un: 1723
Hare: Bung
Location: Coombabah
Date: 8th November, 2010

Bungs Boating Bash!
Loaves and fishes!
Lynn’s Lovely Lavishes!!

Call it what you like, it was “smiles all round” as self confessed rank novice Bung delivered the goods.

Mariners Cove Marina B arm number 40 …. Were the instructions for the meeting point for Bung’s Bash. A nostalgic night with fond memories of Bilgepump flowing back and his wife of thirty five years there to greet us on the very boat he built from nothing.

I’ve catered for about 26 says Bung. The guys at Peter’s Fisho are doing the fish and chips, we got some 13 steaks donated (Think I know for where too) and Lynn has whipped up a salad or two…. So we should be OK !!!

Well that was fine until the 37 th Hasher turned up just as the run started!!!
Plan “B” Lynnie better butter more bread and we will dice the steaks …. They will never know!!!!
Call the fisho and get the fish cut into portions too!!!

On On ….. head South down Sea World Drive >>>>>>>
Walkers …….. Head up the road until you get tired and head back, you can’t get lost!!!
Cumagen arrives with the kegs and Sir AH is straight into booze mode……… Great !! We are back on draft beer.

Fantastic arrows guide the pack around Main Beach and back to the boat like homing seagulls. The pack gathers around the wharf for lots of chat and Latrines diet guide to healthy living with his strides now a clear four sizes too big.

The loaves and fishes trick almost works with Sir Prince stepping in to help KB with the last minute steak fest and EXTREME portion control… all on budget of $140… THANKS LYNN.

It’s 8.13 pm … Circle in three minutes calls GM Flasher.
8.16PM ………….Form a straight circle ?????????????

Dicky Knee this week’s POW is into it early giving the pack plenty over being “straight” Fuck off Dicky. Calls the pack.

First in is the hare, Bung.

Old Fart is back in time to report on the run….. Obviously marked on a bike!!!
GM says he had a “hard on” (was that a marking term or was he just very pleased??) 5PM Bung re-marked the run but the kids still beat him in one section by rubbing out the marks ( that’s Hash)
Veteran says “bit short … but my type of run”

Nosh comments came from Nasty giving the rice salad 10 out of 10 and the marinated streak “great”

Latrine’s plate of salad was still there but Latrine was nowhere to be found …. Seems rice is not on the diet!!

Nasty gives a note!!

VISITORS …..
Mario … the wog with the yanky accent …. But, not enough dosh to buy shoes.
Commander Head ……….. F%$#, F%&$ I’ve been doing my bit to keep this F&%$ING country afloat.

RETURNING … Blowfly back from his wedding bash …… no comment on any marital achievements!!

Sir Prince gives a note and springs straight into a report on the Splinter Lunch.
“I’m cured” claims Sir Prince ( is that like ham???)

Seems DEBARCLE is the only word suitable…………

It was the Phantom that reported the greatest casualty …… Home by 6.45 and tucked up in bed BUT achieved amazing results in the 6hrs 15 minutes from the start of the lunch……… Who else can sign up for AND PAY for the Mekong Delta Run, Buy and TAKE DELIVERY of a Corvette Stingray (LHD)and consume 6 bottles of fine wine in just 6 short hours.

Miscarriage offers a nooooooooooooote!!

R/A is up next

CHARGES ???
Miscarriage is back …. Seems Two Dogs was the one on TV giving the head jobs to the footballers.
A DD follows and Two Dogs announces training camps are on each Thursday … draw straws for giver or receiver.

Dicky Knee gives a very precise report on a very unsavory incident the police asked to cover on the cameras in central Surfers at 3 AM Saturday morning.

Seems a prominent member of a known drug cartel was spotted with some slack looking moles and a pimp in association with this known felon.

The Pink shirt on the pimp made him easy to track through the crowded streets, until this person turned to the camera ( As this person is apt to do)

Seems the passion for cameras was finally his undoing!!!!!!!!

CUMSMOKE ……. Front and centre.

5 Drunken chicks and a “Rule One” shirt ………… Guilty as charged for the second week in a row.
One Chick on each arm Cumsmoke claims ………. Dicky says that’s right …. She was that big it was ONE chick on each(of his) arms.

That’s TWO self confessed whales so far Cumsmoke.
Cumsmoke you are …………….POW

Dicky gives a note ………. R/A does a reasonable job with the DD, but not in the running for a prize.

BACK TO CHARGES .
Bung charges the R/A with not doing the run and Croc for just being there.
DDs followed with the R/A into second attempt straight after the POW DD.
Visitor Mario gets it for taking a piss and is conned into the damp patch cover up.
KB suffers another fuck up with GM height comparisons and sadly gets Nasty, Sir Slab and Croc ( sorry guys) a DD for their measure too.

Bung calls for a special presentation…………….. Lynn .. Front and centre.
Thanks soooooooooo much Lynn !!!!!
A DD for Lynn follows.

The Missing Link calls for a moment of respect for Bilgepump .
The Pack raises their glasses in unison and sound a “Hash Hymn“ to Bilgepump.

Melbourne Cup Sweep prizes are handed out with Sir Rabbit getting third, Two Dogs getting second and Josephine the WINNER.

Josephine announces “it’s a bit late now … So I will shout next week”………… Form a queue.

Flasher announces it was slack week …… No Sponsor, No Code!!

In the absence of Moonbeams …… Point Two calls “End of circle”
It’s 8.47 PM and Marina urinal arms are now officially closed.
Thanks HEAPS Lynn!!

Well done Bung!!
RIP Bilgepump.

On On KB.

Run: 1722
Hare: Aussie
Location: Coombabah
Date: 1st November, 2010

Aussie takes a dash of daring and steps outside of his beloved Labrador into a brand new venue, seems the invitation to attend a hash run also went out to the local squadron !!!!!! Mosquito squadron that is !!!!!!!!

The pack gathers at the gates of the nature reserve in Coombabah and the clock strikes 6 PM …………. Gates close!!! It’s 6PM .

On On round the gates and onward into the mosquito infested swamp the pack goes, kangaroos and native wildlife abound this spot of Aussie’s. Dicky Knee stays back to mind the keg and gear set up already by booze master Cumagen and his new able assistant Sir AH.

It’s now 6.35pm Dicky has retreated to the car to do his guard duties, seems some of the local squadron found they wanted to linger with Dicky and attempt to eat him alive.

Walkers wander off down past the airfield and the runners are out in the boonies dodging kangaroos.

The pack starts to arrive back at the nosh just as Sir Prince Valiant arrives via Victoria. He’s been down to Blowfly’s wedding (a comprehensive report is coming …….. seems sooooo much happened it will take a few days to prepare, stand-by it’s worth the wait)

A fantastic nosh with ABSOLUTE perfect portion allotment is dished up by Aussie. Roast chicken with all the trimmings is VERY well received by all, then followed by ice creams sticks to top of a great nosh……….. Well done Aussie!!!

GM Flasher is back from O/S circle is called at 8.35pm.

No sponsor the week …… seems GM had telecommunications hassles from O/S

Dicky Knee is in first ……. For no apparent reason …. “Just stand there Dicky”

Run comments are called for from trail master Caustic …….. “ Boring, Straight run, No shaggy ….. poor effort!!” is Caustic’s comment ….But don’t forget it is Caustic making them !!

Josephine is asked for further comment and he quotes it as “GREAT RUN 9/10” GM

(I’m confused!!)

Cumsmoke is asked to comment on the nosh ……..” It’s got to be Nosh Of The Year” GM , I also got two ice creams!!

Bung gives a note and refuses to quote on the after run activities of last week.

Dicky Knee finally gets called for yellow code ….. The GM figures he finally has this wirily fox in his sights, Dicky asks Crock …… No fucking idea!!! Then Blackie …… can’t even turn the computer on GM Hmmmmmmmmm GM might have Dicky.

Dicky fronts up with the letter “O” just as serial pest Pizza starts up an Italian chorus of “O” “O” “O” “O”

Dicky is OFF the hook!!! Amazing after all his interjection and comment on the one or two (Million) mossies.

Visitors ….. Barnacle from Porta Galera (Think that’s how you spellit!)

For those that have a GPS it’s 1357Nth 12139 East

Bent Banana is called the give a note and hands down a rendition of Barnacle Bill like no other.

A DD follows.

GM Flasher passes a vote of thanks to Sir AH for standing in while he has been swanning around in the typhoons overseas.

R/A is called………

Ferret gets it for R/A abuse ( Don’t know why anyone would do that)

Sir AH gives the note.

Missing Link is asked for comment on the splinter lunch …….. nothing for the press !!!!!!! A number somewhere between 17 and 22 attended depending on what part of Link’s comments you take it from. Ferret appears to have behaved, but couldn’t understand why the metre maids didn’t want to come home and meet Mummy ??????

POW Pizza called and through a slurrrrrrrrrred summary of abuse and wanting to take the prick home for the fourth week in a row (seems he has found a use for it ?????????) he finally settled on Dicky Knee who had to arm wrestle it off him. Dicky’s abuse of the Hash keg and frothy beer for everyone won Dicky POW. Not a bad attempt at the POW yard glass ….. but too much spillage!!

CHARGES are called by R/A Cumsmoke.

First up is Caustic with a very serious charge indeed…………..

A blatant abuse of THE FIRST RULE OF HASH says Caustic …. “A homophobic offence GM”

Seems a hash member has written “I LOVE COCK” into Caustic’s troublesome neighbour’s lawn with round-up weed killer!!!!!!!!!!

CUMSMOKE is charged with this very serious offence and for the first time appears to be totally lacking any defence.

The charge is put to the vote of the pack …………A resounding GUILTY AS CHARGED !!!!! is the result ……..

The upshot is ….it seems Caustic is now very popular in his street.

Pay back …….. Cumsmoke gets Caustic for his new abode

Seems it is co-habitation with benefits Hmmmmmmmm!

Two Dogs gives the note.

Sir Prince is asked for comment on the wedding of the year.

RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.

Convert the restaurant into a chapel in 30 minutes.

4 inches of water running under foot

Bridesmaids in gumboots.

That’s just a taste of what will be in Sir Prince’s wedding bliss report out soon.

Next week’s run …………BUNG

From Mariners Mate B-Arm Mariners Cove Main Beach.

It’s now 9.10pm

MOONBEAMS calls “ End of circle”

Run: 1721
Hare: Bent Banana
Location: Nerang
Date: 25th Oct, 2010

GCHHH Run 1721 Bent Banana

Poofta (Boat) Park Nerang saw the gathering of an unusually smaller number of hashers.

WELL THOSE WHO DID NOT ATTEND CERTAINLY MISSED OUT !!!

GM Flasher is still overseas spreading hash goodwill, so acting GM Sir AH calls the pack together just on 6.15pm where the hare declares the trail is on flour, paper and chalk. So guess we are off into the shiggy!!! The R/A’s powers prevail and the rains have gone completely around our trail leaving it perfectly marked. A few VERY minor sprinkles and the R/A has dodged the ice once again.

On On out into the darkness the pack goes, walkers you will see a “W” for you so follow that, the rest of you On On.

First officially back is Cumagen, just in time to fix the gas on the keg that Sir AH and many other advisors have completely stuffed up!!

It’s a full moon night and the pack gathers for a few cold beers of the keg and then amazing corned beef, cabbage, carrots potatoes and homemade pickles. Sounds mouth watering doesn’t it …… WELL IT WAS !!!! No portion control tonight there is heaps to go round!!

This was followed by homemade fruit salad and whipped or option pure cream.

By this stage the pack are happily replete and rubbing their full bellies thinking of those poor bastards that are not here!

8.28 Sir AH calls circle.

Latrine is asked to comment on the nosh and reverts to KB for a score 9.9/10 is the score …… a SERIOUS contender for N.O.T.Y.

Sir Slab comments on the run …….. VERY VERY good run was the result, well marked with interesting elements like creek crossings and the like.

Sir Slab offers a note.

Next week’s run is Aussie somewhere in the Paris end of Labrador.

POW Pizza is missing, rumored to be tied up with his harriette polishing up the prick.

The R/A is up next dressed in his off duty R/A gear, seems the papal gear is only for formal occasions now (me thinks the dry-cleaning bills are killing him)

Any charges???

KB is up first …… seems caustic has added to the poor reputation of the Gold Coast police by using the police vehicle as a taxi to get home (at 6AM) from the V8 races.

KB gives a note.

Sir Slab remarks on the lack of courtesy exhibited by Blackie having knocked an old lady over while on the hash bike ride. The lady ends up unconscious and Blackie rides on ?? The comment was “Just a bloody Kiwi!!”

Sir Slab offers a note.

Caustic gives it to missing link for falling OFF BOTH SIDES of the bridge crossing.

Old Fart gets it for his first venture into handy-man extraordinaire. If the R/A can do it anyone can is the theory!!! Wrong…….. seems all went OK with mounting the clothes dryer on the wall UNTIL it came time to open the lid of the washing machine ????????? But he (the team) won the footy on the weekend.

Bent Banana offers a “howl at the moon” note.

Moonbeams confesses to being first to lose his shiny new Hash glass……… But that’s OK acting GM “I found a box of brand new ones “.

Two Dogs is accused of stealing Nasty’s parking spot by driving up the wrong side of the road to get it. Don’t forget we are across the road from V8 Super Car headquarters. So Two Dogs figures he can do what he wants.

Nasty gives a note.

REMINDER …. Splinter lunch THIS Friday call Qwakka or Sir Rabbit to register or run the risk of missing out on the super dooper steak.

Bung is called to nominate the secret letter ……. Bit hard without a computer Acting GM .

It’s “T” of course but Bung gets a DD anyway!!!

It’s 8.45 PM and Moonbeams is twitching on this full moon night……. A world record for the shortest circle is looming!!!!

8.46 PM Moonbeams does it !!!! END OF CIRCLE …….. A record!!!

On On

KB .

Well done Bent Banana …….. Corned beef sangers for the next week .. Yum!!!

Run: 1720
Hare: Two Dogs & Hierarchy
Location: Main Beach
Date: 18th Oct, 2010

With all graft corruption and OBVIOUS slings in place, the final starting grid and handicaps were in place for the highly contested Two Dogs V8 dash.

KB gets the job of catering for the nosh and asks Two Dogs “how many do you normally get ??? Maybe 30 !!! Two Dogs replies. Hmmmmmmm !!! Better throw in a few more “just in case” me thinks.

33,34 and they are still coming………. Shit !!!!!

The pack gathers, Veteran stretches quietly out of site, Cumsmoke hands over a paper bag ( wonder just what is in it). Swollen is studying the street directory and Caustic is applying the camouflage paint. All is ready!!!! 38,39 FUCK 40 Starters!!!! Must be summer and Two Dogs has completely underestimated his own popularity.

8 minute starters head off much to the heckling of the more handicapped (non payers) in Two Dog’s list.

Last ones away are Pussy Boy, Hitler and Dumbshit…. So they should they are less than half the age of most of the pack.

First back is Pizza who has had a casual stroll down Tedder Ave spreading Hash goodwill. Better get over here and help out KB Pizza I’m in the shit with the numbers.
Official first back arrives not long after and full marks to the handicapper the whole pack is back within 3 minutes from first to last.

Race track food is the order of the day ……… So this is where I your sharing and caring On Sec needs to pass on a very appreciative THANK YOU to a few very willing volunteers who jumped in to help with the nosh. Firstly Sir Prince … one quick call and the Wok, Oil, gas ring and tools were there along with Sir Prince’s help. Then Pizza jumped in and chopped up all the extra bits, Dicky Knee lined all the fish and chip bags and Sir AH was ever willing to assist with (portion control) serving the masses. Let alone the calls on Monday arvo to offer assistance from a few others, to all of you THANK YOU!!!

Paper bag fish and chips followed by hot dogs and then a steak sandwich with the late offer of optional bacon seemed to fill the bellies of the hungry lot. Somehow we got through (sorry to the few guys who missed out on the fish and chips) just enough hot dogs and one and a half steaks left over.

Our stand in GM Sir AH calls for circle ……. It’s 8.05 pm.

The hare Two Dogs is called to circle and gives a summary of the event. 40 runners !!! 3 Minutes over the total finish times and a pocket full of graft and corruption…….. not a bad event!!!
Fastest time goes to Kee Tee ??? at 18.16 minutes followed by Pussy boy and Blow fly seconds behind.

Turd Third place somehow goes to our R/A Cumsmoke ( he either has plenty on Two Dogs or has done some sort of immunity deal.. Me thinks)

Second place goes to a very deserving Cumagen who arrived back in a lather of sweat 3 seconds behind our winner “Veteran”

Prizes at enormous expense are handed to the podium finishers and last year’s winner Swollen hands over the official winners shirt complete with this year’s perspiration dripping from it to our very deserving winner. DDs all round and Swollen gives a note.

Two Dogs thanks KB, Dicky Knee, Sir Prince, Pizza and Sir AH for doing the nosh.

Bent Banana jumps in and announces next week’s run is from Poofter Park at Nerang (first rule of hash ????)

The story of the sequel to last week’s run comes out … it seems Swollen and the German interpreter having been chucked out of the brewery a tad early decided to visit the Grand Hotel and spread a little Hash goodwill. Well somehow they must have caught the eye of the bouncer. “Can’t wear that in here sir” So the swat sicker comes off. “Can’t wear that in here sir” So the hat comes off. Can’t have that in here sir” So the bag with all the gear goes out to the car!!

“Think you and your lanky friend had better leave sir”…. FUCK YOU !!

And that was the end of the goodwill trip for another year!!

Pizza gives a note sounding more like a version of Italian opera (maybe)

Sir AH finds a very somber moment and calls on Miscarriage to impart his wealth of knowledge on blissful marriage, giving Blowfly invaluable guidance for his future happiness.

POW Pizza is called to circle confessing to a slight over indulgence last week resulting in misplacing the “prick” Hmmmmmmm !!
Seems Caustic stole it !!

Pizza has done “NO preparation on the POW “so he takes the opportunity to let the pack know that he is not taking kindly to the new Christian names he has been given at Hash lately. He finds the new names of “Fuck off” Pizza, “ Shut the fuck up” Pizza and “Piss off” Pizza a little offensive…. But we all know what happens when you complain about your Hash name… Don’t we!!

Caustic gives a note

Pizza come back later with the POW candidates”.

Sir AH announces a Gold Card will be awarded tonight !!!! Sir Prince is the awarded one, and well deserved too!!!

KB gives him a note.

THE R/A is called.

CHARGES ???

Sir Prince pipes up and asks if any Hashman knows about a recent incident in Spain.

Seems Miscarriage might have headed down the spread a little Hash goodwill into the gay area of Madrid… off to the internet café with the 24 year old daughter of a close (not now) friend ….. That somehow tuned into turning up at a “Pommy Bay” at 4am meeting a Spanish guy (hard to do in Spain ???

Seems Miscarraige was bigger than him …… (Call the Guinness book of records quick)
Lost his “I-phone” , Lost the 24 year old, Lost 300 Euro and copped a phone bill of $2,500.

NOT BAD FOR A TRIP to “The internet café”

So now he is off to Thailand to see if he can better that effort!!!!

Ferret gives a note.

Pussy boy gets nabbed for new shoes …. A smelly DD follows

Hitler offers the note.

Pizza is back for POW nominations …….. He is still waffling!!

Sir Rabbit REJECTS all the lame charges.

Pizza gets the POW back !!!

Fuck .. that means he will be back next week!!!!!!!!

Dicky Knee offers a note.

Visitors are called
ex Tasmanian Hasher Tee Kee?? and second time runner Mirco from Switzerland get a DD
Dicky Knee offers another note.

Show Pony, Black stump, Moonbeams, Nasty and Semen along with Two Dogs get a DD
R/A offers the note.

Missing Link reminds all off the rules regarding your cost for the Christmas run…… bottom line is … it’s 8 weeks away and you need to have 10 runs up or you will pay extra over the standard $20

RETURNING RUNNERS

(Dobbed by Hitler) Miscarraige and Pussy Boy.
Aussie gives a note.
It’s 8.45pm and Moonbeams calls … “End of circle”

On On
KB.
Thanks again Prince, Dicky, Sir AH, Pizza and Bung ( for the paper again)

Run: 1719
Hare: Swollon Colon & Hierarchy
Location: Biggera waters
Date: 11th Oct, 2010

Well…. some will have seen the On Sec in the blonde wig.
Seems the On Sec had a blonde (or maybe seniors) moment, spent too much time in the kitchen and completely forgot to take notes.

So I will wing it from the foggy memories I have outside of the beautiful water wings on our assistant for the night.

The night started many weeks ago and always promised to be a good one !!
DRESS AND SPEAK GERMAN !!!! were the instructions from trail master Caustic.
Vell zee night vas to be a whole eep of zee fun if za mood and get ups of zee pack vas any inducassshion! Sir AH even has zee original 1939 model !!!! Link has zee lederhosen found in some gay bay in Munich.

Colonel Schultz from zee German short arm regiment assisted by his interpreter Sergeant Hietowzer Frederik Latrine zee turd gave zee pack zee long and zee short of it on zee rrrun.
Zee walkerrrs vill go arooound zee block and zee rrrrrunners will follow zee trail on the shortest hash runn in history yaaa!!!

A record 12 (yes TWELVE) of the pack stayed back at zee brewery to ASSIST the assistant and sample zee booze.

Aussie bottled his own brew to share with zee pack ……ONE DAY !!

Back in record time the pack got their hands on the complimentary beer glasses and the booze flowed freely.

Circle first calls Flasher ….. Dicky Knee is no-where to be seen so Flasher has to call it again and again.

ICE, ICE and more ICE it is obvious the R/A has finally lost control of the weather gods and his is in zee shitenhouser.

Icings are the flavor of the night including ex GM Nasty bare arsed on the ice.

Hitler and Pussy Boy get it for selective attendance and stand on the ice.

FINALLY ………… The R/A gets it and Flasher gives him the ultimate of icings with BOTH feet on the ICE TUB.

POW goes to the “quite one” Pizza who could be talking Italian, German or Swahili and no one would know the difference.

Moonbeams calls end of circle!!

Sir Prince’s German snags, KB’s spuds, Sis AH’s sauerkraut and Link’s Apple strudel are found very popular with the pack and our assistant cleaning up the lot.
It’s now 9 O’clock and the curfew at the brewery is here, thank goodness we are all getting a bit pissy!!!

On zee On yaaa!

KB