Date: 27/6/2016

Location: Ashmore

Hare:Rug & Krit

Hashers: 24

The venue chosen by ex-GM Rug, (who rushed back from casting his vote in the Brexit poll) was Scooterworld, at Molendinar not quite up there with the other GC theme parks but for the free admission price it was definitely value for money on the night as everyone had a wheely good time. The fallout from the Brexit conscious uncoupling bombshell result was the talking point among many hashers discussions concerned about their own dwindling wealth as they awaited the start of the evenings events. It was rumoured that one hasher has even planned his own Medexit strategy where he will do a Chris Skase relocation and find himself a sunny villa in a Mediterranean country. An even stronger rumour which may eventuate into a trumour was another hasher currently in the final stages of his Sexit relocation to the oriental Far South East.

Instructions on the run /walk were given by the hare and soon most were out and about searching for a trail. Dicky Knee and Swindler stayed behind as couple of troopers and were dubbed the Keg Minders. Rug and Kret were sighted regularly on the trails which would behind the factories, through a park near the river and back to suburbia where the walker’s trail was lost near the main drag heading to Nerang. A couple of the knights Two Dogs and Botcho lead the pack home. Not far behind were BB and Flasher, shirtless as usual due to the extreme heat his body seems to experience even on the coldest evening of the year.

As Ice Man was sighted by the lost pack of walkers which included the GM, Sir Slab, M’Latrine, Slug and Brutus, it was quickly agreed to follow him home. On arrival, it was noted that many of the cycling Warriors were already eyeing off upgrades to the motorised scooters as they head towards their twilight years. God help us, after they get on the piss on those things after a splinter lunch. Sir Slab apparently road tested all the scooters which had various wheel configurations and attachments including one with a built in shitter and colostomy bag attachments ready for any sudden follow through accidents from a dodgy curry nosh.
The nosh started with home made dips of homus and real tasting salmon before mains of warm mince and pasta served street café dining style. Those with pre-booked seating reservations enjoyed their comfortable scooter chairs. A desert of pears,cream and chocolate followed.

In light of the unique seating arrangements the GM decided to road test what could be an insight into circles of the future, with hashers seated in their motorised scooters.
The GM opened proceedings with a warm welcome to Boris( our new totem pole circle figurehead), a replacement for the poor old chook who got blown away by Swollen Colon the previous week. The hares were called out and Missing Link remarked it was well marked and the hare was regularly sighted by all who like their safety blankets on runs to avoid debacles. M’Latrine enjoyed the walk as there were no hills or shaggy. Sir AH said it was a very good nosh. All up a ranking of 8. The POW was moved forwarded by the GM who while looking at Rug in full prick attire enquired who actually had it. A shocked Rug stepped forward and suddenly the GM become a popular choice by all. However Rug had other ideas and nominees included Hard On (who he described as still my “good friend” ?),Circumference for getting back into employment on the AEC gravy train but the winner was Slug for heading towards Nerang after loosing the trail.

The RA stepped up and immediately called out any ex-pat 10 pound Poms, so soon we had Flasher, Iceman, Rug, Sir AH, Kret and even the GM in the circle. They were quickly given the title of the Brexit Barstards for guilt by association after the UK was stripped of its AAA credit rating and now have a plunging pound. Our resident Spaniard, Fanny Charm, on behalf of the other EU member countries gave them a note and told the to basically just piss off ASAP as about 25% of their relatives were even too lazy to get off their arses and cast a vote. And just to top off their week and give them to no time to lick into wounds after their PM pulled the plug, Iceland has continued the nightmare by knocking the Pommies out of the European soccer tournament,again plunging the value off anything slightly associated with the UK over the last few days.. A country which now has to hire Australian coaches to beat us at football and cricket after they invented the games.

Continuing the Brit bashing , next up in the circle was Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson aka M’Latrine lookalike for failing to carry any ID on the bus out to hash in case he got busted as a fare evader. That prompted Sir PV who had set himself as stand-in Hash Cash in his own treasury office at the rear of the premises to step forward to tell it like it was concerning the behaviour of M’Latrine and Bali’s Interhash. It all started mid-air on the Jetstar flight from Townsville to Denpasar with M’Latrine in seat 23C and Sir PV in seat 42F. An offer was made to Sir PV to join M’Latrine him up in business class where he said he had arranged for budget airline Jetstar to provide free quality wines and spirits for the whole flight. As this was Jetstar not Emirates, it all sounded a bit sus to Sir PV and before long a red wine soaked M’Latrine was wondering around the cabin and dead bottles of red wine were rolling down the aisles. Soon a message from the captain on flight deck advised that anyone caught consuming duty free alcohol would be asked to leave mid flight and would not necessarily be going all the way to Denpasar. Somehow another hasher who goes by the name of Two Fingers got fingered for the
fiasco and M’Latrine filed an official complaint about the disruption to his flight by some drunken behaviour.

The adventures of Sir Les Latrine’s Bali tour continued at Interhash where on the Sunday morning, Sir PV again encountered M’ Latrine who was sighted moving at the speed of a crab with arthritis after the events of the previous day. This time as he was felling unwell, lay down and rested his head and in an unconscious state knocked over a scooter which dominoed over several others until one sunk in the drink. M’Latrine then paid out the owner about $20 to get out of that mess.
So ended those stories about M’Latrine who had one about Swindler who living up to his name as he conned some Paki hasher named Halfcock to become his bitch and get him the best seats and beers each night at the hash venue.

A toilet seat which allegedly smelt like some hasher’s wife (the evidence was taken from some sort of DNA data base kept by one of our deviant members who has been known to sniff bike seats after the Anzac day hash bike rides) was paraded by the RA and Sir Blackie apparently was king hit by a cyclist while on secret marathon training near the Broadwater. Somehow Toad got a mention in his absence as he has heard about a hasher by the name of Love Anal which apparently has got his curiousity aroused.
In the absence of Moonbeams , his proxy, Josephine, closed the circle of RPR2.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2018 Pictures

• Date: 24-06-2016
• Location: Sardjiono’s Italian Restaurant. Surfers Paradise
• Host: Ferrett
• Hashers:22

A job well done Ferrett. Great day had by all.

Date: 20/6/2016

Location: Southport

Hare:Hard On

Hashers: 27

The venue was the Broadwater Parklands beside the Southport Aquatic Centre. In the absence of the hare , Kwakka gave instruction for the pack to head north along the Broadwater. As normal although almost 30 hashers assemble, only about one-third actually seem to be ever out running and looking for arrows. So I figured, in a roving reporting role this year I would randomly join the other two-thirds on some Mondays and this evening would be the first of these reports and get the lowdown of what actually the majority of those so called hashers get up between 6:15 pm and 7:00 pm.
I soon found myself on trail walking along with Blue Card, Ice Man and Fanny Charmer. As we headed up towards CSI and BWS, we were joined by Fullershit, Weekly and Sir Rabbit. I was shocked that I had to explain to some what these acronyms actually meant considering drinking piss forms such a prominent part of their hashing lives. After
arriving at a check of three circles , presumably some type of a extra terrestrial check, we headed north and proceeded through the Twin Towers entrance of Chinatown in the Southport CBD. As we passed numerous dining venues of all sorts of cultural persuasion, we were intercepted by a Thai female rushing out from what could be best described as a rub and tug venue which just happened to have bags of “potting mix” displayed for sale as well. She screamed out – C’mon (or was it Cum On) Young Man towards Sir Rabbit and Blue Card, who face expressions were priceless as they seemed to say – Who Me ? without even opening their mouths.
So we soon got the flock out of there and swung back in the direction of the Southport Mall where Sir Botcho was sighted heading for home at 18:41 pm. Continuing through Australia Fair, we soon headed around the back of the Aquatic Centre towards what looked like a Flashpacker’s Rosies Kitchen from a distance but was actually all returned hashers hooking into chips, dips and beverages. It wasn’t long before the nosh of beef, vegetables and rice was being consumed by all. Our ice sponsor(Woodsie) all dressed up in his Origin Blues clobber made a guest visit and told Weekly about his night out at a Sydney Origin match years ago where there seemed to be more biff off the field around him than actually on the field. Custard and lamingtons were then served up and some whinging hashers wanted the coconut taken off theirs.
The GM called the circle and Two Dogs reported that the 7-8 runnners (that’s even less than one-third) ran together for about 5 klms down to the Southport Tigers, through the medical precinct, Southport Central and back to the Broadwater Parklands.
Down downs opened with Hard On, Moonbeams, Woodsie and Sweat Hog were called just before for Swindler’s Snout in Trough abuse.
The RA announced his first appearance with his water filled weapon of mass destruction squirting all in his sights.
Sir Botcho, made his first appearance to the circle as joint 2016 Hashman with Sir Slab. Then in what could only be described as a conga line of farcuppers for forgetting Show Pony’s 600 runs milestone, the whole previous committee was called out . Even Moonbeams was called out as for the absent Missing Link as his proxy.
Blue Card was asked to do some pirouettes in his Rudolf Nutcracker Nureyev tights which he performed admirably on the concrete surface. Media moments from recent GC Bulletin commentary and stories by the GM,Shat’s conman alias and Swindler’s twin brother earned them a drink in the circle.
Finally the elephant in the room moment arrived when Rug and Hard On were called out and asked to please explain their bromance moment as Hash photographed and recorded indelibly in the minds of the young Broadbeach police constables who just arrived to drive by as the couple exited the AGPU restaurant. Lest we forget or maybe best we forget and just move on for those hashers who may have been left in a state of a shock and trauma.
Iceman was next up to explain the ding to his forehead which he explained the because of the wind (not sure whether it was his or mother natures), the angle of the dangle had caused him to somehow get into a shit fight with his recycling bin. He didn’t tell us how the bin pulled up after colliding with his tough old nut.
Kwakka got the first CRAFT award for the year for non recognition of the new committee’s correct roles. No doubt there will be a few of them this year for a couple of weeks.
Flasher’s back firing charge of not calling on the run resulted in the surprise of the night when Swollen Colon was for the first time called out as a Chipmonk along with Botcho, Flasher, Hot Dick. It was only a matter of time before Swollen decided to fire up the circle and this time he blew the head off the chook on the totem pole which was captured live and free on the CCTV cameras for Dicky Knee’s security company to watch at a later night.
Rug as outgoing GM was awarded the POW for his efforts over the previous twelve months.
With an overall rating of 9.5 given to Hard On for the RHPR1(Rock Hard Party Run One) the bench has certainly been set high for the remainder of the hashers this year.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2017 Pictures

Date: 13/6/2016

Location: Broadbeach

Hare:Hierarchy

Hashers: 43

TO BE FOREVER REMEMBERED AS THE 2016 DOUBLE DISILLUSION AGPU

Broadbeach was the location of the 2016 AGPU. Good use was made of the parks, bars and restaurants with all venues a short stroll from each other.
Beers and nibblies which included fresh salmon were enjoyed by the pack which swelled as small groups arrived together from the various groups of hashers travelling together. The resident pyrotechnomaniac arrived as late as usual but with a bang just to make sure everyone knew he had entered the party precinct.

The outgoing GM lead the pack Pied Piper style to the first watering hole which turned out to be the dining venue for events later in the evening. It would have been good for those who wanted to order the fish to put their order in on the first visit (more on that later). After a few more large ales in nearby watering holes where the discussions about next years committee members were taking place it was time for the main event. Some seemed to have the good oil from strategic leaks judging by the outcomes of the evening.

When the stagger had finished, all were ushered into the restaurant and presented with various coloured bags of goodies including a pair of black boxer shorts. The evenings tits and arse guests were involved in these presentations and gave everyone a welcoming hug. Red and white wines and beers were then organised and above the noise of the by then well lubricated throng, meal orders were taken. Awards were given to those hashers who had achieved milestones in runs and the annual excellence / farkup awards to those deserving such were mentioned in dispatches. Flashbacks of the Oxenford Chilli Pie Massacre and the Merrimac Bayou Latenighter came flooding back to those unfortunate enough to be caught up to their necks in those fiascos.Those hashers who had ordered the fish had a long wait for their meal due to the late arrival of a Jetstar Darwin flight containing the fresh billabong barramundi into Coolangatta airport. As those hashers were considering a quick rendition of – Why are we waiting ?, the other hashers devoured their steak and chicken meals.

The committee changeover ceremony or as some described it as in the usual overdone hash wording of – What a debacle , then commenced. First cab off the rank declined his nomination as he had already enough on his plate, both on the restaurant table and in his daily hashing activities. A couple of more nominations for other positions took their place on the stage and then yours truly joined them .So while a couple of the new committee members were standing around on the stage like bottles of flat piss going off in the hot NQ sun, the announcement of the nomination for the new GM reached another all time AGPU low with the nominee declining and the first emergency getting the leader’s jersey after the scratching of the favourite. The scene was something akin to the current Australian political goings on. In these circumstance could a new working committee be formed ? Would the old committee become a caretaker committee ? Would the new committee be a well hung unworkable rabble ? I started thinking about the nominees and couldn’t recall a trail master being specifically mentioned but I was assured it was built into a super sub position , so a run and hare have been organised for next Monday evening.

As a student many years ago, a teacher told me there were two newspapers in Moscow – the News and the Truth. Apparently the locals soon worked out that there was no news in the truth and no truth in the news. Rod Stewart once sang about – Every Picture Tells a Story. So on that note , each week it is suggested you regularly peruse the run reports and examine the hash photos to get your own recollections and form your own opinion on what actually happened on the previous Monday evenings and not necessarily rely on what is written in this column as it may or may not be bullshit. However if you have the intellectual ability to pick the difference between wild honey and shit, it should be become lucid each week.

So it is farewell to the old committee and thanks for another year of good hashing and onwards and upwards to who knows what and where from the new committee.

Yours in Hashing 2016-2017
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2016 Pictures

Date: 6/6/2016

Location: Miami

Hare:Slug

Hashers: 26

….and now for some non-fiction after last week’s fairy tale words!! Thanks for filling in for me Ballpoint, but you promised you’d actually turn up for the run to record events accurately….hmmm!!!

Well, tonight was a significant event as it was my last effort as your trusty scribe as next week it is the AGPU and it is all over red rover in my current role!! It’s been fun and all of that stuff…but on to the run……

Tonight was brought to you by none other than Slug, and in true form he set a cracker of a run according to those who did it…..more below…

The Run:

A hardy lot of runners turned up tonight on the windy shores of Miami beach, adjacent to the surf club and to be greeted by a pack of chanting backpackers whom I thought were invited guests to the hash, but it wasn’t to be…they were just some random weirdos who probably thought we were pretty bloody weird ourselves!

Anyway, soon after 6.15, off we all set, some on the run, but a decent number of us on the walk. The run, we were assured, was “long and interesting…about 7.5km”, to which many of us retorted with “fuck that…let’s just walk!”, which seems to be the normal reaction from a lot of us nowadays. Others, such as Missing Link, also reacted in this way, but decided to go off on his own mystery trail of about 4.00km and when questioned said “I wasn’t going to run 7.5km…I’m getting too old for shit like that…so I just ran down to Burleigh Surf Club and back…that will do me!”.

A whole heap of us set off in a southerly direction, following Slug’s instructions.. “those of you walking, just head towards Burleigh Surf Club and when you get tired just turn around and come back”…a significant number of us did that but I noticed that the closer we got to Burleigh, the fewer of us there were, until it ended up being just me, Rug, Sir Rabbit and Josephine who were anywhere to be seen!….the rest of the bludgers peeled off secretly and turned around….and we suspected that the lure of alcohol at North Burleigh Surf Club was just too enticing for the likes of Caustic and his crew!

The runners came back huffing and puffing and declaring that yes, it had indeed been a decent run….thanks therefore go to Slug on a good run/walk being set. Of course, with the coastal scenery to be had along this part of the coast, including views up to Surfers Paradise, you can’t go wrong…we do live in a wonderful part of the world!!

The Nosh:

Well, it just goes to show that the old adage is true…it’s the quick and the dead…by the time I got around to going over the food service area, there were no starters left to speak off and Hard Dick and myself had to pick through the remains of some corn chips that had been very generously left behind by the marauding hordes who had consumed everything in about 15 seconds flat. I do have it on good advice from some of the resident gluttons that the bikkies, guacamole, chipolatas and dipping sauce were very nice.

Mains was chicken schnitzel with roasted veges and ratatouille….some complained that there wasn’t enough but it was great and some of us went back for seconds of the veges and ratatouille, which is what was left. A great effort Slug!!….and thanks must also go to your helper, VD, who also slaved over a hot barbeque to assist in bringing us tonight’s delights.

Sweets consisted of an assortment of berries with dollops of ice cream…a nice ending to a fine nosh.

The Circle:

The GM opened proceedings by announcing that nominations for positions on the hierarchy are now closed and all positions have been oversubscribed, particularly those for the positions of booze-masters, which were heavily oversubscribed.

The run critique was provided by Botcho, who deemed it a good run and gave as his excuse for his tardiness…”I follow Hash traditions…no man left behind”…apparently staying back to help others find the way!! What a great bloke…cough, splutter, splutter!!  Josephine critiqued the walk…”a very nice walk”…and indeed it was, and he showed us his mum’s digs…a possible venue for a hash run perhaps??

Fullershit commented on the nosh…a very insightful and intellectually stimulating observation…”yeah, it was all ok!”…gee, thanks for the words of wisdom FoS!

First then out the front was Slug, our hare, followed in quck succession by his offsider tonight, VD, who was kitchen assistant. A well deserved down-down for your efforts guys.

Next out the front were Rock Hard and Blue Card, who came up with numerous lame excuses for failing to front on the bike ride on Friday morning…aww, too cold was it? Wimps!! Well, at least us road warrior wankers were out there in force, weren’t we Truckie and Missing Link??

Weekly our booze-master and refugee from Rotary, came out for a well deserved down-down for his 70^th birthday…and where were the $1 crownies??? This will not be forgotten!

Truckie then had to suffer the humiliation of drinking a down-down from his brand new shoes.

Next on the agenda…the Prick of the Week was passed by way of a proxy to Weekly from Blackstump and awarded to Ferrett, for something to do with trying to extort money for the AGPU.

Next week….the AGPU!!!!!!!!!!…remember….it is A TAILS AND FORMAL SHIRTS NIGHT!!!

That’s all for this week folks….AND OTHER THAN IF I EVER DO IT AS A STAND IN, it’s good bye from me as ON SEC!!

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run 2015 Pictures