at $50

2. GM now advised Best Beachfront Trailer Nosh of Year Award to be made at AGPU (how many more awards can we have…the AGPU will last all night at this rate???)

3. GM advised next week run will be by Rectum.an event not to be missed.

End of CIRCLE …….by FERRETT @ 9.05 pm

 

 

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