Run: 1791
Date: Monday 27th February 2012
Hare: Nasty
Venue: Robina Common
Runners: 27

Weeks to AGPU: 15
Circumference could have been excused for being a bit apprehensive on the way to the run given recent events at Robina have resulted in lengthy legal proceedings following collapsed boardwalks on the run. However this was not to be as a good solid pack arrived at the common Robina Common venue.

We got the brief re the usual markings and short run advice of 45 minutes (seems everyone thinks we’re athletes these days, or grossly underestimating distances).
We were also given the usual sad spiel about how the recent wet conditions had made the run hard to set and how we would have been running under 10 foot (that’s 3 metres) of water if it was yesterday, blah, blah, blah. As we well know any run in these parts generally means a lot of toing and throwing amongst the myriad of paths and parks, which abound these parts.

The first leg provided a good long on back, which seemed to catch many of the pack. We soon had to run across Markeri Street before turning east across the bridge then north along Bermuda Street.
I figure a few may have deserted at this point fearing a long run to Broadbeach/Nerang Road etc. This was not to be as we ran under the road opposite the shopping centre with Cumagain nearly taking out an oncoming bike rider. Bent Banana was meanwhile spied brown nosing to the RA by running a couple of on backs and alerting the RA in plenty of time.

We continued behind the shops then looped around back to Markeri Street where we regrouped. A few more may have retreated at this point given the lack of numbers now at the regroup. Over the road and south into the back streets before again emerging at Bermuda Street. It seemed confusion reigned as we searched for the trail in all directions.

It seemed the arrows on the check pointed over the road so Bent Banana and Cumagain investigated then headed south, not to be seen again for some time. They picked the wrong way and ended up doing the lengthy Bond Uni circuit home. The rest of us found the trail heading north then across Bermuda Street and west again homewards.

We passed a few suspect short cutters and reached home in about 55 minutes to find most of the pack already into the birthday beers provided by Caustic (obviously clearing his fridge of old stock).
The nosh consisted of garlic bread followed by chilli beef, roast spuds and potato bake (no greens for Sir Rabbit). Dessert was pavlova and trifle, all quite nice.
Moonbeams gave the nosh a score of 7/10 but did mention it needed more chilli. Sir Cumference gave the run a good report and 7.5/10, with Sir Rabbit also saying it was good but Caustic, as one would expect, said it was yet another debacle.

Ferret came good with a gift for the GM from his recent run with Singapore Hash, alas Nasty failed to deliver on his offering and was punished accordingly.
Rainbow had acquired a number of confiscated water pistols ensuring a somewhat wet battle in the circle. How am I supposed to write notes when my note book is soaked?
Well done Nasty and good to see a solid turn out.
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Down Downs:
Nasty: Hare

Tony: Visitor and named “Done One Once” (I think)

Show Pony, Rainbow, Pile Driver, Sir AH & Flabio: Returning runners

Caustic (x2 down downs); Birthday boy (thanks for the beers)

Moonbeams & Missing Link: Drinking from wrong hand

Nasty: No gift for GM from OS tour

Jigsaw: Leaving lights behind at last event (as charged by Moonbeams)

Sir Rabbit: Being in less than average state after Point Two trying to phone following Splinter Hash Lunch/golf on Friday

Sir Prince Valiant; Not singing

Flabio: Charged for misdemeanour on Sunday Bike ride

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1790
Date: Monday 20th February 2012
Hare: Swollen Colon
Venue: Lands End Bridge, Biggera Waters
Runners: 24

Weeks to AGPU: 16
On arrival the car park was full and cars were being marshalled by KB in an attempt to avoid any parking infringements. Bent Banana suggested that Black Stump would cover the costs, but I feel this may have fallen on deaf ears. The Mayor strolled past avoiding any eye contact and trying to appear disinterested in the rabble descending upon his home suburb.
Some of our group was gathered in a circle trying to piece together the events of birthday drinks for Bouncer at the surf club on Sunday. Slowly the story unfolded and what started as a few drinks apparently ended up an epic event with some 11 bottles of red alone destroyed.

Latrine made one of his phantom returns and joined us on the run but as per usual these days disappeared into the night before the festivities and circle. The Hare gathered the pack and advised that it was a 9.5km run and we should be home in 55 minutes.
There was also a walkers trail, we were told, and that the trails were well marked with large arrows. After some 500 metres we still had not found anything resembling a trail nor arrows.
Finally we found a check, which soon had the pack divided and running in various directions. We ran southwards past Veteran’s abode where he was spotted spying at the running rabble below. An investigation will no doubt be launched to determine why he was too busy too join us, and so close to home.

As the run continued along the waterfront, with a few diversions, the pack soon wilted with only Sir Cumference, Latrine, Rectum and myself now the only runners to be seen. Sir Cumference was dropped off as he tried finding the trail opposite KFC whilst the rest of us went over the bridge and along Loders Creek behind Maccas.

We soon lost Latrine and now only Rectum and myself ran to Chirn Park, near Sir Rabbit’s warren, and slowly began the hilly run northwards. It was now very obvious where the run was heading and on several occasions I suggested to Rectum that local knowledge should prevail and that we should take the “most direct route” home.

However, undeterred by my comments we continued and completed the entire trail apart from missing a small section just over Biggera Creek Bridge. Apparently one or two others also completed the entire run including Bent Banana.
I don’t know about well marked nor the huge arrows we were promised, but the run seemed a good workout for anyone contemplating a half marathon or an upcoming triathlon, gotta say though nice scenery along the waterfront leg.

It appears that no one did the walk, much to the disgust of the Hare and in fact most of the pack just stayed with the out and back option along the waterfront and enjoying the views.
The nosh consisted of a range of delicacies including, Lambs fry and bacon, cat food as most called it (savory mince), peas, spuds and bread rolls followed by apple pie and cream. As I think Croc said, “10/10 for trying to provide something different”.

However, serial whinger, Cumsmoke thought other wise during his food report and the words, bi product and shit came into it, but did mention the peas and bread rolls were good, many of the others said it was good nosh 5/10. Rectum was given the job of the run report and firstly apologised to Sir Cumference in saying that his run was one of the worst for the year and in fact tonight’s run just took over. He said we may well have just run 4.5km one way then just turned around 4/10. A bit harsh but never the less a great night had by all.

By the way, Sir Prince advised that there will be a working bee in Thailand to assist Moonbeams in the painting of his new abode. However one thinks that the work hours will be minimal and in fact the only work going on will be some rabble trying to “supervise” the poor unsuspecting locals.

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Down Downs;
Swollen; Hare

Big O, Nasty & Arseup; Returning runners

Arseup & Nasty; Returning runners from OS tours failing to bring GM a gift

Sir Rabbit; Scaring a recuperating Black Stump with Horn

Caustic; No Hash shirt on run

Cumsmoke (x 2 down downs); Spreading butter over my notes and false charge attempt

DON’T FORGET BOTCHO’S SPLINTER HASH GOLF EXTRAVAGANZA FROM HIS PLACE FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY, GOLF COMMENCING AT 09:00 SHARP. PLEASE LET BOTCHO KNOW IF YOU’RE COMING TO GOLF AND OR LUNCH. SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE TIPPED.
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1789
Date: Monday 13th February 2012
Hare: Cumsmoke
Venue: Rugby Club Benowa
Runners: 23

Weeks to AGPU: 17
It must have been a busy day for poor old Cumsmoke, allegedly working 6 days per week, having to ring Caustic to organise a wet weather venue, ring Pizza to organise a piss stop at the Pizza Palace, set a run, watch it get washed out and reset via the mobile alternative, now that’s stressful! By the way KB and Rectum ended up getting conned to cook the food, and Rug did the money, so this was really an outstanding effort at “outsourcing the run”, he just need someone to set it for him and he would have got the Quinella.

The pack of 23 soles gathered at the rugby grounds and were given the brief to head off into the hills, being warned it was an 8 – 9 km effort but had a drink stop, but the run also ran close to home on a couple of occasions (I’m sure that’s one of the Hash rules, is to not to).

So off we went, with Rectum and Cumagen shortcutting across the field, along Benowa Road before heading left onto the maze of back streets. Through the park at the check (one of few) and over the on back as we figured the run would emerge on the road ahead. Sure enough as the pack continued towards Ashmore, left (via the check with double arrows to the left?) into Hillview Parade and up and down the hills as Rectum disappeared into the distance.

More left and rights, in the hot and humid conditions, as we finally emerged near home but turned right into more side streets. Here the following pack of Sir Prince, Sir Rabbit & Co had got miserably lost but fortunately had Missing Link on hand who had inside information of the drink stop at the Pizza Palace.

So off they went, making a bee line for the drink stop to join the walkers who, I presume, had already got into the the terrific brews on offer. The rest of us, including Sir Cumference, Bent Banana, the Albanian visitors and Cumagen, continued through some what familiar grounds before returning to Benowa Road then right towards the race track precinct. We again emerged at Benowa Road immediately across the road from home and with double arrows and figured it was on home and the drink stop was nothing but the usual smoke screen (alas we were wrong).

The groups returned at varying times as KB and Rectum prepared the feast (well sort of) of snags, chicken skewers and salad followed by pretty little cup cakes (must be a rule against having gay dessert in the Hash). We shared the Rugby BBQ saving Cumsmoke having to clean the trailer (another outsource coup by Cumsmoke).

During the circle KB was iced for plotting to serve the RA a chilli infused snag, unfortunately within ear shot of the RA. Rectum gave the run good marks saying it was well marked, 6.5/10, whilst Truck Tyres said the food was good, 7/10.

Thanks to Caustic for the venue, Pizza for the drink stop, KB & Rectum for cooking and Rug for taking over the Hash Cash job. Thanks too to the Hare, Cumsmoke, for some how pulling this potential debacle out of the fire (pure arse rather then planning one would think)!
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Down Downs;
Cumsmoke; Hare (run set by car)

KB; Trying to pass on chilli infused snag to RA, only to have RA overhearing plan (Iced accordingly)

Bent Banana; Trying to throw rubbish in bin from 1 foot away and miss

Now Loved; Dodgy parking across two car spots & new “Black shoes”

Sir Prince Valiant: Driving wife’s car to Hash when storm threatening

Sir Rabbit; Drinking from wrong hand

Cumsmoke; Returning runner

Pizza; Thanks for excellent brews at his drink stop & returning runner

Caustic; POW (by Cumsmoke) for outsourcing Cumsmoke’s lift home last week to Ferret but. Himself then running out of petrol at entry to home

Cashy?; Rugby Club boss, thanks for use of his all weather venue and BBQ

DON’T FORGET BOTCHO’S SPLINTER HASH GOLF EXTRAVAGANZA FROM HIS PLACE FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY, GOLF COMMENCING AT 09:00 SHARP. PLEASE LET BOTCHO KNOW IF YOU’RE COMING TO GOLF AND OR LUNCH. SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE TIPPED.
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1788
Date: Monday 6th February 2012
Hare:Circumference
Venue: Old Burleigh Town
Runners: 29

Weeks to AGPU: 18
Sir Rabbit was suffering his usual logistic nightmares when it’s his turn to drive, car arriving home late, car has no petrol, other car only three seats and no air con. Consequently we were under pressure from the start.

However all looked good as we hit the highway figuring we’d timed it perfectly. Alas the Gold Coast highway system collapsed yet again with a prang at Palm Beach now backing up traffic to Robina.
We ducked off to Reedy Creek Road figuring still plenty of time. Alas again we didn’t figure on the well synchronised traffic light system on the Gold Coast, there is none, as we spent the next 15 minutes waiting for several changes of lights just to get nowhere.

Fortunately the (presumably) Argentinian lass on the red scooter distracted us from our angst. “Don’t worry”, said Sir Rabbit, “they’ll hold the pack till we arrive”. “No they won’t, low care factor”, I replied.
We arrived about 10 minutes late just in time to see the Hare heading north giving us a hint of where the run would finish from. The GM was stationed at the start heading us off in the right direction.

Up over the expected Tallebudgera Creek bridge we went and after a few kilometres we came across Moonbeams and Now Loved gazing across the creek where we would eventually have to get to.
A bit further on we came across KB and Croc doing similar, however as we again found the predictable trail there was no sight of these two to be seen again. Again we seemed to keep reeling a few stragglers as we reached the highway and across the creek again before starting the trek westwards.

Towards the Fleys boardwalk seemed obvious as we continued with Sir Rabbit upsetting some local feral with his horn blowing, however he was under RA orders so he had no choice. In the distance we could hear the reply horn, from Sir Prince presumably.

As we entered the bush we came across the on back and presumed the pack would be going up the hill to circle around. We continued onwards along the track and boardwalk and caught up with Botulism and Rug making the bee line for home.

After about an hour we arrived home to find the rest of the pack well and truly enjoying the birthday crownies provided by Bent Banana (I think). Following the sausage entre, mains of burgers and steak and multitudes of canned goodies and salads the Hare had acquired from Aldi and others, the Gm called the circle to order (the dessert of ice cream and fruit followed).

Rectum gave the run report saying he’d love to say it was wonderful and well marked, but he couldn’t, saying he got lost several times. Cumagen and Link also added that although it was a debacle it was actually one of his better ones 5/10.

The food fared much better with Ferret adding that it saved the Hare and gave it a 7.5/10. Blacky made a well received come back showing off his new additions provided by the hospital. It was obvious he was concerned that the cash was being fritted away and also had to make sure he could make his hospital payments. Another great effort Sir Circumference, great feed and also a thanks to guest chef, Moonbeams.
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Down Downs;
Circumference; Hare
Albanians – Ian & Kirk the Ripper along with Kevin; Visitor
Bent Banana & Swindler; For bringing guests

Blackstump, Cumagain, Rock Hard & Slab (from last week and bearing gift for GM); Returning runners
Rug; Leaving BBQ in a mess from last week plus new shoes

Missing Link; Still no gift for GM

Now Loved; laughing at RA (burning his fingers on hot sausage)

Flasher; Charged by apprentice RA, Rectum, for sending weird emails

Flasher; Charged by apprentice RA, Ferret, for sending weird emails to his wife instead of him

Testicle; Trying to charge Albanians over some trivial life threatening matter

Bent Banana; Birthday Boy (69th?), Crownies and 500 runs

DON’T FORGET BOTCHO’S SPLINTER HASH GOLF EXTRAVAGANZA FROM HIS PLACE FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY, GOLF COMMENCING AT 09:00 SHARP. PLEASE LET BOTCHO KNOW IF YOU’RE COMING TO GOLF AND OR LUNCH. SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE TIPPED.
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1787
Date: Monday 30th January 2012
Hare: Blowfly & Veteran
Venue: Len Fox Park, Labrador
Runners: 25

Weeks to AGPU: 19
Where was Caustic tonight with the run being held in his favorite part of the Gold Coast, Labrador, with it’s sweeping landscapes, endless trails, vast bushland, and stunning vistas. Even Aussie made the 555 metre trip from his new palatial abode up the road.
There was even some recent sightings of Latrine indicating a possible come back but alas the last sighting was of him with packed bags boarding a bus heading, allegedly, towards the airport, talk about extreme measures to miss a run!
Actually considering the massive down pours we’ve been having, Trail Master, Veteran stepped up to the plate and delivered well at short notice. Blowfly had put his hand up to do the food but said that wife, work and new baby meant he didn’t have time to set a run, another example of a pathetic excuse.
The trail started in the usual direction, north then west along Central Street. Soon the first check then north again before the inevitable zig zag through the back streets of beyond. I managed to find the first on back but sadly only Rectum joined me as the others had strayed behind in the humid conditions and continued on trail.
We soon crossed Government Road and headed along the path towards the Aussie Rules ground. Around the oval then another check before the start for home eastward up the hill and again across Government Road and towards the sports centre. Sir Slab and I lost the trail here as Swollen and Rectum continued on trail.
We figured we’d soon pick them up if we headed along Turpin Road and sure enough as we emerged at the Broadwater we came across the walkers and the two front runners for the sprint home.
Sadly Flasher had a crook leg so he failed, yet again, to find another alternative route through Labrador. Aussie gave the run a good report saying it  was well marked but could have done with some more checks, 8/10. The fine feast of garlic bread, pasta dish & home made ice cream, prepared by Blowfly was given a “very nice” report by KB and received 7/10.
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Down Downs;
Veteran & Blowfly; Hares
Swollen, Blowfly, Moonbeams & Missing Link; Returning runners (with some piss poor excuses like new babies and bike prangs)
Botulism; Trying to organise golf day on a lake then trying to blame the RA
Moonbeams; Not singing & holding drink in wrong hand
Aussie; Driving 555 metres to run
Blowfly; Wrong hand and being absent too long
Missing link; No gift for GM after extensive trip to Sydney
Swollen; Away too long
KG; Late
Moonbeams; Trying to charge Botulism with slack web maintenance
Sir Prince Valiant; Trying to charge Sir Slab with “forcing” crew to drink three pints after Splinter Lunch
Aussie; Van abuse?
Aussie; Blacky abuse

DON’T FORGET BOTCHO’S SPLINTER HASH GOLF EXTRAVAGANZA FROM HIS PLACE FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY, GOLF COMMENCING AT 09:00 SHARP. PLEASE LET BOTCHO KNOW IF YOU’RE COMING TO GOLF AND OR LUNCH. SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE TIPPED.
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs