Author Archives: Botcho

Run 2061…Hare: Bent Banana

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Run 2061

Run: 2061

Date:24/04/2017

Location: Nerang

Hare: Bent Banana

Hashers:39

As a tribute to a fallen hasher, Moonbeams (RIP), who would have celebrated his birthday with his hash mates late into the evening and all the fallen Diggers who lost their lives while fighting for their country, a special hash event was held at Nerang on the eve of Anzac Day. Bent Banana had organised the logistics for this evening’s activities. A very good roll up even bringing out a few very absent visitors from many years ago were tempted to return to celebrate some good old Aussie mateship and enjoy a few cold beers. The hare told all about the difficulties in setting both Plan A and Plan B runs which had to be shelved due to the concerns of locals seeing someone running with powder in their neighbourhood. So Plan C was activated which resulted in a run out to Weedons Crossing and back through the streets adjoining the Nerang CBD. The walkers did a quick local tour and then upon their return all hooked into the free refreshments. Chips and dips were hidden on a table amongst a group of hashers who had dug in early to ensure security of the venue in Bishof Pioneer Park.
GM Rock Hard called a circle and in keeping with the Anzac theme the hare’s run was commented on by a visiting Vietnamese hasher, Fuck Coffee. Next up was Wrongway who gave us a stirring Anzac eulogy and told all about his experiences as a nervous nasho who got himself transferred from being a machine gunner to the military police, when he realised that the machine gunners were normally the first hit in combat.
The returners and visitors including Bentabeak, Fuck Coffee, Mad Mike, Flasher and VD were then given a drink.
RA Shat took over the proceedings and again in memory of the fallen, three hashers were called out. Sir Botcho, Miscarriage and Weekly had all taken a fall on the Anzac bike ride the day before. Slug was also not forgotten for his quote of the year at the same event when he declared that Pussy makes the best sticky date ! Other misdemeanours at that event included Truck Tyres who forgot his bike and Rug who forgot his helmet.
This got a few hashers thinking how lucky Australia was that these hashers were not involved in the trench fighting during the wars because they probably would have forgotten either their rifle or their ammo or both ! Other casualties from the bike ride included Kwakka and Hard On who had had a bottle or two of red and needed assistance in getting home. Apparently Mrs Kwakka took his bike and he ended up getting home via Mr Uber.
Sir Rabbit then stepped up and played a recording of Moonbeams rendition of The Last Post on his bugle from a previous year. A respectful round of applause from all then closed the circle. As a fine roast meal was waiting for all down the road at the Nerang RSL, it was time to relocate and have dinner. All agreed over a few more beers over dinner that Bent Banana and those that had assisted had put together a great event in memory of Moonbeams and all those who had gone before him for over 100 years through the various theatres of war and are today still keeping our wonderful country safe and the freedom it gives us.
                                                                                           
                                                                                         LEST WE FORGET
AN IMMIGRANT’S INTRODUCTION TO AUSTRALIA
A former European decided to migrate to Australia. He thought he would do a Cook’s tour of the country and have a squiz at each state before deciding where he wanted to settle down and live. When he arrived in Perth, he was asked if he would like a cup of tea. In Adelaide, he was asked which church he would be going to. In Melbourne, he was asked which footy team he would support. In Sydney, he was asked what he did for a job and how much was his house worth. In Brisbane, he was asked – would you like a beer, mate ? That’s where the tour ended and Queensland got itself another citizen.
A FAIR DINKUM AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP TEST
The Australian Government has announced plans for a new citizenship test for immigrants including questions about domestic violence and child marriage. Obviously anyone on the day can bullshit their way through this multi-choice test and then some may go home and behave badly by giving their missus an occasional hiding and flog their teenage daughter off to the highest bidder as a child bride and if no party complains, because they are shit scared of the backlash from their traditional old ways of the family’s religious customs elsewhere, mainstream Australian society is none the wiser to what is going on in the households of these newly recognised Aussie citizens in the suburbs of Australia’s cities.
However let’s put our thinking caps on and find out who really has some knowledge of Australian values, ideals and customs by coming up with some real questions to be put to immigrants who are fair dinkum about wanting to become fully integrated citizens of the greatest country on the planet. Here’s few for consideration for starters –
Q. Your elderly neighbours in your new suburb ask you to pick up a slab of VB for them at the bottle-o while you are out shopping.What does this mean ?
Q. Your neighbours also invite you to come over to their place for a barbie after you finish your shopping. What are your neighbours intending to do to welcome you to your new community ?
Q. At the barbie, your neighbour asks if you would like some dead horse on your snag sanga. What does this mean ?
Q. After the barbie, your neighbour asks if you would like a slice of pav ? What does this mean ?
Q. Your neighbours then take you to the nearest club and buy you some drinks to welcome you to the community. After awhile they say it’s about time for your shout. What does this mean ?
Q. Budgie smugglers are quite prevalent along the coastline in Australia during summer. Should you do anything about them ? If so, what ?
Q. How about people smugglers ? What should you do about them if you hear about or come across them ?
Q. During summer, if you go to the beach, you should only swim between the flags. What colour are these flags – are they green and gold, red and yellow or blue, red and white ?
Q. When you arrive at the beach and see that it is very crowded, you decide to have a swim in a quieter area outside the flagged area. A volunteer lifesaver tells you to leave the water immediately and return to the flagged area. Do you tell him that as you are a good swimmer you are staying where you are or get out and swim in the crowded area between the flags ?
Q. If you are travelling on a holiday in Northern Australia during summer and there is a warning of a very severe weather event coming, where should you go?  – the nearest church, the nearest mosque or the nearest cyclone shelter ?
Q. While travelling on your holiday in Northern Australia, where it can be very hot, swimming is good way to cool down. Where is the safest place for you to swim ? The options are the closest river, the closest beach or the pool at your accommodation.
Q. In your daily activities in Australian communities you may interact with Aboriginals. What is the cultural significance of these people ?
Q. What event is celebrated on 25 December each year ?
Q. What is the significance of Australia Day ?
Q. What is the significance of Anzac Day?
Q. What is the national anthem of Australia ? Is it Down Under, Waltzing Matilda, True Blue or Advance Australia Fair ?
Q. What event stops the whole of Australia on the first Tuesday in November each year ?
Q. Easter is celebrated in March or April each year in Australia. What is this ?
Q. The Boxing Day Test commences at the G in Melbourne on 26 December each year. What type of event is it ?
Q. What are the colours of the Australian flag  ? Are they green and gold, red, yellow and black or red, blue and white ?
Q. There are two animals on the Australian coat of arms. Which of these are they – a koala bear, a kangaroo, a dingo, an emu or a crocodile ?
Q. What is the capital city of Australia ? Is it Sydney, Melbourne or Canberra ?
Q. Who is the national leader of Australia ?  Is it the Governor-General, the Queen, the Prime Minister or someone else ?
Q. While travelling in outback Australia, you may see signs mentioning blokes and sheilas when you stop at rest rooms at service stations. What’s the meaning of a bloke and a sheila ?
Q. In summer, eskies and thongs are popular in Australia. What are they ?
Q. If you are travelling at the front on a very crowded train or bus and there are no vacant seats when an elderly lady gets on, what do you do ?
Do you tell her that as the bus is train/bus is full, to wait for the next one or do you offer her your seat and then you stand up for the remainder of your journey ?
Q. Respect for your fellow Australians, whether male or female, is important when you live in Australia. What does this mean ?
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2061 Pictures Here

Hash Bike Ride…Hares:Hierarchy

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Hash Bike Ride

Run: Hash Bike Ride

Date:23/04/2017

Location: Pizzy Park

Hares: Hierarchy

Hashers:23

This year’s ride had it all, from watching Hashers doing their best to erect the shade tents to Weekly banging into the first bollard and taking a tumble and leaving claret all over his freshly ironed Hash Shirt.

The fall of the day must go to Botcho. But I must be honest! It was not his fault. He was pushed off his bike by a little old lady and her zimmer frame. He took a real tumble finishing up with his arm lodged securely between the uprights of a security fence. Caustic came to his rescue and his arm was removed.

No major damage to speak about just his pride after he had been told that he had just passed the test by taking a spill and was now a fully fledged member of the Hash Wobblies.

On our return the stay behinds had refreshing ales and a gourmet lunch prepared… Well done ladies.

Chatter and beers followed until The Grand Master Rock Hard called time. Then the fun really started. The shade tents had to be lowered, what a debacle.

Then it was On On to the Slabs for gourmet nibbles and red wines.

Another fun day was had by all that attended. Many thanks must go to the Hares, the cooks and the Slabs. Well done.

Bike Ride Pictures Here

Run 2060…Hare: Phantom

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Run 2060

Run: 2060

Date:17/04/2017

Location: Bundall

Hare: Phantom

Hashers:28

A couple of sayings could best describe the events of this run. Never judge a book by its cover and life is like a box of chocolates, as you never know what you are going to get, especially if that box comes from Aldi. A warm Monday evening under clear skies with an early start on a public holiday were the best parts of this debacle, which will go down as the annus horribilis nosh with its template for lack of gustation and an overall recipe for a gourmet disaster.
As hashers arrived to the Phantom’s cave, it didn’t look too shabby with tables, chairs, eskies, fresh bread rolls, chips, crackers, cheese and dips all ready to go. Some brief instructions had the runners heading towards Benowa and the walkers to the nearest shopping centre. The promise of a drink stop made it even more appealing. Over near the Benowa Tavern, Missing Link encouraged runners to cross the road and head back east towards the retail precinct near Harvey Norman. From then on, it became apparent that this event was going to be unusual and words similar to Harvey Norman, namely hardly normal, came to mind. Firstly Truck Tyres wanted to know where was the drink stop ? He was advised that there was only a drink stop for the walkers and not the runners which he thought was a piss poor effort on the hare’s behalf. So it was back across Ashmore Road and on home to the eskies where the runners knew that could get a cold refreshment.
There were plenty of nibbles to munch on. In fact they never stopped. There were party pies, meat pies, small sausages, small chicken rissoles and plenty of condiments to add flavour to the cardboard box nothing like canapes. The heated up fast food was like the servings at a buck’s night but without the strippers. All the while, everyone was thinking what delights would be served with the bread rolls. Soon it became evident, the wait was over and it was a tender chicken and turkey banquet, at least that’s what was written on the side of the can. Yes, can and with the label, My Dog. Fucking cans of dog food were served up to hashers in a completely unacceptable breakaway from gourmet fare. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the hare proceeded to slice up some sort of doggie strass luncheon, placed the contents in a bread roll and put it in his mouth. Was this some sort of misguided prank ? No, it was for real and so much so that a hungry Weekly was heading down the same path too until hashers told him it was dog food.
However the hare then attempted to redeem himself by serving up jars of smooth peanut paste to spread on the bread rolls and then place a slice of plastic cheese on. Out of sheer desperation for some real food, some hashers had a crack at this while others stuck to the chilled refreshments. Hot cross buns topped off this bizarre nosh. The GM decided to bring some sanity into the evening by calling a circle before there was a riot of pissed off hashers. Miscarriage who apparently cleared out early to lead the runners said it was a very lonely run without another hasher in sight. The walkers had gone down to the shop, had a Hammer and Tongs beer and came home after the most of the runners. Hare, Phantom, gave some sort of bullshit story about how the nosh was supposed to be an insight into geriatrics food for all of us down the track when we will not be able to afford real food as we will all be cash strapped. Maybe some of us will have to scale down and sell our yellow BMW’s parked out the front and get a Go Card if it means a choice between canned dog food and a burger for a decent feed.
The returning runners and visitor were welcomed into the circle with Mad Mike, Sir Slab(fresh from a US ski-ing trip with Magician) and Ballpoint’s Tasmanian mate, Inlet. As Sir Rabbit had wore his black sunglasses on the walk, RA Shat called him out as a Tom Cruise lookalike. Maybe there is a Mission Impossible movie to be shot in Chirn Park in the offering down the track for this hasher. Caustic Crusader called out Tasmanian’s Ballpoint and Inlet as 80% of Tasmanian drivers drug tested failed. At least with these two Tasmanian heads in the circle, it raised their combined IQ level to a level so as to be able to be accepted onto the mainland of Australia.No doubt Inlet will never forget the evening’s GC hash nosh which just wouldn’t be served up or compare with Tasmania’s delights.
With no one asked to speak on the nosh, Kitchen Bitch stepped up and unloaded. He advised that he had left the Hunter Valley’s wine and food trail, endured a 9 hour drive to be served dog food shit and the cleanout from the Aldi freezers. He even offered Phantom tips on heating by suggesting taking the spring rolls from the packet was a far better idea than just heating the box hoping the spring rolls would somehow cook themselves. KB further stated that if he had known that he could get away with just serving peanut butter, he would have never slaved away in the kitchen for hours on his noshes.
By serving that amount and type of nosh for consumption there is always the chance of some sort of adverse reaction. First up was the Phantom’s dog, who dropped a bad smelly fart and then collapsed on the grass. But the biggest explosion came out of Ferret’s arse during a quiet moment in the circle. He however was able to stay upright. Last week, the GM told us about his run ins with the security in his new gated digs. Miscarriage, who was absent in Cambodia at the time, stepped up to tell all about this new member of their gated community who was running amok with his speeding and parking antics. Surprise, surprise, Miscarriage’s new neighbour creating the mayhem was none other then the GM who had told all a similar story the week before the issues he had faced.
Hash jester, Iceman, told the circle a joke about a Rabbi doing Christian confessions with a Jewish twist by giving discounted penances for multiple counts of adultery. Most agreed that Iceman’s jokes are on the improve.
Next week’s run will start at 6 pm as a prelude to Anzac Day and in memory of Moonbeams birthday. As the dinner will be in the Nerang RSL club, remember to dress accordingly to gain admission or you may have to face up to the left over cans of My Dog for nosh.
In the absence of the incumbent POW, Now Loved, the hare no doubt missed out on picking up the trophy for the week. However, there will ne no such dodging of a bullet, as only a miracle will save the hare him from figuring in the nominations for possibly a couple of awards at the AGPU.
A reluctant Sir Blackie again needed some prompting to get the words out to close the circle of RPR 45.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2060 Pictures Here

Run 2059…Hare: Now Loved

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Run 2059

Run: 2059

Date:10/04/2017

Location: Burleigh Heads

Hare: Now Loved

Hashers:31

A venue which presented the southern GC at its best, in a park beside
the high tide of the Tallebudgera Creek, on a moonlit evening greeted
hashers.
The hare had strategically placed borrowed traffic cones in the prime
parking spots in readiness for the arrival of Truck Tyres, so he could
do his logistic preparations
with the trailer and lighting. Instructions from the hare had both
walkers and runners heading along the creek before the runners went left
and the walkers right. Both groups went up and down hills with lots of
steps. The runners also enjoyed the views from the water tower. A little
bit of reverse parking from Bent Banana and Truck
Tyres caused a some angst amongst hashers enjoying the free $1 birthday
Crownies supplied by Fanny Charmer. The ever alert Josephine warned
Truck Tyres of an impending catastrophe with his vehicle and the
trailer. Incumbent POW Blue Card was taking mental notes of what was
happening with his potential candidates.

Chips, cheese and crackers appeared and were so popular that the cheese
had to be grabbed back by the hare so there would enough left as part of
the next course.
Suddenly a queue of hashers formed and all were served wagyu beef
burgers, salads and various saucy members of the Condi Ments family. It
didn’t take long for a few hashers to reload on the remaining beef and
salads as they scrounged for seconds. After a few beers and wines later,
hashers were greeted with the biggest piece of Camembert cheese you have
ever seen which was served up with Easter eggs. This tart size slab of
cheese caught the eye of Ballpoint and he helped himself to a piece the
size of a piece of cake. He told the hare as he was French , he just
loved the stuff.

The GM gave the five minute warning for a circle and hashers with the
bellies now full slowly responded from the comfort of their
surroundings. Front and centre, hare Now Loved, was given a drink and
listened to the glowing comments about his run. Brutus believed it was
the best run he has been on this year and Weekly thought all the steps
on the walk reminded him of the Great Wall of China. All hashers agreed
that the wagyu burgers were just brilliant. The GM told us what it was
like now residing in his Stalag like gated community with his Nazi body
corporate security guard harassing him every day. Sounds like a great
venue for the hash to sing a few hymns to lighten things up a bit.

RA Shat took over proceedings and again Now Loved was up for a drink as
an OC( “an over-achieving cunt”) for setting a record swimming time
crossing of Sydney Harbour. The jury is out as to whether their were
performance enhancers like sharks and ferries involved in his record
swim. So he wouldn’t have to feel lonely drinking by himself, champion
seniors athlete Sir Blackie was invited to join him although he was a
scratching from the weekend’s GC World Series triathalon event.

Next up in the circle were Bent Banana and Truck Tyres for their parking
misdemeanours and also Fanny Charmer for somehow it was alleged by Blue
Card for stealing and wearing his T-shirt. Blue Card was again noticed
eyeing off the proceedings for three possible POW candidates. As the
allegation charge against Fanny Charmer by Blue Card had got already got
him a down down, no doubt a few were wondering what was next in store
for him.

Returning runners and visitors Fuck All, Fuller Shit and Wikipedia were
joined by a random visitor named Peter who just happened to wandering
by. Weekly did some interrogation on him and as a result ascertained he
was just a Silly Old Cunt with a Towbar ( good intell for a hash name
like SOCT) if we ever see him again. Then Josephine told the circle
about the recent massive drug bust down south involving ice hidden
inside imported floorboards and believed Nasty should get a mention for
guilt by association with his imported bamboo. Carefree was called up as
a stand-in look a like. In turn Carefree called for a proxy to avoid the
charge and who else but the recently named Poxy(which is pretty close to
proxy) was joining in for a drink with Carefree. The ever alert Carefree
with a sleight of hand poured half of his drink into Poxy’s vessel to
avoid most of his down down. Missing Link was also welcomed back on his
return from his recent second Thai honeymoon with wife in tow.

Sir Prince Valiant told us how Miscarriage sent his apologies for his
non-attendance as he had a prior overseas dinner engagement with
Cambodia’s top cop. Miscarriage knows it is always good to keep in good
with those sort of people just in case he looses his passport, wallet,
credit cards etc on one of his night’s out when touring.

In a random act of unkindness, Blue Card stunned everyone by announcing
that he was awarding POW to the stunned hare, A unique quinella rarely
seen in hash where the solo hare has set a good run, a good walk and
serves up a great nosh, looses a day of his life and ends up as POW. His
crime was possession of those borrowed traffic cones he placed in the
parking bays at the venue so that Truck Tyres with the trailer could
park there to make it easy for the serving of nosh to everyone
attending. The evidence was considered by hashers and the consensus was
that it didn’t pass the pub test as being offensive enough to warrant
the awarding of POW. After all, the hare was only trying to make the
evening as enjoyable as he could by having the trailer in an accessible
spot. There have often been false charges and stitch-ups in hash but
this one was considered to be a travesty of justice especially when
comparing to what goes on in the courts these days when the judiciary
goes soft when sentencing for possession of those other cones, the green
weedy ones.

Crocodile was mentioned regarding a health issue and all forward to his
speedy recovery back to good health.

Next week’s Easter Monday geriatrics run will be from Phantom’s
residence and it will be an early start.

A rather reluctant Sir Blackie, still apprehensive about his new job as
circle closer was jostled into voice to close proceedings to RPR 44 by a
couple of hash bouncers.

Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2059 Pictures Here

Run 2058…Hare:Nasty

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Run 2058

Run: 2058

Date:3/04/2017

Location: Isle of Capri

Hare: Nasty

Hashers:25

After the summer from hell that was topped off by that abrasive bitch TC Debbie, hashers were keen to enjoy the dry autumn evening conditions after a sunny GC Monday. Nasty announced there were multiple choices of running/walking activities that hashers could do but promised they would all lead to the drink stop. So everyone buggered off heading west towards Bundall. Then a call of, on back, from the bicycle riding hare over seeing the run lead the front group of runners into a gated private property which was a dead end. So back on the western trail until a split between the runners and chuggers took place along Bundall Road with the runners heading further north and the chuggers south to a park behind the shops at Sorrento. The walkers were already enjoying beers in the dark surrounds of the park where returner Pizza was manning the drink stop. When all three groups had assembled and had consumed refreshments it was on home. Corn chips and dips were the entrée before the main course was served.
Mrs Hare was observed to be busy in the kitchen assisting Nasty prepare his signature My Kitchen Rules champion pies, mashed potatoes and mushy peas. Assisting in the flavour of the meal were the always popular visitors, the various members of  Condi Ments and his family, and a special guest from the Sir Rabbit clan, Ms Saucey Gravy. It wasn’t long before hashers after knocking off their first pie were back for another or half of one. Again the kitchen staff excelled with their healthy multiple berries, lamington and cream in a cup luscious desserts hand delivered to the tables of appreciative hashers trying to work their way through their beers and wines and food all at once.
So as not to be considered a noisy GC canal party house by his neighbours, Nasty herded the pack inside for the indoors circle. In the GM’s absence, RA Shat , got the proceedings underway. Sir Prince Valiant gave us an update on Miscarriage’s twin brother who had a drink or two many as a result of not be able to get home until 1am one morning during the recent heavy rain event after being stranded because of flooding of the moat around his abode. A Uber 4WD was eventually able to get him home to his happy spouse. Nasty, who blamed the afternoon’s rain showers on the quality of the run setting got various comments from the floor including blame it on the rain, it won’t get run of the year and very unusual having a live hare on a bike. Fanny Charmer stated that the Aldi pies were lovely and Sir Rabbit got a special message for his contribution of the gorgeous Ms Saucy Gravy. A thirsty Nasty enjoyed his well earned drink for his overall efforts.
The returning runners were next up for down downs. They included Magician, a healthy again Mad Mike,Slug, Sir Blackie and Ball Point who was nominated to stand-in for Pizza in recognition of his overseeing efforts at the drink stop. A special mention was also made of some hashers who had their own substitute wine tour in Surfers Paradise on Saturday after the planned hash April Fools’ wine tour event was cancelled. Shat, Nasty, Aussie, Caustic Crusader apparently put a fair dent into their wine cellars with Pizza loosing both his coherency and his mobile telephone somewhere around the Costa D Oro restaurant.
A new hasher (Peter) with the surname of O’Brien ( just close enough to be associated with Windscreens O’Brien and the epoxy they use) got him the name of Poxy.  Hopefully it will certainly stick with him for a long time without the need of a replacement one.
According to Carefree, absent incumbent POW Blue Card was still giving it thought as to who to award it to at next week’s run.
Now Loved announced that next week’s gourmet food providore will be Campbells, the bulk wholesaler, at his Southern end of the GC run.
Josephine moved a point of order that on seniority Sir Blackie should now be the new circle closer. Sir Blackie, knowing the recent attrition rate that seems to befall the holder of that position, declined politely that he didn’t want the job. However he eventually yielded, accepted the position and in his new role, closed the proceedings to RPR 43. As they say, time flies.
(There is not long to go now until the next group of deserving hashers, no doubt salivating in anticipation will step up to their roles on the new committee at the AGPU next month).
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2058 Pictures Here