Run: 1737
Hares: The Sirs
Location: Robina Common, Robina
Date: 14 February 2011

Unbelievable expectation was the overwhelming feeling of the pack. Sir Slab setting the run and the other Sirs doing the nosh……. could it get any better WOW !!! almost one hundred years of Hashing in one small group!!!! YES almost ONE HUNDRED years.

Sir Slab gathers the pack for instructions and it’s On On out of the Robina Common to the first of many checks. As expected the trail is marked to perfection and the little alleyways and parks found by our hare never cease to amaze. Along the boardwalk around the lake and Circumference finds a public liability test in the making… arse over head and face down full of splinters, Circumference is wounded beyond repair… “here take the bike … watch the brakes” and Sir Slabb is now a competitor in his own run.

Back to the nosh area for fresh fruit platters and nibbles galore, the waft of Sir Rabbit’s “Rabbit stew with a touch of spice” is in the air. A bunch of amateur chefs gather around Sir Prince and Sir Rabbit to work out “What is”

Free Crownies compliments of birthday boy Bent Banana flow freely and Dickie Knee confesses “ It’s my birthday TODAY too” …. off to the pub in the KB carriage and a carton of crownies later Dickies birthday bash is underway too.

The kitchen appears to have a few technical problems at this point…. one council barbie is US and the other has modest heat …. trainee Cumsmoke is attempting to cook the breads and at this rate they will be ready for breakfast. The second gas ring has failed at the joint and replicates a flame thrower more than a cooking device. KB attempts to assist and gets the ultimate insult from Sir Rabbit and a gash across the left hand knuckles to boot … Fukc off KB .. we’re OK … (we’ll see On Sec)

Sir Prince gets a bit of advice from seasoned kitchen hands and relegates the last gas ring to the trusty wok and gives Cumsmoke the arse from his apprenticeship as master chef.
Its almost 8.20PM and the production line has finally hit maximum output….

8.30 PM…. Nosh is served and KB has wormed his way in …. portion control is NOT required and a hearty meal of Rabbit’s stew is dispensed to all …. must have been good .. even Cumsmoke was stopped with one serving.
Compliments on the chilli beef concoction fly thick and fast……

Sir Prince is in full flight with the banana and pineapple fritters well on the way.. the pack is getting restless…… seems bed time is creeping upon them and some valentine’s day duties to perform.

Ice cream, fritters, fruit salad and topping complete the Gormet Hash extravaganza.
CIRCLE in 20 minutes echoes across the common.. more twitch from the ETBs (Early to bed)

Its 9.03 PM
CIRCLE UP YOU LOT.
Welcome by GM Flasher …
Birthday boy Dickie gets front row centre seating.

This week’s sponsor …. Dickie Knee’s sex change clinic is announced and suitable photographic proof is offered around … the pack confirms Dickie is suitably qualified however a “RULE ONE ‘ protest could see the closure of the clinic any minute.

Pizza claims genitalia disturbance with viewing the evidence

Botcho announces “The gate’s closing”

Pizza gives a note and Dickie gets the DD with one of his own crownies… “ I fire up pretty good when I’m half pissed” claims Dickie when asked about his domestic obligations not yet performed today.

RUN REPORT.
Veteran ….. “Good run”
Nasty ….. “ Great when walkers and runners meet up just before the end” Well done Slab.

Circumference ….. ‘’i’m suing”… the spoils will be shared around the club. Leach and Leach are on the case!!!

NOSH REPORT.
Arse up …….. “Great curry!!!! Love my curry and that was great!!”

Dicky Knee … special thanks for my special birthday pot of nosh for my “Dicky stomach”

Jigsaw gives the note.

RETURNING RUNNERS.
Moonbeams …. Been to South East Asia GM ….. great in soooooooo many ways.
Seems Mooonbeams fiancé contributed to the cooking excellence of Sir Prince with a few secret S,E,Asian tips.

Moonbeams cops a couple of Hash breakout songs of “She’ll be cumin round the mountain when she comes” closely followed by “She’ll be wearin pink pyjamas when she comes”
Moonbeams responds with comment on Pizza’s semi naked appearance in circle in his “Italian Stallion” robe.

2nd Birthday Boy Bent Banana is up next …….
Tales of Bent Banana’s wife training…. seems it has been a 48 year work in progress affair with petrol station filling yet to be completed on the curriculum.

Bent Banana gets off a DD with two verses of Barnacle Bill the sailor.

GM Flasher’s Hash Knowledge quiz gets held over for another time considering the hour. Pizza ALMOST gets the only question right but still won’t cover his boisterous comments flowing over his wine glass.

R/A is up next…
POW Sir Rabbit …. awards the POW to the most obvious …. Evil Caneval Circumference the thrill seeker.

Pizza gets scolded for no warning of the faulty boards.

Dicky Knee gets the second of GM Flasher’s home baked birthday cakes including all the usual toppings of jam and chocolate.

Pizza gives the note.
Pizza is on warning for numerous “RULE ONE “infringements with the exposed flesh and robe malfunctions.

Next week’s run …… Rockhard … Varsity Lakes.

9.32PM Moonbeams calls ….. “End of circle”

On On
KB.

Additional … Letter to the editor
The aftermath of “Sirs” Run 1737
Aka
The Valentine’s Day Massacre

Letter to the Editor

After an extended night of quaffing copious quantities of fine wines and devouring “mountains” of “hot & spicy” curry and other assorted goodies CC made his way to the rear of the Swollen mobile (ex=ambulance) for the return journey home to his waiting Valentine.
Just to explain the rear seat was an unsecured Hash chair squeezed between the ironing board covers and the seat belt was a freight tie down strap; off we went with CC’s “roadie wine” resembling aftershave every time he tried to have a quaff.

The claustrophobic bucking chariot finally arrived at Chateau Caustic who was duly deposited unceremoniously on the roadside with Hash gear/Hash Cash and with normal Monday night fumbling found the keys to the various security doors and eventually stumbled indoors to find Miss Valentine waiting and draped on the chaise-longue dressed in black sexy lingerie!

CC stumbled over to give her a welcoming kiss but was repelled with a stiff arm Muay Thai death strike and was accused of “smelling like a brewery”!!!! Off went CC to the sanatorium ablution block and with a few stumbles and curses disrobed and scrubbed the Adonis like body ready for the main course ;jumping into bed with anticipation little did he know what was to transpire ……Yeh you got it SLEEP !!

SLEEP was however short lived !!
3.31am the first rumblings of trouble were detected with a gentle zephyr of flatulence being emitted ;quickly CC turned over (away from Miss Valentine) and directed the offending emission at the open bedroom window; abdominal discomfort did not allow CC to hold this gentlemanly position for long and returned to the recumbent position … A big mistake !!
A fart of biblical proportions leapt from CC’s lower regions and I swear the doona behaved like the proverbial magic carpet!!

The first stirrings of Miss Valentine were evident and when the next burst of curry induced flatulence arrived CC was told to remove his offending personage to the spare room

Leaving with an indignant parting last salvo, CC felt aggrieved but somewhat relieved to be given carte blanche to “fart at will”…. WRONG!!!

Continuous salvos continued with increasing abdominal spasms and cramps!

4.05 the final 20 gun salute confirmed the inevitable requirement for CC to arise and in a crab like stumble and ever increasing panic make his way at best speed to the “dunny”

4.07 With fear and trepidation the dam breeched; at first there was evidence of flotsam debris! With one last near childbirth squeeze the dam walls fractured and a Tsunami wave resembling the recent Brisbane river floods ensued; with “brimming” eyes ,sweaty forehead and shaking knees CC endured the next 20 pain filled minutes.

4.27 Finally the storm blew over and the “mop up” could commence …….WRONG!!!
The last selfish guest had exhausted the supply!! Raising one sweaty cheek CC managed to open the under sink cupboard looking and praying for re=supply…..WRONG!!!

With desperation of a dying man CC whimpered the following romantic words …”Oh Darling are you awake and could you please bring me a roll of toilet paper …….“NOTHING!
The words were repeated from a dulcet plead to finally a strident demand which eventually resulted in CC hearing the front door creak open and then slam shut ; CC was sure he heard something like …”You dirty bastard…………. !!!!!!

Moral of the story
Never mix Monday night “mens”Hash with romance!
(Or …. Get your priorities right!!!! On sec)

Anon

Run: 1736
Hare: Sir Cumference & Latrine
Location: Len Fox Park, Labrador
Date: 7th February 2011

Fox Park Labrador opposite the Latrine home for wayward youth was the venue for this week’s run. Circumference had set a run that for some ended before it started On On at the waterside a choice of three directions North South or East (over the water) Miscarriage heads the Northern pack all the way along the path to the bridge before “On Back” is called. Nasty and KB are caught in the returning pack back across the On On …. by hash rules that is the end of the run…. Sharing and caring Nasty and KB immediately notice there is no security at the nosh area and all the hash booze is there for the collection by any prowling Labrador Larrikins… Only one thing to do …. Abandon the run and risk life and limb protecting the booze stash.

Latrine and Circumference finally pop out of the Latrine roost and the security duo figure a late run could still be on…. wrong !!! Latrine and Circumference are off the drink stop …. not with any drinks .. BUT it’s the thought that counts.

First back are Missing Link and Veteran lost the trail after 2 klms so next best option was local knowledge, the pack slowly drift back with numerous comments flowing “ No fukcing drinks” “Where is my hot pie” “ Cumsmoke that’s your second” “Fukc you” “ 10 biscuits for 34 hashers Hmmmm” “ There was NO sweep” “Ferret your supposed to sweep” “Get knotted”” Blackie says just trying to teach my leg a lesson”
Cold beers and bullshit flows…. savouries are served and the high humidity gets to the Aldi bargain bickies and cheese … but it’s OK there are only 10 in total for 34 hashers. Hot Pies and spring rolls are out next just in time for Caustic to arrive back and see Cumsmoke devouring Caustic’s share … the quick and the dead theory is alive and well in our R/A’s world.
Swollen has taken over Croc’s roll sucking up to the GM …. “If I had a chair GM I WOULD gladly give it up for you … I promise, not like these other greedy pricks”

Next course from the Latrine gourmet noshery is Chilli con carne and rice …. slight portion control on the rice becomes apparent and the “ever tactful” Cumsmoke wants to know “ what sort of soup is this??”

Latrine’s FAMOUS FRESH fruit salad and ice cream is up next and as good as it gets. All inside budget too!!!
Its 8.08 PM and GM Flasher arrives with his newly refurbished staff and GM gear calling “CIRCLE IN 1 Minute.
GM Flasher announces two failures … No show from this week’s sponsor .. held over.

No show from a birthday Hasher too … held over.
HARES …………..Latrine and Circumference
Trail report ….. Miscarriage calls it “Well marked” to some conjecture from the pack. A random call from the depths says “ GREAT drinks stop” Hmmmm !!!
Caustic is still bleating about “NO SWEEPER “
Caustic and Shat have decided in their wanderings that a Hash renaming is in order.. It is floated by Shat the Ferret should be renamed “Hash C#&@”
Consideration is given to this extraordinary demand for a fleeting second among raucous laughter …. motion dismissed!!!
Ferret gets to comment on the Nosh….. “Good” was his view!
Cumsmoke comments … “had no money to buy my soup!!”
Show Pony gives the note.
RETURNING RUNNERS
Latrine …….. Disconcerted GM
Bully ….. Been in Singapore buying new shoes GM.
Sir AH … Been mopping up the Brisbane floods GM.
Josephine gives the note.
YELLOW CODE ……..
Rock hard ……….Computer is down GM … don’t know!!
Blackie …… Don’t have a computer GM Can’t afford one !!! … Don’t know.
Missing Link saves the day …. “R” GM “R” for Rock hard GM.
DD’s all round and Missing Link gives the note.
R/A is up next …..
Latrine and Circumference get a charge from Nasty…………. NO security and interrupting Nasty’s highly disciplined exercise program.
An arms linked (rule one ??) DD follows….. Nasty gives the note.
Miscarriage charges Rainbow with “ Rule one “ infringement …. seems he travelled in a suspect vehicle to the run with an older and younger hash duo with serious “Rule one” tendencies.
Caustic and Cumsmoke are revealed as closet rule one suspects.
Miscarraige offered a “ Chitty Chitty Bang Bang “ note.
R/A finishes his stint….
MORE CHARGES …
Swollen ….. FRB’s not calling …. Miscarriage gets yet another DD. Closely followed by Two Dogs .
Miscarriage gives the On On Ooooooon Oooooonnnnn note.
Caustic gives the R/A a DD for licking the last pie … greedy prick !!!
POW Sir Rabbit complete with pink Rabbit ears … awards the POW BACK TO MISCARRIAGE for no toys or videos in the bag for his dirty weekend……
Miscarriage immediately announces he will be away next week so gives it straight back to Sir Rabbit to be his proxy …. Kama strikes back!!!!
Veteran announces a late change to the splinter lunch venue… Bonus Brothers at the Northern Eastern Southern end of Stephens St
Sir Prince offers a late report on the health of number 3 son …
It appears being held over trapped in the cyclone by his demanding boss he was forced to stay in the backpackers, dining on some unusual delicacies at the “Y”

1.Swedish schnitzel
2.Italian cheese.
3.Australian crumpet.
It appears no 3 is expected to make a full recovery from the ensuing health issues.
Rainbow tells the story of lovers shoes on the wrong feet …… sounded very much like a Tassie excuse (on sec)
8.37 pm …. End of circle!!!!!
On On
KB

Run: 1735
Hare: Miscarriage & Jigsaw
Location: Emerald Lakes, Carrara
Date: 31st January 2011

The site of the very first GCHHH run was the location for the run from this dynamic duo, the reputations were varied with this pair of hares. Miscarriage had dished up some “interesting noshes” along the way. Jigsaw has been “Chef extraordinaire” and the runs have been questionable too.

So the pack of 30 odd Hashers gathered with fear and trepidation to what lay ahead.
On On into the parklands around Emerald Lakes and the 9 Kilometres of walking/riding tracks around the wonderful lakes.

WRONG !!!!
It appears you cannot set a run from your car along the tracks ….. so the roads won the day!!
A massive on back up the highest hill proves the warped humour of hare Miscarriage and scant markings in front of swampy areas saw numerous soggy joggers and socks for the unwary.

Back to the nosh and huge expectations ………. WRONG AGAIN .. serve yourself bred rolls are the order of the day and Jigsaw has officially retired from the Michelin 4 hats guild.
Cold beers, good humour and lies follow prior to Flasher’s call…….

2 Minutes to circle !!!!
30 Seconds to circle!!!
8.20 PM ….. Circle up you lot!!!!
Shat is first up … talking in circle and gives a lame apology to GM Flasher, gets out of a DD.

Flasher bids a “good evening all” …. “If you didn’t attend Australia day … you missed out !!!!”

HARES ……. Jigsaw and Miscarriage.

NOSH REPORT…… from Sir Slabb …. not bad!!!
Show Pony …. NO SALT ?????
Josephine …. Where is the change from my $15 ??????????

TRAIL REPORT……
Aussie …. Bulrushes, slush, leaches, up to my knees in slop … great run.
Josephine …. Climbed under the gate at the same time as Cumsmoke went OVER the gate …. seems Cumsmoke was in such a rush he forgot the undies. Josephine now has a greater respect for our illustrious R/A.

RETURNING RUNNERS
Rob …. been away for 5 years but now back for good.
Rainbow …. Been in Tassie hosting travelling GCHHH Hashers.
Blowfly …. Down helping Maggs put a new roof on … wedding photos still coming!!
Nowloved gives a note.
NEXT UP…… Caustic.
Gets a note and DD in recognition of a great job on the Australia Day run.
Missing Link and KB called to join in the DD.

R/A Cumsmoke
First up POW Miscarriage.
Miscarriage states the candidates always seem to rise above the pack!!!

Candidate 1. Always complaining about the length of time for circle, wanting to get home sooner to his fluffy slippers ………… TWO DOGS.

Candidate 2. Proffered stock market investment advise … now a penny dreadful from $25 per share ……………………… SIR PRINCE.

Candidate 3. New Burke Enterprises employee (Yet to start) gets the keys to the new company car as preferential treatment to a trusted fellow hashman.
As all “Company cars” it gets put through its paces even though it is NOT a 4×4.
New employee is led astray by youthful hashers and CRASHES the new car day one. ………………… MISSING LINK.

Candidate 4. Miscarriage recalls his love for China and reaches for his Chinese silk jacket, announces its Chinese New Year presents a tee shirt and announces the POW belongs to the year of the ………………….. (Sir)RABBIT

Miscarriage gives a (Chinese) note.

R/A continues..
Miscarriage back for his 3rd DD………
Top of the hill false trail.
Marked the trail from the car … Shame!!!!
Rainbow gives the note.

R/A calls for CHARGES.
After a slow start Sir Prince fronts to explain the family crisis created when son number 3 gets a job with a fellow hasher’s business. Son 3 gets sent to FNQ and appointed to “Vice President” of the organization and gets sent to the major project to oversee it ………….

Cyclone hits and No 3 is flood bound and the Princess is getting stressed and
“NOT HAPPY JAN”. Miscarriage is back for his 4th DD.

Sir Prince gives a note.
Miscarriage offers a generous offer to GCHHH .. “it breaks my heart every time I see this” is Mrs Miscarriage comment each time she sees it.

But darling the tee shirt belongs to my twin brother!!!!
The tee shirt is revealed bearing the quote “ I REGRET NOTHING” across the front ….. it is awarded to the outstanding candidate to wear it with pride ………..Caustic Crusader
.
Yellow Photo code ………..
Bent Banana calls it “P” for Peter and gets at great expense a new Santa Suit for next year’s run.

SHAT announces talk to him about NASH HASH in Tassie.

Sir Rabbit gives a Splinter lunch report …. 31 GREAT Pizzas .. a huge thanks to Botcho.
Winners appear to be Nasty and Ferret.

Botcho is called up to get a DD to recognise the first awarded GCHHH Victoria Cross, Miscarriage is awarded a purple heart and gets his Fifth (yes 5th) DD for the night.

Sir Prince reminds the pack that they stand on the very site of the inaugural GCHHH run.
8.55pm … Circumference calls “END OF CIRCLE”

On On!!
KB.