Run: 1731
Hare: Blackstump
Location: Gilston
Date: 3rd January 2011
Due to the Hash Scribe abandoning his duties and forgetting to deputise an alternative Caustic volunteered (it will cost KB a beer or 2!) and duly rustled up pen and “scrap” paper from Blackie which upon investigation the next day were recycled genealogy Death Notices !!!

Thunderstorm clouds in the air greeted a motley pack of some 16 Hashers who resembled Michelin tyres after all the Xmas fare!

Promptly at 4:59 the pack assembled for the Hares briefing;
Blackie to most peoples incredulity informed us there was NO swim leg due to unsafe boating conditions and an abundance of snakes ! So it was in his words a short 4-5 kms stroll on road due to the oppressive humidity !
We will see was the packs consensus

A “sitting” Circle called at about 7pm
The Hare was called out and Misscarriage gave run report but was more interested in telling all about the beautiful “mature”housing estate he built and put his name to MisNerangville and he was most aggrieved to see the GCCC had taken ownership of his childrens playground equipment which he was forced to provide !

Anyway back to the run ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ !!!!!!!!!!!

Nosh Report from Veteran was surprisingly enthusiastic for the tried and tested menu of spag bols and tart/ice cream ;seemingly Veteran had a poor upbringing and rated the Nosh 9/10 as he loves “spag bols” (Nosh committee will investigate whether a bribe was paid !)
Hash Cash commented that Black Stump provided the fare for just $76 and that this budget should be used by all upcoming Hares !!!

Note from Rug
Commisseration Notices
Sir Slabs apologies tabled due to his mothers passing away

Run Milestones
Old Fart making the 200 run mark and for the first time getting home for Nosh before 7pm ;made to take of his shirt for the “fitting” and indeed there was great concern that the dress size was understated ; note from Showpony

RA was called to circle and called for charges

Miscarriage called out Rockhard for refusing to allow Miscarriage to accompany him to Phuket as he was taking his WIFE !!! (This retirement is playing with his mind !)

Sir Prince was charged with having a dirty “shitter” which does not comply with Health Standards

Missing link was charged with incestuous carnal behaviour with a family member but this was not proven

All 3 got down downs anyway
POW
Circumference is holding over the POW

On On
Caustic

Run: 1730
Hare: Show Pony & Moonbeams
Location:Isle of Capri
Date: 27th December, 2010

GCHHH Run 1730 Showpony/Moonbeams

Just 13 Hashers turned up for the post Christmas run!!!!

Hash Cash/ Trail master please record runs for Flasher, Nasty, Sir Slabb, Miscarriage, Showpony, Bent Banana, Botcho, Blackstump, Moonbeams, Circumference,Rug, Sir Rabbit and Kitchen Bitch.

Was it the holidays that kept the rest away??

Was it Moonbeams tough trails??

Was it Showpony’s worst nosh of the year reputation??

Well …. whatever it was ….those that didn’t attend certainly missed out!!!!

Nasty and KB arrived late to the Showpony mansion …. the 5pm holiday start had escaped their feeble minds.

By all accounts the run was great and the swim after even better … albeit the belly flop from Bent Banana put paid to everyone’s dry clothes.

What a great night Flasher announces … it’s a FREE night.

The event had ever sign of a repeat of the WORST NOSH as the small crew gathered by the pool for the dumplings and spring rolls served on the top of the recycle bin ……………

THEN …… it all changed with four simple words DINNER IS SERVED GENTLEMEN !!!

The other EIGHT courses (Yes eight) were about to be served Showpony has gone from ZERO to HERO in one stride. Asian delights are served and just keep coming!! Topped off by the Lobster stirfry.

Not to be outdone Moonbeams whipped up a fruit salad extraordinaire!!!

THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS CONTENDER FOR yes you guessed it …. NOSH OF THE YEAR !!!!!

It’s raining (and raining and raining and raining) so the R/A is a no show … what a pity he would have liked this nosh.

CIRCLE is called at 7.30 pm.

No official sponsor …. just the hierarchy represented by Flasher and KB.

Hares are up first……..

Blackie gives the run report… “not enough water” Rabbit almost drowned!!! Great swim legs!!

Sir Rabbit concurs … still licking his fur!!

Sir Slabb gives the nosh report……… “FANTASTIC NOSH” Nine courses!! Prawns, Lobster, Kaluha Coffee after and the Asian band for entertainment…….. unbelievable!!!!!!!!

Rug gives a well deserved note!

Showpony sells off the wind trainer in the middle of proceedings ………. seems he took a crash off it in his own lounge room ( not supposed to drink and ride) $50 cash and Miscarriage gets in a bidding war with Blackie ……… at this point not resolved.

No R/A …. So Flasher takes on the additional roll of calling for charges….

Sir Prince gets a charge in absentia.. Seems the new million dollar dunnie has failed miserably and Sir Prince had a fairly shitty Christmas in more ways than one.

Rug charges Bent Banana for the wetting belly flop.

Circumference gets a DD for his lame excuse about his non-hash shirt that he swears came from drunken hashers. Hmmmmmmm !!

Nasty charges Sir Rabbit and Circumference with shoes on in the Asian Palace.

POW gets held over!!!!! Lots of ammo so watch out !!!

NEXT WEEK’S RUN … Blackie’s Place. 5 PM start with LOTS of swim legs.

Rumour has it that Point Two has had a massive increase in his property value in recent weeks when it became “waterfront”

7.47 PM Moonbeams announces ……. END OF CIRCLE !!!!

Post circle……. Nasty proposes a toast to GM Flasher for a great first half of the year!!!

Showpony introduces the secret to his unbelievable nosh Mrs Pony … it is even revealed that one of the courses was the same one that Showpony dished up last year …… “it tasted nothing like last years” Showpony … Stay OUT of the kitchen!!!

The small pack wandered off into the night quietly gloating that they have experienced a “Hash miracle”
WELL DONE GUYS !!!!

An Aussie walks into a Pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’
‘No’, he replies, ‘I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was Just testing it..’
The intrigued woman says,

‘a state-of-the-art watch?’

‘What’s so special about it?’

The Aussie explains,

‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’

The lady says,

‘What’s it telling you now?’

Well, it says you’re Not wearing any panties.’

The woman giggles and replies
‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and Says,
‘ Bloody thing’s an hour fast!’

On On

KB.

Run: 1729
Hare: Hierarchy
Location: Surfers paradise
Date: 20th December, 2010

GCHHH Christmas run 2010

Through the alcoholic haze and fading memory of your faithful On Sec the following points are drifting back.

1. Gathering on Shat’s front lawn in the afternoon solarium.
2. Santa suits (summer version) are distributed to all compliments of your sharing and caring hierarchy.
3. Excellent nibbles are provided and Cumsmoke is in top form consuming half of them
4. Pizza is talking English of sorts and appears to be sober at this point.
5. NO BUS arrives to head to Versace.
6. The pack wanders off in an Easterly direction to spread Hash goodwill.
7. First thirst quencher is with a wonderful view of the esplanade construction zone and cold beers run freely.
8. Down to Cavill Ave to find some overseas tourists to spread further goodwill.
9. Photos spots galore and Cumsmoke is in his element.
10. Flasher is walking along in his undies.
11. Pizza is getting a bit slurred.
12. Caustic has fielded a call to say the assistants for tonight are double booked……….. Oh Fuck!!!!!
13. A (Very) quick visit to the cop shop on the way for even more goodwill.
14. The Lansdowne Pub is next and 30 swarming red coated santas attack the bar.
15. More good will with Shat and others looking after some lost Swedish female backpackers.
16. Mystery venue stand in for the Versace turns out to be the private room of the Clock Hotel.
17. Steak, Salmon or Chicken ????? All excellent!!!!
18. Hash Cash says FREE DRINKS !!!!!! for one hour.
19. Pizza is pissed.
20. Flasher orders the steak “medium rare please”
21. Caustic has solved the assistant debacle and called in the next best option………….. Pay MORE … get the best!!!
22. Assistant “A” arrives ………. seems she was looking the other way when the tits were being handed out, rushed up to get her’s but by then they were dishing our arses “so she got two”
23. Caustic interviews “A” and confirms the appointment. Caustic likes to give them Nicknames …….. This one got AA cup.

1. Assistant “B” arrives ……Seems she was looking the other way when the personalities were being handed out, but fronted up well for the tits (maybe latter surgical assistance too) however gravity has taken it’s toll.

Poor thing had had a falling out with the bouncers at Shooters the night before so “can’t carry trays I’m sorry got a sore wrist”

25.Caustic names this one “Point South”

26.30 Minutes left on the FREE GROG !!!!!!!!!!!!!

27. R/A issues numerous charges that do and don’t stick!!!!

28. BB takes up the challenge to offer many and varied DD songs … A great effort !!!

29. Pizza attempts to speak ……………. No one understands???

30. Croc jumps in the assist with translation of Pizza’s slurred rendition.

31. Meals are finished and Flasher still doesn’t have his steak.

32. Flasher stands on a chair so we can all admire his Christmas bloomers.

33. FREE DRINKS are extended.

34. Miscarriage joins in the vertical challenged musical chairs game to deliver a Christmas wish from his twin brother, along with charges all round.

35. Flasher gets his steak ……….. delicious he says !!

36.Mayhem and frivolity continue until the pub calls … LAST DRINKS!!

37. The assistants depart to get into civvies.

38. Hash Cash takes a valium.

39. Caustic collapses excausted.

40. Pizza and BB are last seen stumbling along arm in arm toward the Cavill cab rank, Pizza is coaching BB on the art of home brewing and BB listens intently.

41. Another Christmas run draws to a close ………………. and we ponder “How we do it”

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my Hash friends, but it is difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer (Cumsmoke) recently, and on advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best Regards (without prejudice)

Name withheld (Privacy Act).

Run: 1728
Hare: Josephine
Location: Pony Club, Nerang
Date: 13th December, 2010

Thunderstorm clouds in the air greeted a motley pack of some 26 Hashers who quickly took control of the Pony Club facilities and set up camp!

Promptly at 6:15 the pack assembled for the Hare’s briefing;

Quote: “No Hills but a few gentle inclines!! “ Hilary only had Mt Everest! Off went the pack both Runners and Walkers to the first water hazard – first swimmer was Aussie and Sir Rabbit got his paws wet!

First check saw the pack divide equally left and right with the left handers following an old Harriet trail and the right handers just confused! Half hour later the sweeper Sir Slab informed all that the trail was straight on!!!

Sir Rabbit and Shat however were so engrossed in Xmas shopping stories they held hands and completed their own run in a respectable 2 hours.

Up went the pack on the “gentle incline”; sign posts said a 1:7 climb and low gear should be used! Ropes and crampons were deployed on the North Face ; Mumbles called for oxygen and was told to “toughen the fuck up “ ; Summit was reached to find the sweeper turning the map back and forth and stating it wasn’t in Kiwi so he had no idea!!!!!

Consensus of older and wiser heads reckoned lets go left but this was heading to Oxenford and reassembly back to Checkpoint Charlie eventuated a right hand turn and back on trail.

Numerous checks, water crossings (for some!!), mud, confusion but a “well set trail” saw the pack emerging from the mists circa 7:40
Swimming leg was completed by Aussie; Two Dogs; Rug; Sir Rabbit
Circle called at some time??
The Hare was called out and Blowfly gave run report but he got lost at the 1^st Check and followed the Harriet “Tampons” trail; overall opinion it was a “near” debacle saved by experienced short cutting Hashers 8/10
Nosh Report from Moonbeams was less favourable as the “refrozen “hamburger rolls were tougher than a McDonald’s cardboard wrapper! Moonbeams did try a 2^nd hamburger but was now regretting it! 4/10
Note from Sir Rabbit sounded like a strangulated testicle!

Trivia Time
Mystery photo of a bearded underworld figure was handed around by the GM and various suggestions were made as to the identity of the mystery man;

Julia Guillard – a strong contender

Rug in his MI5 days – a possible

Nigel Manson – ?????????? A definite maybe

Decision pending

Visitors

CRIT (that’s Clit with a R) a Singapore Hash man who was so hirsute it was suggested he should shave his back or else he would be a “hairy Crit”

Other business

Botcho was called forward by the GM and adorned with a PVC glove scarf to remind him of his recent proctology exam –results from the doctor was he gave him 4 fingers but he made a good fist of it !!

Aptly Shat gave Botcho a note

RA was called to circle and reminded Hash of the 1^st rule of Hash –No Poofs only to charge Rockhard with wearing a citronella armband to ward off the mozzies ! –charge was dismissed by Sir Rabbit as being frivolous

Two Dogs presented with 3^rd Dan balsa wood chopping

Aussie gave Two Dogs a note “in Japanese!!!!!!!!”

Charges

Rainbow charged Sir Slab (trail sweeper) with “fucking” incompetence with “fucking expletives” interspersed with “fucks”

Charges dismissed as how could a “fucking” Tasmanian understand broad Kiwi trail directions!
POW
Botcho entered circle holding POW paraphernalia and a ripped POW bag; MI5 are investigated the act of vandalism –stay tuned for next week’s report on possible culprits of this heinous crime!

Only 1 contender for the POW was called forward –Josephine! Not only had he served reheated cardboard boxes on stale buns but had omitted to bring the ice-cream which was safely back in his fridge!

Aussie was rightly charged with GM abuse but no-one heard!

Torrential downpour recommenced but the RA escaped once again! Maybe there is a God! Inshallah next week

Next week’s run
Xmas run
Assemble 5pm at Shats for pre-dinner drinks and nibbles
15 River Drive
Budds Beach
Bus leaves for Versace sharp 6pm !! Formal dress MUST be worn!!
Moonbeams called end of circle late into the night and the bedraggled pack slopped off in the mud to their cars!
Footnote from the stand in On Sec
At 4:48 am was awoken to a mighty clap of thunder! – Sadly this was not the case but the Hash Nosh composting had reached critical conditions and a Code Brown was called!!!!!!!!! Thanks Josephine
Stand in On Sec
Caustic