PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1763
Date: Monday 15th August 2011
Hare: Crocodile
Venue: Wah Inn Chinese Restaurant, Southport
Runners: 26

Weeks to AGPU: 44
Well what does one write about this event. Another run set at the last minute at high speed on a mountain bike with the nosh organised at some dodgy Chinese restaurant obviously being used as a front for some sweat shop or human trafficking organisation. Any how we’ll try!!
In the dimly lit car park, a reasonable pack, resembling a seedy gathering of sorts, had assembled awaiting their instructions. Missing Link had returned thinking he could dodge the Asian delights for a while, but now knew he would have to feast on more stir fried dogs, rats and pussies. Even Veteran had made a return from his recent Hash related injuries and joined the walkers, who were allegedly given dodgy instructions by the Hare.
The run began north through the shops before quickly disappearing behind the centre then up through a gap in the fence and into the back streets. It wasn’t too long before we ended up emerging at the canal and ran towards Ferry Road before having to double back along the other side, just one of those things you can’t get around despite the temptation to swim the canal or try the other direction.

Soon after we crossed Cotlew Street, along the fence line, around some shiggy and another on back as found by Rectum. The marks thinned out a bit, but the lead pack finally found the trail and emerged at Slatyer Avenue before crossing Benowa Road and into more back streets and the familiar hills of Benowa. Back across Cotlew Street, where I suspect a few couldn’t resist the urge to head homewards, as the rest of us continued up the hills.

By now the pack had diminished as we had to refer to the faded trail map, given to me by the Hare, to stay on track. A loop saw us regather a few of the trailing pack who succumbed to the temptation to take the short cut. Soon it was onto Ridgeway Avenue before descending through the stair wells and corridors of the Tafe College before the good sprint home.

Back at the Restaurant a good pack, as you’d imagine, had already returned and were into the bucket as well as some nice Becks beers provided kindly by birthday boy, Rug.
Inside the restaurant, after Josephine and the GM had made up their minds whether the fee tonight was $5.00 or $20.00 (strangely enough $20.00 was the final price), the pack sat awaiting tonight’s feast. Not wanting to upset the local Triad’s evening meeting, the GM, wisely decided to hold a short impromptu circle.
Intermission – have gone out to dinner whilst writing this report, back soon

Intermission over and back to this dbeagle, Rectum wast told tot give a run report nd said tid was was nice long, lots of on backs 5.5/10. Sir Rabbid sadi wit was enjoyed 6/10, total 5.75/10. No nosh reprod as was restaurant, 5/10 standard mark given (maybe more with birbe).
Rock Hards was correcvt on fooot report
Feerttt & Crococodiel complained about messup of runs was unprecidineted however Vetaeran denied claim as fivolos and Josephine added there was nothing unprecidented as this sh.t happens all the time
Sir Vliant gave the story of Show pOny opening trap incorectly duirng conversation with PV’s son’s girlfreiedn, somhitng tio do with indian curry
Only Down Donw was given to POW, Croc (by Bent Benana) fro f..king arrowis in the f..king middle of the f..king road
Down Downs: see above
Footnote: Still no f..king internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hash Family day lunch; Sunday 21st August 12:00 noon, all welcome, $10.00 per head, BYO booze. Being held at Botulism’s home, Chip In Place, Helensvale (next to golf club). Bring a chair and please let Botulism know if you are attending
That is all, (I’m f..ked)
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Date: Monday 8th August 2011
Hare: Flatulence
Venue: Paul Scanlon Oval, Paradise Point
Runners: 25

Weeks to AGPU: 45
A smaller than usual pack gathered at the shelter, possibly due to the arrival of the cold westerlies or maybe that some of the Hierarchy were away enjoying the benefits of being Hierarchy, busy burying their snouts in the proverbial trough. Rumours circulated that it was going to be a punishing 11 kilometre slog, only for some it would turn out.
After the usual brief instructions that is was mostly on chalk with some minor paper and flour, basically meaning it was done at the last minute, on a push bike, with f..k all effort. And so it was to be as we headed up the hill towards the bowls club, with again no Hare in tow (a potential disaster in the making). Left through an easement and back and forward a few times before emerging on Oxley Drive and over to Tradewinds Avenue.

Fortunately a friend I passed on the way to the run told me of strange arrows outside his house tipping me off on the possible route. Botulism and I turned down Sundown Avenue leaving the others to continue on Tradewinds thinking they were going to Girl’s abode for a drink stop (not likely).

As we headed through the park and along the creek pathway we encountered a number of on backs, which seemed to result in a diminishing pack. By the time we reached the third on back and some parallel trails near the Coombabah Caravan Park there was only Botulism, Rock Hard and myself remaining, although others made suspect claims of completing the entire circuit.
We finally encountered the much anticipated bush sections only to struggle finding the trail, which had obviously been devoured by a mob of kangaroos we had passed previously. Somehow, with local knowledge and a bit of luck our trio of athletes continued on trail along the board walk then back north through the Coombabah back streets, with yet more on backs until finally emerging again at Oxley Drive for the short sprint home, not 11 k’s, but long enough.

Naturally on our return virtually all the pack were present with most claiming they had done the run bar a very small section (must have been the section where the flying pigs congregate). Rectum, however, came in rather late having been held up in traffic and had apparently completed the whole circuit. KB also arrived late, dressed in his shiny shoes saying he was delayed trying to “sort out partner issues”, does this mean there will be more to this story in forthcoming editions of the Bulletin?
With the GM, Blackstump and Veteran rubbing their snouts in the trough RA, Josephine, took hold of proceedings and asked Rock Hard and Botulism to give run reports, both saying it was long and lacked checks but still gave it a 5.75/10 mark.

Ferret commented on the food saying, yet again, the nosh lacked something, but the stew and strudel still came up with a respectable 7/10 score. Yours truly took over the RA role and noted that the beer bucket was being filled with crushed cans, bottle tops and loose change, obviously indicating the hard times befalling all of us due to the GFC mark 1 & 2.
VD also gave us an update on how Now Loved is going and we look forward to his return in coming weeks. Keep in touch with him guys. A cool breeze ensured a brief, but still humorous, circle and another good night enjoyed by all.

Down Downs:
Flatulence; Hare
Mother Brown; UK visitor
Flasher; Using 5 cent pieces for beer purchases
Flasher; Stood up on anniversary night
Bent Banana; Drinking from wrong hand during RA’s session
Bent Banana; POW (from Rectum) for handing over undersized shirts as donations
Mother Brown; Drinking from wrong hand
Bent Banana; Drinking from wrong hand (will he ever learn)
Sir Cumference; Going away to FNQ, TI and Rugby World Cup, back in October
Swollen (Kokoda Challenge), VD (Carnarvon Gorge), KB (sorting out partners); Returning runners

Footnote: I have great fears with Telstra having anything to do with the $40 Billion NBN given my recent experiences of moving 5 kilometres to a rental property on Ephraim Island. Our previous provider, Optus, found the address in seconds using Google Earth and advised they couldn’t transfer the service because Telstra has exclusive access. After some 12 days of moving , 10 phone calls, dozens of transfers, 3 cancelled and reactivated orders, Telstra still cannot find the address even though they currently service 385 units on the island. Currently we still have no phone (even though there is a dial tone and we can ring Telstra from it), no internet and no Foxtel. One operator from good knows where even advised, being on a remote island, we would require a “remote access satellite” service to ensure any possible communications even though the address is Paradise Point and we are connected to it by a 400 metre bridge, go figure! Bring back Sir Rabbit, Josephine, Old Fart and Head and they may stand a chance!
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Hash Family day lunch; Sunday 21st August 12:00 noon, all welcome, $10.00 per head, BYO booze. Being held at Botulism’s home,Chip In Place, Helensvale (next to golf club). Bring a chair and Please let Botulism know if you are attending
That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1761
Date: Monday 1st August 2011
Hare: Flasher
Venue: Oxenford
Runners: 22

Weeks to AGPU: 46
A cold night welcomed the pack as they gathered in the dimly lit shed. Would this be another famous Flasher debacle or would he finally make amends, was the question on many lips. Instructions were somewhat confused at the mention of threatening residents, out trail coming in and squiggles instead of arrows along with shredded paper, the debacle angle grew support.
The pack ran through the bush then across a busy road, yet another frivolous attempt at trying to decimate the numbers by reducing the pack to mere road kill. A few back streets and checks before resident athlete, Veteran, tumbled over a traffic island injuring his foot. One down and 20 to go. Not long before we ran past the pub (not a good sign) and into the new estate. Another check and another long on back, as discovered by Rectum.

Miscarriage then told the pack on left and headed right along the correct trail (is there a charge here somewhere?). Back over busy Maudsland road we rejoined the walkers but somehow the runners found themselves following the squiggle trail outwards which in fact was meant to be inwards and on the left and not on the right as it was meant to be (following me here?).
Inevitably the pack trudged up the road and hills towards the bush with the famous “Mumbles” hill in the back ground. As we hit the bush section the calls for ice could be heard along with plans for shortcuts and diversions. However, silly as we were, a few of us continued up and up the hill then finally down again before hitting the welcoming tar. Aussie in the meantime had taken a different track and found himself deep in the dark bush alone, except for the distant barks of many angry muts. Using his ingrained Hash survival skills he emerged again on the road and headed for home, but not before leaving his mark on the road, “Aussie was here”, for all to see.
Meanwhile the remaining pack had made their way back to Kopps Road and began the arduous trudge up and down the hills towards home. Botulism and I nearly got lost on the way home, ignoring Rock Hard’s advice, but fortunately he himself diverted off trail saving us some embarrassment.

Back at the shack the savoury mince was entering its second hour of cooking and was still just warm enough as the pack quickly hoed into what many commented was a great dish, highlighted by the addition of prunes (wait til the next morning before commenting, some said). This was followed by an allegedly high octane sherry trifle and custard
During the circle, the RA, Josephine was asked to give the nosh report. It was a glowing report in fact and was compared to the previous weeks effort (or lack thereof), and giving it a staggering 9.5/10 mark. However on reflection the RA did confess he was still delirious from last week’s nosh and this would have affected his judgement. The mark has been revised at 7.5/10, still a top effort. Arseup gave the run report, saying he only intended doing the walk but got confused somewhere, but still gave it a glowing 8/10 report. Apparently accolades all around to Flasher, but how will he now be able to keep the standards up in his future efforts?
The cold air soon got to the aging pack who had decided enough was enough and it was time to return to their electric blankets and solitary night (not wanting to break the RA’s decree).
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Downs Downs;
Flasher: Hare
Flasher: Allegedly 500 runs (to be investigated), and awarded his own lost mug in recognition
Rug: Giving correct answer on “foot” location
Aussie; Made by RA to confess last Monday nights indiscretions upon returning homeearly, given 2 down downs and RA has decreed Monday night frivolities are never to occur,unless deemed extracurricular. Failed to use credit, which is still available
Bent Banana: Price of Bananas being through the roof (as charged by Miscarriage)
Rectum: POW to himself after given job of handing out in absence of real POW. Decided his efforts to get lost in the bush and scale dangerous terrain was sufficient to self initiate himself for POW. A totally selfless gesture, fitting of a future hierarchy
Bent Banana: Drink not in left hand during RA’s session
——————————————————————————————————————————
That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

 PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

 In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

 Please, to ensure the words are being read, a “secret” Hash foot will be implanted in the weekly photos. During the circle the RA will randomly ask for the description of the photo where the “foot” is located. Non compliance will result in the usual and swift reprisal.

Run: 1760

Date: Monday 25^th July 2011

Hare: Veteran

Venue: Broadwater Parklands, Southport

Runners: 32

Weeks to AGPU: 47

As the pack jostled for car parks, with some even resorting to using the Disabled spots, news filtered of Cumsmoke’s escapades on Sydney’s notorious Oxford Street. It appears he headed down for a quiet drink with a few mates but somehow ended up patrolling the gay bars, appropriately dressed apparently, severely breaking rule#1 and bringing the Hash into disrepute. Consequences to follow.

The run site was at the northern end of the new Broadwater Parklands, adjacent to Labrador, hinting this could be a somewhat predictable route. The pack headed over the Gold Coast Highway, busy road number #1, then continued towards the Railway Hotel (formerly Del Plaza), where we encountered a two way check. All good except each way had an “FT” (is that like an on back?) and the actual trail continued west along Nind Street over busy road number #2. After we crossed busy road number #3 we found another check then headed east along George Street until reaching busy road number #4. Fortunately the run route was in and around the hospital precinct so anyone falling victim to Veteran’s plan of having us all being run over at various stages, wouldn’t have to go far for help (though I don’t know if you’d call a stint at Gold Coast hospital “helpful”). Onwards over busy road #5 through to Ferry road, another on back (or is that FT) then over busy road #6 (there’s a message in here somewhere) and onwards to the back streets before emerging at the Rugby Club and heading to the Broadwater pathways for the 2km run home, with a few notable short cutters spotted in the distance. A solid 45min run for most.

AS soon as we got home the nibbles and slops, sorry stew, was ready. Served with mash or rice (still trying to figure it out) the pot was soon emptied. Blackstump made a brief return as Hash Cash, following his Tour De France style prang, but only long enough to collect the cash and head off on holidays. The security guard (another pattern emerging here) did several passes but refused to stop and enforce the 2 hour time limit on what looked like a soup kitchen in full flight. Missing Link gave the food a 4/10 (greatly impressed), however Ferret was a bit more vocal saying it “lacked something” (food most likely) and gave it a 3/10 (also impressed). Bent Banana gave the run report saying “it was hard and fast and needed more checks” but still gave a 7/10 (what run did he do?).

We also found out that Pizza’s visitor, Bog, was the guy who introduced him to Hash, automatically making him the most wanted person in Hash and was subsequently and accordingly iced, though his veggie joke was a hit. Popeye, a visitor from Brisbane was down on a fishing trip and decided to drop in. We got the full story on the Cumsmoke shenanigans in Sydney and all decided he’d lost the plot and was duly iced, as was Aussie for not knowing the whereabouts of the “foot”. Valiant also gave a report of the over 60’s lunch in Brisbane announcing yet another successful event. Missing Link consequently advised that there will also be a Splinter Splinter Lunch in Broadbeach this Friday to cater for those under 60, or who couldn’t make the Brisbane event. Sir Cumference did some pathetic grovelling and presented the RA with a “Down Down Hand” acquired by our latest sponsor, Coles.

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Downs Downs;

Popeye, Bog & Pizza; Visitors & Pizza for taking visitor to pub during run

Bog; Plus iced for introducing Pizza to Hash

Aussie; Also Iced for not knowing where “Hash Foot” was in photos

*Aussie*; Given a *credit* by RA for handing in lost property

Cumsmoke; Also Iced and made to confess sins by RA for severe rule #1 infringements

Link; Recovering lost property from AGPU (passed on by Flasher)

Rainbow; Allegedly destroying vehicle in pursuit of nuisance birds at airport, replaced by dog

Cumsmoke; Failed attempt of trying to charge Bent Banana re bull photo, which soured his failed Sydney pick up attempt (gay too, where they?)

Pizza; And iced, for being Pizza

Veteran; Hare

Now that we have your attention

The Shat Party Gourmet Pizza Lunch

Venue: Botcho’s Place. 26 Chip In Place Helensvale. ( next to Helensvale Golf Club)

Date: Sunday 21^st August 2011

Time: From 11:00 for the thirsty ones, or 12 o’clock if you’re not

Cost: $10 per head, bring your loved ones

Booze: BYO

RSAP: Yes please. Need numbers

That is all,

On On from “The Desk”

Two Dogs