Run 1776.
14th Nov 2011
Hare : Caustic Crusader.
Venue: Frascott Park, Yodelay St, Varsity Lakes.

Late change of venue and Hare saw Caustic Crusader setting a new run…..
Usual bunch of hairy arsed Hashers rocked up from 1745 for the 1815 punctual start; late entrant Old Fart ambled in at 1830 and to his bemusement asked if the pack had left without him? Caustic pointed him in the general direction and told him to “hurry the fukc up and catch up!!

Pack left in usual dis-aray and runners went right and walkers (why do we even talk about those “has beens !!”) went somewhere else!

Trail meandered along Ready Creek before the “walk of death” pipe crossing of a creek tributary; many of the “gay Hashers “and their closet mates refused to cross and decided keep their footsie wootsies dry !!

Pack reformed and set out to further checks and discovery of “spiky” shiggy and a further water crossing; Pizza decided a swim leg was appropriate! Fcuk he can still talk under water!!

Further travels along lake front and parkland saw the pack home in about the hour; except Old Fart ETA to be advised.

Crowds of hungry Hashers resembling a Roman Colosseum crowd witnessing a good old pack of lions and hyenas eating Jews persuaded the GM to commence Nosh before the late arrival of Old Fart.

Lashings of spicy chicken vegetable curry with accoutrements of raita, desiccated coconut, home-made chutney and tomato / red onion relish soaked up with mountains of fresh Lebanese bread

Desert followed for those stalwarts capable of stuffing hedgehog pie and ice-cream down their greedy cake-holes!

Circled was called some time later.

Returning overseas runners with gifts for the GM grovelled on bended knee into the circle; namely Messrs Sir Slab, Sir Prince and Flasher

Seemingly they had witnessed first hand the latest “facelift” cosmetic surgery and brought back for the GM, R.A. and Booze Master gifts of night-time face masks and a “fairy wand” were duly presented; Nightmare on Elm Street ensued!!!!!!!!!!

Ferrett not to be outdone tried to say he hadn’t unpacked yet and so the GM would have to wait until next week!! Hmmmmm

Other returning runners were Short Circuit and Chris.
GM announced more punishment for unruly behaviour in the Circle by way of a high powered water cannon entrusted to the sergeant -at-Arms; why don’t we just tip a bucket of ice-water over Pizza ????

Run report from Rectum reckoned the run was superb with lots of shiggy, new ground and lots of deceitful checks, score 9/10

Hash Nosh report from Sir Slab (between farts!!) gave a high appreciation of the Nosh and gave it a further 9/10

Rectum gave the Hare (Caustic ) a note

R.A. entered and a Royal Commission proceeded to “weed” out ponsy Hashers who wimped out crossing the pipeline; suffice to say the list was long including Circumference, Flasher, Jigsaw, Rug and Link.

After an hour of playing paper/scissors/stone the winner was declared: Flasher (who got a down down from someone??).

Flasher also got a stiff arm down down for something but complained the stiff arm was for adults and he couldn’t reach the Down Down through the pipe!! When will he grow up???
Sergeant at arms continually fired upon circle offenders with 9 out of 10 offences committed by serial pest Pizza!

Sir Slab was charged by the R.A. for purposely running 2 metres in front of the R.A. and then dropping a down wind fart; a further flatulence charge was levelled against Sir Slab for farting over the food!! Guilty as charged and a down down was sentenced

G.M. resumed and asked Hash to give their special thoughts and respect to the Botcho clan during their difficult times.

End of circle was called by Moonbeams at about 9pm.

Run:1775
Date: Monday 7th November, 2011
Hare: Sir Slab and Master Chef Sir Prince
Venue: Currumbin

There were 29 hashers take part in the run /walk with the majority taking on the run ,which was great to see
Front runners back just in side 1 hr, a lot of area that most have not seen before, a fairly flat run with a water crossing (which only swollen colon had the courage to cross, a real hasher that swollen not afraid of a little water)  there was also a balance  beam across water which did not claim any victims.
 
GM/RA Josphine open the circle and called on old fart to give a run report, to which he reported that it was well done and gave an excellent score of 9/10 sir slab was called for a down down
Veteran was then called for a Nosh report, words of excellent, high standard and first class were said before a score of 8.5/10 was given ,
Sir Prince and assistant Flasher were called for there down down
Gm then handed the circle over to him self as RA and called for drinks in left hand with cocka to be dobba ,then out of the blue called on the prick of the week to come forward ,caustic crusader ,caustic had his mind set on only one hasher that being pizza for wanting to go rooting instead of hashing on a Monday night ,no right of reply was entered in to ,the hand over was completed and pizza given the down down ,which seemed to go on and on and on ,in true pizza style.

Black stump reported on the up and coming ball to be held at bumbles at buds beach ,then on the Melbourne cup sweep ,the winner was Miscarriage, followed closely by sir prince then Rug .
Down downs went to Cumsmoke( expedential growth)
Miscarriage for not calling false trail again ,(Bent Banana escaped a down down  )
Miscarriage (left hand)
Melbourne Cup winners (Miscarriage, Sir prince and Rug )
Kb (late to hash with no good excuse)
Botcho (fantastic job on web site )free bucket for Botcho next week as a reward for his out standing web work

RA then called on a bike report, Missing Link came forward and the cone of silence came down .
Moon beams then steps forward and presents RA with a beret he acquired  whilst o/s ,
  Next weeks run is cum smokes at boat ramp TE PETERS DR
Moon beams then closed the circle at 9.25pm
On On
Swollen Colon
Assistant to the On Sec

Run: 1774
Date: Monday 31st October 2011
Hare: Mumbles
Venue: Mumbles World, Nerang
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 32
It was not to be the usual Mumbles slog around the surrounding hills, nor even the usually anticipated ‘lost tribe’ affair in the Nerang State Forrest, though could have been interesting being Halloween. Instead we got a very mild and reasonably short sprint around the local area.
Mind you there was still the obligatory hills and, as expected on a Mumbles run we managed to lose Darwin Don and Caustic’s “friend” Chris. The trail was well marked, though lacking a few on backs (if any), apart from the section in the bush where the pack wondered around aimlessly looking for the trail.

The run took us through some good paths and side streets and even through a few town house complexes and through the new “home world” precinct where, no doubt, Mumbles acquires his gnomes and water features to keep Mumbles World up to scratch.

After some 40 minutes with a sizeable on home trail the pack finally returned minus the above mentioned duo who had to be rescued by Jigsaw. In the GM’s absence the RA took over proceedings and asked Slab for the run report which was given the comments of a good street run and awarded 5/10.

Sir Rabbit commented on the excellent nosh of chicken, spicy beef & noodles, spuds, more spuds, and rice, and gave it a fitting 7/10 even if Mumbles had some assistance in the preparation. The gourmet has really come back to the Hash in a big way and more to come.

Three of the bike tour was back so a few stories emerged of the usual mishaps one has come to expect. The Melbourne Cup sweeps were drawn with Miscarriage winning the prize from Sir Prince and Rug, money to be paid next week if I don’t spend it first.

A few dressed to impress with their top hats or jockeys caps. Well done Mumbles.

Down Downs:
Mumbles: Hare
Truck Tyre; Late arrival, drove from Sydney but should have left 10 minutes earlier

Mumbles & Truck Tyre: Drinking from wrong hand and failing to spot (Respectively)

Chris & Darwin Don: Lost on run and having to be rescued

Mumbles: Responsible for the two getting lost

Caustic: Mate got lost and given POW by Sir Cumference as a result and for avoiding his Duty of Care

Flasher and Sir Slab: Dobbed by Sir Prince (forced to save his butt by RA) for stuff ups on recent OS tour

Chris& Caustic: Drinking from wrong hand

Miscarriage: Drinking from wrong hand

RA: Self imposed drink for getting Xmas Island and Easter Island wrong

Miscarriage: For false charge against Sir Prince

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners at “BUMBLES” Budd’s Beach, get your frocks out! Heavily subsidised discount for early bookings, only $45.00 per person. Includes gourmet food, beer for the Blokes, bubbly for the Gals and BYO plonk if you need to bring your favourite drop.

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1773
Date: Monday 24th October 2011
Hare: Rainbow
Venue: Emerald lakes
Runners: 20

Weeks to AGPU: 33
Apparently, as the sob story goes, and I’m sure it’s just as story, poor old Rainbow was playing golf in Melbourne (Kingston Heath, Huntington or Royal Melbourne, I’m sure) when he received his call from the Trail Master to inform him of his forthcoming run duty. And as any Hasher would do, he dropped everything, flew back, and quickly organised a good run and superb nosh, and the pigs will be flying over in formation shortly.

The run site was Miscarriage’s familiar haunt next to the boat ramp on the lakes edge over looking the growing Emerald Lakes enclave. Instructions were given to the 19 starters including look for the coloured (read Rainbow) chalk and don’t get run over.

We headed east along the lakes edge until reaching the bridge and over into the maze of paths, bridges and streets, which is Emerald Lakes . On several occasions the path split into runners and walkers trail but I feel some local knowledge and short cutting may have been taking place as I viewed several runners going in opposite direction to the trail.
The diminishing pack continued around the paths along the picturesque route until finally emerging at the town centre. We kept crossing paths with the walkers and then after a couple of laps of these streets the path ran us towards Neilsons Road.

The now small pack was not happy figuring a long trek home, however the Hare, following us on his Harley Vespa (and sporting an Emerald Angels Patch) advised us that it was only 1.5kms to home. We reluctantly continued after doing a time check.

In some 10 minutes time we were further advised that we were now only some 500 metres from home (after seemingly run 2kms). The problem here was the trail headed further from home before crossing the main road then running back to the start.

His supposed 1.5km took us front running athletes 23 minutes, so do your sums! Back at the start Hash Cash, Blackstump quickly collected the cash, loaded it into his suitcase and disappeared again to invest (siphon off) the booty.

It was a good run with a slight absence of checks and on backs but still received a good score of 6/10 by front runner Swollen.

The coloured chalk and multiple on homes also added to the score. The nosh of Lasagne, potato bake, veges and garlic bread got huge wraps and was scored an excellent 9/10 by Veteran. No need for a bonfire tonight as the pack enjoyed perfect conditions with an absence of the usual chill and blistering winds we normally get here.

Returning runner and now FNQ resident, Goatfarka kept us amused with his All Blacks Rugby game and injured couch story. Another great effort, particularly the nosh and good numbers considering many of the pack still away OS.
** Next week pre Melbourne Cup event, bring extra cash for sweeps **

Down Downs:
Rainbow; Hare

Darwin Don; Visitor recently back from Ethiopia Hash event (less nosh than tonight we figure)

Goatfarka; Returning runner and now FNQ resident, also National Secretary of Fishing and Good Times Political Party

Pile Driver; Drink in wrong hand

Sir Cumference; POW, by Pile Driver, for wearing same shirt as POW

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
– This Friday 28th October – Splinter Lunch, Vietnamese at Broadbeach, See website for details, 12 noon for 12:30 lunch (BYO)
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners at “BUMBLES” Budd’s Beach, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1772
Date: Monday 17rd October 2011
Hare: Hierarchy
Venue: Main Beach, Annual Gold Coast 600 V8 Handicap Event
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 34
The RA phoned me whilst on my way to mark out the track for the annual V8 Supercar Handicap event. The weather was the best we’ve seen all year, the handicaps were set, the late bribes accepted, what could go wrong? Anyway the RA continued that he had few jobs to do on the coast so he was off to his mountain temple to engage in some meditation and prepare to fend off potentially troublesome neighbouring invaders.
What he forgot to mention, or forgot to organise, was the weather gods were still in need of control. His sudden departure soon left the Coast encompassed in torrential rainfall and blistering winds, what a difference 24 hours can make.

Regardless of the deteriorating conditions a good pack of 19 runners still showed up, despite a good portion of the pack being away in Thailand engaged in riding recent flood waters. KB showed up early with a financial offering for the handicapper which quickly saw Aussie lose 2 minutes. A few battled the traffic conditions and arrived late, including visitor Jonathan (wearing his racing Doc Martins), who was apparently sent by his father who told him he’d have a really fun night.

There he was all alone with no one to run with and I said”do you know your way around here”, to which he confirmed he did and I said to follow the track head back to Main Beach then run back to here, and don’t forget to have fun doing it on your own.

I don’t know how many times we’ve run around these parts but it still amazes me how so many people can get it wrong. Cumsmoke got as far as the bridge near the Marriott before returning the same way, Sir Rabbit got hopelessly lost somewhere near where the track finished to the north, Black Stump did his own run up the spit and back and god knows what else went on. I guess there’s always next year.

Anyway the pack still managed to finish in close proximity except our visitor who managed somehow to return in the same direction he went out and some 10 minutes later that the rest, but he did say he’d had a good time!

The winner was Botcho who now holds the title 3 times, second was Swollen, followed by Rectum, who complained bitterly about the handicapping but being a Pom know one cared and anyway there are ways to get your handicap adjusted, just speak to KB.

Crocodile came in as the first (and only) walker. The next dilemma was the fact that the electric BBQ’s had been shut down and the power diverted to some work site office being used in conjunction with the race. Again KG did some research and found working BBQ’s near the surf club where the hungry pack relocated to.

Stand in GM, Two Dogs announced the winners and presented the much sought after sponsored prizes with Blackstump adding his own flare by providing winners ribbons for first and second place.
The stand in RA, Botulism asked for comments about the run and nosh, coincidently from fellow Hierarchy members, who all overwhelmingly and of course without bias gave both the run and nosh a 10 out of 10. On that subject the catering department should get a big wrap for their efforts with KB helping to find the new location, cooked and provided the “A” grade eggs, Blacky provide the salad and top notch dessert of strawberries and ice cream and of course Botcho organised the gourmet burgers and did much of the cooking, with Swollen also helping out and apologies to anyone else I forgot.

As the night ended with pack huddled under a 4m x 4m shelter with 30 knot southerly winds and horizontal rain, I thought nothing stops the Hash from having a good Monday night out, On On and thanks to all for participating.
  Gold Coast Hash V8 Handicap Results

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
Down Downs:
Botulism, Swollen, Rectum & Crocodile; Podium place getters

“Perkele” & Mother Brown; Visitors

Botcho; Self imposed, for wearing his new shoes

Rectum; Winging about handicaps (bring folding stuff next time)

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs