Run: 1699
Hare: Two Dogs
Location: Runaway Bay
Date: 24th May, 2010

The pack gathered at  Two Dogs’s waterfront kennel for the last run from this iconic site. After the run/walk and a few drinks a nosh of gourmet sausages ,with all the trimmings, was served. Resident barbeque maestro, Kitchen Bitch, cooked those little puppies to perfection. An excellent feed was rounded out with fruit salad and ice cream.

Once all appetites were satiated, except for Cum Smoke who doesn’t have a stop button, The Dear Leader and Grand Master, Nasty, called the circle and immediately offered advice to Dumshit to never follow Flasher or Mumbles. Dumshit liked the run so much he almost did it twice. Mumbles went past the police station twice  and became the ventriloquist doll for Botcho when explaining his reasons.This did not satisfy the GM and earned him a Down Down.

The GM then turned his attention to VD who had been out west and managed to get his Range Rover bogged near Camerons Corner. The GM was surprised that VD did not know that Rangeys were never to be taken off road. The next target was Kitchen Bitch who was ailing with “rooters rick”,a back complaint associated with Viagra. Also in the firing line was Madamoiselle Latrine, who had been spotted on the run for the last four weeks but failed to make it to the On On. Latrine explained he was worried as to the quality of the DD’s and embellished his with his wine to underline the point. The above mentioned hashers enjoyed a DD.

Also a candidate was returning runner Flatulence who blamed work and a virus for his absence. Medical expert Cum Smoke remarked that “he had Parkinsons but shook it off.”Whilst on the medical theme it emerged that VD had suffered a knee problem on the walk and had to borrow a knee brace from Dicky Knee to make it back. The situation was so dire they both had to repair to a local tavern in search of medication at the “runners Bar”. Both were awarded a DD.

The Prick of the Week was called for which was held by Two Dogs as proxy for Goat Farka, who was away enjoying the very non-Asian delights of 1770.Perrenial incumbent Caustic Crusader was the nominee for running through an on back. The bag is missing and Dumshit assured the GM he would return it.As the whereabouts of the bag is becoming a recurring problem the hierarchy have decided to fit it with a GPS.

The venue for the splinter lunch was discussed and the GM promised crownies to mark his 50^th birthday. The last time the venue was in Surfers the GM(then a normal citizen)was refused re-entry to Melba’s and could only look on as those inside enjoyed his very expensive round of crownies.

The GM then took Rainbow to task because on a recent trip to Launceston he had discovered that there were more than 6 sets of traffic lights.  Kitchen Bitch said Rainbow had shown him the scar where his second head had been removed and Rainbow cleverly retorted he had chosen the one he kept because the other looked like KB..

In closing the GM awarded Two Dogs with a DD in recognition of the passing of the kennel as a popular On On site. Well done Two Dogs and Mrs. Dogs It was suggested that it be written into the sale contract that the hash have bi-annual visiting rights.

Next weeks run is to be set by VD somewhere south of Tallebudgera Creek. Those from the north are reminded to check that their visas are in order. Expect a different format and a five star nosh. This is also the last run before the AGPU.

Many thanks to Two Dogs for a great night.

On On

Now Loved.

On Sec.

Run: 1698
Hare: Rug
Location: Arundel
Date: 17th May, 2010

Nasty, our illustrious Grand Master, opened the circle by musing that his popularity was slipping like that of KRudd. Why he should think this remains a mystery and he did not elaborate although it is well known that all great men have moments of self doubt.

Moving on he called out the Hare, Rug, and said he thought it was a good run. Sir Slab offered that it was “very, very good use of territory available” .Bent Banana who “was not whinging” chimed in that there should have been more arrows and the GM got to the beer stop as Rug drove away .It was a very good beer stop of homebrews, to my taste the 47 being superior to the 27.This time Rug wisely chose not to use an attractive Russian emigré as hostess in case it led to a repeat of the now infamous phone-in-the-canal episode.

Two Dogs commented that it was “a bit hard to find the arrows” and that a little shortcutting pack led by Swollen Colon had disappeared from the main bunch. Called out SC had nothing to say except that the nosh could have been better. He was the first to enjoy a Down Down.

Ferret proudly announced that his son had done 1800 kilometres and raised $16,000 in a charity event and that he had lunched with Maggs who sends his regards.

One big event of the evening was the return of Goat Farka and the GM could no longer ignore his presence, standing as he was in a tiara .This was part of his costume from the Saigon “Queens Birthday” run. Goatie  turned up complete with pearls and  handbag to discover that he was the only one in costume.   Otherwise he said Asia was a “shithole ”and that Pol Pot should have finished off the job in Cambodia, the Yanks should have bombed Laos out of existence and the tried harder to beat Uncle Ho in Vietnam. Such a rewrite of history may see him awarded the Pauline Hanson medal for cultural sensitivity. He was joined in a DD by other returning runners Swollen Colon who blamed “work, work and more work” for his absence, Cum Agen who offered the same excuse and Tom(progeny of Sir Prince)who has been overseas for 3 years. Interjections from the circle included Caustic Crusader who said SC was really a mascot for the Finks and Sir Prince who was “happy he(Tom) did not come home with a Pommy scrubber.” Miscarriage charged Tom with new shoes but this backfired when Sir Prince reminded him he had forgotten his wedding anniversary for the 22^nd year in a row.

The second important occasion was the naming of Regan. Introduced to hash via Mrs.Bilge Pump the GM was amused to reason that the hash naming lineage of keeping water out of boats must be maintained and cleverly introduced Regan to the circle as ”Bung”. Welcome to hash Bung and may you always be in place so the bilge pumps don’t have to work.

Further proceedings were Miscarriage charging Jigsaw with putting a Euro coin in the bucket and Botcho charging Crocodile with getting the guilts and admitting he owed $12.Botcho also charged Bent Banana with signing an email critical of the heirarcy as “anonymous”. Mumbles charged Circumference with leading him astray and causing him to fall into a ditch and cut his hand(another job for Leech and Leech) and Aussie charged Blowfly with road rage against a fellow hashman.The result of all these accusations was a DD to Bent Banana and Circumference.

The Prick of the Week was called out which was a proxy from Hitler via Pussy Boy.

Candidates were the entire Rat Pack, Aussie, Girls and Crocodile .However ,the winner was Goat Farka for going away for 3 months and coming back in 3 weeks wearing a tiara. In accepting the “prize” GF sang a clever ditty to the tune of “Jake the peg.”

Wrapping things up the GM gave Caustic a DD for general GM abuse and trying to increase the numbers of the rat pack for a putsch in the future. Cicumference announced he was back up north to Cairns this time to “be a bum on a seat”.

The splinter lunch is on 28 May at “Flames” and next weeks run is from the kennel of Two Dogs .Expect the usual fine dining.

Thanks to Rug for a good effort and the Grand Master for an amusing and fluid circle.

On On

Now Loved.

On Sec.

Run: 1697
Hare: Hierarchy
Location: Nerang
Date: 10th May, 2010

Vale:Sewerage,Bilge Pump,First Hill Tanner,Toothprick,Credits,Geoff Maiden,
One Ball.  Hashers gathered at Nerang for the annual Sewerage memorial run to his grave nearby.This run also honours all departed Hashmen from GCH3.   At the memorial site Sir Prince eulogised on the larger than life exploits of Sewerage which included clearing a Telstra building by farting in the vicinity of the airconditioner intake and surfing the train roof on a hash jaunt across the ditch.Known for his gaseous  eruptions Sewerage was remembered with the traditional “21 fart salute”and a toast concluded proceedings for him and the other members who have left us.   Back at the On On site our esteemed Grand Master called the circle and congratulated Botcho and Flasher on a well set run.Sir Slab said it was an”appropriate run,hard to set a run we have done 16 times.”and new member Cameron thought it was “all good”.   Sir Prince informed the pack that it was 32 years since the GCH3 began and he couldn’t walk after his first run.He also noted that he was the same age as Dumshit is now when he started.   Asked by the GM how he had lost weight Miscarriage put it down to “working”and also said he had given K Rudd his best Mr. Sheen smile when reminding him he was the actual PM of the job site.   Down Downs went to visitors Girls,Irish Joe (or is it Joke?)and Spud.Returning runner Pommy was also a recipient.Apparently Girls always does the ball breaker run at hash Jamborees and has been lost in the jungle on occassion.   Missing Link skillfully avoided answering the question of how he could go to Bali whilst being on the pension and Miscarriage charged Show Pony with trying to look like Billy Idol with his new shock of white hair.Whilst it is true that Show Pony has had his share of “white weddings”he will need to work on his sneer to improve the resemblance.   The pack then repaired to a Thai restaurant for a good nosh.
On On Now Loved On Sec.

Run: 1696
Hare: Dumshit & Tightarse
Location: Beachside Mermaid Beach
Date: 3rd May, 2010

At on On On site with a plethora of passing eye candy Tight Arse and Dumb Shit did themselves proud with a creditable run and an excellent nosh. Tight Arse mastered an ancestral dish called PURKOLT that had the pack licking their chops(and plates)whilst Dumb Shit’s mum kindly provided a Tiramasu that was a whole other taste sensation.

Bent Banana and Blowfly were first back with BB reporting Flasher was last seen going west, shirtless, whilst the pack went north. Not far behind were Blackstump ,Caustic Crusader and then Flasher who quickly accused Blackie of “doing a Flasher ”by leading the pack on a second trail .Investigations have been launched and Leech and Leech briefed.

Later our beloved Grand Master, Nasty, called the circle and issued a special invitation to Moonbeams to join in. Rightly, the GM berated the circle for payment and bucket discrepancies that have occurred over recent weeks. Running a snappy circle he then called out the hares, Dumb Shit looking resplendent in full Prick of the week kit .Regan was asked for a run report and in a statement that bodes ill for a run he may set in the future said he “likes Hills ”and  enjoyed the run. Asked for an assessment of the nosh Kitchen Bitch said “an excellent job ,portion control marginal, an excellent taste, 7/10”The hares enjoyed a Down Down.

Tight Arse  then presented his guest, Cameron, who said he enjoyed the run  and visitor Rainbow, from Launceston, said he liked the coast but not the traffic or traffic lights because in Launceston they only have 6 lights and they are all synchronized. It would also appear that Rainbow knows more Tasmanian jokes than anybody else. The guests partook of a DD as did Hitler for nor singing.

Minister for Loose Steering, Sir Prince, then took the floor saying that 71 years ago Hitler bombed the British parliament, not long after the birth of Moonbeams.Six years later Flasher was unleashed on the world and 35 years after that came Hitler(ours, not the manic German one)and Tight Arse. All the birthday boys had a DD and to conclude the history lesson Sir Prince noted it had been 32 years since he started in hash.

Dumb Shit presented the POW to Hitler for emailing suggestions as to possible candidates. Cum Smoke told of borrowing Two Dog’s snatch and the GM’s car to pull his junior Rangy out of a rockery .Must have been overzealous parking. The GM claimed his car was now shaky to drive and has a broken lamp. .Luckily Leech and Leech are now on retainer and correct legal procedures will ensue.

Misscarriage, the man with a charge always handy, accused Flasher of running through on backs an  unnamed  Hashman of buying a 3D TV but not being able to find 3D porno or the required glasses complete with windscreen wipers. After enjoying his Down Down for charging a hierarchy member he also said he had met the Prime Minister in Mackay and was on TV “all over North Queensland.” And  that “TV makes you look fat”.

Crocodile announced he was now a 7 times grandfather and Caustic Crusader charged Blowfly with having “little pearlers” of new shoes .Blowfly took a voluntary drink from said footwear and CC self charged for having a mental lapse and following Flasher on the run..

Next weeks run is the annual memorial event facilitated by your hard working committee.

Many thanks to Tight Arse and Dumb Shit for a fine effort.

On On

Now Loved on sec