Run: 1743
Hares: Flatulence & Flasher
Location: Lands End, Biggera Waters
Date: 28th March. 2011

Flatulence/Swollen Colon/Flasher.
Flatulence with Swollen Colon followed by Flasher was the theme for tonight’s run!!!!

Gathered at Lands End bridge with parking a premium the pack built to the point where parking was 1 Kilometer away…….. Swollen where are you?????
Swollen where are you ????? echoed across the park.

On On….. stand in hare Flasher is “Live hare” as the trail is washed out… That’s right … Washed out !!!! R/A Cumsmoke is in serious shit !!!!

Flatulence gives the run instructions ….. on on over the bridge and left down the stairs … 2/3rds of the pack only heard “Left” obviously as the debacle unfolds within 40 metres of the start. A great run ensues with the hare being sprung hiding behind a fence at the ¾ mark.

Back to the nosh and “Where the f%$# is Swollen echoes across the park…. seems Swollen is discovered in Sydney and Mrs Swollen was to stand in with the nosh but she is a bit crook and its now over the Flatulence with Flasher filling in for the run.

SIMPLE …. buy a few roast chickens and add them to the Chilli con carne and rice….. add a few cans of peaches and a hash gourmet follows.
Hence the theme of the night … more later !!!!!!!!!

8.00PM and it is apparent that Private Dicky Knee now sees the opportunity for GM nomination with Pizza out of the race…. Dicky is rumoured to be buying votes with TZ video tapes.
“Rockhard for GM” is also an obvious campaign…. seems Caustic has been appointed campaign manager.

Pizza also has votes for sale from his abandoned campaign … at last count there were 2 available ( 1 being Pizza and the other an anonymous member) for $500 each.
Caustic is rumoured to have sold the Benz to fund a late run so he is a likely contender for the Pizza votes.

CIRCLE …. It’s 8.03 pm

VISITORS … Just Dave and Just Sean.

“Who made you cum??” asks GM Flasher!!!

TONIGHT WE HAVE A SPONSOR announces GM Flasher.

A very elegant member…..

Modelling makeover academy ………………

Miscarriage’s Modelling Makeovers P/L is founded tonight revealing the hidden talents of these elegant twin brothers.
Miscarriage wears the plaque of office at half-mast around ankle height.

DDs follow for all concerned!!!!

YELLOW CODE …. “M” GM … off the hook is Bent Banana.

HARE is up next ….. Flatulence !!!

NOSH report …. Cumsmoke you had 3 helpings what were your thoughts???

“Not bad GM but canned peaches Hmmmmmmmmmm !!

RUN report ….. Botcho …. Botcho and Blackstump cop it for short-cutting.

Bent Banana and Rug ….. took half the pack the wrong way at the first check!!!! “SHAME” says Ferret……

R/A is called up to explain the GM getting drenched doing the run and the traditional ICING of the R/A follows.
DDs all round follow the icing.

With a very slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow note from Ruuuuuuuuug.

Splinter Lunch report and Caustic maintains that he arrived at 4.30 to pick up a few members namely Ferret, Pizza, Sir Rabbit and Rug who was imitating a goldfish …. all too pissed to speak … On On to Bent Banana’s for cheese and bickies …..

Seems cheese and bickies is a TWO HANDED job these days for our Rug !!!!

Nasty arrived in style in a blue Lamborghini…… that appeared to take 14 laps around the block to find a suitable park.

The R/A is up next and revenge appears sweet on his menu….. Gross overstatement of the R/A authority ….over-ruling the obvious failure to influence the gods.

R/A Cumsmoke takes revenge on the innocent victims of Bent Banana, KB and Rug with an icing in the same polluted bucket full of germs from the unwashed previous extremities rightfully occupying the ice bucket.

KB followed by Bent Banana and the Rug complete with socks all occupy the ice and get re-entry demands for early exit.

POW Pizza is STILL missing in action somewhere between Bundall and Sydney…
Bring our prick back Pizza !!!!!!!!!!

Next week’s run …. Ferret … somewhere North of the Surf club at Broadbeach…. Look out for the “Ferret Face “It’s easy claims Dicky Knee … it’s under camera 126 !!!!

GM election campaigns are noted from the following … cast your vote carefully !!!

Private Dicky Knee. ( Previous Mayor of Essendon)

Rockhard ( Campaign Mgr Caustic)

Bent Banana ( An independent candidate )

With a late rear entry from Old Fart.

END OF CIRCLE … Called by Ferret at 8.35pm

WELCOME BACK …Point Two .

PS …. The recent letter to the editor from Caustic Crusader on the Valentines debacle ring in the ears of your trusty on-sec.
Flatulence and Swollen Colon with Flasher following up was the theme for tonight…………….

Well, true to Caustic’s rendition of recent events your on-sec is here to confirm the theme for tonight came true around 3.30 am Tuesday.

First was Flatulence of unbelievable proportions as the nosh had brewed its way to gastronomic explosive proportions, involuntary relief of this pressure was greeted with distain from Mrs KB who was now 1.4 mtrs further across the marital bed.

A Swollen Colon was the next obvious transition of this post Hash event with major emergency relief required prior to potential enormous embarrassment of Latrine proportions……………

Hence the final part to the theme ……. Flasher KB races to the ablutions dept to experience the same relief sensations quoted in the Caustic rendition. Only to hear what appears to be a common comment from the fairer sex …”You dirty bastard” ….

Click goes the door to the marital bedroom … KB slinks off to the spare room for good night’s sleep interrupted only by the occasional explosion of gasses playing a steady tune………….

Another successful hash debacle!!!!!

On On
KB

Run:1742
Hare: Elvis
Location: Keith Hunt Park, Labrador
Date:21st March, 2011

Yellow and green “Elvis shirts” only seven bucks …. a gotta have item in any Hash wardrobe.
After some confusion from the traditional early birds Veteran and Shat the pack finally found the venue at the club house for the famous “Gracelands Elvis run of 2011).
On On across the park and over the first water hazard the pack heads off into the darkness of a balmy Autumn night.

Dicky Knee and Sir AH are seen walking as a very close duo (Rule One ????) around the park and back for traditional guard duties and booze sampling.
A great run sees all the pack back close together gathered for a few cold beers happily supported by an esky full of ice cold crownies sponsored by birthday boys Sir Prince and KB. A very tasty nosh follows catered by the clubhouse ladies with a choice of 3 curry dishes with rice and two desserts. A spoil for any Hash group.

8.08 pm Circle in 2 minutes!!!!
CIRCLE … it’s time calls GM Flasher.

Caustic has exerted his powers over hash cash and the run fee is $5 and pay the meal at the counter for $10 it’s a bargain.

HARE ….. Elvis …3 T shirts left!!!!!

Run report… Rug … Very very good >>>>> Well marked too!!!

Veteran ….Well marked … a tad short!!! ( that’s enough of the short comments On sec) No On backs … No tree huggers!!
Old Fart ….. Came in 3 seconds behind GM !!!

NOSH report ….. Cumsmoke back for seconds and thirds having two left over desserts too.

Renamed “Mr Piggy” by the ladies behind the counter Cumsmoke gives the note.
The ladies get the DD for Piggy comments and the worlds slowest DD follows.

“ Why are we waiting, Why are we waiting !! “ follows with three verses.

YELLOW CODE ….. Bent Banana gets it in one “M”
Two dogs gives the note.

Botcho makes note of Pizza’s humble “Step down from GM contention” speech on u tube.

VISITORS …. Barnacle Bill.
R/A is up next.
CHARGES …. Nil

POW … Pizza is in Melbourne …. R/A Cumsmoke is off to a great strart !!!!

Elvis gets charged for the creek crossing debacle. Josephine complains near life threatening experience in flooded creek.

Cumagen is charged for NO red wine in the booze bus and he steps forward to reveal the hair cut to beat all hair cuts … it appears the new office must be next to the year one hairdressing school.
After enormous protest Cumagen finally gets outvoted and takes the DD.

Flasher jumps in with both feet in mouth to ask the Pizza delivery guy who he is looking for … A minor Faux D Pas …. He’s one of us GM …. come from the pack!!
Oops!!

Barnacle Bill gets hit for talking on the phone in Hash and proceeds to the centre of the circle with a lime glow in his left pocket … Guilty as charged ……DD
Sir AH gives a note.

Barnacle Bill gets a second DD … Beer this time and drops it down in one hit.
Point Two report ……… Looking pretty good … waiting on a few more tests

Aussie gives a rendition of a “ Sad tale” of his mater in Melbourne a strong Blues supporter gets offered the last of 26 tickets available for the Gabba match.. Arranges flights accommodation and everything… then the last bit is the tickets ….. WRONG !!!!! NO TICKETS …. WHAT ????? Sorry seems Cumsmoke’s got em … So get F$#@%&!!!!
Fellow Hasher Two Dogs to the rescue with one of his and Aussie’s off the hook.

Cumsmoke goes for “without prejudice” insults and protests without success and Cumagen offers a note ( with pleasure GM)
Dicky Knee has Miss TZ footage going through legal screening with Leach and Leach at the moment … should be available shortly with all funds going to higher definition equipment.

Sir Prince Valiant and KB a called up for DD birthday treats and cake offerings.
GM Flasher calls for ideas for an alternative to the birthday cake.
Stripper was voted No1

SPLINTER LUNCH…. Somewhere in Broadbeach ????
Moonbeams love advise for the week ………. Not such a good idea to (Have to)share the bed with ex and suggest “One for old times sake” the carpet would be a better option.
Not to be outdone Moonbeams Marital services are introducing the new love ( Thentherat)to the EX this week in the view of world harmony…. stay tuned!!!!
8.38PM Dicky Knee calls “END OF CIRCLE”

PS 4 crownies left … disgraceful !!! Only one thing to do Sir Prince … 2 for me and 2 for you !!!

On ON
KB
NOTE AGPU only weeks away … time to start sucking.
Some subtle GM election campaigns are becoming evident since Pizza pulled out of the race.

Run:1741
Hares: Sir Rabbit & Pizza
Location: Chevron Island, Surfers Paradise
Date: 14th March, 2011

Hash Chronicle.
15th March 2011
Election campaigns fail across the nation.
Latest opinion poll results predict a major swing against leaders and leading contenders in upcoming elections.
It became evident today that the election campaigns of prominent candidates have hit the rocks across the nation. PM Julia Gillard has steered the national leadership into troubled waters with her very unpopular carbon tax and previous promises. NSW Premier Christina Kinnearly is facing certain defeat in next week’s state election following the sell -off of state assets at bargain prices the Morgan gallop polls disclosed today.

However the most significant collapse from contention in the hotly contested position of Grand Master GCHHH has undoubted been Pizza. After an extensive campaign over a number of years this Italian immigrant from humble beginnings was overcoming his reputation of a loud mouthed beer swilling non conformist, with his charismatic ways even overcoming his speech impediment and occasional naked foray. A couple more years may have even seen the “ Pizza never for GM party “ abandoned. However latest reports in from AAPT indicate the weaknesses in the campaign have been revealed when Mr Pizza has attempted to show his GM capabilities ………. The debacle that followed can only go into Hash records showing there is a considerable amount of work to be done by this candidate before he can be regarded as a serious contender if at all.
Run committee sacks hare.

The recent sacking of co-hare Pizza from run duties for 12 months has come as no surprise to the experienced campaigners in GCHHH. It would appear Co-hare Sir Rabbit has denied “ALL KNOWLEDGE and responsibility “ for the run trail ( or lack of it) last Monday night. Pizza appears to have been given notice that Nosh is now the only option and that too must reach higher levels.
GCHHH Pack lost at first mark.

A world record request has been submitted by the secretary of GCHHH for the fastest loss of the hash pack in living memory. The latest statistics prove beyond all doubt that the entire pack of 31 runners was completely lost within 1.7 minutes of starting the run. It was only the powers of elimination and some inside knowledge that lead the pack to the designated drink stop with not ONE arrow within 1.2 Kilometers. Will keep you posted.
Possible food poisoning from St Patrick’s day beer.

An enquiry is being held as to the state of the “green mass” served to the Hash pack at a recent function… It would appear there is some question as to the substance being green dye or MOULD. Numerous members of GCHHH were seen to mimic mouthwash antics with the first serving of the green substance, followed by humble attempts to consume the liquid without success. The Italian brewer of the liquid was seen to put on a brave face saying “ wotafucksrongwithyoos its buuuuuuutifool!!
Sir Rabbit’s cottage pie and mushy peas a great success.

Just one serving left over and Sir Rabbit was delighted with the compliments from the pack on his cottage pie and peas with crusty rolls. Followed by Pizza Italian mint gelato ice cream the nosh was very well received by all.

Circle in 2 minutes !!!!!
GM Flasher calls … Circle!!!!
Run report …. Josephine.

Only saw two arrows all night and one was the one Pizza drew on the top of his ute!!!!!
Shat ……Well marked … take my (st Patrick’s) hat off to you ???????
Nosh report ……. Two dogs.
First time Sir Rabbit has had sweets in 30 years!!!!
Rockhard…. Tasted like toothpaste!!!
Croc .. Overall …..One fantastic fkcu up!!!
Aussie gives a note !!!! Welcome back GM ( Suk)
Pizza shut up!!!
Pizza SHUT UP !!!!!

Visitors… Billy Graham ( Free bibles from Hash cash)

Yellow code.
Veteran … no idea.
Sir Slab …. no idea.
Two Dogs ……. couldn’t find it !!
Jigsaw … no idea
Sir Rabbit … looked for hours!!!

GM Flasher says “R “ you slack arses……… WRONG

Botcho has a rare stuff up .. there was NO secret letter !!!!!!!!!!
Sir Slab offers a note.

Special mention RETURNING RUNNER …. Quacker is back from his last run in 1978

SPECIAL NOTICE ……..
Point Two has had a minor stroke or the like , Two Dogs is staying in touch and Point Two seems OK will stay in touch.

R/A Cumsmoke
First charge is Flasher for his new Jarmie coat Hmmmmmmmmm ( First rule???)
Charges … Caustic attempts to re-name Rainbow to CHIP after a golf course altercation with a flying 3 iron takes out part of Rainbow’s two front teeth…….. Overruled and Caustic gets the DD.
Circumference gets charged with “ Vexatious litigation” by the R/A …. ( Big words … hope it’s a LOT of money as we all share in it !!!!)
POW …. Swollen

After being lost (as we all were) in Orchid Ave with no money, poor Swollen thought he may have to sell his body to get the cab fare home.
The POW goes to the obvious choice …. EX GM candidate PIZZA.
Swollen gives a note.

A SERIES OF VERY POOR JOKES on many subjects FOLLOWED …. none of which are worth repeating!!!
Pizza finally gets one in about eskys with ice cream and chicken that just made the grade.

Finally Miscarriage comes out of his shell and charges the “secret men’s society “ … The brotherhood on keeping insider trading information to themselves.
Sir Prince, Rockhard are charged with not sharing the inside info on the “public listing of a company “ that went from $20 per share to $2 Hmmmmmmmmm
Other news is Miscarriage’s twin has had a life sentence handed down for misbehaviour and may never be seen again…. ( there is always the right of parole)
Pizza gives back Miscarriage’s keys after he walked home and Miscarriage gives a note.

Irish attire is noted as missing from the trail master’s garb so another DD follows for good measure . Thanks are given to Bob Brown for tonight’s theme.

Next week’s run ….. Elvis T Shirt run at the hockey club.

9.20PM and Moonbeams is back so he “closes the circle” on what has got to be the greatest fuck up in Hash History!!!!

BUT!!! …. a belly full of laughs!!!!

On On
KB.