Author Archives: Botcho

Run 1695

Run: 1695
Hare: Sir  Cumference
Location: Norm Rix Park, Labrador
Date: 26th April, 2010

As the ANZAC long weekend drew to a conclusion the hounds gathered alongside Norm Rix Park to receive instructions for the ensuing run.

With a run spot on the hour mark the pack was further entertained by a fireworks display co-ordinated by Swollen Collin prior to nosh and circle.

Following a hearty nosh and social intercourse the circle was promptly called by the Grand Master at 7.10pm.

The run report declared the run enjoyable and well marked until the markings stopped and most runner became lost. But some did enjoy a drink stop of chilled rum and milk to keep the winter evening chills at bay. Flasher provided a report and detailed in laymen’s terms how hash operates, all in attendance are pleased to receive the correction in the evenings events.

POW Two Dogs took center stage and provided a number of candidates:

Swollen Collin for cracker abuse;

Kitchen Bitch for masturbation injuries (KB now claims to have found the sweet spot);

Caustic just for being a prick;

Cum Smoke for having possible the worlds most destructive day;

However Dumb Shit was a stand out candidate and received the award for calling “on” even when he is on a false trail.

Next was a presentation of Interhash mugs provided by Blackie and presented to Dumb Shit & Kitchen Bitch.

The circle descended into further darkness as lighting became a premium. As it works out Croc last passed the lights to Caustic for safe keeping and delivery. As it works out Caustic has fucked-up and forgotten the lights.

As the circle drew to a conclusion the hare provided counterfeit money and illegal gambling to the hares for a traditional game of ANZAC Two-Up. Unfortunately at the same time the local police arrived investigating the earlier fireworks actions.

Whilst non of our own upstanding hashers knew anything of the fireworks, three reports had been handed to police detailing local kids seen loitering in the park throughout the evening. As a result five children walking home after bible study group have been arrested and will front Southport Magistrates Court in due course.

On On

Cumsmoke

Run 1694

Run: 1694
Hare: Sir  Slab
Location: Pizzey Park, Mermaid Waters
Date: 19th April, 2010

Hashmen came out of the woodwork for Sir Slab’s run. In the circle The Grand Master inquired of Two Dogs his thoughts that were “on trail most of the way, debacle on shoreline, but a good run and even got abused by a resident of the nursing home.”On the nosh Cum Smoke said he was disappointed there were no ribs but was happy and acting as server observed there were many circling vultures who were “all fat cunts.” Sir slab did serve an excellent corned beef and cabbage but was hampered by the swell in numbers and thinking a covered tray of carrots was in fact more meat.

The C word got another run when the GM demanded to know from the walkers who called him a fat one as he ran past them yet again .As likely lads VD and Show Pony were called out as was Cum Smoke for calling the GM a keg and then testing the ice by  alluding to some people having a six pack whilst others are the whole brewery. Down Downs ensued.

New and returning runners and visitors were;

Ryan,  son of Cum Agen, student at Bond, makes his father look like a midget.

Dicky Knee, has lost 16 kilos and didn’t have an ice cream(the mental toughness is amazing)

Miscarriage ,in China with family. Claimed the twin brother stayed at home and he did not cross the river.

Regan. New runner. Welcome Regan!

Jigsaw .Travelling in Asia solo.(was he really alone?)

Spud. New runner brought by Sir Slab, usually runs with border hash.

Finny, returning runner

MeMe, from Sydney.

Avoiding the spotlight were Ringbark and some travelling young guys from India.

The Grand Master then called for The Prick of the Week which was held by Crocodile as surrogate for Flasher who was supposed to be away on pilgrimage. Candidates were Mumbles for trying to remaster the DVDs and Aussie for not turning up at the wine trail. With no further ado though Two Dogs was the recipient for abusing Croc in the car park.

Making up for lost time Miscarriage then charged Sir Prince for not having his mobile on to receive the multiple messages that the Burke family would be late arriving due to aircraft drama in KL and without pausing to take breath charged Aussie with switching allegiance to the new Gold Coast AFL club. Aussie proudly displayed his supporters hat in response.

Styling himself as the king of the rat pack, sporting a regal hat with a large plastic rat(or is it a wombat as somebody mused from the circle)Caustic Crusader charged Kitchen Bitch with putting his filleting knife through his hand and not catching any fish .A charge strongly defended.

Next weeks run is Circumference at Norm Rix park Labrador .Being a public holiday it’s a 5pm start(not 5.15 Dumb Shit!)Anzac Day theme .Expect Bully Beef and a better nosh than the diggers got in the trenches.

Thanks Sir Slab for a fine effort.

on on
Now Loved.  On Sec

Run 1693

Run: 1693
Hare: Blackstump
Location: Gilston
Date: 12th April, 2010

In his pre-amble to the run Blackie offered an enthusiastic pack the choice of 5K with water crossings or a 10K slog through the hills. Expecting wet shoes all  hashmen assembled moved to the home paddock of Blackstump Downs a.k.a the Ponderosa and ran off over newly slashed grass. The first creek was soon encountered which stopped the whimpy walkers to a man. Thus they were back at the hacienda to see Flasher be the first one back due to his “superior hashing skills”closely followed by Pommy,Blowfly and Bent Banana.Judging by the difference in energy expended it may be fair to say that Flasher had achieved first home on yet another of his personal trails whilst the dual between Pommy and Blowfly, with a creditable Bent Banana in their wake, was closer to the real situation.

His eminence and Grand Master,Nasty,called a sitting circle and asked Two Dogs for a run report which was “fantastic,words fail me “whilst Missing Link thought “all right,typical Blackie run,looked after the pack well. ”Calling out the hare for his Down Down the GM commented that Pommy had been tenacious in getting across the creek to which Blackie replied that the whole current hash was as weak as piss because in the old days they would swim the Nerang river.

There was a general positive consensus that the nosh of Spag. Bol. was very good and the hare enjoyed a DD of rocket fuel from a bottle labeled “Mad Rum”as supplied by Semen.

Seeing as both hashmen mentioned would have made excellent pirates if only they had been born 400 years earlier, such a DD seemed very appropriate.

Assistant GM and Minister for a Loose Portfolio, Sir Prince, then charged Point  Two with the charade of getting dressed to run 100 metres and other short runners Sir Rabbit(perhaps unfair due to the well known problem of wet fur)Moonbeams, Pizza, Cum Smoke and Show Pony   .All partook of a DD.

The GM then praised Botcho for his momumental effort in organizing the wine trail that was “an event that is a milestone for the club”. This fabulous day out has been well documented by Two Dogs in  his recent hierarchy job application/article. Other emerging details were that Ferret had recruited the 3 Canadian girls for charity work and that Bent Banana asked the one holding the big cucumber where the batteries went.

In breaking news it emerged that Sir Rabbit had achieved 1350 runs and is beating Sir Prince by six! For not having anything better to do on a Monday night for some years Sir Rabbit qualified for a DD.

Prick of the Week saw Veteran mention Bent Banana and Missing Link but choose Flasher as the “stand out candidate ”from the wine trip for hogging the women’s toilet. Amidst the usual claims of innocence Flasher was  a Down-Downer as were returning runners Kitchen Bitch(trip to Japan and fishing club commitments)Semen(busy with rum production)Pizza(working at Mt.Tamborine)V.D.(four months in Tassie doing it tough at beach house and working on toy collection)and Ice Arse(son gone into Navy).

The closing item was a charge from Caustic Crusader against Kitchen Bitch for new shoes.

Next weeks run is Sir Slab .Expect a well considered effort from this veteran.

Apologies for late words due to abundance of surf and need to man the bilge pumps of my sinking business.

On On

Now Loved

On Sec.

Hash on The wine trail

Run: Hash on the Wine Trail
Hares:Your caring hierarchy “The Nasty Party”
Location: Mount Tamborine
Date: 11th April, 2010

ON THE HASH WINE TRAIL, APRIL 2010

Firstly, I must say thank you to the honourable Hierarchy for allowing me this brief opportunity to assist in their current operations and thus becoming a current (though very temporary) honorary Hierarchy member meaning, constitutionally, now becoming exempt from the forthcoming elections.

Secondly, I must congratulate myself for staying up late enough to watch the premiere of the new Underbelly series last night, managing a couple more ales, and still being able to remember all (well most) of what transpired, and all after such a fun but furious paced day out. Amazing what willpower and years of practice can do.

Thirdly, and the final suck up, a great thanks to the Nasty Party, and especially Botulism and Cappuccino for their fine efforts in organising what was a literal corker of a day out.

The day started with the usual, timed to perfection, bus pick ups. Surprisingly by Hash standards, only some 20 minutes late by the time the northern crew got picked up at Harbour Town. We did however lose some time by doing a scenic circuit of Movie World, Wet & Wild and Outback Whatever World on our way to get Mr and Mrs Pommy. Of course Sir Rabbit had the loony tunes tour CD playing. Against all normal Hash protocol we arrived at our first destination only a few minutes over time.

Little did the staff at the Cedar Creek winery know what they were in for when 40 something thirsty Hashers spilled into the “Tasting Room” , a concept that bodes well with Hash. We tasted some 7 or so whites, reds, port and a Baileys type thingo (classical wine terminology). The now not so eager staff had given up the wine spiel after the first wine due to the rising Hash din and the harried attempts of the Hashers to procure more than the usual “splash” of wine normally served on these occasions. This was to become no normal wine tasting event. Somehow the organising crew managed to tear the group away from the tasting room (probably more to do with the staff locking the wines away and leaving the room) and move us onto the next and thankfully close venue. By now, after a few starters on the bus on the way up and more than a few wines the crew had now become wine experts and were about to impart their (some new found) knowledge on more unsuspecting staff.

Fortunately the lass at the Aussie Vineyards winery had been well trained and was accustomed to bus loads of ignorant, smart arse, know all types and had our measure well and truly. An exception was the group of chooks, sorry girls, who stood outside the bus gossiping and trying to skull the remainder of wines borrowed from the previous venue, thus missing most of the tasting spiel. Better leave this one alone now as Mrs Two Dogs was the ring leader on this occasion. Fortunately though for Romeo, who had answered a business call on her mobile and somehow managed to get left behind and locked in the bus and thus had to be rescued by the above mentioned chooks, sorry girls. Meanwhile back at the tasting the pace was quickening and self professed wine expert, Caustic Crusader, was embarrassing himself with constant interjections something to do with “but does the wine go well with a Big Mac”. Peasant, any half decent wine buff will tell you it goes best with KFC!

Onwards to the lunch venue, all still to plan except that someone had forgotten to set up an exclusion zone at the somewhat crowded lunch venue at Witches Falls Park. After some usual Hash Whining (get it) some bright sparks had deliberated and figured the best way to progress was to (a) divide and conquer, (b) use force of numbers and just take over a spot or (c) just ask when someone was likely to move. Fortunately in total unHash fashion option (c) was applied and we soon infiltrated a group of Pommy backpackers. Lunch was a fine feast of nibbles, roast chook, leg ham and salads. Of course the usual crows and vultures (not the feathered variety) were hovering around the food and the Hierarchy were kept on their toes keeping them at bay until the rations were dispersed. It was noted that at some stage Botulism dropped the second ham in the dirt but in a well rehearsed move quickly managed to pick it up and dust it off, with very few the wiser. During lunch a number of boot lickers were seen sidling up to the GM, obviously jostling for nominations in the upcoming Hierarchy elections. I get the feeling many a position has been filled as a result. Finally after an 18 point turn in the bus we were off to the last stop of the day.

I don’t know who bought any cheese but I did note that the majority, myself included, headed for the beer selection at the brewery. Most went for the “Czech Mate”, which I commented “had more hops than Skippy” . I myself asked if they had any dark ale, to which point I was told yes but served something totally opposite, go figure, but still good.

Aptly it was now time for the down hill run home to beat the ensuing sunset and the effects and accumulation of a long but fulfilling day to take hold. May there be many more to come.

PS Flasher has photos and is currently still accepting bribes prior to any editing.

On On
Two Dogs

Run 1992

Run 1692
Hare: Flatulence
Location: Paradise Point
Date: 5th April, 2010

Following the celebrations of the Easter long weekend, a smaller than usual number of hounds assembled at the earlier time of 5pm in a park to the west of Paradise Point Shopping Centre. The evening commenced well with a number of hounds arriving at the last minute, most notably the Northern Alliance. Cum Smoke had forgotten the POW for the third week running and mast a last minute ditch to fetch this most prestigious award accompanied by Circumference who had left his running shoes on the letterbox at home.

Following the run the hounds gathered for refreshments and Cum Smoke arrived with the POW and the hash dog. Following nosh circle was quickly called in order to maintain an early end to the evening.

Run reports stated the run was not bad. With Flasher providing his own run report for his own run over to Sovereign Island to check the activities of the Russian Mafia, unfortunately with it being Easter the mafia had closed for trade over the long weekend.

Nosh was enjoyed by all of a mild and hot curry with rice followed by fruit and ice-cream. Even some of our more enduring curry consumers had a worried look in the eye as they pondered the after effects of this concoction.

Circle was called in a timely fashion with first attention drawn to Flasher for heartedly consuming the GM’s wine. With the first incumbents drawn to the circle being hare Flatulence and co-hare Croc both were awarded down-downs. Next was visitors, returning and departing runners – Rock Hard – now known as Soft Cock on the other side of the country. Makes you wonder on the east coast we have a pull, on the West Coast do they have a push?? Inferno – had to turn up as the run went via his house and the risk of hashers turning up unannounced for a drink stop was to high, and Goat Farker who is travelling through Asia for the next three months.

It has been announced that Rug has made it back into the country as a resident, obviously immigration does not read there mail. However the status is only residency so there is hope immigration may in time get to the mail bag.

POW was handed by Cum Smoke and awarded to Veteran, for no other reason than never having been seen in the circle prior.

Circle was drawn to a close with Sir Prince leading the choir in a hymn for the recently departed One-Ball.

On On

Cum Smoke