Date: 20th November 2017……………………..
Location:Varsity lakes……………………………..
Runners:27…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Probably a big ask to follow up from Kitchen Bitch’s tunnel run last week but Sir Prince was up to the task – well almost. The first ominous sign was no hare at 6:15. Then he pitches up on his pushie sweating like a catholic priest at the annual alter boy’s picnic. This can’t be good. Oh well, on on!!

From the bucket at Hillridge Park, the hashmen headed off to the west via the walkway around the swamp. Miscarriage and Two Dogs were out the front finding the false trails, closely followed by the ever-enthusiastic pack. The walkers and runners then split with the runners heading off to the south under the powerlines on a paper trail. Must say it was very good of Prince to have that park mowed for us after all the rain.

After various twists and turns we ended up on the path along Reedy Creek and heading up towards Christine Avenue. By this time our group was down to Magician, Circumference (Cliffy Young) and me. We then followed three lovely young ladies around the path of Lake Orr. Judging by their accents, there might have been an issue with dual citizenship so Aussie politics is probably out for them. Magician and Circumference were discussing the breeding of hairy sheep for their meat only. It seems that it’s too difficult to get shearers these days. I think they were just pulling the wool over my eyes.

Then it was across the footbridge and up North Shore Avenue to University Drive then Geraldton drive and eventually back to Hillridge Crescent. All in all, it was a good run but it’s the first time I’ve seen the hare on a pushbike telling us which way to go and then marking the arrows after we passed.

Back at the bucket the cold beers and wine were going down well. Dim Sims were provided for starters and HHH magazines littered the table. Miscarriage was enlightening Truckie and Swindler on the finer points of Council Development Approvals. Luckily, one of them knew a bit about the law. I think that was Truckie.

Then it was time for the nosh. Beef and mango surprise with rice. Magician must’ve known it was going to be good because he turned up with a plate the size of Tasmania. Kitchen Bitch was on hand to lend his expertise but even so the meal might of been a disappointment until Sir Prince remembered the coriander. The added garnish went down a treat with people lining up for seconds. When darkness descended because the generator failed Truckie leapt into action and soon had it running again. And again. And again. Poor fuel was the excuse.

The GM then called Hash to order and formed up the circle.

Down Downs went to:

Prince Valiant as the hare

Botcho and Seedy as returning runners.

Allan a guest (I think)

Magician for a 4×4 misdemeanour

Ferrett and Shat for the cocktail party (non)payment and a jibe at the GM.

Sir Prince charged Seedy for his ability to stand at a BBQ turning sausages for 20 min without realising the burners weren’t lit.

However, there’s no doubt the evening belonged to Magician. His DD for the 4×4 misdemeanour. A charge from Swindler for eyeing off a young lady at a meeting. Swindler used terms such as being CEO of some-fucking-thing and having a weapon of mass destruction in describing the charge. Then to top off a perfect evening, getting POW for his driving inability and lack of preparedness to deal with same.

On a more sombre note, Ferrett advised that Rock Hard’s prostrate cancer was very serious and that he has turned to alternative therapies for treatment. We all wish him well and thoughts are with his family.

The RA amazed us all by his ability to remember the punch lines to his own jokes. I think someone might have even laughed at the one about Paddy and his cow, Bessie.

After that, it was End Of Circle and an attack on Prince’s banana fritters.

Rug is setting next week’s run at Mozzie Central.

On On

Sweathog

Date: 13th November 2017……………………..
Location: Molendinar……………………………..
Runners:33…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

What should have been the Halloween run on 30 October in the Ashmore Ernest Junction Tunnel changed to being the Gastronomic Delights run tonight so that all the travellers could attend, and so they did. It was a five minute walk in from the road, and already the trailer was there, tables all set out inside the tunnel in a long line. Lights were already on, LEDs alongside the inner edge of the tunnel, a flood light at the entrance. Way to the back, deep inside the tunnel Rabbit had set up the sound system. KB was busy around the trailer BBQ, preparing food and setting out plates.

KB had asked Caustic to set a walk/run, not too long. Caustic gathered everyone outside the western end of the tunnel and gave run instructions. Runners and walkers set off west along the old railway cutting. Soon there was a check, a big circle in flour. Caustic waited until most went through before marking off the false trail arrows.

The next check was left for the runners, right for the walkers. Caustic said that the runners would soon get back onto the walkers trail. The trail continued west, then northwest until we saw the Smith Street loop, and we turned northeast in the bush to follow the side of the loop road. We got to a fence and turned right and headed southeast to join Ashmore Road and back to the entrance to the tunnel. About 25 minutes walk. Well marked. KB should be happy with that.

Rabbit went to the sound system and started up the music. It sounded like a train was coming towards us, then a plane, then music. Hashers changed into their formals or drag. Prince had a sexy outfit with a boob peeking out, Weekly reminded me of Mrs Doubtfire with hairpiece, handbag and shoes. Not sure which way Now Loved was going with a white skirt and formal top. Rug impersonated a sheikh. Chrissy came a bit later and dressed (undressed) as herself.

We had a couple of beers before KB wanted us all seated. AH, Fanny and VD helped dish up, and serve up. Starter was a leafy salad with balsamic dressing and pine nuts with a couple of strips of pork belly and crackling, very tasty. Next main course of a couple of huge lamb shanks, on mash, beans, peas and carrots. This was followed by a dessert of chocolate ice cream, chocolate coin, two chocolate wafer sticks. Would this qualify for the nosh of the year?

Miscarriage and friend came and went.

Time to get ready for the circle, chairs were stacked against the tunnel wall, tables were folded. The circle (or oval) formed near the entrance. Rabbit changed the music. Keep Your Hat On was played, and KB and Chrissy ambled towards the circle, arm in arm. KB took his chefs hat off, Chrissy’s short jacket came off, then KB took off his coat then merged into the circle leaving Chrissy to continue stripping. Couple of eager hashers pulled at her bra strings, then down came her bikini bottom to the cheer of everyone there. Dressed only in boots and hat.

KB, Caustic and Chrissy were given a down down for hare, nosh and entertainment. Josephine gave a note.

Visitors were Exelpet (was passing by???) and Alan who came with Jiggy.

Returning runners were Fanny, Magician, Ferrett, Prince, Hard On, Slab, Rug and Trucky. Seems they all recovered from illnesses. The gonorrhea tablets work. VD gave a note.

Sheikh Rug gave GM and RA a special mosque alarm clock that played the call to prayer.

Magician was called out for synchronised swimming in the buff swinging his dongle above water. Caustic accused Magician of giving everyone on the trip the pox.

GM called Fanny out for eating a lot of Fanny branded ice cream. Sweat Hog got a down down for saying Fanny ice cream tasted like shit. Fanny gave a note.

RA came out saying he was lost for words (oh yeah) and told some jokes.

Ferrett had a charge for Trucky, but it was overridden as Trucky was committee.

Magician came out with Chrissy from behind the trailer, Magician wearing a Trump mask and complimented the hash.

Circumference stepped out with the winnings on the Melbourne Cup sweep. Rug came third, Weekly second, but winner was Prince. They came out for their winnings and a down down. Fanny gave a note.

Caustic announced Head Job was getting married.

KB thanked helpers AH, VD and Fanny, also Rabbit for the music.

POW was Swindler, who forgot the gear, he will bring it next week. He got a down down anyway. Weekly gave a note.

RA Ice Man got a down down for his birthday.

Chrissy closed the circle.

Remember to use [email protected] if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 6th November 2017……………………..
Location: Robina……………………………………
Runners:20…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Back to normality, a 6:15 pm start. The hare, VD, had chosen a nice park just off Cheltenham Drive, on the corner of Peach Drive in Robina. Hashers were gathered at the covered picnic table not far from the lake, beautiful setting, and quiet. Runners were set off in a northerly direction along Peach Drive in a loop back to Cheltenham. Walkers were set off a few minutes later with instructions to head towards the stadium, around the stadium and back to the park if one wanted a short walk, or go further for a longer walk.

The trail took us along the northern side of Cheltenham then right into Stadium Drive. We walked up alongside the stadium, then between the stadium and the houses to the north to Mudgeeraba Creek. Southwest alongside the creek on the boardwalk under the railway bridge, along the hospital car park to Robina Town Centre Drive. The runners had gone west towards the motorway, but the walkers decided to head back to the park. Circumference knew his way around and took us down a footpath north of the Rocket towards the lake. There we saw arrows, and followed trail alongside the lake to Cheltenham Drive and back to the park.

A few hashers had returned from Vietnam with stories about flu or illnesses hitting them all (except Prince Valiant, it seems). Jigsaw was busy collecting dues, and alongside him was Circumference doing the tote for Melbourne Cup. Pay your money, pick a number out of a hat and that was your horse.

VD had put a couple of bowls with potato crisps on the picnic table. Poxy and Josephine had the eskies lined up on the grass. VD had backed his Range Rover to beside the picnic table and started setting up the folding table with a couple of pots, KB was helping by cutting up the French loaf into slices. It was getting dark and VD brought out a string of 12 volt LED lights which he strung on top of the table. Starting to look like Christmas? No, the shelter did not have any lighting, so lights were scrambled from anyone who had them. Nosh was called and hashers got a serving of pasta and marinara, with a slice of French bread. Very tasty, and plenty to go around for seconds. Dessert was a pie with custard poured over.

GM called the circle and brought the hare out. Nice venue, but no lights, no toilet, no bins nearby, but the food was good. VD got a down down for not researching the venue properly. KB gave a note.

Bent Banana reported that the run was well set, good distance, no hills. The hare was on a bike making sure that runners went the correct way at checks. Carefree and Weekly must have done the longest walk, as they got back over an hour later.

Returning runners were AH, Caustic, Sweat Hog and Blackie. Carefree joined them as a departing runner, going away for 4 months. Poxy gave a note.

RA stepped in, and before he could tell a joke, Caustic asked if the jokes could be in Braille.

Two Dogs reported that there was an article in the local newspaper about vast areas of tree removal. Miscarriage stepped in, and asked for a drinking companion for the down down. Carefree was called in for starting the run last week at 5:00 pm. Brewtus gave a note.

Suddenly someone noticed that Black Stump had vanished, quietly slipped away. No goodbye.

Ice Man was given a bag and called out milestones. Each was given a cap with their name and number of runs embroidered on it. Miscarriage for doing 550 runs, Josephine for 950 runs, KB for 300 runs and Caustic for 350 runs. Weekly gave a note.

GM looked for the Prick of the Week (POW), but Fuck All was nowhere to be seen, maybe next week.

KB gave a rundown on the Tunnel Run next week, and what to expect. Gastronomic experience. Caustic is setting the run.

With thunder and lightning quickly approaching, GM asked Brewtus to close the circle.

Remember to use [email protected] if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 30th October 2017………………………….
Location: Southport……………………………….
Runners:18…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Hang on; a 5:00 pm start? WHY? When was the last time we had a 5:00 pm start on a normal hash day, not a holiday? Never before! Rumours abounded that Carefree had to get back to the rest home before the doors closed at 7:00pm and some of these centres had very strict rules. Someone had to tuck him in.

I got to the park just south of the Southport Surf Club just after 5:00 pm. Peter was the only person there looking after the eskies. He said that everyone had set off early. WHY? There was a change of venue, and with an early start one would have thought leave a bit later in case of stragglers. Swollen and Fuller arrived after me on bicycles saying they had not seen Botcho’s email earlier this morning about the change of venue, and had been waiting at the original site at Macintosh Island.

Anyway, Peter told me that everyone headed north and I found the trail along the concrete footpath. Arrows were fairly clear and there were a few checks. I decided to take a detour (false trail) along the beach for a few hundred metres, then got back onto the pathway. Went up past the Sheraton to the end of the concrete. About 40 minutes altogether, that was ok. Got back to the park and everyone was already back.

Carefree had some bags of peanuts (in the shell) on the table, and he was busy at the BBQ cooking up the burgers, to go along with the coleslaw and potato salad, followed by ice cream, cake, caramel sauce, and jelly snakes for dessert. I noted Fuck All over one side carefully making mental notes for his POW award later.

GM called the circle, and immediately announced that two hashers did not pay their dues for the run last week. Jigsaw stepped forward into the circle, then GM himself! GM gave themselves a down down. Swindler gave a note.

The hare was called out, along with Fuck All, not sure WHY. There were lots of WHYs. It was the catch phrase of the evening. WHY? Jigsaw gave a note.

Swollen noted that the theme of the run was to find the boa constrictor that was playing havoc with the locals. He opened up his bag and pulled out a baby croc he had found, and threw the small shoe across the circle. Then he pulled a metre long rubber snake out of the bag, and started shaking it at everyone. He kept asking WHY?

GM asked if anyone had done the complete run, Ice Man stepped forward and gave a run report.

Carefree was called out again, along with Swindler who explained the recent heart episodes and outcomes. He has a BIG heart. However, Swindler ended up going to the Southport Yacht Club instead of the Southport Surf Club got him into trouble. Banana gave a note.

RA stepped in and called out Weekly for some reason. Another WHY? from Swollen blurted out. Botcho dobbed in Fuck All for eating half of the Salad on Friday lunch before realising it was not his, then he passed it on to Fuller Shit. Fuck All got a down down.

Swindler, Fuller, Weekly and Wrongway were called out for a down down.

Caps were awarded to Weekly for doing 400 runs, Mad Mike for 300 runs, Blue Card for 200 runs, Bent Banana for 750 runs and Botcho for 1100 runs.

Brewtus gave an Irish joke, followed by Josephine with another joke.

POW stepped in to give himself the POW for eating Fuller’s salad on Friday, but after protests, gave the POW to Swindler for going to the Yacht Club and arriving late.

Brewtus closed the circle. WHY? WHY? WHY?

Remember to use [email protected] if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 27th October 2017…………………….
Location: Costa O’doro Surfers Paradise
Hashers:18…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Numbers were down this month due to members on a biking tour . It was back to Costa O’doro again this month. We are made so welcome here and the eye candy is pretty good.

Botcho opened the days  proceedings with special mention to Sir Rabbit and the passing of his father in law Fil.

Once again we  were treat to gourmet delights, cheap beer and no corkage on the fine wine that we all brought along. Woodies had a bottle of 2010 Chard, urine in colour, but taste pretty good apparently. Sir Rabbit would have drooled over this drop.

For some reason most of the Hashers were on startes orders and were all departed by three.

Not Aussie and Sir Botcho cleansing ales were needed so it was on on to the Beer House.

Another great Splinter Lunch day was had by all that attended.

On On till next month.

Next Months Lunch…After much discussion it was decided that we would return to Costa O’doro on the 24th November for more fun, good food along with a little bit of eye candy.