Run 1687
Hare: Moonbeams & Missing Link
Location: Velodrome, Nerang
Date: 1st March, 2010

“Rain made the run, kept the adrenalin going” said Bent Banana, a veteran of many such wild,wet and tropical runs in other places. Another veteran of rain, usually of a much lower temperature, Pommy, was pumped and remarked “through the mist, brilliant”as was Cum Agen who was impressed that “only one on back(was) washed out”. Blowfly was also happy saying “a good run, nice and wet, good for a change”whilst Two Dogs was incredulous that the adventurous pack had only run a third of the original distance as stated by the co-hairs in their preamble.

Such was the scene at the run of the M and M’s, Missing Link and Moonbeams. Link led the foaming pack out into the sheet raining dark abyss whilst your scribe and Sir A.H. stayed behind to marvel at the food preparation skills of Moonbeams. In their wisdom the hares had chosen an On On site with plenty of cover.

All woks were firing until it was noticed that one was beginning to melt into the plastic table. Crisis was averted and the fire brigade were not called, as opposed to a run in the same area some time ago. The hares served a hearty stir fry, groaning with ingredients, and an authentic tasting desert of tapioca and lychees. You can take these boys out of Asia but can you take the Asia out of the boys?

The Grand Master called a circle with a head count of 21. On request Sir Rabbit said he enjoyed the run although it was not good for the fur and was unimpressed that Link called him through the creek only to call him back again. Josephine just liked being back in the forest “rain or no rain” and Blackstump was stoked, Pussy Boy got momentarily lost and Mumbles led the pack down the wrong road with no torch but still claimed to have saved the day.

Reviews of the nosh included Two Dogs “beautiful” and Blackie who thought the tapioca looked like spoof but declined to provide a sample next week for a comparison test. The general consensus was that it was very good. For providing an excellent run and nosh the hares enjoyed a Down Down.

In other developments Sir Rabbit reported his child care centre was going well and Cum Smoke, acting on inside information from show business legal circles, charged Hitler with being an extra on Sea Patrol, which was not denied. Hitler provided his best desperado tough guy look. Josephine returned to Bent Banana his undies and shorts!! Moonbeans said he was going on a trip to visit 2 previous GM’s, Maggs and the founder of the Gold Coast Hash who is named the Elusive Illusion. The GM sent Moonbeams off with a hymn.

The GM, Nasty, announced that tomorrow was his 25^th anniversary and received the appropriate commiserations. He awarded himself a DD and one also to Mumbles for being married for 54 years and finishing active service in 1957!

Congratulations to Moonbeams and Missing Link for a brilliant evening produced under great duress. Thanks also to Show Pony for providing transport.

Thanks to Cum Smoke for filling in whilst your scribe was assisting in 1770 with the terrible mud crab plague they are experiencing.

ON ON
Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1686
Hare: Josephine
Location: Hamburger Hill, Parkwood
Date: 22nd February, 2010
As the hounds gathered on a balmy Monday evening the anticipation of Josephine’s hamburger nosh hung heavily in the air. Some commented that last years burgers had been the best ever, that was nice as some of this years had been left over from last year.

At the call of Trail Master Botcho the pack received final Josephine instructions about a cross arrow and to keep in the safety of the darkened unstable ditch rather than face the peril of a freshly sealed roadway. Post run instructions followed Flasher being provided with a Hash Safety Pack containing several mobile phones, GPS, flares, safety jacket, location map and taxi fare to assist in the smooth return of all hashers. With this the hare pointed to trail and the hounds set off.

As the hounds returned in several stages from several directions and by several modes of transport the backyard swimming pool was the place to be. However it was soon discovered the solar heating had failed with Stubby suffering significant shrinkage.

After a cool down nosh of hamburgers began the cremation process as pineapple, beetroot, tomatoes, lettuce and rolls surfaced on an immaculately – never used – work bench. Unfortunately, Harry the dog also consumed a number of hamburgers and the results of RSPCA inquiries will be public record in coming weeks.

After a hearty dinner, in which our beloved Grand Master also consumed some 4 burgers, circle was called by village mouth Goat Farka.

Run report of Bent Banana stated the run was sufficient with the point of elevation being a highlight of the run. Croc reported the walkers spent more time on the runners trail than most of the runners.

Further reports confirmed the Hare also became a victim of his of deviance and took a spill from the mighty bike.

As circle reports continued a bottle of the finest Hash liquor was passed around the circle, this special limited edition was brewed by Josephine’s long passed father over 25 years ago, whilst the origins are mysterious, the label of ‘stool sample’ did not appear to ward off any of our more adventurous hashers.

Jig Saw has been caught out short cutting his way around runs after ending up in a backyard citing Caustic Crusaders run tips. Following 3 fences and several ‘peeping tom’ charges he finished the run.

Next saw Dicky Knee, Croc and Hitler take centre stage for a down down from very new, very sparkly shoes.

Next POW Flasher acknowledged all hashers for being very rude, however the gong was passed to Dicky Knee for contacting Flashers wife during the week to locate the pots and pans and Mrs. Dicky was in New Zealand and couldn’t be contacted. This is obviously a trumped-up charge and the is no way Dicky would not know the location of the family kitchen. In a final insult to our group Flasher admitted breaking our beloved yard glass the previous week.

Dicky Knee remained in the circle as he celebrated his 63rd birthday, and was joined by Veteran at 65 and Sir Prince at 61.

Further down downs awards went to Seaman for BMX cross-dressing at Main Beach, Miscarriage in his absence for discussing pro-creation in Anna’s box. Further charges had Sir Rabbit charged by the GM for running an unregistered child care facility at the Rabbit Warren, and Two Dogs charging Sir Rabbit for forcing Mrs. Rabbit back to work at Dr. Flynn’s Bait & Tackle Academy.

However Cum Again advises Mrs. Rabbit has previously handled his matter and the results are encouraging.

A further charge was raised by Caustic Crusader against Kitchen Bitch for not attending tonight’s run due to a shoulder fracture sustained whilst fluffing mother’s pillow. Swollen Collen has been reported MIA and is currently holidaying in ‘fuck-knows-where’.

Rock Hard was provided a hymn to take back to WA hash from the Gold Coast. As the circle drew to a close Show Pony announced a neighbor of the hare’s had revered out over her driveway and hit the entire side of a Land Rover parked in the street. To much laughter aimed a Cum Smoke, it was announced that his Land Rover was indeed at home this evening – Veteran became very quiet for the end of circle.

Final arrangements have been made for this weeks Splinter Lunch being an Aquatic Affair (sounds gay – not only because Croc is involved either), all hashers are to meet at the Two Dogs flotilla at 11.30am departure, those slow to arrive may be collected from the water corner of Marine Parade and Burrow Street. Wine recommendations are Annie’s Lane Shiraz for a reef and beef lunch. Bring swimmers towel and Croc would like all hashers to bring baby oil to rub on each other after lunch. Cancelled due to a leaky boat. So go to Cavs, Labrador at 12
Next weeks hares have advised a bush run and the need for a torch and fresh batteries. This run has nothing to do with the hares purchase of Energizer shares.

Next weeks run number 1687 set for 1 March 2010
Hare : Moonbeams & Missing Link
Location: Velodrome
Hope Street
NERANG
Time : 6.15pm
Bring torch, spare batteries and chair;
Flasher bring GPS, flares and taxi money

Run 1685
Hare: Goatfarka & Cumagen
Location: Coombabah
Date: 15th February, 2010

After the run, the scene in Goat Farka’s pool resembled that of a Roman bath.Erudite senators discussing important events in their budgie smugglers. Moonbeams thought Sir Rabbit looked like Claudius draped in his towel/toga. Cum Agen served a big entrée of un-goat like spicy chicken wings and drumsticks that added to the bacchanalian atmosphere.

Meanwhile co-hare Goat Farka was out looking for a missing Flasher and the nosh was delayed .Finally Flasher emerged declaring “it was a very short run” and the pack broke into spontaneous song about his general uselessness. Due to his ambiguous answers it remains unclear whether he went off trail. Some time later the search party comprising the Grand Master, Botcho and Goat Farka returned.

The nosh was a delicious and tender goat casserole with mashed potato and cabbage. Between mouthfuls Blowfly and Veteran commented how good it was. Goat Farka’s prey came from a property near Tenterfield and there is no truth in the rumour that it was roadkill. The meal was completed with desert of ice-cream, honeycomb and m and m’s.
Minister for Loose Thoughts and assistant Grand Master, Sir Prince, called the circle and the co-hares were first on the agenda. They admitted to “colsultancy services” from Two Dogs. Missing Link thought the run was “very good, quite adequate for a virgin run “and Sir Slab  thought it was “pertinent to the night “whilst the GM expressed his approval. Aussie acted as sweeper and gave the note for the Down Down.
The nosh pulled excellent reviews so the hares had another DD.

Girls made a surprise return and Sir Prince explained he was “down to his last yacht” and couldn’t afford to come to hash.

The GM called for Prick of the Week and asked Jigsaw if he had read the manual on picking an appropriate candidate. Jigsaw replied he had had legal advice from Cum Smoke and felt better prepared. His candidates were Missing Link for potentially giving him dodgy advice about Bangkok, half the hash for being short cutting bastards and Rock Hard for casting dispersions as to somebody’s height. However it was no surprise he gave it to Flasher for keeping the pack waiting for their nosh. The GM said K Rudd was standing by Peter Garrett but he would not be standing by Flasher. He did however ignore the howls from the pack for an icing!

Sir Prince said Flasher had joined a body building gym and Cum Smoke quipped “he’s working up to looking like a 14 yr old girl “Botcho offered the general advice that if in doubt on a run don’t go the same direction as Flasher, which gave Mumbles the opportunity to blame Flasher for his Nerang State Forest debacle!
Rock Hard gave a description of the goings on of the Hammersley hash which was basically that they did a lot of talking and it would be ideal for Pizza and Latrine. He also said he enjoyed the Fremantle mixed hash.
Returning runner, Show Pony was given a DD and said he had been in “salt rehab”. He also threatened that he had frozen the leftovers of his last nosh to be served at his next run. (it might be more edible frozen!) Rock Hard also received a DD for 150 runs.

Miscarriage charged Sir Prince with being absent from home on Valentines day and later turning up in his Valiant for nostalgic purposes. The GM said “what she used to do in the Valiant she won’t do any more so he has to do it on his own”.

Blow Fly announced that Maggs was very happy with his new car from hash finances and had left for Nerandara and thus Blow Fly was now in the big bed.

Next weeks run is Josephine to expect great hamburgers and a clever run.

Muchos Gracias to the amigos Goat Farka and Cum Agen for a top evening.

on on
Now Loved
On Sec

Run 1684
Hare: BB
Location: Ashmore
Date: 8th February, 2010

BB invited the Hash to his house in Ashmore which was probably more convenient for most than his house in Vientiane, although not as exotic. However, the delicious nosh of Lao style larb, seafood Tom Yung with rice and desert of sago, sweet potato and coconut  milk (called Nam Whan)transported all to those far away Mekong river shores.

Our beloved  Grand Master, Nasty, called the circle with the assistance of “town crier” Goat Farka and immediately mused on life after being GM and received some counselling from Aussie .Inexplicably BB gave himself an icing using a poor excuse for a piece of ice. This may have been due to the new regulation(as everybody knows there are no rules in hash except rule #1 which states” NO POOFTERS”)which dictates that the  hare will spend one minute on the ice for every minute his run is over the hour.

The GM declared it an excellent run, as was generally agreed, although Cum Smoke was disappointed he had to run past his ex-wife’s house in contravention of a domestic violence order and a potential fine, community service order and trip to the Magistrate.

Still in the circle BB called out his Co-hare Tik Tok, who was happy we liked the food, but was probably lucky she missed Caustic Crusader’s quip about the Hare and the Hareless (especially for Caustic).Our honourable hosts received a Down Down following a very Italian note from Pizza. Tik Tok made a little speech in Lao and thanked Ay(Mrs. Seamen)for her assistance with the nosh.

In the tradition of the canary yellow “Italian Stallion” boxers dressing gown Sir Prince presented Pizza with a t-shirt that said ”if you like my meatballs you’ll love my sausage”. This prompted Pizza to tell a terrible joke about a shearing team and a Chinese cook for which he received a DD. Moonbeams pulled a laugh though when he claimed Pizza “still called Australia Rome”.

Jigsaw was called out for the Prick of the Week segment and immediately focused on Cum Smoke as a likely recipient for only writing half a page of words as On Sec’s little helper but mostly for being a general camera hog. However the evidence he produced, although creative, was deemed dubious by the GM and refused. Jigsaw then tried to give it to Tik Tok as she took lots of photos and showed a satirical interest in the prick but this was also disallowed Aussie actually volunteered to take it to move things along but the GM decreed Jigsaw must keep it for another week .

Assistant GM and Minister for Loose Associations,Sir Prince,called out returning runner Arse Up(Bali,W.A.)who was joined in a DD by BB for attaining 300 runs. As it was his house, his run and he probably would have done it anyway BB launched into song in honour of Maggs, who was showing his legendary self discipline and not drinking .As Maggs is soon moving to south west NSW to build yet another empire(and probably start another Hash)he passed on the Richard Cranium award (a rubber chook that has it’s mystical origins in the recent Burma trip)to Missing Link in his role as Minister for Cultural Affairs for use in upcoming sojourns. Maggs received a “hash goodbye’ and we will all miss possibly our greatest ever Booze Master .Luckily we still have the excellent skills of Blowfly to call on.

Miscarriage charged that last week Point Two’s birthday had been overlooked which gave BB an excuse to sing again(in excellent voice )in  honour  of Point Two.

Goat Farka announced that at his run next week goat would indeed be served and Cum Agen said he was bringing some music from someone he was related to.(can I hear Banjos?)

On that note the GM closed the circle.

Thanks to BB and Tik Tok for a big effort and a pleasant and amusing evening.

Thanks also to Cum Smoke for filling in last week and to Rug for his endeavours some weeks ago.

ON ON
Now Loved.
On Sec.