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Dispute resolved in a closed Hierarchy meeting, apparently its on a need to know bases and not for the general rank and file!!

Run 1819
Date : 10th September 2012
Hare : Carefree
Venue : Southport SLSC
Runners 33

Weeks to Christmas cocktail evening at Hollywood Showgirls – 11

Arriving late for the run, the usual work commitments, I landed at the Surf club for what was the warmest evening so far, to the sight of four front running b#st@rds sweating and breathing heavily on the beach path. Whilst I couldn’t put my finger on it, something did not seem quite right, then it dawned on me, Cum Smoke was one of the front-runners. What the hell had gone on here? When was the last time you saw him run? When did you ever see him finish at the front? Had there been a rip in the space-time continuum?

Botcho, Caustic and Blackie made up the quartet and confirmed it was not an illusion, so where therefore, were the serial front-runners – Miscarriage and Flasher? Well, surprise, surprise they had ignored the markings and assumed the route, taking themselves off in the wrong direction.

Isn’t that why someone bothers to draw pretty little arrows and stuff that we are meant to follow?

Not having run, I trawled the good-sized crowd for comments.

“Predictable, up the spit and back”
“Carefree uses tampons”
“Disgraceful, no markings”
“Its royal Labrador”
“Carefree is renowned for shit runs”
“Shite”

It seems that Carefree is to hash runs what Clive Palmer is to hang-gliding

For those interested, the route ran north from the surf club, past Versace etc. and turned left by SeaWorld (or right if you were flasher and buddy) before returning on itself. About as much imagination as the current government.

A notable attendance by Pile driver who has now made four runs in a row, is there a bet we don’t know about.

Flasher and Miscarriage finally turned up looking suitably embarrassed.

Circle whistle tooted and order eventually obtained, it seemed as though there was a lot to talk about amongst ourselves.

Hare invited out, Carefree’s first run on the Gold Coast and hopefully his last according to Iceman, who stated ‘I enjoyed the lighting and toilet blocks’ – what the f%ck was he talking about?? 6.1/10
Show Pony, on behalf of the walkers, gave a juxtaposition, ‘been on the coast for 20 years, tonight I’ve been on new scenic territory’ 11/10 Show Pony backed up by Sir Slab. Looks like you can set a walk again Carefree.

DD to the three hares – Carefree, Moonbeams and Blackie

Visitors – Anchovy (someone’s mate from somewhere)
Vasso – (returner to the fold)
Peter – (Carefree’s mate)

Experiencing yet another Peter in the circle led to the call “someone’s opened a tin of Peters” and this led to all the Peters being brought out for a DD.

Unfinished business – thanks to the providers of birthday booze – Ferret/VD/Jigsaw

DD for Sir Slab on his 1300 runs, in the offing for an On Secs job? Pressy in due course (we’ve all heard that before, have you got yours yet Veteran?)

RA pulled Flasher out for excessive emails (serial offender). PS who ever is slipping Flasher the shrinking drugs please stop, as I observed him in the circle I thought “Does his mum know he’s out this late?”

Jokes requested – someone suggested the run for starters

Caustic procrastinated over a joke ridiculing the disabled, poor delivery, poor punch line, poor taste and the joke wasn’t up to much either. Eight minutes of my life I wont get back.

POW, Caustic decided to abridge the lengthy diatribe he had prepared and just handed it to Flasher for voting Labour, fair enough.

Vasso informed us that the standing invitation to the Brissy over 60’s luncheon invitation would be rescinded as there are too many of us over 60.

Coming up –

1st October – German Festival at Pizza’s
8th October – Run in the middle of nowhere – Jacobs Well

Talking of which Mme Latrine is still asking for transport to and from the venue – the trip there seems ok but…………

Next Weeks run – Veteran @ Labrador, norm rix park

End of circle given a DD by Moonbeams.

Food served at the Surf club –

Sir Prince nearly not served/Waitress amused by those who were not ashamed of giving their hash names – shame on those of you who didn’t, Barry, Julian etc. etc. In keeping with the usual run of things, the special was fine but a little light on the portion control front. It did however come with a $2 wine and not the $7.50 paid by the GM who went for the fancy pants fisherman’s basket.

A big shout out to Carefree’s mate Peter, who named himself “wild Man” when ordering the food.

The Peter Allen Gay dessert award to Cum Smoke.

Thanks to Carefree, good luck on the wrong side of the Tweed, hope to see you again.

On On

Rectum
On Sec
Most of the above may be untrue.

Run 1818

Date    :           3^rd September 2012

Hare    :           Ferret

Venue :           Miami SLSC

Runners         32

Weeks to the Vietnam offensive – 6

A mild night seemed to be on the cards as we assembled at the park at the end of Marine Parade. Numbers were healthy and the runner’s eager as our Hare disclosed the route information.

The evening began normally enough then turned into De Ja Vu or like something I had experienced previously (old run, family cooking the food), finishing out of order and in a degree of chaos. But more of that later.

Slightly later than 6.15, we began running northwards along the coastline before cutting left at the base of Magic Mountain and emerging to cross the highway by Nobby’s shops.

Several false trails and check backs were encountered, at which both Flasher and the GM seemed to be choosing very wisely. In fact a little too wisely, until it was established that we were running the majority of the Thirsty Thursday hash run from 4 nights previous, which, of course, they had both run.

The marking were good in the main, though some a little too far apart and others, which had bizarre letters alongside them (must be a Thursday thing).

The route took us through the estates by Sunshine boulevard, past Pizzy Park swimming pool until it eventually looped back to Sunshine Boulevard, back over the highway and home.

The length was good and combined with the temperature and pace at the front made for a top workout. Good performances by both Miscarriage and Flasher but a special mention to Caustic who put in a big effort to finish at the pointy end of the pack.

A small coach arrived carrying the catering team and the entrees were served; cheese, tomatoes, salad and crackers. The pack dived on these, like seagulls at the beach, leaving shiny clean platters in minutes.

The mains were taking a little longer, so circle was called with the intention that it be completed prior to the food.

Two Dogs offered the following of the run – old run, markings faded, little and big arrows, pack scattered, tedious 6/10 (which could explain why he and the GM short cutted the end)

Aussie commented on the walk – no arrows, up and back down albatross 7/10, (seemed overly generous)

No Visitors

Pizza (returner) and the hare Ferret called out by the GM who informed us that as they were both complaining about not being on committee this year, they would be booze masters next year. Cheers all round, though Ferrets birthday shine seemed to dull at that point.

Prince regaled us with a tale about a fellow hasher abusing a request to look after his guest; no one appeared surprised in the least. Also how the guest was taught her own language by Rug and had wine emptied on her by Flasher at the splinter lunch. We do leave a lasting impression. (have you tried getting red wine out of clothing?)

The RA brought out Caustic who informed us that Miss Scotland had been party to a molestation at the hands of others, for whom she was giving a lift home. Must be how we say thanks these days.

POW invited out, but the mains were ready so circle interrupted.

The meal consisted of Roast beef, jacket spuds, peas, carrots, mixed veg, sour cream, butter, gravy with a mixed fruit pavlova to finish. Delicious if you were at the front of the queue, (though in your favorite words Ferret “could have done with a bit of salt and pepper”) not so good if you had the vegetarian option (run out of meat) at the end.  Two words PORTION CONTROL.

Apathy reigned supreme as the GM brought the proceedings to a halt, without the POW, jokes, charges etc. (save for next week)

Next weeks run – Carefree’s virgin and final run before he returns to Sydney (coaching NSW Blues for state of origin)(well they’ve tried everyone else) @ Southport surf club (special meal organized)

Josephine (this is getting to be a habit) ended circle on behalf of Moonbeams who is recovering from treatment. All our very best mate, hope to see you soon.

Thanks to Ferret (but mainly Romeo and accomplices) and to Kwakka and Kitchen Bitch for keeping the home fires burning.

On On

Rectum

On Sec

Most of the above may be untrue.

Hash Bike Ride
Date : 26th August 2012
Hare : Sir Slab
Venue : murwillumbah

When Lance Armstrong ( the guy who has imbibed more blood than Count Dracula) said the words “It’s not about the bike” I don’t think he was referring to his loose girlfriend more so the cycle and accessories that some people surround themselves with.

Imagine my surprise therefore, on arriving at the venue, a picture postcard perfect location, to beautiful sunshine and cool air temperature, at seeing a group of try-hards dressed in lycra with the latest carbon fibre bikes looking as though it was a warm-up event for the Tour De France.

My off-the-shelf mountain bike was looking decidedly second hand alongside these mighty steeds.

The only thing missing was a starters pistol as we set off, with Caustic surging to the front of the peloton. Flasher and I took a more leisurely pace and watched as the rest disappeared into the distance.

Quite some time later we arrived at the en-route hostelry with the lead group having already downed their first coffee.

I was shocked to hear that on the first hill ascent only two managed to stay on the pedals and cycle up the hill, everyone else walked. YES WALKED, in their lycra and clippy cloppy special shoes pushing their ultra expensive bikes. Mr. Armstrong you were indeed prophetic.

Caustic crusader was reported to have sounded like an asthmatic Darth Vader and unable to speak .

The food arrived in a rather hap hazard fashion but my eggs benedict was delicious, if you’re out this way (tyalgum) stop and have a nose bag.

Once sated we commenced the journey home (It’s a lot easier on the way back- Sir Slab) (No it’s not – Shat) which was a very agreeable jaunt.

Those feeling up to it re-adjourned to the pub at Tumblegum (its how it sounds to me) and procrastinated over a beer or two.

To those of you who failed to attend, you missed a cracking day, an enjoyable ride, a great breaky with a cold ale to quaff at the death.

Great effort Sir Slab, you have redeemed yourself after the boring run on Monday, we need to do this more often.

On On

Rectum
On Sec