PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

 In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

 Please, to ensure the words are being read, a “secret” Hash foot will be implanted in the weekly photos. During the circle the RA will randomly ask for the description of the photo where the “foot” is located. Non compliance will result in the usual and swift reprisal.

Run: 1760

Date: Monday 25^th July 2011

Hare: Veteran

Venue: Broadwater Parklands, Southport

Runners: 32

Weeks to AGPU: 47

As the pack jostled for car parks, with some even resorting to using the Disabled spots, news filtered of Cumsmoke’s escapades on Sydney’s notorious Oxford Street. It appears he headed down for a quiet drink with a few mates but somehow ended up patrolling the gay bars, appropriately dressed apparently, severely breaking rule#1 and bringing the Hash into disrepute. Consequences to follow.

The run site was at the northern end of the new Broadwater Parklands, adjacent to Labrador, hinting this could be a somewhat predictable route. The pack headed over the Gold Coast Highway, busy road number #1, then continued towards the Railway Hotel (formerly Del Plaza), where we encountered a two way check. All good except each way had an “FT” (is that like an on back?) and the actual trail continued west along Nind Street over busy road number #2. After we crossed busy road number #3 we found another check then headed east along George Street until reaching busy road number #4. Fortunately the run route was in and around the hospital precinct so anyone falling victim to Veteran’s plan of having us all being run over at various stages, wouldn’t have to go far for help (though I don’t know if you’d call a stint at Gold Coast hospital “helpful”). Onwards over busy road #5 through to Ferry road, another on back (or is that FT) then over busy road #6 (there’s a message in here somewhere) and onwards to the back streets before emerging at the Rugby Club and heading to the Broadwater pathways for the 2km run home, with a few notable short cutters spotted in the distance. A solid 45min run for most.

AS soon as we got home the nibbles and slops, sorry stew, was ready. Served with mash or rice (still trying to figure it out) the pot was soon emptied. Blackstump made a brief return as Hash Cash, following his Tour De France style prang, but only long enough to collect the cash and head off on holidays. The security guard (another pattern emerging here) did several passes but refused to stop and enforce the 2 hour time limit on what looked like a soup kitchen in full flight. Missing Link gave the food a 4/10 (greatly impressed), however Ferret was a bit more vocal saying it “lacked something” (food most likely) and gave it a 3/10 (also impressed). Bent Banana gave the run report saying “it was hard and fast and needed more checks” but still gave a 7/10 (what run did he do?).

We also found out that Pizza’s visitor, Bog, was the guy who introduced him to Hash, automatically making him the most wanted person in Hash and was subsequently and accordingly iced, though his veggie joke was a hit. Popeye, a visitor from Brisbane was down on a fishing trip and decided to drop in. We got the full story on the Cumsmoke shenanigans in Sydney and all decided he’d lost the plot and was duly iced, as was Aussie for not knowing the whereabouts of the “foot”. Valiant also gave a report of the over 60’s lunch in Brisbane announcing yet another successful event. Missing Link consequently advised that there will also be a Splinter Splinter Lunch in Broadbeach this Friday to cater for those under 60, or who couldn’t make the Brisbane event. Sir Cumference did some pathetic grovelling and presented the RA with a “Down Down Hand” acquired by our latest sponsor, Coles.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Downs Downs;

Popeye, Bog & Pizza; Visitors & Pizza for taking visitor to pub during run

Bog; Plus iced for introducing Pizza to Hash

Aussie; Also Iced for not knowing where “Hash Foot” was in photos

*Aussie*; Given a *credit* by RA for handing in lost property

Cumsmoke; Also Iced and made to confess sins by RA for severe rule #1 infringements

Link; Recovering lost property from AGPU (passed on by Flasher)

Rainbow; Allegedly destroying vehicle in pursuit of nuisance birds at airport, replaced by dog

Cumsmoke; Failed attempt of trying to charge Bent Banana re bull photo, which soured his failed Sydney pick up attempt (gay too, where they?)

Pizza; And iced, for being Pizza

Veteran; Hare

Now that we have your attention

The Shat Party Gourmet Pizza Lunch

Venue: Botcho’s Place. 26 Chip In Place Helensvale. ( next to Helensvale Golf Club)

Date: Sunday 21^st August 2011

Time: From 11:00 for the thirsty ones, or 12 o’clock if you’re not

Cost: $10 per head, bring your loved ones

Booze: BYO

RSAP: Yes please. Need numbers

That is all,

On On from “The Desk”

Two Dogs

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1759
Date: Monday 18th July 2011
Hare: Rectum
Venue: Pacific Pines
Runners: 23

Weeks to AGPU: 48
Our Driver for the night of the “Northern Alliance”, Sir Rabbit said “I know the way, just turn down Greenway then into whatever and we’re there, I’m sure it’s where we’ve had a run before”. Left, right, left, through 15 round abouts and still lost. At least we found McAully (or whatever it’s called) Drive and knew it was somewhere along here even though it seemed the length of the M1 and we turned the wrong way. However as with most Hash nights we eventually, along with many other lost souls, found the venue perched atop of the hill overlooking the Nerang State Forrest, Mumbles Country.
Instructions were simple, do the long, short or walk trails and you should be back in anywhere from 35 – 50 minutes according to Rectum, who said he ran it in 30 mins without doing the checks/on backs. What he didn’t mention was that he ran it in Olympic 1500 metre qualifying pace times. So the pack trundled off into the darkness heading down the hill towards the town centre. Facing on backs and checks a plenty the pack meandered its way along the roads and pathways until coming to the first bush section.

Here the markings diminished and scattered the pack somewhat, particularly at the next check, which saw runners disappear into various directions. Aussie finally found the trail heading back up along a fence line and again into the bush. Again we got somewhat lost before emerging back onto the streets for a short spell before running back into the final and in parts, sloppy, bush section. Some of the runners choosing the long run came home before the short run and walkers, with a few of these selecting the unmarked hill climb home through the scrub (ask Sir Prince about that section).

Back at home base the snacks were available as the Hare was busy preparing the nights feast of pasta and spicy 5 sausage (allegedly) sauce followed by pastries and gluhwein. A feast fit for a Gourmet Hash pack. Departing Hare, Dicky Knee, heading to the wet and chilly Melbourne was hopefully pleased at the effort put into his finale run/walk.
GM called the circle just after 8:00pm and asked Mumbles to give a run report, who commented that it was a good, but a bit muddy, run and giving a 7/10 mark. Cumsmoke gave the nosh report saying the Gourmet had come back into Hash and giving it a 756 mark (re deciphered to 7.5/10). Sir Prince Valiant also gave the story (as he does) of the run, many moons ago, sponsored by an eager Real Estate Agent.

Apparently many got lost only to return to an almost empty 10 gallon keg, reminiscent of the good old days. Mumbles was also asked to give a report on his recollection of his AGPU night to which he responded with “F.ck all” except the story of bruises, falling from the shower/bath and breaking two ribs and having part of the bath fittings collapse on him.

Thankfully this event only happens once a year. Swollen was absent, apparently resting from his recent Kokoda Challenge run and Moonbeams had Skyped Botulism from Magnetic Island showing off how tough his holiday was.

RA, Josephine, and coincidently last week’s Hash Cash sends greetings from his Pacific Cruise and looks forward to returning so this week’s Hash Cash, Botulism, can also go on leave (great gig this Hash Cash).

Miscarriage also had a whinge about having to clean up after last week’s fire remnants left at the beach side venue.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
Downs Downs;
Rectum; Hare
Mumbles, Dicky Knee, Truck Tyres (ex Sydney); Returning runners

Big O; Leaving Circle

Dicky Knee; Trying to dob in GM (exemptions apply) for holding drink in wrong hand

Bent Banana; Charged by caustic for derogatory remarks re resemblance to female rat

Bent Banana & Dicky Knee: For holding drinks in wrong hand during down down

Big O: POW for leaving circle (awarded by Rock Hard)

Miscarriage; Failing to know location of secret Hash foot in photos (was in photo of himself)

Dicky Knee; Farewell drink and touching speech
——————————————————————————————————————————
Please also note that there will be family/partner invited Sunday Pizza Lunch at Botulism’s golf course estate at Chip in Court, Helensvale (next to Helensvale Golf Club House), commencing at noon on Sunday 21st August 2011. Hash will provide bases with guests bringing their preferred toppings. More details in coming weeks.
That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Please note as from next week, to ensure the words are being read, a “secret” Hash foot will be implanted in the weekly photos. During the circle the RA will randomly ask for the description of the photo where the “foot” is located. Non compliance will result in the usual and swift reprisal.

Run: 1758
Date: Monday 11th July 2011
Hare: Miscarriage
Venue: Emerald Lakes

Runners: 32 (including a wounded and early retiring Sir Slab)

Weeks to AGPU: 47
It was supposed to be Blackstump’s run at the Ponderosa ranch. However due to an attempt by the group of overachievers trying to emulate a geriatric version of the Tour De France peloton, Blackstump was involved in a rather nasty bike prang at Nerang Velodrome, rendering him incapable and consequently banished to Pindara Hospital for some forced rest and recuperation. Miscarriage was therefore thrust into the hare’s role at short notice.

Using this excuse, plus the fact that he had just returned from Sydney, no doubt with his twin in tow, watching the State of Origin in some dodgy pub in the midst of enemy territory he decided that the “quick fix” was another “postman’s” run. This occurred despite the revered Trail Master decreeing that this format should never be repeated, following the Mudgeeraba effort (albeit trying conditions). A good pack started the run with most willing to participate to see just how long before it deteriorated into the expected debacle. Seven envelopes were handed out at the start, with the first taking us to the western boundary of Emerald Lakes and the second under the road and through the golf club, somewhat resembling the reverse of a previous run. Somewhere the instructions must have got lost in translation as runners seemed to disappear once envelopes were read out. The diminishing pack headed into the depths and hills of Carrara still heading in the reverse of the past run.

The Hare seemed to be at the front most of the way ensuring the pack didn’t go astray, much to the opposite of the normal run routine. Some 15 runners stayed with the pack in fear of ending up lost in the depths of beyond, and continued along the hills and bike paths before emerging on Nielson’s road for the lengthy trek home, finishing in just over the hour.

In the meantime KB had been busy decimating a nearby tree in order to provide some much needed warmth on what was the coldest run night of the year to date and, in the process, contributing some $46.00 worth of carbon tax. It is good to see we are in safe hands when 30 + strange people resembling a hobo convention can start a huge fire in a residential enclave and not attract any real response.

Back at the hut, which after all these years still bore no working light, Miscarriage brought out the chicken wing entrées bringing back memories of Pizza’s “quail” wing debacle at Evandale, except these were reals chicken wings. Next up was the tasty chilli mince and mash, including real mince in generous quantities. The finale was the hot apple pie and ice cream favourite.

As the weather plummeted to below zero (well, felt like it anyway), the crowd gathered by the fire and watched the security vehicle do yet another drive by unfazed (or unwilling to respond) by the fire and gathering. Too much paper work to explain this one he figured. Sir Prince Valiant was the only person who ran here on run number #1, when this was the Surfers Paradise Raceway, and gave us an insight into the run on that memorable virgin night.

Miscarriage was asked to give a run report on his own event and commented, of course, how wonderful it was and how he kept the pack together. Sir Prince however did add that many a runner seemed to disappear at the varying stages. Jigsaw commented on the food giving it top praise and scoring it at 6.5/10. KB was also praised for his fine efforts at providing the excellent fire and was awarded a down down credit by the RA. Thoughts also go out to Now Loved who’s apparently feeling a little better. Send him a text or email guys.

Down Downs:

Stumpy (or is that Shorty); Visitor from Sunshine Coast Hinterland

Mags, Rob; Returning runners

Rob; Due to history in the seafood business was named “Prawn Star”

Prawn Star; Drinking from wrong hand during RA’s circle

KB; Drinking from wrong hand, lost his credit

Blowfly; Queue jumping in front of Hierarchy

Missing Link; Last year’s Hash Cash trying to do in this year’s Hash Cash, Blackstump, at aforementioned velodrome incident. Perhaps, for delving into last year’s financial affairs

Rectum; Using initiative (saying he had driven all the way from Toowoomba) to get into seeing Blackstump, however at same time GM & Pony were denied access

Flasher: Charged by Botulism for trying to get sympathy from nurse during visit to Blackstump in hospital

Rectum; Charged by Pizza for incident at AGPU

Sir Prince Valiant; Drinking from wrong hand

Rockhard; POW awarded by Caustic for carrying on about how warm his “Skins” gear was

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Disclaimer:Involvement in Hashing may be a dangerous sport. Related activities carry a significant risk of damage to property, personal injury or death. Participate at your own risk!

Run: 1757
Date: Monday 4th July 2011 – American Independence Day
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Len Fox Park, Labrador

Runners: 33
Weeks to AGPU: 48

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1757
Date: Monday 4th July 2011 – American Independence Day
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Len Fox Park, Labrador

Runners: 33

Weeks to AGPU: 48
As seems the usual these days a good crowd arrived, despite yet another event for the well trodden realms of Labrador. Aussie, filling in at late notice decided to capitalise on the date and add an American Independence Day theme advising runners to wear appropriate attire. A good spattering of the hounds donned the red white and blue including hats, shirts, track suits and flags (many of the mini kind donated y Sir Point Two). Sadly though, no sign of Latrine in sight.

The run started to the north but quickly disappeared west into the depths of beyond after a first on back. Over the highway and further west as we zigged and zagged running into checks and on backs. Before hitting Turpin road we turned south and again were turned by on backs cleverly concealed under wheelie bins. Along Turpin road and then east before heading towards Sir Rabbit’s Den for no doubt a themed drink stop. Wrong, on back. It was then the lengthy trek home along Stevens street (no drinks at Blowfly’s either) and skimming past McDonalds hoping for an American themed dining experience, again to no avail.

Back at the circles of wisdom (circular concrete seats at the park), the pack were met with a spread of nibbles made up of appropriately themed pretzels, popcorn, and dips. Even Budweiser beer was made available at the usual $2.00, making it hard to knock back. The hot dogs followed with a few starting to grumble, thinking this was it until the hamburgers appeared and we finished off with the Cheesecake dessert. A feast Uncle Sam would have been proud of, it’s a pity American type food is likely to wipe most of us out and further expand those bulging waistlines.

Rectum gave the run report stating it was “short but good and (importantly) kept the pack together”. Caustic followed with the nosh critique saying “it even looked like real meat” and gave it a worthy 7/10, however he did complain saying we should ban future runs from the Labrador area for the rest of the year (another Corrosive Caustic Comment or CCC for short).

The GM reported that our first legal action was in the wind with Missing Link claiming compensation for short payment of his “Gourmet” meal last week. As a consequence weekly nosh fees will rise to $135 per week, including the $15 run fee not required from the hare (only one). Read above for full details.

Down Downs:

Excelpet & Carlos (or is that Roma, Pizza’s mate); Visitors

Arseup & Blowfly; Returning runners

Aussie; Hare

Kitchen Bitch; Walking to Grand for a beer & for holding beer in wrong hand

Rock Hard: For missing KB holding beer in wrong hand during RA’s session

Show Pony, Flatulence, Bent Banana; KB’s accomplices at pub

Bent Banana; Rule #2 infringement involving a lewd act upon a helpless bovine and subsequent photos going viral.

Bent Banana; Drinking from wrong hand during RA’s circle

Rock Hard; Missing above said infringement

Sir Rabbit; Doing ½ Marathon and wearing gay Liberace outfit (Swollen, Excelpet & Miscarriage also did the Half Marathon, well done over achievers!)

Caustic; POW from Rainbow for trying to dob him in and for golf course indiscretions

Caustic; Trying to charge Aussie for “borrowing” his esky (possession laws applied)

Excelpet; Charged by Cumsmoke for deserting post and leaving him with Trail Master posting

Aussie: Charged by Miscarriage for similar offence to Miscarriage’s brother at recent royal wedding

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs