Date: 14/11/2016
Location: Main Beach
Hare: Carefree
Hashers:29
WTF, was the common phrase from hashers who crawled through the peak hour gridlock traffic to get to the venue for Carefree’s 77 th hashy birthday party. Surely everyone heading towards Main Beach were not planning on gate crashing this event. Dicky Knee’s low petrol light was flashing while stuck in the traffic and the GM moved the starting time back another 15 minutes due to the extraordinary car park on Sea World Drive and surrounding streets. So after instructions from the hare, all headed north towards Labrador.
It soon became evident that every human and werewolf had come out to see Perigee Syzgy, the technical term for a Super Moon. There were family picnics, BBQ’s, telescopes, flashing cameras and hundreds of people along the foreshores and parklands of the Broadwater.
Sir Two Dogs, Sir Botulism, Iceman and Miscarriage were sighted leading the runners and groups of hash walkers intermingled with everyone else out for a stroll to check out the big bright light in the sky.
When all had returned, the bucket was opened and all were presently surprised by Crownies donated by another hasher, Iceman, to celebrate his 73rd birthday. Bottles of red wine were set up in readiness for the main nosh of pasta before a short break when a hash birthday cake and song took place with Carefree blowing out all the candles.
The mud cake and lamington cake served with ice cream topped up all after the pasta, so much so , that a nice break took place before the circle and possible down downs.
So much so, that the boozemasters were all revved up, with no place to go. Every now and then the tranquility of the evening was interrupted by our resident pyrotechnic maniac as he let off the occasional bunger, near hasher’s bikes.
Hare, Carefree was given the first down down. Then the GM invited Swollen Colon, who must have been miles out in front on the run, to tell all about where he went.
Although he mentioned it was a pretty straight forward run, he ended up down at the KFC near Loders Creek which came as a surprise to the hare who advised that the trail went nowhere near there, so apparently he was on some other well marked trail. So someone got a 8.6/10 from Swollen for their trail.
In his absence, Caustic was mentioned about failing to get an invite to the bikie hash warriors lunch midweek. Misfortunate, sorry Miscarriage, told of being robbed again of his tools and even the unregistered /just roadworthy Pajero from his Gilston Heights development site.
A compassionate RA stepped up and immediately opened a fund for Miscarriage by asking hashers to donate their old tools. Sir Prince Valiant (SPV) joined Miscarriage and they reminisced about the good old times pre GFC when they were multi-millionaires and hired a bus and took all to the races just over the border. A sympathetic hasher presented Miscarriage with one of his sponsored hash t-shirts from the Alexander Ridge days.
A great marketing opportunity may have been missed there by not releasing a cheeky 2004 shiraz as the name Alexander Ridge sounds impressive. However it’s still not too late for a very late harvest 2016 vintage to be released in time for Christmas. Pizza always has a ute full of grapes at his disposal.
Stinky Fingers was called into the circle and asked how he had spent his afternoon. Apparently he arrived at 2pm and watched Truck Tyres deliver the trailer at 5 pm. Apparently his instructions on attending hash came from SPV’s other half.
On the plus side, he didn’t get caught up in traffic shit fight by arriving early. SPV remarked that two hashers standing side by side reminded him of the movie Twins. The long and short of it was our look a likes were M’selle Latrine and Swollon Colon.
Showpony, still in the land of Oz, told all how about how his love life had gone to shit and as got home sick had decided to return to the GC after enjoying the company of the hash bikies touring Thailand. Speaking of which, has anyone seen Missing Link who seems like he must still be touring somewhere.
Botcho told how he had Showpony lined up for POW the previous week at the SEQ run but he had done a Julian Assage and sought sanctuary in the embassy bar of the Norfolk Tavern. That lead on to an interesting story about the transfer of title of the POW from Lurch a few weeks earlier to a site where Brewtus had been doing some work for a mate of Miscarriage.
Brewtus, on site, had suddenly found a bag with the POW inside dumped in his ute just as Lurch drove by screaming out – POW, Fuck You. With that, Botcho needed to no more prompting to get Showpony out to stand on the ice and get his overdue POW from the hash pack now howling at the full moon.
Charges from the circle were sought and up stepped Botcho and Miscarriage. The former telling how someone on Facebook named Lisa tells all about Swollen’s harem of girls he chaperones in his capacity as a personal trainer. Miscarriage thought it was appropriate on that significant evening to get all the full mooners with bald heads out for a down down.
The GM, Brewtus and Jigsaw and Rug were nominated with Rug being disqualified for side hair growth. Who else but Moonbeams was asked to give the note as the big bright bugger in the sky illuminated the venue.
Returning travelling hashers then paid homage to the GM with their gifts. First up from Sir Two Dogs was a little Tuk Tuk made from some of the Changa beer cans consumed on tour. Next up was Manny Palma with a miniature Santiago Cathedral combo bottle opener /bell.
Both items, no doubt will end up in the pool room, next to the flat bottle piss received earlier in the month from Swollen. Finally both birthday hashers were given a joint hashy birthday for their combined 150 years of age.
Again out stepped, Moonbeams from under the rays of moonlight and he was invited to close RPR 23 in a final chorus of howling from the pack.
FALLOUT FROM US ELECTION
As 47 % of eligible USA voters did not vote , and it was almost a 50/50 vote amongst those that voted, irrespective of the outcome, the US President elect would have been elected by less than 27 % of voters, who would have decided to either drain the swamp or keep it the way it was.
Maybe just a sweep with a big broom will suffice post election. Many male Trump voters would have been aware of the old saying that although a head job may be better than no job, short term, but realised in the long term that it doesn’t pay the bills and put food on the table and are hoping things will improve for them with a change of political direction.
It was rather ironic that a political party named the Democratic Party got rolled democratically. Even more bizarre was that before the election, President elect Trump said that he would accept the result if he won but if he didn’t it was rigged. In the wash up, that would mean that the 47 % of eligible US voters who did not vote on the day had somehow concocted the result by not voting for either candidate.
When Hillary Clinton awoke on the morning after of the election , husband Bill , told her not to feel too dejected as he reminded her that Nelson Mandela needed a stretch in prison before he become South African President. So it is with interest we watch whether she will be impeached and then depending on the outcome, will it be a pardon or prison for her.
During the first 100 days of office. President elect Trump will ban the import of shredded cheese as he starts his plan to Make America Grate Again. President elect Donald Trump backers, the KKK, ecstatic that a black man will soon no longing be living in a white (man’s) house would be particularly keen to see the end of the Trans Pacific Partnership trade deal if it gets some Aussie and Kiwi products off US supermarket shelves. In particularly, references to all Coon cheese items and All Blacks merchandise.
The new president will no doubt consult with former well known wall builders Germany, Israel and China about the construction design of his planned Great Wall. This type of project will involve capital, raw materials and lots of labour (jobs) if it gets off the ground. However Donald will be making sure that it all doesn’t go to shit like that other bloke who had a famous fall involving a wall – Humpty Dumpty.
There maybe a downside for those tourists who stay at Trump hotels while on US holidays in the future . It may be hard to get a Corona or some Tequila if the Mexicans decide to stop supplying their products to Trump signage establishments and then discount them to outlets serving Mexican food.
The fashion stakes will certainly be raised by the family transition to presidency team involving Melania,Ivanka and Tiffany Trump with former models wearing The Devil Wears Prada meets the Kardashians glamorous clobber around the White House. Hillary in those Madam Secretary suits never stood a chance. The ladies may even give the White House an economic stimulus with a Block type makeover to bring it up to speed like the their former digs, the penthouses of Trump Tower
MORE FROM THE TRAVELLING KIWIS ON THE GC FOR THE MASTERS GAMES
After waking from hangovers after some great Aussie hospitality at the GC Masters after party, the Kiwis put on their Kiwi travelling gear in readiness for the trip to the GC airport to fly home. They decided on a Saturday morning team breakfast first and while they were there, the NZ v Scotland Rugby League match
was on the television. They were greatly relieved when at least NZ scrapped home with an 18 all draw against a country that doesn’t even have a rugby league competition.
Again their choice of the breakfast venue had a bit of deja vu feel about it after loosing the Rugby to Ireland earlier in the week while they were drinking in an Irish bar. This time breakfast was in the very Scottish sounding Mc Donalds !
WHO WOULD WANT TO BE AN AUSSIE TOURING SOUTH AFRICA AT THE MOMENT
After the disastrous batting performances by the Australian cricket side, I think you would be sitting by yourself drinking your duty free piss in your room in case someone recognised your accent if you asked for a beer in a bar. At least their performances have been consistent -10 for 86 and all out 85.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE
