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Run 2042…Hare: Sir Blackstump

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Run 2042

Date:12/12/2016

Location: Nerang

Hare: Sir Blackstump

Hashers: 30

A beautiful summer evening under a fairly full moon was the backdrop for a hash evening on the edge of the Nerang River. A little community centre car park in a quiet street was turned into a shit fight as the search for car spaces took place between dog owners and hashers.  After everyone had reversed or moved from a bad spot to a better one, all was in readiness for Sir Blackie’s final instructions.
Nasty, just back from some Chinese hospitality in a good paddock decided as he was thirsty, made a healthy donation to the bucket and found himself a Crownie. Dicky Knee remembering that they say only a alcoholic drinks by himself decided to join in the pre run festivities.
Sir Blackie with the promise of a drink and present for all soon had the walkers heading under the Weedons Crossing bridge and the runners east towards the Nerang commercial centre. Over near the Commercial Hotel the running pack, now in two groups, finally headed west towards home. as the trial proceeded even further west towards Advancetown.
Finally the drink stop was found and the present, a nice dip in the Nerang River. Those dry hashers , fortunate enough to miss the drink stop, chilled out over cold beers as the one hour mark ticked over as they watched the black suited ninjas arrived for their evening’s activities in the community centre.
After a change into some dry clothes, it was dips and crackers and cold drinks for all. Then an all assault took place on hashers wallets – Lotto, Christmas party, Monday night fees and beer money. Most made sure they got their priorities, Lotto, up to date realising that if an overdue big win got up, they didn’t want to miss out in their share of the loot.
The hare announced that the nosh was ready and a respectable queue was formed as is the norm. Then Sir Blackie announced that all were lined up in the wrong direction. Well that was when , as they say in nautical terms, the ship hit the sand. There were disorderly queues going in opposite directions fighting over the tongs to serve their food like starving Biafrans getting stuck into a packet of cornflakes.
The tasty nosh was ham/ with mustard condiment and salads. Finally some sort of decorum was restored as hashers dined while the occasional whiff of dog shit dumped in the bins by the dog owners cut through the cool air. Dessert consisted of cheese cakes, washed done by some, with a fine bottled merlot.
The GM organised a working bee of hashers to pack away the tables/chairs and then called out it was circle time and invited the hare out for a drink. Comments on the run, included – from Fanny , it was 5.8 klms, to which Sir Prince Valiant (SPV) replied – my arse. Now Loved enjoyed the new territory and Jigsaw had fun.
The GM then confessed his sins for the week – first up getting caught doing 67 kph and a $162 fine (still cheaper than his wipe out of his daughter’s car and the signpost), next up being employed again and finally getting sprung leaving his vehicle unlocked/windows down in the car park
The thirsty premature drinks pricks, Nasty and Dicky Knee were called out to satisfy their thirsts even more. Dicky Knee remarked that the down down was nice if you drank it slowly.
Exit the GM and RA Shat took centre stage and welcomed Flasher back to the fold without too much of a ribbing. The other half of the touring hash roomies, Truck Tyres gave the note for Flasher’s down down. Weekly was asked to explain , if he had done time in jail , as his drinking vessel was marked US Prison, Alcatraz.
Miscarriage who had driven his mini Mack tonka truck to hash, recalled a night that he got welcomed to Qld by the local coppers and had spent the evening in the lockup after a pretty solid drinking session.
Clive , fresh from a Thai holiday recalled one evening, when he knocked back a girl as he was not up to it and next evening she approached him again and kicked him the nuts. You never know with some of these Asian sheilas these days, but maybe if he had kicked back, he may have got her in her nuts.
Missing Link, always disappointed at missing a drink stop, but not a river crossing, made up for it in the circle with a down down for being the head line front page on that days GC Bulletin. At least it took the heat off that other well know front page GC celebrity with the familiar sounding name to hashers of Peter Foster.
James, the latest indentured section 457 visa holder on the Miscarriage payroll was welcomed with a down down.  A couple of notable mentions were Weekly who got sprung by Neighbourhood Watch honcho SPV , littering the neighbourhood with rubbish falling from his ute and Jigsaw who dropped his purse under the table.
Apparently not the first time he has misplaced his valuables , but like a boomerang , they always comes back to him.
Ferret, the carry over POW,  admitted that he had left it in the home garage and will carry it over for a few weeks.
Josephine was invited to close RPR 27.
WHERE HAVE THE BASICS OF READING AND WRITING GONE THESE DAYS ?
Governments are continually concerned that Australian school children are not as smart as others kids when results are compared from around the world. You need go no further than the Gold Coast Bulletin’s community Personals Meeting Point section to see examples of our literacy.
If this is where potential couples are meeting, dating, mating and God-forbid breeding, then its no wonder we are getting dumb and dumb if the parents of possible future school children can’t even use proper grammar without some sort of texting/sexting abbreviations as the norm in their personals which are published free of charge. Everyone has suddenly become technology geniuses with their devices but it seems they can’t put a sentence together without abbreviations.
First up is the GENT WLTM she male in the Beaudesert Jimboomba area.
Then, its the attractive red head 39YO adventurous, voluptuous build, DTE,GSOH, intelligent (?) WLTM affectionate, kind caring man medium build, S/F, VTPR, NTW. (All that in the one advert, and after you cut through all the bullshit, it probably means the hot red head would like to meet a kind man).
Another ATTRACTIVE MOM 39YO voluptuous build red head, DTE,GSOH,WLTM affectionate kind/caring man 25YO+, for relationship, NTW.
Then for some group action, there’s this one – SEEKING COUPLES male/females 52-80 YO any size/nationality for casual NSA fun. I am a single in GC area.
Finally a mature blonde has arrived on the Gold Coast from Adelaide and enjoys dining out and cinemas (which is the easiest part to understand) before she WLTM gent 45-55 YO N/S, N/D,F/F, ARA.
 
Then somehow when these couples manage to hook up and get together, you often see them spending the whole evening on their devices checking and chatting  to others in more coded messages. Just when things look like they are getting interesting as words like FUCK and CUNT start appearing, it all goes bizarre again when you see the new meaning of these former standouts. FUCK is now Friends You See Kaccionally(formerly occasionally) and CUNT is important to remember for things like meetings and job interviews as it means See You Next Tuesday or as the Northern Territory tourism marketing slogan of See You in the Northern Territory.
Even the name of the bloody country has been hijacked with words like STRAYA, ORSTRAYA and STRALIA floating around in mainstream media these days.
No amount of The Great Gonski funding will fix this race to the bottom in literacy.
CHRISTMAS RUN 2016
 
Next Monday, early start on Chevron Island.. Check website for further details. don’t forget to wear your Christmas clobber/ bells etc.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2042 Pictures Here

Run 2041…Hare: Fanny Charmer & Rug

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Run 2041

Date:5/12/2016

Location: Ashmore

Hare: Fanny Charmer & Rug

Hashers: 28

As the humidity kicked in , Bent Banana, iced down the beers as hashers arrived to the venue in Girril Park. No toilets, no lighting and non working BBQ’s did not deter the hares who soon raided the hash trailer to get some equipment to make the place habitable for the evening.
 It wasn’t long before all set off on the various trails of short walk (3.5 K), long walk (4.0 K) and run (6.5 K). Through clever trail setting by Rug, every now and then all 3 groups came together near checks. So through the suburb, all sweated their way back towards the venue.
Over near the Ashmore Steak and Seafood Restaurant, many arrows in different choices offered different choices of ways home via the XXXX on home marking.
It didn’t take long before Crownies, Heineken beers and fresh wine casks were being opened by Weekly. The entrée of corn chips and dips were devoured pretty quickly.The main course was a beef and potato curry with basmati rice .
Moonbeams remarked that it was very good but oh for some condiments like mango pickle to top it off. It wasn’t long before the dessert of Coles very tasty mince tarts drowned in the best drink of the evening – brandy custard was served and went down a treat.
After the GM got all the chairs and tables back in the trailer , again delivered to the venue by Truck Tyres, the circle commenced. Swollen Colon, was invited to speak on the run which he modestly described as being lonely when out in front by himself.
He pulled a number like 8.2 out of the air as a measure of its quality. Suddenly many hashers experienced temporary deafness as an explosion in a rubbish bin scared the shit out of many. Swollen as usual was the culprit.
Carefree was called out to explain his choice of partner at the cocktail party as most were expecting Kate to be on his arm that night but he had someone else. His response was – Who’s Kate ?
A couple of milestones were awarded to Truck Tyres (200) and Brutus (100). Well done, on these achievements.
The MC’s changed with the RA invited to take over proceedings. Rug was asked to convey his day’s activities to the circle. He advised that he had left home early in the morning , driving his son’s car to the venue to set the run.
After parking the car and dropping arrows around the suburb, he didn’t realise that he was under the surveillance of the Ashmore Neighbourhood Watch, a local community group who obviously guard their patch pretty closely as they tipped off the Southport police about the suspicious activity of this stranger in their neighbourhood who had been casing the homes and marking the ones, with arrows out the front, to perhaps burgle later. So the coppers in a lazy sort of way of policing rang up the registered owner of the vehicle, Rug’s son, and asked what was going on. They accepted the story and once they did a security search on Rug with M15, they closed the file.
Dicky Knee was asked to tell all about his Schoolies Security gig at the Swindler venue, the Moorings. The most unusual incident was about 13 schoolies who overloaded a lift and caused it to shut down. So instead of calling the telephone number recommended in the lift in the event of such occurrences,  Dicky Knee contacted the Dept of Emergency Services which resulted in 2 firies, 4 police, 1 police chaplain and 1 ambo turning up to rescue the schoolies trapped between the ground and first floor.
Late arrival, Sir Prince Valiant, told of another misfortunate weekend incident involving Miscarriage whose tractor driver, Thickus Brickus, had bogged a tractor and after rehiring other vehicles in an attempt to get the first tractor out ended up bogging a few more as well. Miscarriage , while he was having a down down , related to an incident involving actor Marlon Brando in the movie, Last Tango In Paris. He called out Dicky Knee, who he believed had a resemblance to the actor (just before he died).
Visitor Craig, returning hashers Sir AH with his new bionic knee replacement, Swollen and Bent Banana were the next recipients of a down down.
Incumbent POW , Jigsaw, gave Josephine a yellow card warning for regular criticism of his runs. However he saved the red card and POW for a committee member. Due to an oversight, as he had not been paid for the previous week when he was the hare and then again at the cocktail party,as he was still left waiting ,  it left him with no other candidate other than to anoint Ferret as POW.
With lightning threatening in the south, Moonbeams closed the circle to RPR 26 (half the committee year gone already).
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Hashers:28

Run 2041 Pictures Here

Run 2040…Hare: Jigsaw

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Run 2040

Date:28/11/2016

Location: Benowa

Hare: Jigsaw

Hashers:35

A few hashers made their mark as the entered the venue at Jigsaw’s residence. Stubbies fell out of eskys and cartons onto the ground and Swindler sampled the cherry tomatoes growing in the garden. As the numbers swelled, the clock ticked over and soon the hare advised the walkers to go left and the runners right. Miscarriage and Missing Link were the only runners to actually stay on trail as most of the pack dropped off in various stages due to the humid conditions and the thought of icy cold beer awaiting them back at the venue.
The entrée of Jigsaw’s home made dips of beetroot and hommus were served with crackers before the next course of spicy balls followed. If you had pole position like Showpony at the end of the table, all the nibbles were within easy reach, otherwise it was just wait until a gap opened up to get a snack. Next up was the pulled pork roll /salads and chips combo which went down a treat with a Mc Guigan’s red or two. The final course was a crunchy custard pastry with ice cream
With the GM assuming his position behind bars(the pool fence), jigsaw was called out for a down down. Missing Link said he stayed on trail only by following Miscarriage because he wanted to find his way home on the adequate well marked trail. The walkers faced a challenge as it went down a no through road. Kwakka, on behalf of the Shaky Isle Wobblies Tourists was invited to tell the circle about their misadventures in  NZ.
The RA called up Mikki Pedia for being on his mobile phone . Apparently this hasher knows about everything, as he is a Hash Mensa International and more clever than the legendary Smartass Farkaroon. But as we all know, from time to time,shit happens, no matter how smart you are.
Returning from an extended tour of Thailand, Missing Link, entertained the circle with a story about his travelling companions hygiene habits. As I have not written one of those hashers on tour sermons for awhile, this could be entertaining down the track.
Miscarriage, never short of an encounter told how he sprung some Nerangatangs hooning around his development site. When he approached them, they didn’t believe that they were trespassing, or that it was his land/ property because of the piece of shit vehicle he was driving was worse than the bigger piece of shit vehicle they were ripping his place up in.
As usual, after a Miscarriage yarn, another from Sir Prince Valiant is never to far away. SPV told how he copped a spray from a WPHS official for not wearing his high vis vest on a site where he had visited to check out some work that had been carried out. So off to the car he goes to get the said vest which he puts on. Then suddenly he was copping a laugh from everyone he walked past. As we all know, BLF/CMFEU workplaces are not exactly convents, so when they saw the words that were clearly printed on the back of the vest, that was enough to get them giving it to SPV bigtime. Poor old SPV realised he had been set up a beauty by his so called hash mates when he checked out the scribble on the back of his vest. There it was in bright bold letters – I AM A WANKER and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. Probably the first nomination for the Prick/s of the Year. Caustic Crusader was almost invited out into the circle  for some of his disparaging remarks about the scenario.
As Showpony had a nap, Iceman told his best joke of the year about a prick, well that was the long and short of it.
Magician who was a late starter on the evening arrived with the POW which he awarded to the hare, Jigsaw. As he had missed most of the evening, the circle was wondering what Magician could pull out of his box of tricks to nail the hare. Apparently on the weekend, Magician had been doing the rounds of his local Bunnings when in wandered Jigsaw in his lyrca mankini hot pants which Magician considered obscene as there were women and children in the store who should not have been exposed to that much of Jigsaw’s crack.
A couple of card carrying honorary Cubans for the night, namely Fanny Charmer and Elvis who did a few gigs down there, shouted Viva Fidel in the circle at the passing of the former Cuban GM.
Circle closer Moonbeams did the honours and it that was the end of RPR 25, another fine evening of good food, beverages and frivolity.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2040 Pictures Here

joint-pain-problemIcemans Secret sore Knee fix

Splinter Lunch November…Host VD

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November Splinter Lunch

Date: 25/11/2016

Location: Honey Eater

Host: VD

Hashers:26  I think

Well, it is with pleasure that I provide you with some words about our November splinter lunch, having been asked to do so by our Splinter GM who informed me that for the purposes of this lunch, he had passed the GM’s baton on to RockHard…why you might ask… “because it was Rock Hard who changed the venue on me without any consultation, so he can be GM for today!!”.

We all gathered, about thirty of us, from far and wide to converge upon “The Kitchens” at Robina shopping centre, it being the dining precinct to now be seen at, and here we found that lovely restaurant “The Honey Eater”, owned and operated by VD’s son. It wasn’t the usual thing that we have at Splinter lunches, with there being no BYO of bottles of wine, but we were able to buy very generously filled glasses of good red and white wine for $5 a glass or beer on tap for $9. All good and everybody seemed to have a bloody good time of it all!!

The food, ahhh, the food!! For $20.00 we had the choice of a chicken or a beef meal…to me it was reminiscent of work conference dinners where you get asked “what’ll it be mate, the chicken or the beef?”…I thought that on this occasion I would choose the beef….what a bloody great choice it was too! A prime cut of beef, about 3cm thickness, done rare to medium and it just melted in your mouth. I daresay that the meal would normally cost much more than we paid so all that can be said is thanks for looking after the Hash. Those on my table all agreed that the food was a cut above what we normally have at Splinter lunches. Our compliments to VD’s son and it was worth the tram/bus ride out to Robina for the lunch. May you go well in your new enterprise!

In closing, after almost three months away in Spain, it was a pleasure to be back amongst all the bon-vivants who enjoy Splinter lunches…you don’t realise how good it is until you’re away from it all. We in the Hash are all very fortunate to have such good mates! Thanks guys for another fun afternoon!

Fanny Charmer

November Splinter Lunch Pictures