Run 1749
Hare: Rainbow
Location: Nerang
Date: 9th May, 2011

GCHHH Run 1749 Rainbow/Caustic Crusader Sewerage memorial run.

What’s that on the windscreen??? Surely not rain AGAIN !!! Has the R/A failed yet again??? Well now the wipers are on high speed and the boat in the park can be seen through the blur…. Parked looking into the park it is quite evident the shelters are used as free training facilities by the local fitness trainers ……… little do they know that 27 elite athletes are about to descend on them.

The rain subsides just in time for Rainbow to announce he has only one piece of chalk and the flour was laid 4 hours ago… not looking good !!!!
On On over the bridge a mix of walkers and running trail blazers head into the darkness all headed to pay respects to the fallen hashers since departed.

All goes well and we have 24 hashers gathered at Sewerage’s graveside waiting for the few stragglers to show up ….. 20 minutes goes by and Sir Rabbits Hash foot candle is about to expire …. torch lights over the common give hope that we have finally got the full pack… Nasty says “F$#@ it’s a bloody swamp in there !!” finally Swollen emerges out from under the 3 foot high grass and Old Fart follows in minutes to come in second from a full run for the first in his Hash career. Where the F$%# is that light going ….. A quick head count and it is worked out that Girls is lost in the swamp … finally after countless “Areyou” calls the dim light of Girl’s torch shows round the back of the lake… The pack re-forms and Girls arrives just in time to here the comments of Sir Prince and join in a hymen of remembrance for Sewerage and other departed Hashers. On back to the nosh for Caustic’s chicken curry delight and fresh Turkish bread with enough for seconds all round, followed by Rainbow’s home baked delicacies (Coles)and lamingtons fresh from Woolworths. Caustic has done well with not much notice the pot is scaped dry and 1,000,000 farts are brewing already.

FREE PISS FREE PISS … It’ Two Dog’s birthday Old beers all round… Thanks Two Dogs!!!!!!!!

The fitness guys have finally gone so “Circle in 2 Minutes” is called.

It’s 8.55PM ….. Circle.

The HARE ….. Rainbow.

Seems security came looking for lights across the field. Girls and Miscarriage found a bond in the darkness, Missing link is still looking for his left shoe somewhere in the bog and Swollen has officially joined the Wherethefuckarewe tribe. Mumbles gives the note.

NOSH .. Out sourced Caustic Crusader and Coles direct Rainbow get a vote of confidence from all.
Rainbow says “very good GM “ Hmmm (His run)

Sir Rabbit says …, Where’s the bloody rice??

Two Dogs gives the note.

YELLOW CODE
Missing Link fails but calls hierarchy exemption.
“F” for fart …. Old Fart gets it !!!

VISITORS
Just Bob … Swollen’s guest
Sir AH gives him a note.

Barnacle is recognized and Roy the big “O” is back again with “Only the lonely” echoing across the Nerang river … NOTE .. No hash gear!!!

Sir Rabbit is recognised for his 1400 runs and a royal inquest is opened into Sir Rabbit’s run score ( I’m backing Sir Rabbit) Sir Rabbit is presented with a brand new Hash 1400 runs jacket that is quickly taken back for embroidery. Nasty gets a DD for leaving his treasured silver goblet behind somewhere.

Rockhard gives the note………

RETURNING RUNNERS…..
Rockhard Back from the West with $$$$$$$$$
Swollen back from London supporting Mrs Swollen having spent $$$$$$$$$$$$$ Suck’s up to GM Flasher with a stale can of pommy piss.
Croc gives the note.

R/A is next.

Charges ???

Caustic lays a trumped up charge about some questionable rule one infringements from kids at the top of the hill last week. Croc adds fuel to the fire with Bonfire tales and KB gets the DD.
R/A debates a nonagon (Nine sides) only to trap the majority in the octagon EIGHT sided shelter.

POW … Just John.

Nominates Nasty coz he is a “nice” person (He’ll learn)

Then Sir Slab for getting him into this Hash bit!!!

Sir Slab gets the POW

Sir Prince offers a note.

GM Flasher announces he is off on official Hash business O/S for 2 weeks.

Flasher also gives a report on Pizza lost at KL airport and rescued by a hasher who turns out to be from the same wog town as Pizza and now found a newest best friend ……Poor bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two Dogs announces is just a mere 52years this week.

Nasty gives him a birthday note.

Ports all round for those who are not driving and a Hash Hymen for departed Hashers.

Next week’s run gets greeted with blank looks from co-hares Mumbles and Rug

“ What F$#%@&*$ Run !!!!!….. Maybe that was because they were in the company of the rest of the dwarfs ( see photos) and the thought they were Dopy and Sleepy.

Bent Banana calls ……. End of circle…..It’s 9.45 PM

KB is off home to enjoy 1,000 farts over the next 5 hours … Mrs KB NOT impressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SAFE TRAVELS FLASHER !!!!
On On
KB.

Run 1748
Hare: Kitchen Bitch
Location: Tallebudgera
Date: 2nd May, 2011

The last time your trusty on-sex woke feeling like this was after the 2010 AGPU where he was roped into this thankless job.

Took a quick look at the wine rack ……. Hmmmm , 3 bottles of 389 and 4 bottles of Portuguese plonk, then outside to tidy up, the keg is empty too, thank goodness the land cruiser is there to take all this crap away. The place looks amazingly clean and Mrs KB has a palates class before she heads home having absconded before the pack arrived for her sleep-over at her daughter’s place.

Slowly the fog lifts and the antics of last night come drifting back, first and foremost was the amazing job done by Sir AH on the addition to the GCHHH pack formal wardrobe. The top hats provided by your caring hierarchy have been adorned with amazing wit from our minister for loose ends…. WELL DONE!!!!

Then it dawns on me that the dishes are all washed up and the number of helpers in the KB Masterchef kitchen consisted of a small army. Pizza, Croc, Botcho, Sir Prince, Sir AH, Cum Smoke, Jigsaw, Moonbeams, Nasty, Now Loved and even GM Flasher were just a few that flashed through my tired brain cells……..Plate-em up !!!!! Thanks guys!!!

Even the overnight love birds Flasher and Botcho had the mop out trying to get rid of the 3.5 Kgs of grass clippings on Mrs KB’s favourite white tiles before heading off to beddy-byes at midnight…… Thanks again.
Cum-smoke has lived up to his name and any second the Camphor –Lauren trees are certain to burst into flames above the bonfire….. but no complaints.

I must take everything back previously said about the total failure with divine intervention and our R/A’s connections with higher powers …. It’s pissed down for 4 days then out comes the sunshine on Monday morning …….. Then on Tuesday, hail and 50mm of torrential rain make the trail impossible…….. Thanks heaps R/A!!!
Well best try and remember as much as possible and write the trash…. F#@%!!! What did happen????

3.30PM ….. Pizza arrives to set up the (large) keg he has kindly DONATED.

4PM … Sir AH on hat delivery arrives closely followed by Cumagen with the rest of the grog…… first drinks are served.

4.15PM …Flasher and Botcho arrive for their “rule one” sleepover.

4.30 PM ….The majority of the pack has arrived!!!

5.05 PM …. The pack is off on the trek through neighbouring properties and KB hopes the “on back” up the hill traps a few. The walkers take on the hill option over the flat walk and all is running to plan.

5.07 PM … The first willing volunteers in Sir AH, Pizza, Cum Smoke and Now Loved help set up the deck dining area and out come the amazing top hats.

5.45PM … The walkers are back with a few SCB’s and FRB’s.

5.55PM …. Pizza’s free grog is going down well!!!!

6.00PM … Nibbles ….. Pizza pieces and fresh bruschetta with fetta

6.15PM …. More nibbles … KB has unloaded the freezer and the cured Mahi Mahi is a winner!!

6.30PM …. GM calls “Be seated you lot”

6.35PM … Mrs KB’s home-made Pea and Leek soup is served.

6.50PM … Country Bar-B-Q and vegies is next.

7.15PM … KB have you got any spare red wine???? ( that’s where it went) for $10 a bottle … sure try this Portuguese qwaffer!!

7.16PM … Cum Smoke is trying to burn down upper Trees Rd in one hit … the bon fire is lit and “circle in 5 minutes is called” … delay sweets (we’re too full)

7.25PM… The heat around the bon-fire is getting bearable and GM Flasher calls circle.
HARE … KB is called.

(At this point Caustic informs your on-sex that he has forgotten to take notes… On-sex is slightly pissed and says “I’ll wing it” Hmmmmmmmm!!)

RUN Report ….. Sir Slab … Not bad , well marked, worst on-back in Hash history!!! ( YES!!! … it’s worked I have got a few)

NOSH Report…..( Think it was ) Shat …..Raised the bar again KB … very happy!!

Visitors…… Hash Pash GM from Tassie Hash, and four others ( Sorry no notes)

SPECIAL GUEST …. Flown in for the GCHHH Anniversary dinner THE BIG “O” ROY makes a cameo appearance but Hash Cash won’t pay his fee so we get three bars of “ Only the lonely”
The R/A has seen fit to adorn the Papal gown and gear flown in back from the royal wedding for this important occasion …….. The neighbours at this point think the KKK is definitely meeting burning some poor prick at the steak. Charges run thick and fast with Miscarriage in his normal form entertaining all, with the visitors trying to figure just what this lot must be smoking.

The POW Nasty gets his four candidates out and spreads the award around the lot of them …..

The MOST important part of the evening follows ……

GM Flasher and MFLE Sir AH present the milestone awards to the following ….

Caustic Crusader … 100 Runs

Nasty…..300 Runs

Flasher ….. 450 Runs ( Just wanted a jacket)

Now Loved…..500 Runs

Mumbles …..500 Runs.

Missing Link ….. 600 Runs.

Backstump….. 900 Runs.

EXTRA SPECIAL MENTION was made of Sir Rabbit’s amazing 1,400 runs … yes the 1,400th was tonight. ( watch this space)

8.30PM …Moonbeams calls ….. “End of circle”

8. 40 PM ….. Sweets are served … Mrs KB has baked for days her Grandmother’s recipe, Banana and Walnut loaf served with a dash of caramel and ice cream.

9.05PM …. Time for (quite)a few quiet ones in front of the fire.

12 Midnight …. Lovebirds are tucked in, the coppers haven’t been, KB is off to nigh-nigh’s happy that the GCHHH anniversary dinner, awards and top hats appear to have been successful……. Sweet dreams Big Dog!!!

6.45AM …. F#@& my head hurts……

7.15AM …. Flasher and Botcho head down the hill.

10.45AM … Mrs KB is back and cannot see a speck out of place!!!!

ON ON
KB

PS …. Hope you all enjoyed … I had a ball !!!
Special thanks to girls at No 660 for the access …. Would you believe I only met them 10 days ago, but one ran in a mixed Hash in the UK for a while…..
Hashing wins again !!!

Run 1747
Hare: Moonbeams
Location: Robina
Date: 25th April, 2011

Just shows what rumours of a great nosh can do to swell the numbers… the word was out…. Chew the rat was doing the cooking and it’s a public holiday.

After the run through the back blocks of ever nature reserve, easement and short cut in Robina the pack met up time and time again with the walkers ably assisted with directions by Nasty who has spent more time snooping around the back allies of Robina plotting hash runs than most locals.

On On back to the nosh area to some super cold Crownies compliments of GM Flasher for his birthday this week…. thanks Flasher!!!
Sir AH has the lighting sorted and it looks like a movie crew should arrive any minute.

“How many do you think Timothy??” Moonbeams asks Missing Link “Oh I think 20 will be it “ says Link … Wrong !!!!! 26 hungry hashers turn up … none as ravenous as Cumsmoke. KB …. help !!!! Portion control, Portion control!!!

F#%@ that means I’m going to miss out again… Oh well KB by name KB by nature I guess. “So where is the second pot of rice Moonbeams??? “ Huh!! What do you mean there should be plenty WRONG!!!! BUT it IS bloody delicious !!!! Two scoops of rice and a serving of sweet and sour along with Thai chicken curry and it’s down to the last scoop as the end of the line up pops into sight….. Made it with just Moonbeams, C T R and KB to share the last two spoons of rice and the tasty delights of C T R. Delicious … just not quite enough of it !!

Dessert ????????????? Ran out of time GM !!!!!!

CIRCLE in 5 Minutes!!!
Circle up you lot !!!!

HARE and HARETTTE
Moonbeams and Chew the Rat.

RUN REPORT ….. Botcho … “not bad for half a run”

Mumbles …….. “Mmmmmholidaaaaay runnnnnnnnn mmmmm nottttt baaaaaaaaad”.

Croc ……. “Loved the walk 9/10 for me”

Circumference ….. “Plenty of boardwalks and not one loose board”

NOSH REPORT …….
Cumsmoke …… “CENSORED” something about drive through on way home !!
The Pack……….. Where the f$#@’s dessert…. see above!!!

Sir Prince Valiant gives the note………….

Moonbeams introduces Chew the rat ( Boo for short) here on a six month visa which is almost up ….. Moonbeams not to be drawn on the marriage option!!!!
VISITORS …….. Pissy Fit ……Member of Border hash and thirsty Thursday
Rumour is we have picked him up in the draft !!!!!!!

Croc gives the note……

Returning runners are here in abundance.

Mumbles ……. Been away GM ( really ?????)

Elvis ………. 4th run this year

Nasty ……. Will be here right through to the AGPU GM (Got to get my 10 up !!)

Tidal Wave…… Working in PNG GM . seems the law of the gun is rife !!!!! (Yuk!)

Mumbles is called on for special comment about the threat to Hugh Hefner …. Mumbles has nothing for the press at this point.

Sir Slab gives the note.

R/A is up next.
CHARGES ……..

Seems “Cockatoo” is the call of the night and our illustrious R/A has been out scouting the grab a granny bars with desperation keeping (more)into his selection process. G.U.E. is high on the list of priorities for Saturday night’s escapades. “Go ugly early” is fine but did it have to be THAT ugly?????
Seems once caught, this catch of Cumsmokes wasn’t going anywhere until it was tagged!!!!!! Close your eyes and hope no-one you know is watching … WRONG !!!!! Rumour has is the point score was 1.5/10.

Caustic … get out here on the Ice !!!!! ( The R/A is not mucking around)

While Caustic is on the ice for some unknown charge ……………. Sir Prince tells the story of Vile ringing at some ungodly hour to get a feeby for one of his ex wives …… Sir Prince says “How did you get my number?” ….. From my newest best friend Ferret, was the reply. Seems Ferret and Vile are going into business offering advice on company formation and migration matters tapping into the vast experience Vile has in these areas.

FINALLY …. it is revealed why Caustic Crusader is on the ice. Out poor R/A was sucked into having a night off from driving the drunks ( Caustic and Aussie) home from hash week after week. So being a public holiday slipped into a few late arvo ….. after getting to hash Caustic has got the sniff of a bottle of red and the next thing poor Cumsmoke is designated driver with a unanimous vote from the only member of the booze bus mob … Caustic !!!! A charge and icing fully justified!!!

Sir Prince gets charged with being a law breaker and “Low life” letting down the wonderful PR exercise of giving away other people’s money recently. Seems the bike helmet doesn’t look so cool on the beach picking up young spunks.

Sir Prince also sent the regards of Miscarriage who it appears was last seen at the Murwillumbah races with his twin brother…………

Now Loved charges the R/A with drunken phone calls at midnight looking for discount vouched for taxis to take the ugliest capture home to Ipswich.

Now loved gives a note.

POW …. Caustic Crusader nominates half the pack ( we were on an early night up till this point)

Mumbles …. too much sex ( just jealous)

Cumsmoke …. Too much G U E . Where’s dessert …. I’m F#@$%&# starving!!

Two Dogs …. Goat Farka in drag!!!

Missing Link ….. some trumped up charge about cocking up the run tally ( He’s too smart to do that ?????????????)
Botcho gets called to give evidence and out comes blatant rule one infringement…… “Timothy and I are good friends…. I couldn’t comment”
Circumference ….. Confirms a 50/50 split with Hash on his multi million dollar payout and gets off getting the POW.

Sir Rabbit …. Fancy not going to the splinter lunch just coz your daughter in having a child that day.
Croc …. skipped over as Caustic gets distracted further on.
Old Fart ….. Loitering on wave break Island with intent. Not coming to anniversary run just coz he is Qld supervisor of the scouts gang show.
Moonbeams ….. poor run … not enough tucker.

Back to Missing Link who spits the dummy … claiming hierarchy privilege.
CAUSTIC IS DESPERATE …. He really doesn’t have a contender after all this bullshit….. put your hand up if you want !!!!!! As if !!!
NASTY…… your POW for no reason other than you said you will be here next week.

Nasty drops the POW DD in one hit.

R/A gets brave ( Or stupid ) at this point and calls the GM into circle ………..
Moonbeams you better come in too ……… Happy birthday guys !!! Both on the same day too.

Circumference gives the birthday note.

YELLOW CODE …… Nasty says Eh!!! Eh !!!! or was that “A”

Sir Rabbit hands the Splinter lunch report over to Sir Slab who says it will be a
“ Royal affair” at Celsius restaurant Burleigh Heads on the corner of Connor St and Park Rd.
Cumagen finally reveals why our R/A has been particularly obnoxious tonight…. seems his cigarettes had mysteriously been mislaid in the booze box for the last 3 hours.
7.28PM Moonbeams calls “End of circle”

NEXT WEEK’S RUN.
Anniversary dinner run at KB’s Country Estate.
647 Trees Road Tallebudgera (0419 739233)
Dress code … Hash formal ( Bring a jacket … formal of course)
Arrive any time after 4.15PM is fine ….Sundowner beers will be served for those who choose.
Run Starts 5.15pm
Car pool if you can and allow 30-40 minutes from Surfers.