Category Archives: Hash Run Reports

Run 1983

Date: 2/11/5015

Run: 1983

Location: Bundall

Hare: Circumference

       Runners:20

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The pack gathered behind the GCCC at Evandale where although billion dollars of development is planned. someone still can’t change a light bulb.
Best plans often come unstuck but you don’t know until you go there. So Plan A was to get the walkers away early and hopefully get them back in good time so the nosh would still be warm. The runners took their final instructions and headed off towards Gold Coast racing headquarters. In an unpredictable turn of events, the trail went the opposite direction to normal and some hashers found themselves wandering around the Harvey Norman car park. However they were still keeping in with the racing theme as Mr Harvey only owns about a thousand of the thoroughbreds. Blackie was first home by several lengths. Two Dogs reported that several hashers hit the wall after the run went past the 3200 metre mark and struggled home.
Pre dinner nibbles and cold drinks revived the thirsty runners while we waited and waited for the walkers to finally dribble in one by one from their watering hole. Anyhow finally the now cold chicken burgers and salads were served under torchlight due to some pretty ordinary lack of lighting maintenance. Those still needing food lined up for servings of sweets consisting of of leftover Sir Rabbit donated cakes, strawberries and ice cream.
A well lit area was found near the BBQ’s and our visiting GM, Rug, returning after a 6 week absence commenced the circle. Even our official RA, referred to Rug as the RA by mistake. Circumference was called out as the hare and the GM got critique on the nosh by well known social commentator, Blue Card. His suggestion to Circumference was that he needs to get himself a woman so that the standard of the nosh for his consumption would improve. Circumference in quick response shot back at Blue Card, who has obviously been off the dating scene for awhile, stated that some of today’s modern career women are not much chop in the kitchen or for that matter the bedroom. To even think that some women would want to cook for hashers these days is just wishful thinking and a bonus for those with partners that actually do !
Caustic called out Fuller Shit for some Border Patrol incident but what was even more interesting was an alcohol induced Dr Phil show type confession Fuller Shit had made on a tour about his early love life. Apparently his confession included marrying young, then after it went Arse Up(using another returning runner’s name), he went off the rails a bit sowing some wild oats on the way. Most hashers could identify with this account although most of them had been on the normal reverse way of playing up before actually settling down. And others well , they are still in denile elsewhere.
Aussie Botcho got a down down after his former country’s win in the RWC.
Show Pony was mentioned as he in GCUH with health issues and we all wish him a speedy recovery.
The wheeling and dealing of the attempts by M’Latrine to try and close a real estate deal over a few glasses of red during lunch while telephoning a real estate agent, banks. lawyers were included in the review of the October splinter lunch at Cavs Steakhouse.
A hastily organised Melbourne Cup sweep with hashers pulling their own horse out of a hat took place . As most quickly dispersed after Josephine closed the circle, just a reminder to keep your ticket if you want to prove you are a winner. Flasher by his own admission of going on holidays to a third world country was concerned that he wouldn’t know who won the race. Maybe a Trip to Paris would have been a better tip sorry trip !

On On
Circumference

Run 1982

 

Date: 26/10/5015

Run: 1982

Location: Emerald Lakes, Carrara

Hare: VD & Bent Banana (Halloween theme)

       Runners:22

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Under a full moon the pack headed off in a westerly direction towards the Psuedo-Franco Mediterranean art deco inspired residential monstrosity. The trail went past the now relocated statue of David who has moved on from his heyday in Surfers where many a girl admired his features.

With the well marked trail going up and down stairs and around boardwalks, the pack got a real insight into living in a castle surrounded by a moat. Bent Banana in his sweeping role ensured that the walkers and runners went their separate ways during the course of the run. After about 40 minutes the pack returned from an easterly direction after the tour of the complex.
Cold refreshments then took priority including the leftover beer dregs in cans from Octoberfest. No wonder they were leftover, the gold top cans were no where near as good the silver top cans and even beer connoisseur Josephine struggled so much in finishing his can, that he traded his in on a Tooheys while in mid-stream.
As VD had the nosh cooking during the run , it wasn’t long until all were devouring rissoles. vegetables and fresh bread. Then followed dessert which included a compote of blueberries, marshmallows and ice-cream. Miscarriage also supplied some fresh new season Qld pineapple slices.
By the time acting GM, Sir Rabbit, called the circle , most hashers had adorned their ghoulish Halloween themed clobber. Miscarriage was invited to speak on the run. His response was – we went out, around, followed the trail around and around, it was good. Iceman was invited to speak on the nosh. His response was – steak tartare(no egg on top). He then claimed his rissoles were not cooked and looked orange in colour inside. Suddenly VD interrupted with a – you blind vagina (or somewhat similar wording) , they included carrot. Although opinions were divided on the meat, as Iceman thoroughly enjoyed the dessert, the My Kitchen Rules Chief judge and contestant called it a truce.
Sir R announced that the Hash Useless Award would be withdrawn from the GCH3 commencing immediately. Ferrett offered to keep it in his Hash Museum of Memorabila.
The RA entertained the circle with Down Downs going to Flasher ( allegedly farcupping the run ), Blackie (returning world champion triathlete now heading to the paddock for a spell),and Mr Lee for his high vis new shoes. It was reported that Botcho is having 50 cents each way on the outcome of the RWC final when the West Island plays a combined North/South Islands team in the Cross the Ditch Cup.
Iceman had a crack at a joke about sex and tonsillitis which failed to titillate so he also got a down down for his trouble.
There was no Prick of the Week as the current holder Swollen Colon does not leave his post code for hashing, so until we next visit Main Beach, or it comes back in the mail,
there will be a void in the circle for awhile.
In the absence of Moonbeams, we had take one of closing the circle by Ferrett, followed up by take two by Josephine.

 

This Weeks Pictures

On On
Circumference

Run 1981

Date: 19/10/5015

Run: 1981

Location: Main Beach

Hare: Hierarchy

       Runners:29

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Vroom…Vroom…the V8 Supercars run…the Indy Challenge…the Sir 2 Dogs handicapping extravanza…call it what you will, but it was always going to be an explosive event, particularly as it was in the 4217 postcode, which could only mean one thing….Swollen Colon was gracing us with his presence and his pyrotechnics!!

…and of course, being a V8 event, what did the down-downs consist of….yep, bloody V8 vegetable juice!!!….blah!!!!!!!!!!!…thank goodness your trusty scribe was not called out the front for anything tonight!

The run:

My description of the run is based entirely on hearsay…as I did not do it, having stayed back to assist with the nosh debacle…where the F### did all the cooking utensils and other shit that lived in the trailer get to???? The run apparently was predictable but enjoyable, with the added twist this year of security personnel on the track telling the runners to get the F### off the track! The early arrivals back at base camp obviously cheated, having not conformed with their expected handicaps. Cheating bastards!! No names though…don’t want to offend any sensitivities. In all, Sir 2 Dogs, you’ve excelled yourself with a good run on the track…it’s become a yearly tradition so while the race is on the coast, let’s just keep bloody doing it!!

The walkers track…yawn, yawn…who cares about the walkers anyway..yawn, yawn!!

The Nosh:

 Probably the best thing to do in terms of describing the nosh is to quote directly from some of the bon-vivants present tonight…

Circumference – “I won’t have too many saveloids…I don’t want to spoil the fine filet that is coming for mains!”

 Josephine – “Ahhh…just like the good old days…

 Swindler – “ohhhhh….it just doesn’t get any better than this!!!”

 Swollen Colon – “definitely nosh of the year!!…but I’ve only been to two of them!!”

 Ferrett – “what’s that green shit in that bowl??” (to which the answer “after-birth” came from some disgusting degenerate).

 Briefly, the entrée was saveloids (known also as Weenies or Little Boys in parts of the country” with dipping sauces and the mains was expertly barbequed steaks with lashings of side salads, dips, high quality wholemeal bread (not of that white shit!) and various other delicacies…topped off with two superb Woolies chocolate cakes…yes, definitely back to basics under this hierarchy but those of you doubting Thomas’s please again refer to the comments above from various experienced Hashers!!

I do believe that thanks must go to Sir Rabbit and Sir Two Dogs for the nosh, but if I am wrong on this, I do apologise.

Basically, a corker of a meal….and to use those words familiar to many of you…..this is what we came here for!!!!!!!!

The Circle:

This is starting to get a bit tedious, isn’t it…yet again, out the front were the usual suspects….Flasher and IceMan…for the life of me I cannot recall why, but there must obviously have been a good reason. A V8 down-down for these two….oh, and IceMan, I think you’d better get yourself a new joke book mate…the current one from whence you draw your material is shit!!

Swollen Colon was the first runner in tonight, but as described above, must have been one of the cheating ones as he was handicapped out! Bad luck!!

Sir Slab was declared the real winner tonight…being awarded all sorts of crap like a cap, a trophy and a shirt..he seemed really impressed with all of this stuff!

First walker home…Rock Hard…who took his V8 down-down and then exclaimed “what the shit is that???”….probably should have said “what is in that shit??”!

Swindler and Shat were called out the front for causing a crash on the Warriors ride that morning, resulting in poor old Kwakka ending up on the ground with a buggered elbow….guys…all Warriors know that you turn right to go past and perve on the exercising chicky babes…you do NOT go straight ahead!!!

Visitors from Cambodia Mr Ly and Mr Hun Phy, Miscarriage’s contacts from Sihanoukville were dragged out the front and welcomed…Mr Ly was spared the humiliation of taking a down-down from his brand new running shoes!

Swollen Colon was dragged out as a returning runner…this is what happens when you only run in your own postcode!….but to ensure that he actually comes back soon, he was also awarded the Prick of the Week…good call there IceMan!!

Flasher then came out and tried to present the USELESS shirt to Jigsaw on the pretext of not taking sufficient photos in Circle!!! Jigsaw was able to provide proof that he had in fact taken sufficient photos and thus Flasher had to quickly rethink his strategy and promptly passed the shirt on to Sir Rabbit for no particular reason…you didn’t deserve that Sir Rabbit, you really didn’t!!

Sir Prince Valiant was called out for having his snout in the trough and despite being one of the more well-to-do Hashers, bludging off the taxpayer by attending a swanky publicly funded princeevent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bent Banana graciously accepted a $100 donation from the Hash Heirarchy for the sponsorship of a young girl in Cambodia….do we get a tax receipt for that one BB??

As a finale, Swollen Colon, with his usual pyrotechnic flair, proceeded to attempt the destruction of a traffic cone…it went off like Mt Vesuvius!!

Finally, a big thank you to Circumference for agreeing to do the words for the next few weeks as yours truly is off to the Philippines..enjoy Halloween guys!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

This weeks Pictures

 

 

 

Run 1980

Date: 12/10/5015

Run: 1980

Location: Varsity Lakes

Hare: Hierarchy

       Runners:28

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Run 1980

Tonight was billed as the night where, for the paltry sum of just $20.00, you could drink as much beer and eat as much food as you wanted!! On that basis, we, your faithful hierarchy, were expecting a decent number of Hashers to turn up for an offer like this…but no, for some reason numbers were down to 28 tonight…inexplicable really, considering the quality of the run, the venue, the beer and the food! …and we bloody paid for 35 of you to turn up and swill yourselves into oblivion!!! Sure, the food was “back to basics”,hash basics_2 but you will all recall that as we were not going to compete with the outgoing hierarchy, this year was going to be about getting back to the basics of hashing…and how much more basic can you get than all the beer you can drink???

Oh well, c’est la vie, as they say…..those of you who weren’t there all missed out on a convivial night where those who did turn up were treated to a decent run through virgin bush, shiggy and with a fair smattering of hills and then a night of good beer, sausages, party pies and sausage rolls and a lovely cheese platter, all with background music provided by Sir Rabbit. Was it the lack of a serving wench that kept you all away……I wonder??….geez, I am sure that myself and the rest of the hierarchy present on the night would have stripped down to our underdaks if it is about there not being enough exposed flesh about!!!!!

The theme being Oktoberfest, we were asked to dress with a German theme and a special thankyou to those of you who went the extra mile to dress accordingly, particularly Jigsaw, Missing Link and Sir Rabbit, all of whom looked like they’d just been plucked out of a Bavarian village!…and to Caustic and KB, who looked like Gestapo officers….oh, and of course, who can forget Truckie’s “Harry High Pants” outfit…a classic mate, a true classic!!

The run

The run, was, according to Flasher, exactly 4.8km, including all the checks that he did…Missing Link and I didn’t measure it when we set it so thanks Flasher for that information. The run took in shaggy and a decent amount of bush and considering we were on the eastern side of the M1, that’s not too bad. Sir Botcho described the run as “excellent..these boys have really done a good job with this one!” Several of us suffered scratches from encounters with the scenery on the run, but the worst was Weekly, whose legs looked like they had been through a shredding machine! Caustic was heard to say “geez, you look like you’re on the rags!!”.

The Nosh:

Guy, the owner of Aardvark and Arrow brewery had two kegs on for us, a Lowenbrau style and a Pilsener style and the taps were open as soon as we got to the brewery…allegedly some attendees were heard to say “oh fuck it…let’s just stay here and drink!!”…and why not when there was no limit!!

Nibbles when we got back from the run was bowls of chips and then out came a huge platter of various cheeses, crackers, tomatoes and grapes on steroids. Out also came several plates of party pies and sausage rolls and then the mains of unlimited sausages and rolls came out, with the option of several mustards, sauces and of course, being Oktoberfest, Saukraut and onions. Again, sure, it’s fairly basic but we all thought it was great!

The Circle:

First victim out the front…as per usual it would seem…was Truckie, to be commended for doing the whole run and also for his “Harry High Pants” outfit. Weekly also came out the front to be laughed at for the various wounds on his legs…”my missus is going to be impressed with this….she’ll want to plaster me with fucking band-aids!!

Next out the front were three of the four accused in the “Croc Abandonment” , also known as the Gang of Four No Man Left Behind trial that is coming up soon….the three present tonight were Sir Two Dogs, Circumference and Sir Rabbit, with one accused being indicted in absentia (Josephine). The three present have been granted bail on their own recognisance pending the upcoming trial. If he does not turn up for next week’s Hash to be indicted for his crimes, Josephine will find himself on the receiving end of a bench warrant for his arrest that will be vigorously sought by counsel for the prosecution (me!).

Miscarriage was called out the front for elder abuse of his second father and also for dressing as an Arab when it was supposed to be a German night….. “this is fucking German…have youse been to Berlin lately??”…fair call I guess.

String Bean from Sydney Larrikins Hash was out the front, welcomed as a visitor and also to tell a funny yarn about his adventures driving up from Sydney with his mate Truckie…..oh, and there was also an accusation of Truckie putting some shonky tow hitch on the Hash Trailer and nearly causing it to come off Sir Slab’s towbar and get wrecked a second time.

Welcome also to Miscarriage’s nephew Blake…pleasssseee join the Hash and bring our average age down a bit!!!!

Iceman and Flasher came out the front for something to do with the Prick of the Week and Useless award, but I was too busy pulling another beer to really follow what was going on.

That’s about it for tonight I think….too much beer on board to take too many notes!!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sc

 This Weeks Run Pictures

Run 1979

Date: 5/10/5015

Run: 1979

Location: Burleigh Heads

Hare: Truck Tyres

       Runners:22

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Tonight was Truckie’s birthday run…happy birthday mate…72 years and going strong!!!…and thank you for the birthday Crownies which were greatly appreciated by all.

The Pre-run and run:

The instructions on the website were as follows:Park on DUNLIN DRIVE in the vicinity of house No 116 to 120 (house numbers are on the kerb), at the entrance to Burleigh Cove estate. Walk over the pedestrian bridge beside No 116, to assemble on the lake shore reserve behind my place. Note: Please DO NOT try parking or entering from Beachcomber Court…

 ….sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? Well, Sir Prince Valiant and I were crossing the bridge when we spotted Mme Latrine down in the Park… “bloody hell, it’s amazing the people you see walking around here, isn’t it Fanny Charmer?” says Sir Prince as we merrily continue walking along the path after the bridge….and only after we’d gone some 500 metres did someone yell out “on back, on back you blokes!”. Apparently it was Mme Latrine’s job to shepherd us all into the park so we could find Truckie’s place…not just stand there looking at us as we headed off into the distance, expecting us to be able to magically read his thoughts!!!

Eventually we were guided by Mme Latrine to the noisy gathering in Truckie’s backyard where the run description was given by our hare… “this is a suburban run and it’s hard to find much bush but I’ve tried to give you as little bitumen as possible”..and he then produces a bag containing a piece of chalk, a roll of toilet paper and some flour…. “now, there’s a bit of this (holding up the chalk)….there’s a bit of this (holding up the toilet paper) and there’s a bit of this (holding up a handful of flour)…and the run is on single point arrows and the walk is on double point arrows!!”. Now that we all knew what toilet paper, chalk and flour look like, off we went into the wilderness of Burleigh Waters.

This week your faithful scribe decided to throw caution and his dicky leg to the wind and did the whole run and it was a good one as it meandered through the wilds of Burleigh Waters and gave us a look at some interesting industrial estates, including the back of Bunnings and the Billabong warehouse and gave us the choice of a “drain crossing” where we could get our feet wet or for those of us scared off by the prospect of that, either wriggling under a fence or climbing over it, the latter being my choice and nearly coming down on Sir Blackstump as we was wriggling through underneath me!

The run was very well marked indeed with clear chalk marks at reasonable distances, toilet paper hung in obvious places and little dots of flour leaving no doubt as to the course to be followed….now this is how a run should be marked…good onya Truckie!!!

The Nosh:

 Truckie has excelled himself, and being obviously ably assisted by Kitchen Bitch, impressing us with a fine three course delight! First off we had some nibbles consisting of what looked to be honey soy chicken…devoured by some and leaving me wondering how on earth they were going to fit in the other two courses!!!

Mains was some great chunks of beef that were, well…let’s say ablaze on the barbeque at one stage…with Truckie assuring us that incinerating the meat is the “in thing” nowadays in haute cuisine circles… “it’s Brazilian style beef” we were assured!. This was served with sides of left over veges from last week’s run…not bad at all! Sweets was tinned peaches with custard and for those lucky enough to get in before it was all gone, some lovely pudding! In all, a great nosh and you’ve kept up the standard Truckie (and KB!).

The Circle:

First victim out the front…our hare Truckie…complemented on the run, which according to Flasher’s new TomTom watch was exactly 5.84km in length..to quote SIR Botcho… “you managed to find a great deal of bush out her in the wilds of suburbia!”. A well deserved down-down for Truckie.

Second out the front…the assistant chef KB and when asked if he did a run or a walk was adamant that he did do a run…”I ran down the bottom of the hill and back up to Truckie’s back gate!!”… a distance of around 5 metres! Another well deserved down down for his efforts on the nosh….and apparently it was SIR Botcho who gave some tips on the nosh, telling KB last week.. “just fucking freeze it, they won’t know the difference”…and if we all get food poisoning this week we can all blame it on Sir Botcho because the freezer didn’t work for about three or four days, but he deemed the left overs to be OK to serve up tonight.

Two returning runners tonight…Sir Blackstump…back from setting world records again in the USA… “it was a shit trip..customs in LA took all my bike bits, including my latex spray!!”…what on earth could that be for Blackie???? In total contrast to Blackie’s fitness adventure trip, BlueCard was in Canada touring all the cafes! BlueCard, unlike Blackie who presented the Acting GM with a bronze medallion, had no gift for the GM, only a yarn to tell…apparently he mistook a “personal hygiene cream” for women to be body lotion, which he smeared all over himself…when he read the label, in French, it is designed to make women’s “nether regions” smell nice…roughly translated into English… “designed to make a “c### smell good” he told us…”so you can’t call me a dirty c### anymore!!”…hahaha..says who??

Circumference was called out the front to take all the punishment on behalf of himself, Josephine, Sir Rabbit and Sir Two Dogs, all for having left poor old Croc behind last week! They will probably all be iced over this next week.

Miscarriage was called out for a down-down for coming to Hash last Monday, it being his wife’s birthday… “at least I put Hash first!!”…good to see he has his priorities in order.

Last but not least ……the USELESS award to this week was passed from Truckie (how could he forget it this week…he’s at home FFS!!) to none other than……Flasher!!!!!!! And for the record, let it be known he thoroughly deserved it!! Not only did Flasher abuse Truckie’s old mate JukeBox (from the Sydney Larrikins some years back), and in the process, guilty of offending Sor Botcho’s wife Cappa with his abusive language last week – he was up to more of his old stunts on the run this week!!! When Flasher found himself led down a drainage by-way with an impassable drain on the one side and a 8ft solid fence (climbed by some, including your faithful scribe) enclosing him on the other side (and in the company of other front runners)  – he transgressed in avoiding following the set trail through the large but ankle deep wet underpass ahead, to avoid getting his tootsies a little wet and was last seen heading off-trail, scurrying like a water rat up the embankment and wriggling his way beneath the fencing.

Yes, Flasher thoroughly deserved his icing AND the USELESS award for each of the foregoing transgressions…(and thankyou Truckie for the inspiration for this little snippet!).

Next week’s run…Oktoberfest

octoberfest poster

That’s all for now folks!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

 

 

 

This Weeks Run Pictures