Run: 1727
Hare: Mumbles & Now Loved
Location: Nerang
Date: 6th December, 2010

The Mumbles Mansion is the location for the run with Now Loved as able assistant ….. Off into the wilds of the Paris end of Nerang goes the pack of 30 odd hashers.

Cumagen and Sir AH have the keg sorted and a few welcome beers great the thirsty pack. The R/A’s super powers prevail and a dry run ensues.

8.02 It’s time for circle.

THIS WEEK’S SPONSOR is announced as “Sir Slabb’s super size solutions”
Flasher is the only hassle here and a mere 45cms short of hanging Sir Slabb’s sign.

THE HARES …… Mumbles and Now Loved.

Botcho gives a run report….. Short cuts were easy!!!

Caustic ………. I short cut too GM (naughty Trail Master)

Swollen … Well set!!!

Josephine topped it off with …”got lost … well marked ?????? best run this week!!”

Ferret commented on the nosh ……… not bad 8/10 cheese and other shit!!!

Jigsaw gives a note.

RETURNING RUNNERS…. Mr Chips …. Dropped the average age below 55.

Rockhard … fucked the average age back to over 70!!

Ice Arse … travelled a LONG way from next door. ( Glad you could make it )

At HUGE expense the awards for milestone runs are handed out with NO expense spared on the shirts.
Aussie ……….. 300 runs
Now Loved ….300 runs
VD ……………400 runs
Dicky Knee…100 walks

An unsightly group strip to the waist and get their shirts at the envy of all in attendance.
Blackstump offers a note.

Blacky offers a river run “ NO WAY “ is the resounding response. (it’s only running at 35 mtrs)
Jigsaw, Two Dogs, Josephine, Sir Rabbit, Ferret, Aussie and Bent Banana are up next. ONE in Seven are gay !!!!! So which one of you is it??? ….Challenges the GM.

JIGSAW gets the vote and gets a double for having his hat on too.

Christmas run ………… Starts Shat’s place at Budds Beach 5 for 5.30 Bus to Versace leaves at 6 SHARP………… Reminder from Caustic.

CHARGES ….
Swollen …… Forgot???????????

Sir Prince gives a note.

Caustic ………. Real estate agent spots Cumsmoke’s note on the lawn and Caustic tries in vain to explain ………. A stolen Gold Card is produced and the two culprits walk free. (A royal inquest into Gold Card fraud is now commissioned by the GM )

Circumference gets a birthday note!!

Dicky Knee … the recipient of the “most” free crownies gives the note.

POW Ferret lines up KB, Point Two, Dicky Knee, VD, Sir AH and Cumagen.

All NON starters in the run……. Please explain… follow with lame excuses flowing freely. Each one is dismissed until it gets down to Dicky …. Who has a flash of genius and declares he is away for the next 3 weeks …. Off the hook goes Dicky!!!

Botcho, Ice Arse and Mumbles are called to circle and Botcho gets the POW for under cover food comments ….. 3 goes later the POW DD is finished.

Missing Link announces a Thailand bike ride in mid October next year………SEE Missing Link for more info on the crew attending.

An IMPORTANT EARLY NOTICE to all hashers is issued………..

Please cease all salt intake immediately !!!!! Showpony’s run is only weeks away!!!!!! (Rumor has it pickled produce freezes very well)

The circle closes in a mood of merriment as Swollen and Sir Prince tell the “Stamps and snails” jokes at the enormous humor of all attending. (get them to tell you if you missed them!!!!)

8.40 and it’s “END OF CIRCLE”

A bit of history for you …. The AMA response to Kevin Rudd’s proposal.
The Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the new Rudd health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.    
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.    

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Paediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”    
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.    

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.    

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter….”    

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.    

The Anaesthesitists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.    

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in Canberra…

On On
KB.

Run: 1726
Hare: Dum Shit
Location: Tugun
Date: 29th November, 2010

SOUTH OF THE BORDER – DOWN DUM SHIT WAY

With a cut lunch and overnight bag packed, 29 intrepid hash explorers headed south looking for Viet Hoa Gardens in Tugun. Not a tree to be seen, no flower beds, no exotic plants – just the smell of stale chicken cooking fat wafting from Red Rooster over the rapidly filling carpark.

Crocodile forgot where the run was so called Kitchen Bitch for help at 6:05. KB answered his phone only to tell Croc

1. The run was somewhere in Tugun
2. KB was somewhere in Coomera
3. Croc was an ex-On Sec
4. KB was a current On Sec
5. Croc would be at the run
6. KB wouldn’t be at the run
7. Croc could do the words
8. KB wouldn’t have to do the words
9.
Viet Hoa Gardens turned out to be a Vietnamese, Chinese, Cantonese, Korean, Burmese, Japanese and Quickeaze eatery where the On On was to be held.

6:15 pm and Dum Shit was called forward to explain the run. “There is a walkers loop and a runners loop and sometimes the walkers loop will cross the runners loop and sometimes they won’t cross but you’ll know when they cross because there will be two lots of arrows – one for walkers and one for runners. Is that clear ??” asked the Hare.

“Oh I forgot to mention” continued Dum and Dummer Shit, “I left the maps at the office so I couldn’t set the walkers loop nor could I do the runners loop, so there is now only one loop to be shared by walkers and runners, except where it is marked with a R for runners and a W for walkers. Is all that clear ??” asked the hare again.

“Clear as shit !!!” answered the pack and headed out of the carpark where the walkers immediately turned south and travelled away from the arrows towards the Tugan pub. The runners headed north on trail.

A good run ensued heading over Tugun Hill past Currumbin Wildlife Park and on up Currumbin Hill dropping down to Elephant Rock and Pacific Pde before following the shore line to Thrower Drive Bridge. Over the bridge and onto the boardwalk through Currumbin Creek wetlands. Crossing under Gold Coast Hwy and back into the buuusscch for a long loop before heading home along the highway.

A great run given 8/10 by Point Two who walked to the pub and 6/10 by Botcho who did the whole run but complained there “weren’t enough checks”.

Circle was called immediately Old Fart arrived back and failed miserably to start while Dicky Knee, Circumference, Flasher, Cumagan and Caustic mumbled incoherently for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile the gathered hashman enjoyed the one or two or three of the draft beers on offer, basking in the warm afterglow of a warm Tugan night and the gathering eye-candy in the two adjoining eateries.

Finally Flasher managed to wrest control from his unruly debating group and actually started the circle only to be rudely interrupted by Cumagan who announced that the Light beer many had been savouring was in actual fact a full strength beer the same as the other tap sending half the pack back to their cars to down a carton of Gaviscon.

DD’s for returning runner Sir Slabb back from his recent En Zed holiday which he spent much of sitting in South Island Wineries slowly getting pissed. Frightened to drink alone he called for support and Black Stump stepped forward, recently returned from his great southern surfing safari love-in cookfest where he entertained the likes of Veteran, VD and Missing Link with his imitation of an Italian chef. According to Botcho the Spaghetti Bol tasted revolting, just like the stuff Blackie serves at the ranch. See what happens when you think you’re drinking Light Beer !!!! You’re moth engages while the brain is still in neutral.

DD’s for Circumference’s telegram to the GM which arrived at the Splinter Lunch, requesting and early circle so as he and Moonbeams don’t fall asleep at 9 o’clock and turn into pumpkins.

Flasher attempts to call the RA but is booed down with a call from the floor for visitors. Crocodile’s old Posh Hash mate from Noosa, Loco stepped forward to say hi and have his DD.

RA now allowed to front the circle and calls for the POW.

Crocodile nominated Flasher, Two Dogs, VD, Blackstump and Sir Slabb to step up and the proceeded to praise them all for coming to hash while injured to be with their hash mates, and then politely told them to sit. Will the real nominee step forward. Ferret is called and berated for not attending the Paradise Point run 2 weeks ago because his “leg is a bit sore and it’s a 30 km round trip – a bit too far for me to go”. Be seated POW Ferrett.

RA calls for charges
Ferrett again for scoring a hole-in one at Palm Meadows that morning
Caustic is charged by King Rat for shortcutting on his fund-raising fun run. As usual Caustic immediately raises a defense, stating the said fun run from Rosser Park was more like the River Kwai march. A short 2 km jog from Rosser Park, then a bus to Harbour Town and then a 15 km slog back to Ashmore so obviously he looked for shortcuts. Sir Rabbit was called to adjudicate and found for the defense. Case dismissed
Shetland charged by Bent Banana for sprinting past the front runners in the last 200 mtrs

Flasher must have been on a speed dating course on his last trip OS as he quickly took over from the RA and thanked Caustic for donating the evenings wine – the result of 3 years buying cartons of wine online, tasting one and disliking it intensely and putting the remains under his staircase, which he only rediscovered on Saturday as he was moving house.

Point Two was called for an update on Building Blocks Australia and advised the shed is almost (??) erect and the publican cried when they left Urbansville.

A record for a Flasher Circle as he closed and the Nosh arrived.

Great Nosh and plenty of it, complimented by Caustic’s cellar – thanks Caustic !!!!

SO impressed with the Nos was Caustic that he collected $2 from everyone present and gave it to our Vietnamese hostess as a tip. “Oh thank you” she cried, now I have enough to bring out 14 more of my cousins.

On On Crocodile
Thanks for the help Croc

On On Kitchen Bitch

Run: 1725
Hare: Blow fly & Sir Prince
Location: Bundall
Date: 22th November, 2010

Back of the council chambers …………. Not a bad place to start the run!!!
Not a bad place to put in the gourmet Asian kitchen complete with THREE woks and burners.
Well raise the bar all you like Pizza this dynamic duo are up to the challenge!!
Unfortunately you On Sec arrived late and missed the chat about the run …. However pulling up in the car park and looking across to see the THREE woks and burners to boot was almost ejaculation territory for any Kitchen Bitch.
Just in time for the last two dim sims I settled into a quiet beer and then all hell broke loose……….. Pizza has obviously been sampling his wine cellar (Caused by an impromptu visit by Nasty and Cumsmoke on the way to hash) “better have a father devine “ announces Pizza and a 375 ml glass of red follows .
The fantastic waft of Sir Prince’s Asian delicacy is in the air and the chat around the group has high expectation of the impeding nosh.
A Sir Prince gourmet extravaganza unfolds including the now famous “Banana Fritters”
It’s 9.08PM and Flasher calls CIRCLE
Blowfly is up as the hare.
Bent Banana give him 50% of 100% …. Set on a bike Hmmmmmmm
200 mtrs between arrows ,,,,,,, not a lot of checks, same country…..NOT A BAD TRAINING EXERCISE!!!
Average run!!! ( Guess Bent Banana was JUST impressed)
Guess that equates to 5/10 from a hard task master … clearly NO allowance for PMS (Post Marital Syndrome)
Icing is called for … but the GM relents to PMS.
GM Flasher announces “tonight will be a quite circle” (someone should have told Pizza)
No Sponsor tonight … He’s not here!!!!!
Custic jumps in with a stand in sponsor and offers Philippines hash shirts donated as an alternative.
Veteran is called on the yellow code number
No Fucking idea GM
“O”O”O””O” calls the pack … but Veteran is gone!!!
Nasty gives a note “O”O””O”O”O”O”
Botcho (Deservedly) gets recognition for all the hard work on the photos… but no yellow card!!!
Nasty moves to curtail Pizza’s noise level!!!!!!!! ( only partially successful)
Nasty feels compelled to comment on the run …… Great run !!!
Hmmmmmmmmm
Miscarriage gives the noooooooooooooote.
The Chef de cuisine Sir Prince Valiant is up next.
Tidal Wave his assistant is called too.
Sir Prince announces that the day off for pre was the plan BUT 12.30 to 5 PM was all that was available ………. Brought my own GAS too !!!!
“How do you do it for the money” echoes around the circle.
Sir prince offers his budget secret…… seems the Princess has saved him soooooooooo much money with the $3,000 Vanity and $1,000 mirror
He can afford a few extra bucks for Hash.
Then the truth comes out that the real saving is in Sir Prince’s eco gas energy saving policy.
Seems Sir Prince has saved an amazing $4.00 per month on his gas bill for a mere outlay of only $2,850 ……………… not bad Sir Prince……… your grand children MAY get to enjoy this saving.
Bung gives a (Very loud ) note.
VISITORS
International ….. Pricilla from North shore Auckland NZ
He was GM until last week and the scampered over to OZ!!!!!!!
Found GCHHH on the net!!!
Mumbles (welcome back ) gives a note.
Pizza is getting pissed and Nasty is failing miserably in his task.
Mario no shoes is back complete with shoes and the best pair of “Rule one” shorts.
R/A is up next.
Rain rain go away !!!!!!!!!
R/A calls for ICE . Hmmmmmmmmm
CHARGES ….
Miscarriage charges Pricilla on a tasteless commentary .
OLD FART , BUNG and SIR PRINCE are called to circle
Hmmmmm you’re all Gold Card holders right???
Do you want the ICE or use your cards ???
The Gold cards are handed in …….. Cumsmoke and Caustic share them between themselves( Subject to royal inquest)
Bung is invited back …….. NOW you have no gold card you’re charged
Poor Bung is on the ICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caustic gets a DD for being a Scot and bailing out the Irish debt
Pricilla gets it for the statistic of 85% of Kiwis liking sex in the shower ………. Seems 15% have not been to jail yet.
Sir AH gets numbers on the splinter lunch at Broadbeach 15 coming @ $10/head
Next week’s run …… Dumbshit at Tugun with a Thai restaurant meal
CAUSTIC IS DONATING the red wine.
Now loved is into a new profession transporting clients to local houses of ill repute … got the BIG BUS so discounts apply!!

Circumference gives the circle …… hurry up!!!
Into circle Circumference gets a DD and more time.
Aussie gives the note.
POW Croc is missing ………….. on his “birthday BASH”
Moonbeams is missing … So Ferret calls “END OF CIRCLE”
It’s now 9.40pm and the pack has consumed a serious contender for N.O.T.Y.

On On

KB

Run: 1724
Hare: Flatulence & Pizza
Location: Paradise Point
Date: 15th November, 2010

Sand fly alley at Paradise Point is the meeting place for run 1724.
Pizza has called for the Hash trailer and Flatulence is setting the run……. This should be a good night!!!!!

Dicky Knee the human insect feeding machine lingers to look after the kegs and the pack heads out into the summer balmy night.

Back for a nice cold beer and the smell of Pizza’s nosh brewing on the bar B Q.

It’s all looking like the expectations are being met in spades..
WRONG !!!!!!!!! Another Hash “Fuck up” is well and truly in the making.

“This Bar B Q is rooted” cries Pizza.

Shake the gas bottles Says Nasty !!! Hmmmmmmmmm No Gas !!!!!!
Pizza’s entrée is JUST cooked and the pack is lined up for the cross between Pizza filling, Mulligan stew and regurgitated kebab. Pizza’s secret recipe invented over a flagon or two of Pizza’s Plonk.

Sir Prince to the rescue !!!!!!!!!!!!!

We’ll use the council ones … it’s OK !!! Leave it to me!!!
“If you liked the entrée you will love the main” Spouts Pizza, who is now blaming everyone and thing he can for the complete debacle unfolding.

Flasher pops over the council cook off and quietly says “ Think we’re out of fucking beer” Nooooooo ! we just put a new keg on says KB ………. Hmmmmmmmmmmm better check the gas!! No Gas !!!!!!!!!!

Now here is the question ???????

Is it the similarity between Flatulence and “Gas”

Pizza and Gas ( hot air)

That has caused this leading contender for Hash Debacle of the year????

It’s now 8.50 and Flasher calls for circle before there is a Hash Mutiny of huge proportions.
Flatulence is up first as the run hare.

Croc gives the comments and remarks that Old Fart is still lost or at least still looking for his scout compass and guide to the stars.

Croc confesses to a brisk walk and finding the trail well marked.

Two Dogs did a spy reccy on bike Sunday and figured out the way home.
Miscarriage was scolded for total disregard of on backs and Two Dogs gives the note.

Pizza is up next for the nosh.

Feeling soooooooooo low GM ….. it was to be my return and earn me a spot on the hierarchy next year ……. “Now I have a fuck up and no chance of being GM”

Pizza claims sabotage from other GM contenders could be afoot!!!

Sir Prince complains bitterly that Pizza has set the bar so high for next week.

Moon beams strikes a note before Pizza gets the second verse of his eight verse excuses in. Shut the fuck up me me me me !!

Yellow code is next and Old Fart is the target…….. No frigging idea GM!!!
Despite numerous hints from the pack Missing Link and Old Fart get the DD.

Sir Rabbit gets the prize and Rug gives the note.

RETURNING RUNNERS.
Circumference back from NZ with a knitted dick warmer for the GM.
Swollen back from overseas ( Stradbroke Island)

Arse Up …. Too busy for Hash.

Flatulence … Too busy watching videos.

Rug give the note.
R/A is next…………… He is also the POW

Bent Banana,Aussie and Point Two are all called into the circle.

Then a blinding flash hits the R/A and he awards the POW to Veteran who is not there via poor Croc ( or at least I think that’s what happened) Next week will reveal all!!!

Something about Cumsmoke’s beard comments.
( Has anybody every checked what is in those smokes he consumes ???? On Sec )

Croc gets 7/10 for the POW DD attempt …. A mid field runner.

Moonbeams returns from his private piss behind the Bar B Q .

A show of hands for the pub experience sees Aussie on the ice for a bit of R/A get square ……… don’t cross him is the clear message. Aussie is feet first into the ice bucket esky.

CHARGES …
Miscarriage charges Sir Rabbit for the job too dangerous to handle so he called in the Hash safety expert to attend to the SAFE removal of the dangerous asbestos roofing .

SIR PRINCE ……… arrives trailer, plastic bag and tip fees in hand. Safety to the max and the hazardous material is off to the dump cleverly concealed under a load of garden refuse the pair had to work their guts out to arrange.

Miscarriage gives the note for Aussie, Sir Rabbit and Sir Prince.

Swollen tells the rope joke ( On Sec has forgotten already)

Pizza (translator required) tells about the Kiwi with gumboots, sheep and fence routine.

Swollen announces his wife is running in the London Marathon to raise money for the heart foundation………Nov 28 th Fun Run Fundraiser at Rosser park Benowa for $20 see Swollen.

Two Dogs ALMOST gets away without explaining the wrist in bandages ….. seems pissed he tried a bit of Kung Foo on a plank of pinewood and the wood won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s 9.16pm the gas has run out, the Ibis are into the left over Pizza delight and Moonbeams calls ………… END OF CIRCLE.
On On
KB