Run: 1753 AGPU
Location: Aussie China Restaurant, Broadbeach
Date: Monday 6th June 2011

New Hierarchy
GM: Shat

RA: Josephine

Trail Master: Veteran

Hash Cash: Blackstump

On Sec: Two Dogs

Booze Masters: Jigsaw & Swollen Colon

I believe there’s only 51 weeks to go, less if I have anything to do with it!

Oh well, I guess you can only run for so long, and I have gone to some extraordinary lengths of recent in avoiding being on the Hierarchy. It’s a bit like “Readers Digest”, you can keep moving, but they’ll get you in the end!

At least the past Hierarchy have duly selected a superb team who will have no trouble in siphoning off.. sorry I meant servicing the member’s funds, and yet again I feel honoured to be a part of such a fine team and preserving my place as the most capped Hierarchy.

Well, it only took them a year but the outgoing Hierarchy finally got it right, mind you I had to leave early and missed the inevitable “deterioration into a total debacle” bit, which every AGPU seems to eventuate in (and initial photos seem to indicate such). Never the less a great night was in store.

The evening started well with nearly 40 very dapper looking types arriving at the riverside venue for canapés and drinks (finally Tooheys Old has returned!). Many of the ranks were seen grovelling to the Hierarchy with their last ditch election campaign pitches, with Pizza, Bent Banana and even Mumbles shortening further in the odds and Crocodile and Jigsaw prevailing in the “planking” competition. Caustic must have slaved all day in his pad next door preparing these goodies.

After our fill it was time to resemble an orderly pack and head to the Casino so we could play rent a crowd at the Atrium Bar (doesn’t anyone else go out on Mondays?). Following a quick ale or two it was still, surprisingly, an orderly departure to the Monorail station to create a record Monday night (since our last visit anyway), exciting the driver as he extracted the funds from Hash Cash, Missing link. Another longer drink stop followed at the Bar on Broadbeach Mall, where Rectum joined us, and we soon managed to clear the remainder of any crowd left. At 7:30pm sharp we were ordered to depart, still a little orderly, and zig zag our way to the awaiting Chinese restaurant.

First on the agenda were a number of the usual awards, which I’ll hopefully bring you in the near future, presided over by the now teary outgoing GM, Flasher (and I thought we just had an awards night?). Following this was the entrées and copious amounts of red wine served by our lovely waitress types. Also, to Point Two’s delight, and contrary to vicious rumours, the beer flowed freely from a very fine selection. But wait there was more, the give-a-ways, bags, jackets and assorted trinkets and a late (and complicated) printing of the Year Book by KB. I could see the makings of a “black hole” being uncovered! By the way a fine feast followed.

Sadly I missed the rest so I’ll have to wait to view the unedited version of the photos to report further, so stay tuned for more exciting reports (bribes being cheerfully accepted). At least I’ve got a year of no runs to set, free lunches, bribes, a new car, a five year Hierarchy exemption and much much more, I can’t wait! Bring on the “Year of the Shat”!
And don’t worry Pizza and Bent Banana I’ll vote for you next year!

That is all from “The Desk”,
On On
Two Dogs

News Flash… New GM Shat goes power crazy on his first day in office Conscripting poor Botcho on to the Hierarchy, promising free breakfasts as a bribe. Subs may have to rise.

Run 1752
Hare: Botcho
Location: Helensvale
Date: 29th May 2011

GCHHH Run 1752 Botcho
“Palazzo Botcho” Chip in Place looking over the golf course. Botcho’s famous catering and a certainty of a good run. ……………

What else could you wish for ?????

GOOD WEATHER … That’s what !!!!

The R/A has stuffed up all year …. this is certainly his last chance!!!!!

Lightning is flashing across the Northern sky and Botcho is frantically looking at the computer radar images.
As expected the numbers increase beyond 20 and it’s only 5;50PM

26,27,28 …… It’s now 6;15PM

On On ……… over the park and off into unchartered areas of Helensvale heads the pack … only 4 or 5 walkers and everyone else is running.
The booze master has fronted, and the wood fired oven is red hot ready to go with Botcho’s vegies and 8 Aldi special chooks. Let’s hope we are not doing the song from the last run at Botcho’s …. Titled from the group “ The Black Assed Pies”

Sit down service…. Special hierarchy table, with glassware cutlery and crockery. Botcho has gone all out to make sure the GM position is his next year.
WOW !!!!!

This nosh is looking GOOD !!!!

The R/A has kept the rain away and the pack is back singing the praises of the Botcho trail!!!

Potato chips dished up (sadly in front of the R/A Cumsmoke back early ) so that’s one bowl gone.
Nosh is up !!!!!

Oven roasted Chicken, baked spuds and pumpkin along with mixed vegies and gravy…. WOW !!!
Then baked chocolate pudding and ice cream…. This time Botcho has used the baking powder with the used by date of 2011 not 2006 like last time and the chocolate pudding is fantastic. Ferret finds it’s a “mug’s game” to get the right container.

Hash Flash apprentice Ferret is not doing a bad job… the photos will tell the story.

8.30PM Flasher calls CIRCLE FOR THE LAST TIME!!!!!

First up is Dicky Knee.

Mrs Flasher has received a letter about some bloke Norm Williams and his life threatening disorder “ Sleep Apnoea” along with the letter was the life saving latest device on human trial for the first time…..

Our Dicky Knee gets presented with it … See photos!!!!

Sit there all through the circle Dicky!!! Flasher states.

HARE … Botcho.

2 hours setting the run, cooking, cooking, cooking.

SCB’s representative Blowfly gives the run the thumbs up 8/10

Two Dogs does the same score 8/10

Flasher says false trails everyF%$#&%@where.

WHO STOLE FLASHER’S $15 ????

SHUT UP PIZZA (1)

WALKERS report …. Moonbeams claims “what a %$&#up!! Botcho retorts … silly old prick, should listen …. follow the arrows!!!

SHUT UP PIZZA (2)

Josephine gives the note.

RETURNING RUNNERS..
Ferret , Show Pony, Now loved, Flatulence, Pizza.
NOW LOVED …. Been in Sydney getting love bites on the neck GM .
Flatulence…….. Shaggers back GM
Show Pony …….. ( Same as above ) GM.

Pizza …. Been in Philippines with GM spreading goodwill and visiting the historic sites.

Ferret …. Long version or short version GM ???? Ended up the long version anyway… been O/S to Anzac battlefield tour, met a new mate (Kevin someone?????) tours Italy and gets the invite to the Australian taxpayer funded cocktail party holding cocks with Kev. Free piss and food (sounds just like Hash On Sec)

Moonbeams gives the note.

Visitors … Just Rob our in frequent(ly) visitor.

SHUT UP PIZZA (3)
Old Fart gives the note.

R/A Cumsmoke arrives in full Papal outfit for his last swansong… Obviously the ironing lady at Cumsmoke’s place is on holidays.
KB is up with the plebs getting another trumped up charge and the acting acting acting scribe Caustic jumps in AGAIN!!!
Showpony gets it for stolen Hash property.

Mumbles for stealing the R/A’s seat.

Ferret for Hash flash not taking the R/A’s photo and Challis abuse.
ICE ICE ICE ….. sucked in R/A ….. NO ICE !!!!!! on his last chance too!!!!

Dicky Knee gets it for the Gold Coast crime wave.

Swollen takes over as Table service Bitch… He is a strong chance to a hierarchy spot !!!

R/A calls up POW Dicky Knee

Dicky risks ALL and awards the POW to no other than the GM Flasher ….

GM Cleaning the pool instead of attending the splinter lunch and holding up the Hashers who were so diligently going along …

For the first time in a while Dicky has a Friday off, so he too is off to Splinter lunch as follows.

11AM Pick up by Botcho planned
12 noon … Rug rings …. Sorry been on the phone to Flasher.
12.05 Rug shows up.
12.07 Got to drop in to see Flasher ( FUCK !!!!!) MI6 stuff … you know!!!
12.10 Only be a minute !!! In to see Flasher.
12,30 Rug comes back out of Flasher’s… Dicky is asleep (apnea)
12,35 Botcho gives up and has a LLD while waiting.

GM protests ……. Calls on Sir Rabbit for adjudication as MFFC …. Thumbs down.

Flasher is GUILTY as CHARGED ….
DD Flasher.

A total lack of experience in the last year of no DD’s shows as Flasher is only capable of half the DD.
Rockhard gives a report on Mrs Rockhard …. hopefully out of hospital tomorrow … very close last week with major infection after surgery. All the best Rockhard!!!

Botcho can’t hold on any longer …. What about the NOSH report GM ????
Oops!!!!

Ferret gives it 10/10 the year high score.
Mumbles says … his best meal all week (Playbunnies don’t cook), up to typical Botcho standard.

Ferret gives the note.
A great night …. WELL DONE BOTCHO!!!!!

Next week’s run ……. AGPU

TOP HATS Mandatory.
Hash formal dress.

4,30 for 5PM start at the jetty beside the boat ram beside Freshwater point Apartments.
Boat leaves at 5.45PM SHARP …. Don’t be LATE.

On On for the last time
Had a ball !!!!
KB.

Run 1751
Hare: Blowfly
Location: Len Fox Park, Labrador
Date:23rd May. 2011

Where is the R/A ???? It’s pissing down!!!!!

Where is Sir A/H?

Where is Missing Link?

Where is everyone ????????

It’s 5.55Pm and Botcho, Veteran and Sir Slab have shown up!!!

5.57Pm .Ring, ring …. Caustic here … Where the fuck is Cumsmoke?? I’m going to have to drive myself !!!!

6.05Pm We have just hit double figures and the hare has finally shown up smelling like boiled chicken and soy sauce.

6.15Pm The rain has stopped and the total of 14 hashers including the hare head off wondering where the F$#@ the booze master is too!!!

A leisurely wander along the seawall for the walkers ends up at the Grand Hotel public bar for a celebratory drink funded by KB’s mate’s horse that came in a 9 to 1. The runners head out hoping like hell the trail is still there and end up at the Labrador dog park before the rain soaked trail disappears into the drainage system.

On On back to the nosh and a few cold beers …. Cumagen has turned up and 15 happy hashers settle into a meal made for 25.

Mrs Magg’s secret recipe “Beef chow min” enough chicken wings for an army followed by Blowfly’s homemade sticky date pudding and ice cream and Sir Rabbit’s contribution of tasty sweet bits stolen from a Mrs Rabbit function.

The pack is more than satisfied and comments of “Gourmet Hash is back” echo across the park.

The stand in – stand in – stand in – stand in GM Caustic finishes his hash cash duties discovering the black hole now looks more like a crater with only 14 payers tonight …the AGPU stands a serious chance of fish and chips in the park BYO.

Make sure you come along to Botcho’s this week for a great run and nosh and bolster the Hash coffers to boot.

Circle in 2 Minutes … Caustic has got his moment in the sun and dreams of his chances of GM at the AGPU.

First up is the hare …. Blowfly.

NOSH report …. Croc 12/10 acting, acting, acting GM … Excellent

TRAIL report ….. Two Dogs …Found most of the trail but got down to 4 runners in the end.

WALK report … Sir Slab…. nice walk cold beer too.

Rug gives the note.

Hash cash …. no show but the black hole is GROWING !!!

Hash crash (Aussie) …has failed the first horizontal marital planking exercise.

Hash crook ….. Mrs Rockhard …not too well recently, a few complications. All the best Rockhard.

Acting, acting, acting R/A Caustic calls for….

CHARGES…… Croc calls for Blowfly to explain the BLOW-BY causing Mrs Blowfly to be up the duff. No “gumboots” was the reply.

POW … Acting, acting POW, Botcho was commissioned by Dicky Knee to hand the POW to Cumsmoke for thrashing his beloved Essendon … But NO SHOW from the R/A sees the POW held over.

8.10PM Moonbeams calls “ END OF CIRCLE” (world record shortest circle pending)

Next week’s run … Botcho’s golf course pad. 26 Chip-in place Helensvale
The oven will be on !!!! Just look for the smoke haze.
Please attend …. we NEED the money!!!!

AGPU……. just one more run then
6/6/2011
Dress Hash Formal …. Top hats mandatory!!!!!
( Sir AH .. Blowfly is looking for his!!)
Pre-Lube Address is ;
The Boat Ramp carpark,
33 T.E.Peters Drive,Broadbeach
(In front of Freshwater Point Apartments)

Pre-lube Drinks and Nibbles
Meet between 4.30 and 5pm and leaving pre-lube venue SHARP 5.30pm

Dress Code
Hash Formal inc Hash tOP Hat,Hash Dress shirt and Hash Jacket/Tails

Entertainment
To be supplied however brush up on your pole dancing and planking !

Travel Arrangements
Make your own way there and back!

World record shortest circle nomination CANCELLED !!!!
Circle re-opened for 3rd time
Splinter lunch ….. Flames grill at Chevron Renaissance this Friday

Sir Slab gets flack over Caustic’s 2nd rate bike and driver error is resolved as the problem.

15 minutes of talking shit follows and it’s now 8.35 as a wet and VERY well fed pack wander home to the slippers and a hot totty.
On On

KB… Just one more !!!!!!!! YES !!!!!!!!

Run 1750
Hares: Mumbles & Rug
Location: Mumble World. Nerang
Date: 16th May. 2011

GCHHH Run 1750 Rug/Mummmmbles.

The Mummmmbles (playboy)mansion is the venue for this week’s run.

The GM’s away so the mice will play!!!!

Onnnnnnnnn Onnnnn oop tha ill, the pack heads off into the chilled darkness.

SCB’s are out in force and NOT ONE hashers does the full run. Rug drops out early to head back and save Mrs Rug’s catering gear ….. seems the bain-maries work so much better with water in them.
The pack is back in no time having cut half the trail off….. The walkers stumble in last but just in time for enough sausage rolls to feed an army. Followed by an excellent pork casserole, rice served up silver service in Mrs Rug’s catering gear used in Singapore to feed the Hash over there.

Then out comes the bread and butter pudding ……….. Rug has lifted the NOSH BAR to very high levels.

8.12pm Circle in 2 minutes.
8.15pm The SITTING circle starts (GM away privilege)

Acting GM Sir AH calls for the “Hobbit Hares” Rug and Mummmmmmmbles.

NOSH REPORT
Caustic ……. Catering superlative!!!!
Dicky Knee …….. Dessert gets 10/10
Josephine ….. I hated Bread and Butter pudding as a kid and I STILL do !!!

RUN REPORT
Bent Banana (standing in for Flasher) leads the pack astray and gets them totally off trail.
Rug explains his water run.
Moonbeams gives a note.

TWO DOGS is up next and gets his jacket for 800 runs …. seems he has another 100 runs to claim but there was no Hash official in attendance at the holiday resort.
Point Two gives the well deserved note.

Sir AH announces only 3 weeks to the AGPU …. late bribes welcome … refer Hash Cash or any Hierarchy member.
Miscarriage claims French lessons are under way for his quick dash to the Royal wedding and his twin brother’s Paris visit.

LOST PROPERTY ….. Hash towel … being sent special delivery to Sir Prince in the UK.

POW ….. Sir Slab

Sir Slab claims he has many PRICKS to consider.
Smart Pricks.

Dumb Pricks.
Big Pricks.
Little Pricks.
All Pricks.

But the award goes to POOR Prick Dicky knee that has to have a double knee transplant and lose 50 kgs
Then he is diagnosed with sleep apnoea and had to swallow radioactive tablets.
HOWEVER Dicky has announced he will cancel all of these and his secret transfer to Melbourne ( see Flasher) if his GM campaign is successful.

Mummmmmbles gives the nooooote.

Dicky spews at the ¾ mark on the DD.

R/A is next.
Seems GCHHH has made the records of the Brisbane Supreme court…. how rude of them!!!!!!!! Stating Hash has a SERIAL BINGE DRINKING reputation.

CHARGES …
Mumbles charges Point Two with failing the Intelligence challenge to untangle the Christmas bells inside two hours.
Mummmmmmmbles gives the note.

Miscarriage is off to the ROYAL wedding as the official Hash representative.
He is also representing GCHHH at the London Hash run next week while his twin is spreading goodwill an international relations.

Miscarriage again ….. Gets complimented by treasurer Wayne Swan on the Mackay stadium job. By government standards is has been exceptional……. only 40% over budget, 3 months late, Indigenous housing under the seating as a bonus and open air toilets to boot. Well done Miscarriage!!

Missing Link reports all on track for the AGPU … Not to be missed with the black hole in turbo mode.

Next week’s run ….. Blowfly

Seems Mrs Blowfly has had a minor miscalculation on the birth control methods and there is a little maggot on the way.
With the family Hash history this child is destined for a Hash career….. We feel it is our duty to assist with the naming of the child, so please send you suggestion to our web-site.

Splinter lunch will be a Flames Chevron Renaissance…. great steaks!!!!

Shat tells the joke of a unique tattoo on the inner thigh that has both visual and taste/smell senses stimulated.
Its 8.40pm .. The full moon is glistening over the Mummbles garden fish pond, the Playboy bunnies are just about to arrive at the mansion, Hash must depart!!

Moonbeams calls …. END OF CIRCLE !!!!